being sick is a bitch.
i had to "postpone" w my "appt" with lina's friend for a tongue piercing.
so i changed it to tmrw, saturday.
but i just found out that i have prefects thingy at SMU at SEVEN am in the morning.
*gasp.
till 1.30.
if i went for CIP, i could have helped him pierced.
so now, it's repostponed to next fri.
the first day of baybeats.
now, for kiddi bestiee.
im sorry i pissed you off soo badly. D:
im sorry i cant pierce for you tmrw.
i know you're soo mad at me you wouldn't even answer my calls.
im really sorry, i promise, & this i really mean.
i'll help you pierce die die by next week.
mon/fri.
you choose.
im really sorry.
sorry darling D':



septums are like so common now.
i feel like taking out mine.
i can finally play w my barbel:D
im gonna get another tongue piercing soon.
gah, now piercings are the "in" fashion thingy.
whatever you do, people will prob just copy you.
or say you're a poseur.
you cant find your own identity in singapore.

MY TONGUE BURNS!

shhhhhittt.

i cant pronounce shhh.

MAAROF, STOP TEASING ME.

NOT FUNNY.

&& im sick.

D:

*awwwwww*

& imma nt gg to sch tmrw.

means no piercing.

means not meeting kid bestieeee.

kid bestiee: sorry i made you so pissed D:

pls dont be angry at me anymore darling D:

CIP on saturdayyyy!

piercing then.[:

GO FOR ARTROCK!

ppl who're gg, text meee!

im going toooo!:D

i want green skinnies!

so on christmas, i can wear a black top & greeniesss[:

-.-'

im selling alot of stuffs!

hmm, THE FIRST WOULD BE MY SKULL JACKET!

any buyers??

:D

text meee!

i need a new jacket that isnt so big & skull-ish.

not that i dont have a fetish for skulls anymore.

i still do!

i wna find a skull clutch.{:

but im becoming more GIRLY:D

zomg my tongue so itchy i feel like biting it!

shhhhoooottt.

& dimsum on sun morn!
HOW TO EAT!?

oh shhhhhhoooott!

REASON IM NT GOING FOR BAYBEATS.

firstly & most importantly,

IM NT RUNNING AWAY, thats why i cant go.

the only reason i said i COULD go was cus' i actually planned on running away.

but now, i change my mind.

well thats the only reason im nt gg.

thats why there's

"byebye baybeats D:"

on my msn's pm.

that's the first part.

now to the second part.

WHY IM NT RUNNING AWAY.

most people would know, well it's a little common sense.

my parents will get very very VERY worried.

where would i sleep/change/shower?

what would i drink/eat?

what if my ribena comes?

how would my parents feel?

what would they do?

how will they think of me or my friends?

what will they do in the end?

what about alllll the school stuff imma having?

what about church?

what about the consequences?

this is to kiddi bestiieeee.

i really dont wanna hurt my parents anymore than i alr have.

mom is having some illness due to stress from

getting angry at me every single day.

i lost soo many family members close & dear to me.

i dont wanna loose her too.

i want to gain her trust.

i want her to look as me as a good daughter.

so when i go to poly or after my o's.

i CAN go out till late at night, prob by 10/11

LIKE MY SIS DOES(did)

i hope you understand my darling most favourite

top bestest ever bestiee.

ilyvvvvm like a sister!

im sorry for alw breaking my promises.

yes i really DID NOT think before saying all that crap.

im really really sorry D:

thinking..

thinking...

I PIERCED MY TONGUE!

met izwannyyy & twinneh & twinneh's twinny &

they followed me :D

heheheheh.

IMYVVVM TWINNEH!

finally get to meet you AGAIN:D

heheheh.

went to finch's to get it.

he's like super nice to me laahsxz[:

okeh it wasn't as pain as i thought it would be.

next stop, SMILEY:D

or a dermal anchor!

lolinessss;D

this fri, piercing for kid darl a monroe,

& lina's flend, a tongue :D

honestly, i have no mood to lie or go out anymore.

GAH.

BYE BYE BAYBEATS//

when you really need your best friend,
or your soul mate.
or someone you can really count on to be there for you.
is he/she actually there?
okeh, dont talk about BEST friends.
how about friends?
what do you call them when they ditch you?
or where are they when you really need them?
they only come to you when you have smthg THEY want.
& just throw you in the dumps when they alr GOT what they want.
& they'll start giving you the lamest & stupidest excuses,
why they're ignoring you,
which somehow or rather,
hurts your feelings deeply.
im tired of alw trying to cheer people up.
or alw being tht pillar for them.
but what happens when the pillar itself
crashes?
if tht pillar is gone, whats gonna support you?
if tht pillar is dead, whats gonna support you?
if tht pillar retires, whats gonna support you?
wheres MY pillar?
best friends claim to be best friends.
but when you really need them.
they're all gone.
my "friends" or "bestoes" or "besties" say they'll
be there whenever i need them.
but are they?
those who read this.
please ask yourself honestly.
in the end ya'll apologise.
& i love ya'll to death for tht.
but thts not the time i really need you.
this is.
NOW, is.
im crying so badly & i dn even know why.
i wish i had friends who WOULD stick with me through
my worst times.
this is post is not going out to ALL of my friends.
just some.
i love you all.
but im not gonna be your pillar till the day i die.
cus the pillar sooner or later, will get worn out.
cus the pillar will need her own pillar.
God all i need is you now.
you seem to disappear when i really need you.
i seem to have lost faith in you.
you never seem to be there.
you dont answer my prayers.
you dont answer my pleas.
what do you really answer.

yeh i was prob high on drugs when i wrote the previous post.

i (used) to like a guy whom i shant name.

i have been since the day i got to know him.

he knows i used to like him.

but he doesnt know i still do.

he likes a new girl from his sch.

& when he told me this.

i got really sad.

soon, imma be the last few in his featured frens.

i wish he knew how much i really really like him.

but i dont wish to see him in 2/3 weeks time.

i dont wish to contact him anymore.

but is it even possible?

maybe i wont talk to him.

maybe he'll just forget tht hug i supposedly owe him ?

