im such a fucking poseur.

im gna stop all these shiat.

i want them, im getting them real.

idc.

well probably one or two of you would know what im talking about.

im gna get it real this time.

& take it down on video.

than you'll be satisfied huh?

its gna cost me a bomb.

rawr,

fck this shiat.

big time.

edited;

DICKHEADS WITH NO BALLS WHO READ MY BLOG.

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO JUDGE ME ?

JUST CAUSE I'VE GOT PIERCINGS

IM SOME AH LIAN NOW ?

AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IM TOYING W MY BOYF'S FEELING ?

YOU DONT EVEN KNOW MY FUCKING NAME.

YOU NOT HAPPY THAT WE ARE TOGETHER ?

ARE YOU ALL BITCHES W NO BALLS ?

JUST CUS' YOU HAVE SOME SHIAT GOING ON WITH HIM,

DONT FUCKING DRAG ME IN.

WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE WHO I CRY FOR MORE ?

IM NOT YOUR WHOEVER.

I DONT NEED YOU TO FUCKING CARE.

I LOVE DECHATHORN.

YOUR BUSINESS ??

YOU HARDLY KNOW ME LAH.

SHUT YOUR FUCKING GAP.

YOU HAVE NO BLOODY PROOF I AM.

& IM NOT LIKE YOU BITCHES,

DONT MEAN YOU TOY W UR GF'S FEELINGS,

MEANS I TOY ARD W MY GUY'S FEELINGS.

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR BLOODY PROBLEM ?

IF YOU'RE JEALOUS, JUST OPEN YOUR BLOODY MOUTH

& SAY IT.

TO THT BLOODY SON OF A BANANA WITH NO BALLS

TO TELL ME PROPERLY BUT GIVE ME BULLSHIAT.

YOU BETTER READ THIS.

FUCK OFF,

STOP JUDGING ME.

YOU LOST YOUR GF.

IM NOT LOOSING MY GUY.

JUST PISS OFF.

im gonna get my piercings right & fixed.

sunday was good.

i think:D

MYE suck bananas.

i seriously can't study.

like wtm.

sigh.

chinese today.

suck ?

i need help with POA & PHYSICS & CHEM & E.MATHS.

sigh, i cant even concentrate during sch.

or tuition.

& tmrw, detention.

do they actually have detention during mye ?

gah ..

today, renata got her septum.

shes uber preettyyy:D

i need a puff badly.

life is so marshmellow-ed.

theres no one i can talk to.

i wanted to get msia's ciggs today.

but brenda told me they increased the price.

so yeah, i bought a lighter but no ciggs.

is God giving me a sign to not smoke ?

ily daddy.

i dont think i should.

MIDYEAR IS KILLING ME ]':

I SCREAM SEPTUM!

i thank God for the gift he has given me.

i hope we are still besties.[:

yay, tmr, CHURCH:D

yes, audition. how cute.(:

i want braces.

idk why.

i just love em'

:D

ok today's ABSOLUTELY boring.

like what the marshmellow??!

its so boring im actually restless&i feel like smoking.

lol, whateverr.

i quit alr anws.

fannie & paul's at youth park.

gd for them.

im stuck here at home.

sulky. D:
moms being a you-know-what.

zomg, i hv nvr said thought tht in donkey years.

why am i thinking abt it now ?

zomg, you suck bananas dharsh.

blog hopping now.

have been stuck to this comp for hours.

moms nagging the SHIT outta me.

really pissing me off.

like shussh alr.

imma sombong maksaleh who exxagerates drama mama style!

FANNIE.
DECHATHORN.

im sorry for making you feel this way.
i dont wanna loose you again.
i really dont.
sigh, pls forgive me D:
idk who to choose.
can everyone please stop torturing me D:
i want both of you.
im crying my eyes out.
i really dont know what to say anymore.
pls dont leave me.
i'll be in hell w/o ya'll.
i know you both think it's helping in a way
but it ISN'T
so please, forgive me.
D:
im so so sorryD:

JENNA,

sigh.

i have known you for 2-3 yrs.

why do you want us to be more than strangers ?

just friends..

sigh D:

i dont wanna loose u as a bestie.

i was cryin during sch today.

first period during social studies to be exact.

you mean alot to me.

you & fannie are my ultimate darlings.

i hate to be JUST friends.

cus that sucks.

im sorry im alw asking you to go out w me.

