i just found out why im sick every single day of my life.

cus when i dont smoke, i get sick.

when i do, i feel giddy.

wth is going on.

D:

i read marxie's blog.

darling, pls cheer up.

frens come&go.

if theyre true besties, they stick tgt for life.

like fannie&i.

i believe she's like my blood sister.

we do stuff tgt!

we love each other.

we'll never fall out.

idk what happened last time

&i knw i have no right to say all these right now.

&&yeah, we arent close at all.

but i dont like seeing you like that.

think positive, maybe they'll come back ?

im sure they will.

pls dont cry.

D:

ily bby!

SMILE:D

raman boyf, im so so sorry for leaving like tt yst.

pls dont be angry
D:

youre so darn sweet to go all the way to the mrt for me.

ILY HUN!

i promise i wont do that again.

&&i hope i can go for the gathering!

&tt special day's cmg.

im so buying you smth special.

:D

today at church.

i raised my voice at my mom over the phone.

she really pisses me off.

I HAVE NO GAWD DAMN LIFE!

i bet everyone heard me screaming too.

but idc.

shes so unreasonable.

i told her im gg to the library aft church.

whats so effin wrong bout the LIBRARY?

she wants me to be home early.

i mean it makes no bloody difference right ?

even if i was at home what ever makes her think i WOULD study ?

she knows i WONT study,

shes my mom!

im sick & tired of my parents.

theyre unreasonable & they make me cry every single night.

they make my life a livg hell.

they call this UNCONDITIONAL love.

they said theyd try understanding me.

aft tt tme i tried to run away.

dad was so SO nice to me.

the next day, he said all the ART stuff are BULLSHIAT.

&alot of other stuff which hurt me deeply.

they enjoy hurting me so deeply.

idk why.

pls stop it.

D:

you told me you would DISOWN me if i got a tattoo.

right now, thats the only thing i want.

i dont want you both as my parents.

youre making my life WORST THAN HELL.

papa, everything you said are just lies.

mama, you alw are so darn unreasonable.

you think treating me like your slave is fun ?

you make me just wanna jump down from the highest floor every single day.

you know how torturing that is ?
to know your own parents somehow "HATE" you?

&they call it UNCONDITIONAL LOVE?

papa, i call this BULLSHIAT.

why do you both do this to me ?

idk why.

am i really your daughter?
pls stop torturing me.

God taught us to respect my parents.

i try so so hard to do that.

but all you both are doing's just making it so much harder for me.

i go to church everyday.

thinking abt you.

today, i was tearing silently in church.

aft i fought with you mama.

right now, i dont even dare to face God.

i feel so cooped up.

i really need a christian councellor.

i dont like my sch councellor.

all she wants is to talk to you, mama.

i dont want that.

you'd prob scream at me again.

my ears are bleeding from all your screaming.

pls stop killing me

D:

i really need someone to tell me what im doing is right.

what im doing is another way of expressing myself.

what im doing is the only way out for me right now.

im running away from hell.

im running away from this hell.

cant you just accept my best friend?

cant you just understand me?

im sorry for not understanding you.

im trying.

i swear.

we both are VERY stubborn.

i know.

but shes my best friend.

though i knew her only last year.

shes the best thing thats ever happened to me.

i alw go out w her.

im sorry for not gg out on 1/1 with you.

but you seriously have NO right to call her irritating.

yst i know you said all that outta anger.

im sorry for alw caring for her before i care for you.

im sorry for all that shiat i said & did.

im sorry for alw leaving you out.

you dont bother TRYING to understand me.

you alw say i have to understand you.

have you ever cared for MY feelings ?

yeah its alw us 3some hangg tgt.

&im alw leaving you out.

sometimes i get too involved i just dont realise.

thats my fault.

but you could just join in too right ?

&yst you were super pissed.

did you think of how I would feel ?

baby i really DO love you.

but seriously, if you cant accept my bestfriend,

than what, we gonna argue over this small shiat all the time ?

youre alw blaming her.

why ?

STOP BLAMING HER.

STOP SAYING BAD STUFF ABOUT HER.