& you know what the stupidest thing is,

i have never met him before.

HA!

see how stupid i am.

he'll nvr knw.

how i really feel.

for tht long long time.

im gna tell him to read all these in a mere few mins.

& he prob thinks im some drag!

like those kinda despo bitches or shit.

im not even that close w him!

like wtf am i saying.

im really really sad now.

why the hell am i saying all this ?
i should be feeling guilty & selfish at this point of time.

i broke the most wonderful guy's heart.

i lied to him countless of times.

im guessing my readers can tell.

i broke up w patience.

why?

cus i dn wna lie to him anymore.

he's treating me so so wonderfully.

& im not.

he loves me so so much.

& im just lying to him further & further.

the things i said are not lies.

i meant every single word i say.

but as days go by,

so does my feeling towards you.

im staying single till aft o's.

i hate love.

God save me ]':

im stressed.
w all the shit happening at home.
outside.
on planet mars too.
can't you smell my torment.
feel the pain?
you might not know how important,
that rectangular object.
so small yet so complicated.
it might mean nthg to you(&i sure it means everything to you)
it means more than you think it does,
to me.
you will never know.
cus' you will never try.
to know how i feel.
what i feel.






well i havent been using the comp in ages.
to people out there.
DONT MESSAGE M PHONE.
whatever you do, just dont.
now im so burnt & chaotar.
so pain lahsx!
& its only 2 days of camp.
imagine three.
SIGH.
to kid bestiee,imyvm & i have soo many things to tell you right now!
sigh.
to cassie twinneh, call me asap k?
i have soo many things to tell you too!
pls dont get too drunk.
to ang peisheng, i wont be able to see you for weeks!
sigh, every night im thinking of you D:
it's terrible.

second post for the day.
to all freaking ah lians.
im sick of your act cute shit lah.
quit copying ppl who you can match up to.
septum piercings & snakebites?
who you trying to kid?
you'll be or squeeling & screeching
when you get em.
& start crying w your boyfs'
beside comforting you in twit language.
stick to your own fugly fashion.
dont spoil other people's image.
you make me fucking puke.

today has been rather boring.
i find wasting my whole day on ston-ism.
is utter bullshit.
my parents know i WONT study even if im home.
so why dont they just make me a little happier,
by letting me go out ?
so anw, now, im webcamming w twins.
NEWPAIROFTWINNS:D
maryjane & rayyan!
so cute lah!
big eyes:D
0.0
i miss prisusu.
i miss cassie twinneh.
i miss kiddi khaos bestest bestiee.
i miss ang peisheng.
i miss sofeee bestie.
i miss arshad.(who's moving to aussie soon, arse)
i miss billie.(faster come back from swit lahsxz!)
i miss alot of people!
sigh.
people pls ask me out.
& if you still care, pls call me & ask me whats wrong.
everyone says they'll alw be there.
but most of the time, you gimme doubts.
on whether you ARE really there.
or just saying you are.
you changing subject & giving me that,
"shuddup & stop whinning look" alr tells me.
you dont wish to hear my rantings.
sigh.
imma nagging ranting bullshitting machine
than dont have an off button.








a song by imran.


15. I Want To Be That Somebody You Hold Under The Stars

So suddenly, they were holding hands
Just yesterday, they started as best friends
When the light goes out, he hugged her close and holds her tight
He swears he will do whatever it takes to make this right

And the smile on her face, brought the stars back to life
They’ve been dreaming about this, “I’m not gonna let you go”
“But before this could happen, I want to go somewhere”
“I want to go to Paris”, “I promise, I’ll take you there”

They walked towards the park, as they began to say, “I do”
She whispered in his ear, “Honey, thanks for making my wish come true”
“I gave you my heart, right from the start”
“But I want to be that somebody you hold under the stars”
With a tear in her eye, he hugged her close and holds her tight
He says he will do anything to make this feel alright

And there they are, hanging out at the fountain side
Catching fireflies and letting them go as stars
And Paris isn’t that far, no matter where you are
They lay down like butterflies and when butterflies do.
He wrote on the sky with stars, saying “I love you”

*edited//

this is to jenna jengjeng.

i miss you terribly.

idk if you'll see this.

but i really do.

i miss the times where we would

just talk & talk & talk like idiots.

but now, you just seem to ignore me,

ALOT.

do you hate me tht much?

what happened.

pls ans me.

pls tell me smthg.

your ignorance is killing me.

i miss you bestie D':

this post is gonna be long.
it's all to my beloveds.
firstly.
its going out to prisusu bestie.
im really sorry i wasn't there sooner.
though idk if you still treat me tht close.
but i alw have.
i still rmbr th shoe spree & milo dino[:
i didn't really talk to you much last few weeks/months
cus i felt left out.
as in like ron was alw there w u.
like th other time w dee & fannie.
ron & you were tgt.
i felt soo, ugh. idk.
maybe jealousy?
HA.
but i never expected him t be like tht.
like seriously.
you 2 seemed so lovey dovey!
okeh, im nt gna rub anymore salt into the wound.
but please know that,
i'll alw be there for you[:
even if there's another guy.
i want you to know that i'll alw be tht listening ear for you!
no guy is worth a girls' tear.
& im sure there's more prawns to catch[:
big huge juicy ones[:




cassie, my twinneh.
bby, im sorry for opening my big mouth.
sigh, i feel so useless.
yes small things swallow me whole.
i felt really sad when you didn't bother asking me bout piercings.
you know how much i loved doing em'.
well tht was before you knew it got confiscated.
im sorry i blew you off abt your hip piercing.
i've alw been wanting to get back t tht.
but now i hardly get to see you.
imysssssm.
it's infinite.
i never knew tht it'll affect you tht badly.
im really sorry D:
i feel like a terrible friend, moreover twin.
i feel like sewing my mouth shut.
thanks t this small thing,
you dont tell me much anymore.
you dont open up to me.
i wished i stayed in changi.
i wouldnt mind sleeping outside your house during tht 10 days.
thts how much i ♥ you!
you mean everything to me.
you&kid&&jenna&sof are the utmost important ppl in my life.
most of the time when im having trouble talking to them.
i'll go to you.
cus i know you would know what to say.
you're my TWIN! you would know esp well how i feel.
im really sorry.
but i really dont want us to hide anything from each other.
right now, i know you are hiding stuff from me.
& am crying as i type this out.
i really miss you badly twinneh.
pls forgive me D:
ilyvm.