& start nagging if u say u cant.

i know i super duper stubborn&selfish.

im sorry for torturing you with my long bloody stories.

im sorry for alw asking you to hang w my buncha friends.

i know youre shy.

i just wanna let my friends get to know my bestie.

thats what im doing with fannie.

im soryr for showing you some marshemellow-ed attitude all the time.

i know it stink bananas.

the same song keeps playing in my hand.

secondhand serenade; why.

im crying my bloodshot eyes out.

idk why.

D:

i just really miss u.

i dont wanna loose a bestie like you my dear.

sigh.

im still trying to understand why youre doing this.

darl, youre NOT in my way.

youre my BESTIE.

you can nvr be in my way.

double sigh.

i <3>

fannie my dear, the reason i dont wanna tell you is because it IS about you.
idk if you would call it good or bad.
i guess its in the middle ?
you know how it feels when jealousy overcomes you ?
thats how i feel.
its like, youre so darn pretty.
while im that ugly biatch standing beside you.
i hate feeling fugly.
i know i am.
but seriously, i feel jealous.
i might feel a little sad.
i know imma big green eye monster.
somehow, i let you get to know probably all my friends.
than after a while, those friends disappear from my life.
& the next minute you know, they're your good/best friends.
it just feels like MARSHMELLOW that your friends just leave you for someone else.

when i know someone is leaving me & you both are getting closer,

i'll just distant myself.

cus' my instincts tell me that im gna be left outta that picture.

i hate feeling like that lampost.

& i dont want th same thing to happen.

the feeling really just sucks deeply.

its like ure gourging out your own heart alive & whole.

the pain is excruciating.

but its worst than all that.

words cant describe the agony.

i swear it cuts.

example, you know who.
esp, when that someone else is your bestest best friend.
thats why i feel sad right now.
but whatever, after awhile this feeling will be-gone.
i love u darl[: ( in a non lesbo way )
:D

i just finished talk to you.

idk if youre still online.

but i know that person isnt online anymore.

i dont wish to fight with you for something so small.

i know for a fact that him & i will nvr happen.

worst is me & him arent friends anymore.

while you both are together.

idk if you know how all these feel like.

i dont want you to experience how this feels.

talking to you made me tear.

idk why. ]:

i didnt even know i was crying.

i just couldnt stop crying.

secondhand serenade; why.

why ?

i wanna upload pichaazz maaaaaaan.
ok.
i find i have the SUCKIEST english.
why is that so ?
im quitting my LAHs & LUHs & all that stuff.
im mix.
i dont sound mix.
LOL!
im gonna deceive everyone with my new accent.
:D
SMILE FOR ME BBY.[:

zomg, today sch SUCKED.
mr TAI made me write ONE HUNDRED lines of
"i will bring my maths textbook for every maths lesson"
like whatthemarshmellow.
you bloody banana.
go marshmellow yourself you son of a BANANA.
ive made a new friend,
WAN:D
from hidzir.
LOL.
hidzir cheespie, fannie wants to kick your butt.
paul cheespie, we are SO going out on sunday.
but you dont have to go church.[:
fannie cheespie bestie, let dee join the cheesepies!;D
& imy.
pris my marshmellow watermellon um.. with jap mayo all over ( i forgot that nickname! so this is your permanent nickname.) we're soooo going out after exams!
jenna; vomvompthvampire, ILY:D
we're so going out sooooon.
we nvr been out like.. forever.
syaza pixxie, IMY! i met you like once. but im missing you.

THREE TWENTY FIVE am.

zomg,

i cant sleep.

yst(sat) was fun:D

lol.

cheesepie outing!

though its the only 3 of us.