SHES MY BESTFRIEND. understand THAT.

if you cant even accept her, what the hell am i to do ?

she's alw there for me.

but youre not.

i know youre busy.

&shes my pillar of strength.

i really love her.

i dont wanna lost NEITHER of you.

i cry everytime we argue.

you might not call it arguing, but I do.

cant you just accept her ?

yeah i'll hang out w you w/o her there.

&we could go on double dates.

but boyf, i still love you.

i swear i love you.

today, you were hogging the phone.
so i talked to darling.
is that ever so wrong ?
&whats with the attitude?
i know right now, im just being to heartless&selfish.
&im sorry for alw showing attitude.
now i know how it feels.
but just because i was talking to darl the whole time you diss me off??
what was i supposed to do.
stare at you while you were talking on the phone?
but yeah, im not gonna say anymore stuff.
im wrong, youre right.
but i bet you dont have a single clue what im going through now.
you said you would be there for me.
well,
im sorry boyf. ]':


well today was kinda ok[x
jammed w LALENA:D
lol.
i hope im in =s
well, sorry glenn!
aft jamming.
went home:D
while smokg i felt giddy.
like what the marshemellows?
gah.
D:
im so sick!
*screams like flyleaf*

GLL!

wtf is wrong with you??
are you like so fcking obbssessed with me??

why do you keep shooting me?

your gun is so long&fcking hairy lah!

you stupid ugly horrible prostitue!

you make my life a bloody LIVING HELL.

you take my most precious marshmellow

&youre only returning it to me EOY??
you made me cry the whole day.

you bloody pedophile.

i pray you get kicked into JAIL for doing this shiat.

im gonna throw 13 rotten eggs on your car.

&vandalise it.

im gonna take a grandpiano&smash it onto your car.

im gonna write"FCK OFF BITCH! GO DESTROY YOUR OWN CRUEL LIFE!"

go bark somewhere else.

if you were my mom,

i'd shoot you down&chop your body up

&feed them to the dogs.

&than i'd commit suicide.

or

i'd complain to my mom.

&make sure she complains to the principal face to face.

saying that you make my life a living hell&you should be fcking fired!
than i'll sue you&take away EVERYTHING that you own.

i'll make sure you experience what real HELL is like.

im gonna help you publicize your PROSTITUTE wanna be persona

around the whole sch.

than you'd love me to death.

who the hell do you actually think you are huh??

im gonna give you what you gave me for that effin THREE years.

die bitch.

just drop dead&DIE.

when i was young, i used to think that when it rains,

God is crying.

so i cried with him.

cus i cry when ppl cry.

so i practically cried everyday when it rained like 24/7.

aft awhile,

i wld think,

God must be showering.

like you&me showering everyday.

cus' he cant possibly be crying so much.

so i take a shower when its raining.

:D

ok all these is just fyi.

i was bored.

&i rmbed bout the chongfu students when i was taking the bus.

&this raining thingy linked to tt.

somehow.

when you see them.

you just see how happy they are.

they dont care how the dress,

they dont care how they look.

they dont care how heavy their bags are.

they dont care about anything,

but having fun on the bus:D

i rmb how i used to be like them.

its just so fun&joyful when you have

nothing to worry about.

that moment is just so magical.

another subject.

GOHLILY confiscated my mp3.

whatthemarshmellows??!

i cannot STAND her!

sigh.

i told my mom.

she was ok with it.

havent told dad.

sigh.

parents are fighting again.

dad has UBER short temper.

i seriously cannot stand him.

GAH.

every night im praying to God,

to bring me back my phone.

i know, if i dont get back my phone,

he'll get me a better one:D

when GLL confis. my mp3.

i kept thinking the aftmath of all tt.

if i killed myself from all the stress,

I WLD DEDICATE MY DEATH T HER.

so she would feel so remorseful, so regretfull,

she'd kill herself too:D

or if my parents divorced*touch wood!*,

i'd blame it ALL on her.

&i'd sue her for it.

&i' d make sure she goes jobless.

but right now,

im not full of hatred nor grudge.

i cry every night thinking about my mom.