kiddi khaos, bffffff.
imyvm.
i miss the times we spent.
being single.
gg ard cityhall like idiots.
i know i said this before.
i know i broke my promises.
many a time.
sometimes, you wna say whats best for me.
but dont, in fear of me thinking youre a naggy old woman, yes ?
every word you say means smthg to me[:
youre my bestie!
like bestest bestie!
i dont wna loose you.
just cus' of our busy schedules & boyfs.
i dont want to repeat everything i had w my other besties.
who treated me like shit.
& backstabbed me till i bled.
i know you aren't those kinda ppl.
i'm soo happy you can actually tolerate my kinda shit[:
words cant express my gratitude to you my bestest ever ever bestie[:
bestie, ILYVM HON.







aft all these, i wish there was someone there for me right now.
sigh, i've lost all hope.
even you God.

lotsa shit has been happening[:
i know my dearest bestest bestie alw reads this stinko blog[:
& i rmbred yst was the absolute worst day of my life.
oh so whatever.
goodbye ♥
im prob not gonna use this till like another
298712387643209813978624876 days later.

MY KIND OF PEOPLE.

what are you trying to say.

im sorry its so hard for me to change.

but i am trying to.

for you.

but dont you think you saying MY KIND OF PEOPLE is a little too far?

yes you hate them.

but you DONT have to express to me how much you ABHOR them right ?

i have no rights to tell people what kinda music they should like.

i have no rights to judge people.

i have no rights to do ALOT OF THINGS as a human being.

but first of all, you yourself have no rights to LABEL us.

you cant even accept me!

i swear i am trying to change.

but you just dont seem to see it.

instead, you had to say all that.

you alw make me cry so hard i just feel like cutting myself.

im not trying to sound all fucking emo shit.

but inflicting pain on myself is the only way i CAN take away the emotional pain.

im typing this all here instead via sms cus part of me want u to read this,

part of me dont.

so well it's up to you to read this or not.

sat, we're spilling everything out.

TWINNEH! I CAN HELP YOU DO ALL YOUR FACIAL PIERCINGS:D & IM SOO SORRY ABOUT BACKING OUT THE LAST MIN FOR YOUR HIP PIERCINGS!

okeh.
first of all.
im sorry for saying your band mates are stubborn.
i know i promised you that i will shuddup when it comes to your kinda music.
so yes, it's my fault.
but you didnt have to talk about OUR music.
or about dragonforce.
& whats wrong w how we talk?
we are stubborn.
we LOVE to alw be right.
we ALL are stubborn.
thats a fact you cant deny.
but you didnt have to act that way right?
by ignoring me it all helped?
did you feel better peisheng?
im sure you did.
& when the skateboard hit my leg,
did it even fucking occured to you that my leg would fucking hurt?
i guess not.
to you it's prob a small thing.
but now it's fucking swelling thankyou.
thankyou for your CONCERN.
did you even think it'll affect me one bit?
im crying while typing out this STUPID shitty fucking post.
you cant alw get your right of way.
aft leaving just like that,
did you even think how it would make me feel?
aft one whole freaking week of not seeing your love one.
he comes showing you attitude w/i an hour.
i'm sorry for not understanding you.
bout you dont seem to understand me either.
well whatever, if you ACTUALLY read this,
text me or smthg.
goodbye peisheng.

to mama:

you pile me w alot of tuition w/o even consulting me.

i dont even have time for my friends.

you've absolutely ruined my social life.

& i only shouted back cause you were screaming in the car & hitting me like fuck.

for your information, it fucking hurts.

my arm was bloody red with blood dots on it, thankyou for hitting me so hard.

thankyou for showing me what a nice mother you are.

you yourself have no rights to scream at me.

i swear my ear drum almost burst.

ya you think this is OH SO GOOD FOR ME.

but i dont think so.

its MY life.

cant i just lead my own life?

please.

stop all these.

you're just making me hate you more.

you're just making me think you hate me more.

stop all this.

you might not know the real me.

ya you're my mother.

but you treat me like your freaking punching bag.

you alw vent your anger out on me.

who am i?

im your FREAKING DAUGHTER la.

no mother in the right mind will whack the daughter so hard.

idk & i DONT wna know why you did all that.

but seriously, dont push it.

the more you do it.

the more i just wanna rebel.

you were a teenager once.

im sure your mother DID let you go out.

& let you lead YOUR OWN life.

stop running mine.

all you're doing is hurting me emotionally.

second part to the post:

to friend i;

though you'll never read my blog.

here goes..

just cause i dont wear band tees are apply thick eyeliner.

& that i suck at differentiating core core music.

& i hardly know any HARDCORE bands.

you just treat me like fuck.

what the hell am i to you ?

ya you so called FRIEND.

like wtf?

screw you __

now you dont even realise i still exist.

im dead now lah.

third part:

to my dearest someone.

you alw tell me you're soo busy.

but when i read your post, you dont seem that busy at all.

it's so friggin hard to ask you out.

like come on, im not that dumb.

im sorry im so stubborn.

i know you have your other friends.

i mean nthg to you.

that T word is just a label.

i get it alr.

you dont need me.

you have so many other close buddys around you.

im just some freaking bystander.

so anw ppl, if you wna read my so called p.blog,

just ask me for the link.

today is the worst day, sigh.