& im so getting a tattoo soon maanxz.

three of us went to peninsula.

walked around.

went to ink by finch.

talk here talk there.

ask alot of questions.

zomg the tools for septum looks scary. :s

FANNIE & PAUL THREEHILL WENT TO YOUTH WITH MEE:D

lol.

ok they were doing some not so good stuff in CHURCH just now.

before church ended,

they went to pass raman his stuff.

at that time, i felt so sick.

gah..

idk why.

aft church, went to buy tickets for the zone, hillsongs united.

anyone wanna go ??

MSG MEEE:D

the zone; hillsongs united.

24may; sat.

6.30pm.

max pavillion.

FIVE bucks/ticket.

idk whens the last day to buy though.

so yeah.

tmr im gonna be HAPPY!

im alw so sad everyday.

my life seems so DEAD.

so tmr its gna be UNDEAD:D

shalomn people[:

zomg hello my dears[:
today was fun:D
i think.
had school.
OH SHIAT.
i failed my maths . ]:
i just realised i have to let my parents to sign my paper.
sigh.
daddy, pls help me.
idk what to do.
sigh.

today went out with fannie.
met ron otw.
than walked ard.
went back.
i skipped um..
sports day.
munday monday, here i come.
pray for me people.
sigh.
ok.
tmr:D
meeting fannie, paul, imran, sarala.
so far, i think thats all.
than meeting hidzir & the others ard 5 aft church.
zomg i want church to be fun maaaan:D
well it alw is.
sigh.
why am i alw sighing.
i hope our f/s can alw be so fun & sweet:D
lol.
zomg, what am i saying.
ok

EMOME
sigh, why is my life so miserable.
*ok forget it i have no mood to do anything right now.


zombie, pls save me.
i need help.
why ?
stop this beating heart of mine.
pls stop.
just grab it & tear it apart.
no more love.
love can go suck bananas.
pls stop haunting me.
D:

edited.}

im sorry for doing this to you.

i really cannot stand it anymore.

i just wanna scream my lungs out.

im crying so hard now i just feel like killing myself.

im sorry for being such a bitch to you.

im sorry for all the shiat im doing to you now.

i nvr knew i would ever do this.

i'd call it inhumane.

im sorry.

i know you must hate me so badly right now.

i feel like a BITCH!

sigh.

im sorry you ever got to knew a bitch like me.

raman, im so so sorry.

i really cannot stop crying.

sigh, why am i such a terrible person ?

i dont dare to face God tmrw.

idk why.

i dont dare to face anyone tmrw.

i dont feel like gg youth tmrw.

i feel like a BITCH.

children of God nvr feel like bitches or bastards.

every night i just wish i would stop being so negative.

every night i just wanna sit beside daddy & cry so, so hard.

pour out all my feelings.

kill that agony bleeding inside.

you know how pain it is ?

no you dont.

no one does.

alot of people claim they feel like dying.

well im one of them.

i really do.

i know this isnt the way i should be talking right now.

but i cant help it.

im sick of everything.

i compare dying & living.

i wont be so fucking sad all the time.

i wont be crying every single day.

i wont feel LOVE.

i wont feel pain.

i'd be so happy.

someone please tell me all these is true.

please tell me something that is nice.

please tell me something that will stop these tears.

sigh,

i hate love.

i really hate it.

it makes me SCREAM FOR LESS PAIN EVERYDAY!

i dare say, i think ive fallen for you.

i hate this feeling.

i dont wanna crush on you.

im too ugly for you.

im too ugly for anyone.

i dont wanna feel rejection.

i LOATH rejection.

i feel like staying away from you.

but idk if i can even bring myself to do that.

what the fuck is wrong me.

im praying for a miracle.

im praying hard, im praying badly.

i seriously dont get why people try to be nice to me but when the see me, they just ignore me.

you act like you care,

but in truth, you just want me to think youre a good friend

HERE ME SCREAM!!!!!!!

i broke up with raman.

im sorry for torturing you that one whole year.
right now, a r/s just suck big time for me.
im sorry for hurting you so badly.
pls forgive me raman.
D:
i dn wna stay in this r/s any longer & hurt you anymore.
i just feel so so uncomfortable.
youre the first guy i ever loved so deeply.
& youre the first guy i ever cried so badly for.
youre so so loving & caring.
every night im crying cus idk if what i did on 13 march was right.
i was scared i would hurt you so so much.
i know i have right now.
deep in your heart, you probably feel so torn up.
like thousands of dagger pierced through your heart.
im sorry for hurting you this way.
i know i'll never see you again.
im sorry raman.
]':

