im happy & sad !:D

happy tht i can finally bring down my spm.

sad cus i have fucked up parents whom i thought they understood me.

i msged dad if i could go out..

me:papa can i go out with jannah? i'll be home before 7.30. probably around causeway or bishan.

dad:no.. study darlin.. don't go out..!

me:my exams just ended papa.

dad:i'm afraid that you join the wrong company. n turn into a "bad apple" thinking dat a Gothic look is cool. U don't see many successful people earning good money n staying in good houses, dat the own, hving a gothic look. there r reasons for dis. ur nearest "friends" will determine de kind of person ur're going 2 turn into. so as a parent i only want the BEST for you darling. Think of being a top student and earning a good salary and leading a comfortable life darling..

me:papa, i like the music related to my dressing. i'm actually putting on less eyeliner nowadays:) my dressing won't determine my studies.i read more books too.i honestly don think studies can help me.i know arts wont do me much good.nowadays im writing short descriptions of stuff.i really feel i am improving:)i mix around w the right company.i don mix around w e hooligans in sch.i know my own limits papa.

dad:de fact dat u think studies won't help u is very disturbing. A person with a gd educational qualification n results will definitely do better in life dan one without a basic degree. dat's a fact in life. aft u got dat degree & is marketable in getting a job, den u tink abt doing ur "art". otherwise without a proper qualification u r going 2 end up in de dump wen art don't earn u enough $ to live comfortably. u friends r definitely bad influence. stay home n study.

& aft that, mom calls.

she explains to me.

saying that my dad is very angry right now.

blablabla

the fact tht he says my friends are bad influence just really ticks me off.

who the hell does he think he is to judge my friends ?

yes he's my dad.

THE MORE HE SHOULD BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME.

right now, you just make me hate studying even more.

i know it's all for my own good.

but HELL NO am i going to follow what YOU want.

this isnt what I want.

it's the total opposite.

i LOVE arts.

im diggin my own grave.

im making my own future.

im sorry for alw disappointing you.

my friends are everything to me.

but your opinion is the world to me.

right now, all you want is for me to become a fucking NERD.

who studies in harvard & shiat.

you think arts is BULL.S

im NOT going to continue my arts AFT im old & working.

im gonna start everything NOW.

screw academic shiat.

how about those people who actually DO WELL in arts ?

what makes you think i cant be like them ?

or how about those people who're so obbsessed with academic till one day they just loose everything ?

or they're not good enough in the marketing industry ?

why dont you talk about the BAD points of studying like some dickhead than talk about the bad points about LOVING ART ?

papa, why cant you just be happy for me ?

cant you accept what i LIKE ?

the day you caught me for running away, i thought you actually UNDERSTOOD how i felt.

but hell was i wrong.

you dont even bother trying to understand.

& im supposed to feel happy ?

you only said all that on that morning because you wanted me to skip the thought of running away.

well this shiat is the REASON I AM running away.

the only reason im NOT is because God says i should submit to my parents.

you are just making it so so hard.

do you know how hard it is for me to actually feel normal in this family ?

everything i do, is just wrong.

you alw blame all of this on mama.

why ?

to show us that you're the good guy while mama is the bad one ?

well you can stop all these shiat.

i finally know what kinda person you are.

& my dressing.

it ISN'T GOTHIC.

define ur term GOTHIC.

i like how i dress.

im not your dummy for you to control.

i do what i want.

i wear what i want.

i dont want to become a rebelious kid.

but you'rejust pushing me to my limits.

can you not see how far you are pushing me ?

im standing at the edge of this cliff.

i swear i just want to jump down.

you make my life a living hell!

yes you tell me you care & you want whats best for me.

but this isnt the BEST FOR ME.

the best for me is stop controlling my life & stop criticizing things i like.

you hurt me so deep.

& you're my FATHER.

yeh, i can see the best father right now.

if you had another daughter, i think she'd jump down from our house.

i hate you.