I MISS YOU PATIENCE!

i dont even have time for you.

im sorry.

i know you won't read this cus you wouldn't know about the blog.

but i suck at expressing my love.

i love you super deep.

i love you more than you love me.

sigh.

twinneh, you seemed a lil diff the other time.
what happened to your p.blog ?
i love reading it.
i really do.


yst went out w patience, kid & shaz.
shaz is my new darla!:D
♥
tmrw gg out w them again, tgt w teehee trasher!
dyan, imyvm lahsxz.
&& alvina, you everytime last min cant go mansxzD:

this sat, truth & dare w kai & kid & patience!:D
yay,
i seriously cant wait maansxz.

my life is just so fucking screwed right now.

every night i cry myself to sleep.

idk why.

i wna scream it out so badly.

i wna tell someone right NOW.

the longer i hold back the closer i am to jumping down.

i swear i will.

i'm trying to be someone i'm not.

wth?

idk when i should open my mouth.

im loosing friends like pouring rain.

im loosing my family like dropping hair.

i swear no one knows how feel.

the screaming tragedy burning in me.

im not trying to be some emo fuckturd.

i dont slit my wrist.

i dont write dying poems of the cruelity of life.

i dont write suicidal notes.

i dont wear 7 layers of foundation.

i dont have thick eyeliner.

i dont think emo should be hated anws.

im nt freaking emo.

i miss alot of people.

i miss being a small child.

not knowing so much lies&secrets my family hides from me.

i rather NOT know.

than know so much.

i feel like a freaking loser.

i feel beyond fucked.

idk anything anymore.

so much things suddenly happen.

deaths, truths.

i hate truths.

the feeling really sucks, once you know that thing.

some say, it's so bad you'll die of a heart attack.

yeh, i want tht to happen to me now.

the feeling is unexplainable.

I AM DHARSHY DORKY & I AM SO PATIENT.

few more mins & im off to choir!

lol.

yes i join choir thankyou[:

im in school now.

yst was nice[;

met boyf, kiddi & kai.

DOUBLE K!

met cassie twinneh for a while along w claire darla & her boyf, calvin & samsonn!

SAMSON PIERCED HIS SEPTUM!
like finally[:

& i was supposed to pierce for him maansxz.

so anw, kiddi & kai left cus he had to fetch his bro home.

than sat at the stairs w boyf[:

ilyvm hunnehh.
:D

ahahahah.

& we are soo meeting this fri again.

last sunday, met kiddi & ash.

ash, you were supposed to come yst mansxz.

what happened ?

fri you better come.

[:

& tmrw i have NOTHING!

kiddi, pls come to my house[:

ily my ultimate bestest bestie:D

& thurs i have maths supp-o D:

& im starting to miss him.

&& im piercing for laureninini on friday.

& theres BANDZOUT! at nyp this fri at 5[:

who wants to go ? :D

msg meeeeee!

fai, wth happend lah.

yeh you wont read it.

but imyvm, i really do.

you're my bestest listening ear.

you try to cheer me up alot, thankyou.

but now you're gone.

sigh.

& im meeting KIDDI KHAOS my ultimatum bestest bestie & patience boyfie tmrw[:
♥
i've done couple signs alr!
:D
i've been skipping a church alot D:
sigh.
well not exactly skip.
just attending half of it.
what a bitch right ?
gah.


at my cousins place, stoning.
i have nthg to do!
tmrw, piercing!:D
ahahahahah.
idk who still reads my blog.
so dead/.
argh, die dead blog, die.

BANG BANG!
i miss boyd.
i miss cassie.
i miss kiddi khaos.
i miss teehee trasher.
i miss kai slap(kiddi's boyfie siolll.)

you see, i alw start out with the MISSES.
ppl who read tht, ILY:D

&& for ppl to stop asking.
1.my name is DHARSHENI.
it's pronounced as DAR-SHE-NI.
understand?

2.i changed it to dharsh at first.
taking away the ENI.
understand part 2?
if you dont, go bang your head on the wall.

3.but, i decided to change it to dharshy.
its like from point 1, except im taking away NI.
so it'll be dharshe.
but it'll be totally wierd.
but now, come to think of it, it looks nice[:
but no one will know how to pronounce it.
so anw2, its pronounced as DAR-SHE.
so finally understood ??


i have FOOD nicknames[:
dharshy marshy.
dharshy marshmellow.
dharshy donuts.
dharshy fishy.
& my fav, DHARSHY DORKY.
lol:D


& for those ppl who wonder why i look so alien-ish.
its cause im CHINDIAN w a pinch of british:D
perfecto?
yess[:






i miss all the people taking o's lahsxz!
cheeseball, why must ya'll take?
than next year i must.
than year aft tt sure hv another batch.
sigh.
O LEVEL SUCK LAH
cheebai.

HELLO BLOGGEEEE:D
imy.
i miss cassie twinneh!
sigh, i hope you find your darling super sooon laahsxz!
i promise i wont leave you out.
& patience is waiting for you!
imy maansxz D:
IMY!
read this womann.

see you on sunday FANNIE BESTIE:D
you soo hv to tell me about sunday.
must tell me!:D

im in sch,
yes, SECOND/LAST DAY:D
jyeah:D
meeting fannie & billie this friday.
& doing piercings, but i actually lost count.
hmm, i wna set up a P.BLOG:D
ahahah.
it'll be damn fun lah.
can rant like a fucking bitch there[:
tonight, gg for overnight prayer.
hmm, grandmama, IMY D':
i just love typing.
idk why[:
& my tummy is growling.


fannie, im sorry abt yst.
dont get angry k ?
pls tag if u ever read this.
i ♥ you hunneh!
[:


everyone's alw so freaking busy nowadays.
so busy they dont even hv time to reply to my msgs.
these frens i dn wna loose D:
like serious big time.


& some ppl shld just mind their own fucking business.
what i do dont concern you.
since you dont CARE anymore.
why bother screaming at me ?
oh fuck you.


sharul, i seriously dont get your effin drift lah.
TALK TO ME.
dont fucking ignore me.
now you just make me doubt you more & more.


i need a date!
im bored, like ALL the friggin time.


meeting prisusu darl & firrdaooss on thurs:D
preettyy handsome pppl[:
lets go cheenatownnn!:)

last night was terrible!

ahahahahah:D

aft reading cassie's p.blog, i feel so darn stupid.

lol.

imy cassie twinneh!

i seriously do.

i hvn't seen you in somewhat YEARS.

fannie sweetie, i was kinda shock when u said tht out of a sudden.

abt being there through death or life or smthg smthg.

i felt soo touched.:D

i felt like giving you a big big hug yst when i was leaving the mrt.