FLAG DAY TODAY!
lol.
thankyou fannie, hidzir & paul.
I MADE A NEW FRIEND:D
paulleeee.
he so doesnt look my age.
FORREAL.
lol.
anw, thankyou hidzir for helping me get the donations.
& fannie, we're on bestest terms now yes yes ?
ily[;
lets go out tgt again some other time!:D
thankyou for that darling hug just now.
well, i kinda lied that my sister was coming.
i really couldnt hold back those tears anymore.
i sat at that staircase trying to control my tears.
but didnt work.]:
so i just made up some excuse.
cus i loath to let others see me cry.
im sorry.D:
ily darlings!

well, boyfie & i fought today.
gah, i wasnt thinking strgt either ?
idk.
darling, you went to far abt nt wanting to meet me tmr.
i was just dead shock when i saw tt msg.
youre the first guy i ever loved so deeply.
youre the first guy i would spent so much on.
& please, try to be gd friends with fannie.
she has done nothing wrong to you dearie.
shes my bestie.
i love both of you & am never gonna loose either of you.
i swear.

sigh, i smoked so so much today.

what the marshmellow?

seriously what is wrong w me.

im feeling so bloody giddy today.

i seriously felt like just dropping dead just now.

sigh, i really wanna quit.

D:

sigh, do you still want me as a best friend ?

pls answer me honestly.

FANNIE; BESTEST BEST BESTIE EVER!

i am deeply truely so so sorry.

i know no matter how many sorries i say right now,

you probably still wont forgive me.

youre practically the best thing that ever happened in my life.

doesnt mean i have a boyf, we cant still be besties!

im so sorry for treating you differently.

im sorry for making you feel so horrible.

i never knew it would have such a deep impact on you.

im sorry for always talking about raman.

i know how you feel.

i swear i do.

youre my first TRUE best friend.

if you leave me now i'd rather kill myself.

i really do love you!

in a non lesbo way.

i never ever want you to back away from me.

rmb the thing abt llyon?

at that moment i felt so so stupid.

but i knew you were my bestie & you never meant for it to happen.

i couldnt stop crying.

i talked to jenna about all those.

she was helpful in a way.

anw, i still loved you & i knw us "breaking up" over some dickhead like llyon?

thats impossible.

when raman told me he didnt like you.

i felt like screaming.

i even told him if he couldn't accept you, than to hell with it.

i really dont ever ever want to loose you!

youre the best thing that ever happened to me.

i swear you are.

right now pls give me time.

i really wanna keep you as a bestie.

loosing you is like loosing everything.

right now, youre closer to me than anything.

youre the LAST thing & i mean the last & final thing that i ever want to loose.

youre the first person i alw think about.

raman's second.

i know he'd probably hate me if he read this.

but really, you are my BESTESTBESTEST BESTIE ever.

pls dont ever, ever leave me.

ILY BESTIE!

my life would be so empty.

pls dont distant yourself.

pls stay as my bestie.

please, ]]'':

old people used to tell kiddies piercing their tongue will have several side effects.

1. lost of taste buds.

2. shorter tongue.

3. your tongue will swell into a huge balloon.

4. santa clause wont give you a present.

5. your boyfriend/girlfriend will dump you cus its hard to french.

all that BULLSHIAT.

gah..

&how about eyebrow piercings?

i know if you dont go to a professional to pierce, you WILL go blind.

but i wna get one so badly.

it just looks so yummy.

gimme details about eyebrow piercings preettyy please ?

&not those BULLSHEET that would scare the living daylights outta me.

ty[;

i go ZOMZOMB TH ZOMBIE.

im so HIPPIE:D

woots .

how would you label a scene kid ?

gimme comments.

im just so darn curious.

schs a BORE.

thankyou mr tai for making me stay back so long.

it was SOO enjoyable.

&&mr chen heard me shout FUCKYOUCHEEBAI!

zomg, i pray he doesnt tell mr tai.

he just kept staring me & i pretended to be so darn sad & put my hands on my face.

grandmama's back in the hosp.

shes so stubborn.

ROAR!

stay in that bloody hospital until you GET WELL.

i dont wanna loose you D:

ILR!

cant wait for sunday.

whats with maksalehs & their huge bloody ego ?

is it like too BIG for their body?

you bloody ego maniac bitches,

stop trying to act like you fucking care.

when you dont.

just go fuck a wall.

my mood is a total goner right now.

im thinking about what happened in the morning.

mom, youre not even trying to understand me.

i really want you to.

&whats the reason for living if you cant even enjoy your life ?

why bother trying & trying & trying but still, you dont achieve it.

right now i just feel like dying.

& no, im not like those faggots who say "i wanna die right now" just to gain pity & attention.

i really do feel like jumping down.

the door is right infornt of me.

i try so hard to follow Gods words.

but its so hard.

im done trying.

my family dont understand what im going through.

no one does.

no matter how hard i try to explain.

no one BOTHERS listening or trying to understand.

i cant even have a real friend.

how pathetic of me.

gah..

i really feel like dying right now!!!

someone please end my misery.

im having depression.

probably a mild one.

but idc.

im gonna run into that huge mirror of mine,

&crack my skull open.

&&bleed to death.

i dont care where i end up.

i really dont.

i just wanna die right now.

passion arts today!
band looks so adorable:D

i had to tape up my shoe.

whatever,

well we did kinda better than i expected:D

butbut, the lightings were AHHH.

anw, aft passion arts.

took the guitar & went home:D

waited for the bus.

was kinda moody.

cus was alone.

&&i absolutely LOATH walking alone AT NIGHT.

anw, boarded the bus.

i stared into blank space, thinking of boyf.

imh. ]:

thn i looked right infront of me.

a family.

one who big groupie darlings chitty chatty aft attending passion arts.

atm, i thought of my parents.

why was i alone?

why didnt they come to cheer me on?

why were they not there when i WANTED them to be?

they knew i was performing,

but they weren't free.

they didnt even make an effort to come.

than i started thinking about my past.

when i used to have concerts in primary sch.

they would be there watching me perform.

those moments were so beautiful.

aft my act, they would come up&tell me how good i was.

my dad would hug me tightly & tell me that he loves me.

mom would compliment me & give me that sweet smile of hers.

if only they were there today like how they alws have been.

at my primary sch concerts.

how i only wish.

i cried all the way throughout the bus trip.

these are the moments that make me wanna smoke.

till my lungs bleed tar.

typing this post makes me cry so badly.

all i want is my parents to love me.

&care for me.
&show me that they love me.

all i want now is a big big hug from them telling me how much they love me.

i really want them here right now.

]':

im missing you so badly right now.

im thinking of you every min, every sec.

this is a good torture:D

&&im actually like it.

i alw listen to STOP&STARE.

by one republic.

i rmb that day.

though it was short.

i still loved it.

when i had my subway cookkiiee:D
yum2.

youre the first guy i ever talked about to my sister.

youre the first guy i ever put in my heart&soul into doing you a card.

youre the first guy i ever cried so much tears for.

though its been only awhile, i love you so so much.

i still remember that necklace you gave me.

i was so darn happy!

but when she took it away from me, i teared.

baby, you really mean alot alot to me.

my friends alw ask whos raman.

cus i alw write your name on me hand.

same style, diff colour.

now, its black words with indigo outline.

yst it was brown words with orange outline.

&i say, my boyf:D

&&aft that, i'll think of you the whole darn day.

i made you a letter thingy.

i tried decorating it, but idk if its up to standard.

D:
all i need now is our picture:D

im sorry for so many crap ive done.

right now, im trying to stop it.

i hope you understand. ]:

i miss holding your hand.

when its alw so cold.

(idk why)

i miss our hugs!

i miss hugs overall.

but the best thing is, im missing you terribly right now.

cya on sat darling!

:D

I LOVE RAMAN!