:D

ohoh fannie, if youre reading this, pls call me asap.

BILLIE BESTIE!

sigh, lets meet up on friday!

i seriously have ALOT ALOT of things to ask you.

dont worry, i'll walk w u through this shiatsxz[:

muaa!

now in sch stoning.

tuition later, zomg, SO TIRING.

so full of crap.

&& hv to stay in sch for 11 hrs.

for today & tmrw.

like wth ?

preparing for my sec3 camp.
WOW.

now i hv absolutely no interest in going.

zero.

four year strong is the best:D

so much for church friends.
so much for being as close to as FRIENDS lah.

okeh, today, CHURCH.
kept dozing off, idk why.
whole day was kinda boring i'd say.
&& all the friggin aching leg.
fannie agrees tooo.


again, im missing so many darn people right now.
no one knows how sensitive abt most stuff.
sigh.
& whats the use of calling people who dont bother answering or calling back ?

today was dead tiring.

slept less than 4 hrs the day before.

sigh.

went ard stinkapore.

was alright, im still tired!

& ive officially lost my voice thankyou.

im dead sick D:

puffy eyes!
argh!

*screams*

& now theres a gig at music garage.

big SIGH.

zomg.

i miss twinneh.

everyday i just think of her.

i ♥ her soo much! (in a non lesbo way)

but idk whats happened.

sigh, i just feel smthg wrong happened.

pls tell me what's happened cassie D:

i wna meet you up!

i promise i'll pay you back your money.

{took last night}

the same thing is happening again.

aft R & P.

now its D & L.

sigh, not like ya'll are gonna read anymore.

so yeh, whatever.

yst was okeh.

met fannie darling[:

the movie was awesome lah[:

kind edmund/edward/ed smthg hot hot HOT.

;D

walked to fareast.

to everyone, cathay to fareast is NOT far.

far is orchard to bugis/haji lane.

orchard to cityhall is still okeh for me :D

muaheheheheheh.

this sunday is soo gonna be a gay day maansxz.

& on wednesday, was FUN:D
i think.

niven, sorry for leaving you out!

ZOMG, sunday, we are soo not leaving you out.

teehee trasher & fannie gorewhore & niven nirvana.

hmm, im soo lazy to do piercings on sunday lah.

moolah! i need em' badly.

now i owe ppl money.

shiatsxz.

& to lina, CHEER UP!

you have meee;D

though we're not close.

& your dirwit is alw there for you!:D

zomg
BREAK LEG BREAK!
i command you to break.
all you've done is give me pins & needles
& friggin cramps.
not to mention TERRIBLE aches all over.
:D

zomg, pls go watch this.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=13a4a045cd290bc2ae2d

waiting for time to pass
with which seems so long.

talking to cassie twinnehh & david now[:
& meanie bottom.

today's sooo boring.
gg to clarke quay later.
so hv to get ready at 5.
which seems so far away D:

tmrw gg out!
sigh, w NO ONE.
thankyou.

I MET A NEW FRIEND:D

DDYYAANN!!!

teehee trasher!

:D
today was a lil fun yet boring.
AHA!
we didnt get to camwhore.
actually we had ALOT of time to do it[:
but, i felt so bare lah.
hair nvr do, makeup so fugly.
AHAHAH!
good night ♥ers.

hmm, today was alright.

when jamming w dillon & Shirin.

okeh, nvr go jamming w ur cousins.[x

aft tht, went to mac at funan.

tmrw, doing piercings.

piercees, BE PREPARED:D

muahahah.

imy fannie!

imy cassie!

im talking to adie now.

hello adie:D

im talking to fir.

he so moody maaansxz.

idk what to wear tmrw lehsxz.

BANGLES!

PIERCINGS!
PICCASSXZ!
maoww.

yst was my hardest goodbye.
sigh.
seeing the way my uncle acted.
it makes my heart ache D:
i miss you grandma.


now, talking to cassie & raman.
gah, woke up at six thirty just to come here for more prayer.
i cant be vegan, sigh.
thts pure suicide maaansxz.
sunday seems sooo long.
i miss cassie
i miss fannie
i miss prisusu
i miss everyone!
zomgzomgzomg.





i feel like blocking you again.
you're seriously bugging me.
though its only a few lines,
you sound so fucking pushy.
sigh.
piss of lah bitch.

I MUST BE VEGAN TILL FRI!



shiatsxz.

i miss you grandma.

why must you go at this time.

you left me a few mins ago.

i didnt even get to say goodbye.

you left me a few mins ago.

i didnt even get to hug you goodbye.

you left me a few mins ago.

you caused our whole world to tremble in agony.

you left me a few mins ago.

you didnt even give me enough time to prepare.

you left me a few mins ago.

in case ya'll still dont understand,

my grandmother just passed away a few minutes ago.

idk why i am even ON the computer.

well i can't go & bade my goodbyes to her either.

she was in the hospital for quite a while.

going in & out.

yst i saw my aunty cry, means smthg was wrong.

i didn't bother asking, cus she was too sad.

a few mins ago, SGH called.

asking me to bring down everyone, the whole family.

i called my mom, dad, aunty.

they called the rest.

than my mom told me NOT to go.

i argued w her.

& in the end she said yes.

but in a hasty angry tone.

i decided not to.

dad would flare up anws.

im being such a bitch blogging abt this.

im alw blogging abt everything.

as if i want everyone to know.

but whatever, this post is abt my grandma.

now saro aunty is crying.

she just makes me wanna cry more.

fuck it, im being such an unfilial grandaughter to be on

the computer blogging abt this, & actually hving the mood to do this shit.

im sorry grandma.

suddenly, im missing prisusu.

LOL.

see this my dear, IMY!

im missing many ppl too.

i miss cassie twinny.

i miss fannie dearest.

i havent seen any of them for a very very long time.

well maybe i hv, but i hvnt gone out with them in a long time.

if any of you see this, pls text meeeee!

i misses euu badly nehhx.

ppl i miss talking to over the phone.

aris.

sharul.

adie.

david.

stanley.

dec.

pls call mee.i miss euu too narhsx.

im feeling so hopeless right now.

idk why.

i miss allll my darlings!
i miss gg to cityhall with ya'll.

i miss the continuous question that flies ard.

"so, where we going?"

im listening to Sum41, fat lip.

i miss sum41 tooooo.

theyre so good.

have i changed?

am i acting like a friggin' poseur now?

i used to look like a terrible fugly boy last time in pri sch.

i thank God i realised how horrendous i was last time.

but now, i seem to change, alot.

lost alot of friends, gain alot of new ones too.

but i hate loosing old darlas.

i want my now besties&bestoes to stay & not go.

i <3>

during my india's trip.

i wore my skinnies, deafcon tee & my belt dangling behind.

teacher said i alw dressed as a tomboy.

like wth?

im FAR from tht.

i didnt knw what to where then.

now i seem so moodless.

idk why.

no wait, im sad.

am i?

am i supposedly waiting for a call?

haha.[:

Sunday seems sooo long.

sunday, pls come, fast.

i wna try out my new clamps![:

weixiong sonny, cheer up!

she's not worth it. really.

now im at cousin's hs stoning.

it's boring.

im not even welcomed here.

i just wanna go out now.

i just want to breathe.

i wanna go to cityhall w fannie bestest bestie.

just both of us, alone.

at cityhall, walking ard like goondus.

&i still have your bangle:D

i wanna go for the shoe spree with prisusu now.

i need shoes badly.

esp. cheap ones!

&&i still have your bangle:D

i wanna go ard singapore w cassie twinny NOW.

thats why i kept calling you dearie.

i want a big big hug!

&&&i still have your bangle:D

you 3 are like my ultimate darlings.

prisusu,though i dont talk to you much, imy.

cassie,i only been out w u like once?

or twice.

still,i wna go out more!
fannie,you seem to be in your own fairytale world now.

i feel so so extra.

i just wanna distant myself from you.

though it's only been 2 dates.

like just let you be happy with your prince charming, khai.

but its so hard.

cus ily!

this post is so emotionless.

no wait,it's so emotional.

and and, im crying now(again)

p.s/ all the love & misses are all in a non-lesbian way.

edited.}

im a freaking sore loser.

i cant stand it anymore.

it hurts.

the pain stings so badly.

im not trying anymore.

im giving up.

im giving up aft 14june.

i swear i am.

no matter what i do, no one appreciates.

it's too ugly to be accepted anw.

im a horrible person.

i really abhor going out w both of you.

not because i hate both of you.

im alw the 3rd wheel.

yeh paul might feel the same way.

idk.

well rmbr when i was w raman?

you felt really left out soo badly?

so bad you wanted to distant yourself away?

rmbr tht times ?

raman even complained i wasnt spending enough time w him.

i know tht was hard for you.

but have you ever spared a thought for me ?

you both acting soo mushy in my fucking face.

& all i can do is act like a dont care.

prob once in a long time you'd ask me

"you ok? you ok not ?"

i'd just smile & smile more & said i was okeh.

who in the right mind who say they aren't?

well im not as straightforward as you think i am.

i love beating ard the bushes.

well now im screaming out my feelings.

just now i left aft you & khai settled everything cus

i was sick of all tht.

if you didn't turn back i bet you'd hv just walked off.

i was trying to hold my tears back in the friggin train.

i felt really pissed.

i AM feeling very pissed.

my dear, i dont hate any of you.

i miss the old times where just both of us wld go to cityhall

walking ard like friggin zomb-doids w glaring eyes casting over us.

i miss those times where we both just laugh & crap ard.

just 2 of us.

now it's the 3 of us.

i dont wna be in tht 3.

if i cant hv the 2.

im nt staying anymore.

if you get my drift.

yeh im stubborn.

im crying now.

coincidentally, secondhand serenade's song's playing on my wmp.

sigh, i miss you lah bestie.

i miss you sooooo much.

dont ever give me the shiat of best friends over boyfriends.

cus i know tht will nvr happen again.

OKEH!
back to today.

effin boring.

im not gonna go into detail.

cus i kinda hate today.

LOL:D

&& GIG!

im selling tix maaaansxz.

you better go!

okeh the gig poster is on top.

i alw forget to upload the piccassxz before typing.

ROAR.

whateverr.

anw, DETAILS:D

gig:Revolutionary Soundwaves Vol2.

venue:music garage; bugis village.

date:14 june; saturday.

time:5-11pm.

price:7bucks/ticket.

right now, i can help you book tickets ONLY.

cus it's hard for me to meet up.

so it'll be a lil' mafan . i'll give you the gig organizer's no.

so you can meet him before 14 june.

okeh best ?

best:D

PLS SUPPORT THIS GIG!

xoxos.

ya lah ya lah.

best friends boyfriend..

oh pls ignore my shiatsxz.

you used to tell me besties over boyfs.

sigh, you dont practice what u preach.

idk if u still read my blog.

i just came back from india.

& i started viewing urs.

sigh, now i seriously feel like a third wheel.

though i havent seen u in days.

you seem so happy w him.

you prob forgot abt me.

am i exaggerating ?

idk.

maybe i am.

well it dont matter anymore anws.

went for ptc today.
w disappointment overwhelming in his eyes,
he shoke hands w the teacher, & left.
gah..
im sorry papa D:
byebye church.
hello assessments books.


edited}
what happened to the christmas hunkie junkie munkie bestie ?
imy D:
i swear i do.
i havent talked to you in ages.
sigh,what happened to us ?
before sch started, everything was nice.
aft everything started, you started ignoring me.
i was off ur featured list.
i seriously enjoyed gg out w u[:
ure the first guy i went out w.
im serious[;
you dont look 21 to me.
you look awesome.
youre like a teddy bear for me(:
you know how much i missed those times ?
too much it's in-expressable.
how many times do you want me to say imy.
sigh, you dont even seem keen on talking to me anymore.
i doubt you read my blog.
i doubt you even know i have a blog.
now im crying so badly, cus i miss a bestie like you.
what happened to "friends forever" ?
do you how awesome it'll be for us to go out again tgt ?
no, i still havent figure out why you're doing this.
i dont even plan to.
bestie, sigh, IMY.

MAMA

im sorry for everything i said.

you prob have read my blog alr.

sigh, firstly.

i would love to apologise.

youre not a bitch.

i don not hate you.

i love you.

im the bitch.

everytime, i say words outta anger.

i know i would nvr ever say " i hate you " & actually mean it.

if i did.

i'd just be effin stupid.

im sorry for alw hurting your feelings.

im sorry for every shit i did.

i hv serious anger problems.

i really do.

you said you dont believe me just cus' im only 15.

i really love you.

w/o you, i wouldnt even exist.

you always take all the blame from papa for what me & che che do.

you take the worst pain in this whole family.

you do everything you think is best for us,

but yet,

we throw our temper at you.

we throw our evil deeds at you.

in the end, you still accept our nonsense.

all the nonsense a mother should never live to take.

mama, i really love you.

you probably would read my blog everyday.

im sorry for saying bad stuff about you.

you dont make my life a living hell.

i make yours a living hell.

please forgive me.

i really love you.

everyday, i think to myself.

what if you & papa divorce.

what about cheche & i ?

who will go with who ?

every night when i think about this, i cry, alot.

i dont wanna loose neither of you.

the reason i hv all this thinking is because,

you & papa fight every single day.

well practically every single day.

about cheche & me.

mostly about me.

i know im a big disappointment to my parents.

sigh,

im probably the worst child.

but still, you take all my crap.

i seriously cant imagine my life w/o you.

i dont wanna cry.

i wanna stop crying.

typing out this post, makes me cry.

it really does.

theres so much more i wish to say.

but i just dont know how to express it.

mama, i love you too much.

bigger than anything.

you are my mother,

i will never hate you.

no many times i say tht.

i dont mean it.

i know my english isnt tht good.

my vocab is as small as a rat now.

but all i want you to know is,

I LOVE YOU MAMA.

see!

fat chubby cheeks.
FAT.

gah..

anw, today has been effin boring.

i like talking, alot.

&& tmrw!

i hope i can skip cca.

so i can go out w fannie bestest bestie darla[:

& her boyfie.

AHAH.:D

& follow my cousin to pierce his septum.

& pierce for him his lips.

well lets hope he wont open his mouth in front of his mom.

i think my sister knows imma bull alr.

oh i mean i hv a septum.

& thankyou, my fren, for telling me i looked fucked up w a septum.

you might thinks it's ugly on me.

but i love it.

got a problem w tht?

keep your comments to yourself:D

I LOVE MY TWIN VERY VERY MUCH:D

cassie darling;D

wed baby!

five more days to india:D

four more days to doomsday.

church today.
met my TWIN!
cassie, YAY!
[;
& her sister, CLAIRE.
& her boyf, KELVIN.
SEPTUMS MAAANSXZ!
*bang bang!*

aft church, fought w mom in the car.
you dont understand me.
wtf you bother trying to understand me when you dn even put in effort ?
im your bloody daughter of gawd's sake.

well ate ALOT today.
shiatsxz.
anorecxia(however you spell that), her i come!
[x

sigh, im really afraid to show parents my result.

daggers & parangs will start flying.

& the ultimate weapon, the butchers knife.

sigh.

idk why im crying.

cus i nvr studied hard enough ??

cus im alw letting my mom down ??

cus im scared of what they will say & do once they find out my results ??

cus im pretty remorseful right now, that im alw making them sad ??

well all of em's true.

mom called, & i told her i failed my cheena.

& she was like really mad & ferocious(howwever you spell that)

& i told her that i passed my arts, badly.

sigh.

she really sounded as if she wanted to bite my head off.

she asked me if there were any more subs,

i was like, no.

i lied to her.

she wants me to go for cheena tuition.

sigh, im really scared of my dad.

yeh imma chicken right now.

i wna run away!

but i cant D:

cus i have the india trip.

on 24

i wna runaway on 22 night

before 23, ptc.

sadly, i have my india trip on 24.

so i cant runaway.

i dont wanna waste mom's 1k +++ bucks.

but at the same time,

im guttless & scared.

scared - i rather jump down or die in the earthquake that happened in china than face my parents dissapointment.

SIGH!

i really dont dare to tell my mom about my results.

i dont want my dad to go for the ptc.

he's just gna give me a big sigh in the car.

i'd cry.

but i dn wna cry in front of him.

i dont wanna cry infront of anyone.

thats why im crying now.

sigh, daddy God, pls tell me what to do

D':

i want all this to end D:

ppl prob think im being a big baby to cry over small shiat like this.

but its the most important to me NOW.

can i just cut myself & bleed to death?

though what may seem far from possible.

well it's probably what people would usually say.

well just let my bleed till i cant bleed anymore.

gah..i miss my best friends!
okeh,yst, boring.
everyday is boring for me.rp trip.
i was only interested in the last part of the open house.
school of technology arts (or smthg like tt)
id go there if i were in rp.but im def nt gg there.

went ALL the way to bukit panjang to pierce for lauren(again)
guess what, i pierce so friggin slanted.
this is like the first time i pierce for someone slanted TWICE.
gah, im gna help him pierce again.
i feel so much guilt swallowing up my pride maaansxz.
though there aint mucha link.
helping wx pierce soon!:D

& aft tht, was cedar girl's performance at esp.
i think it was alright.lol.
if only they sang AGLEPTA.
tht would hv made it more interesting maaansxz.
&& i just realised waterfront is so purrty at night[:
took v little pics.
camwhoring throughout the bus ride home:D(MUAHAHAHA)
well, my pic w liqun:D
she's so PURRTTYY:D

oh one more thingy.

I LOVE PRWEE-SEE-RAHHHHH!!!!!

ok, this is seriously sick.
go to..
http://www.peta.org/feat/ChineseFurFarms/index.asp

screw assholes who do this.
they desrve to DIE.


anw, today, scrpit checking day.
YAY.
guess what ?
i failed everything except eng, art, poa & science.
i seriously thought i was gonna fail my poa.
but i passed by half mark.
for eng, i got on the dot.
science, 1 2 marks more.
art, 60/100
like wtf ?
i suck in all my bloody subs.
shiat.

im happy & sad !:D

happy tht i can finally bring down my spm.

sad cus i have fucked up parents whom i thought they understood me.

i msged dad if i could go out..

me:papa can i go out with jannah? i'll be home before 7.30. probably around causeway or bishan.

dad:no.. study darlin.. don't go out..!

me:my exams just ended papa.

dad:i'm afraid that you join the wrong company. n turn into a "bad apple" thinking dat a Gothic look is cool. U don't see many successful people earning good money n staying in good houses, dat the own, hving a gothic look. there r reasons for dis. ur nearest "friends" will determine de kind of person ur're going 2 turn into. so as a parent i only want the BEST for you darling. Think of being a top student and earning a good salary and leading a comfortable life darling..

me:papa, i like the music related to my dressing. i'm actually putting on less eyeliner nowadays:) my dressing won't determine my studies.i read more books too.i honestly don think studies can help me.i know arts wont do me much good.nowadays im writing short descriptions of stuff.i really feel i am improving:)i mix around w the right company.i don mix around w e hooligans in sch.i know my own limits papa.

dad:de fact dat u think studies won't help u is very disturbing. A person with a gd educational qualification n results will definitely do better in life dan one without a basic degree. dat's a fact in life. aft u got dat degree & is marketable in getting a job, den u tink abt doing ur "art". otherwise without a proper qualification u r going 2 end up in de dump wen art don't earn u enough $ to live comfortably. u friends r definitely bad influence. stay home n study.

& aft that, mom calls.

she explains to me.

saying that my dad is very angry right now.

blablabla

the fact tht he says my friends are bad influence just really ticks me off.

who the hell does he think he is to judge my friends ?

yes he's my dad.

THE MORE HE SHOULD BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME.

right now, you just make me hate studying even more.

i know it's all for my own good.

but HELL NO am i going to follow what YOU want.

this isnt what I want.

it's the total opposite.

i LOVE arts.

im diggin my own grave.

im making my own future.

im sorry for alw disappointing you.

my friends are everything to me.

but your opinion is the world to me.

right now, all you want is for me to become a fucking NERD.

who studies in harvard & shiat.

you think arts is BULL.S

im NOT going to continue my arts AFT im old & working.

im gonna start everything NOW.

screw academic shiat.

how about those people who actually DO WELL in arts ?

what makes you think i cant be like them ?

or how about those people who're so obbsessed with academic till one day they just loose everything ?

or they're not good enough in the marketing industry ?

why dont you talk about the BAD points of studying like some dickhead than talk about the bad points about LOVING ART ?

papa, why cant you just be happy for me ?

cant you accept what i LIKE ?

the day you caught me for running away, i thought you actually UNDERSTOOD how i felt.

but hell was i wrong.

you dont even bother trying to understand.

& im supposed to feel happy ?

you only said all that on that morning because you wanted me to skip the thought of running away.

well this shiat is the REASON I AM running away.

the only reason im NOT is because God says i should submit to my parents.

you are just making it so so hard.

do you know how hard it is for me to actually feel normal in this family ?

everything i do, is just wrong.

you alw blame all of this on mama.

why ?

to show us that you're the good guy while mama is the bad one ?

well you can stop all these shiat.

i finally know what kinda person you are.

& my dressing.

it ISN'T GOTHIC.

define ur term GOTHIC.

i like how i dress.

im not your dummy for you to control.

i do what i want.

i wear what i want.

i dont want to become a rebelious kid.

but you'rejust pushing me to my limits.

can you not see how far you are pushing me ?

im standing at the edge of this cliff.

i swear i just want to jump down.

you make my life a living hell!

yes you tell me you care & you want whats best for me.

but this isnt the BEST FOR ME.

the best for me is stop controlling my life & stop criticizing things i like.

you hurt me so deep.

& you're my FATHER.

yeh, i can see the best father right now.

if you had another daughter, i think she'd jump down from our house.

i hate you.

yeah, 1o mins to blog!
*type type type*

anw, went out w fannie dearie & paul threehill cheespie today.

yes, sigh, fannie, im soo sorry D:

im having a really shitty time right now.

thats first.

secondly, tmrw gg out AGAIN!

w pris, ronald, fannie.:D

ahehehe.

helping wx & laurenininini pierce again.

zomg scary but fun:D
lol, lame. okeh.

thirdly, its settled.

im running away on bay beats.

fourthly, its settled again.

im getting a tattoo on my birthday:D

fifthly,

R/S SUCK BANANAS!

next,

im gonna get SPIDER BITES!

kewl shiat huh.

seventhly,

mye suck lolipop maaansxz.

eightly,

i miss all my old friends D:

sigh,

pls dont ignore me anymore.

ninethly,

boy, i still miss you. i really do.

tenthly,

i miss hugs.

next,

i gotta stop smoking.

im smoking my ass off.

well at least i have been today.

sigh.

im such a hypocrite.

*SCREAMS!

i know i have a habit of saying stuff that offend ppl alot.

idk what i said.

im sorry if i said anything wrong tht day.

i swear i didnt meant to offend you in anyway.

i think you look great w tht.

well i got mine, im admitting that i myself am a poseur.

bloody pain.

well i experienced worst.

& it wasnt as pain as i thought it would be.

but whatever, went through it.

2 weeks of patience, here i come.

im alw screwing up my life.

i just realised aftr one problem i hv another one.

im just gna shuddup.

im gna start from now, thankyou.