ILY MOM!

i lost my phone in sch today]:
no wait, someone STOLE it.
like whats ur fcking problem bitch?
dn cha hv aphone of ur own?
whatthefuck is wrong with you ?
how would you feel if someone stole your phone ?
how fuckg HAPPY would you feel ?
you stupid daughter of a bastard.
FCK OFF BITCH.
i pray you die a fucking terrible death TMR.

i seriously dont get you.

i swear i dont.

i mean come on, what are you trying to do?

you ask me to tell you 12 bands.

so i did.

&youre not gonna put them in ur gig?
you tell me you would only for bigger gigs.

than why in the first place did you ask me to?

i help you find band mates.

&you tell her youre finding more people?

what happened to the people i found?

i worked my ass off&wasted my msgs finding you a bassist.

&now you say.. idk evn know what you are saying anyway.

do you even appreciate my help?

i wanted to help.

you KNOW how much i would love to help.

but you dont even bother asking me to help?

you can even ask me what can i help with.

&you tell me "promoting"

boyf, i seriously dont get you right now.

fine then, since you dont want me to help.

yes im being a bitch saying all that.

but i cant keep it all bottled up.

im having enough shit from my family.

thankyou.

hiding in the corner.

praying silently for some miracle to happen.

staring at my computer screen.

smokg my life away.

hallelujah.

all i want now is to cry on jesus lap.

i have a terrible issue.

i have the most foul mouth.

i have the most horrifying temper.

i have the most cocked up mind ever.

i have the ugliest heart.

i am so so whinny.

i am so insensitive to other people's feelings.

i just wanna kill myself now.

]':

{edited}
i got food poisoning.
sigh.
i cant help but vomit blood.
well right now i'm too lazy to go to the doc.
sigh.
someone save me]:

dear diary,

i know i flare up alot
gaga.
ok.
from now, i'll stop being pushy&i'll only flare up if someone pisses me off.
the end:D

p.s; any chinese vocalist interested in joining a indie rock band ?
oh ya, i need a bassist too:D

today's youth was AWESOME:D
i loved it.
byebye pastor daniel&gabriel.
see you ard!
gah, i feel so blessed at that moment;D
it was probably the second time i saw something like that.
i teared, a lil'.
i love my daddy God:D
when i got in the car,
i raised my voice at my mom cause she didn't let me stay longer.
me: you could have just tell me to go to bishan right? than i can stay longer with them! *shouting like nobodys business*
mom: im sorry can, why didnt you tell me about it.
me:ugh, wouldnt you know or smth?*with a FUCKING SARCASM tone]:*
mom:at least i bothered coming down all the way to town when its so jam just to fetch you
after that, i just cried.
im sorry mama.
i love you.
im sorry for not understanding.
than i started thinking about the other few times i shouted at her w/o thinking about her feelings or why she actually did that particular thing for me.
im so so sorry for hurting your feelings.
i know you're the best mother i can ever have.
even much better than papa.
&at most times, i loose my temper easily.
im so sorry]:
i love you mama.

im a hypocrite.

thanks for telling me.

i guess i'll stop talking abt gigs only if i can go.

sigh.

&I LOVE YOU BOYF.

<3.

today was uber gooood:D
I LOVE YOU BOYF!
gagagaga[;
lol.
i love u!
:D
thankyou for the sub cookie:D
&the numerous amt of ciggs tooo[:

fannie pierced her lips today.
it wasn't as bad as the nose piercing though.
lol.
she looks much preeettiiiieeerrr again:D
DEE DONT GO TO AUS!
i'll fucking miss you[:

&im waiting for my lomocam darlg:D

sigh, i wanted to write something else but forget it.
fannie my dear, tt BOYFRIEND of yours is nothing but a son of a bitch who loves lying&hurting other girls feelings.
he sure knows how to ACT all fucking SENSTIVE&all that BULLLSHIAT.
sigh, just knw im there for you:D
i love you bestest bestest bestie!:D
i know youre sad but you dont wanna show it.
but still, you can tell me anything:D

having my cadidicature thingy workshop.
gah..
i actually dont look ALIVE in the workshop.
maybe im not cut out for drawing arts]:
i drew the picture over&over again.
i got whacked so many times today.
mainly by other people's umbrellas.
THANKYOU PEOPLE

im vomitting all over the toilet sink.
im coughing blood i think my lungs are bleeding.
im gonna cut off my friggin nose any friggin moment right now.
my eyes are burning in fucking pain.
all these,
i dont knw why.
just let me bleed dry.
i feel so fucking dead right now.
all i want right now is to fall into a coma.
it will hurt much lesser.
do you all not see me suffering?
Satan curse you.
God save me.

today's church was nice.
pastor joshua talked about unconditional love that God showers us with.

zomg, on the shuttle bus to suntec,
i couldn't help myself but think of him]:
cus he went to church with me the day he left.
i really couldn't hold back my tears.
my heart was acheing terribly.
why am i still crying over him??
sigh.
whats wrong with me.
well, im definitely not anticipating for the day he comes back.

LABELS.
i'm being labeled as emo/gothic in school.
when i heard this i couldn't stop laughing my butt off.
[:
just cause i have black nails&wear a skull jacket, im EMO&GOTHIC:D
so if i had pink nails with tiny diamond heart shapes on it with pink fluffy bunnies for keychains than what would i be?
or how about someone with big huge PEACE earings&a coulourful watercoloured bag with the huge sign PEACE there.&this band around my head with flowers&the most "bling" PEACE neckalce. what would that make me?
lol.
LABELS ARE FOR SOUPCANS MY DEARIES.
i should actually dress them up.
like have an EMO soupcan.
or a HIPPY soupcan.
maybe a LOLITTA soupcan.
&all that.
than i can show my friends what LABELS are for[:
i am so doing it for this holiday[;
provided i got time.
&so much homework!
im gonna go "pop" soon.
&choir camp from wed-fri?
gah..
next week i have OBS.
like whatthefish???!
im sooo NOT going.
yes im a pussy.
i hate obs.
im not going.
&i def dont wanna miss classes since im dropping academically.
how how how??

myspace&friendster seems so boring now.
my facebook was screwed YEARS ago.[:
ok, back to art.
ciao darls[:

zomg. i feel so touched when fee ask me to do this survey:D



1)Name: dharshy marshy
2)Birthday: 11oct1993
3)Height:167cm
4)School: northland secondary
5)Best Friends: fannie, jannah, mj, sharul:D

FAVORITES:
1)High-Fashion Brand: dorothy perkins
2)Food: susshhhiiii:D
3)Colour: black, brown, white, orange.
4)Song: this conversation is over; alesana
5)MUSIC: local music:D
6)Number: 7/17/19
7) Word: hallelujah! :D
8)Memory: 20feb08
9)Snack: seaweed.[:
10) People:my darlings&besties&bestoes!:D
QnA
1)Are you happy with yourself? -um..no?
2)Do you wish to change sth about yourself? -yeah.
3) What is your nicest feature? - idk
4Do you wish to have a twin? - nah..
5)What is your biggest fear?- getting heartbroken?
6?what is your greatest achievement? -getting full marks for my math in p6
want to be famous? -no thankyou?
8)Do you think you are better than your friends? -def not
9)Do you think you are trendy?-HELL NO
10)Whats your style?-i love mixing:D

LOVE;
1) who and when was your fist kiss?- my parents.
2)do you have a crush? - nopes.
3){not writing cus' i dn have a crush}
4)if no, who was your last crush?- llyon
5)How many ex-s have you had? -3
6)if you could earase one of your past relantionships, which? -ALL
7)Whats your sexual status? - zomg like wtfish? virgin.
8)Do you believe in sex before or after marriage? - def aft.
9)Do you always get the people you want? - no..
10)Have you been turned down?-oh yeah.

CHOOSEone
1)ashley or mary-kate? - mk.
2)Straight or curly? -straight.
3)heels or flats? -flats
4)white or black? -black.
5)Jimmy choos or Manolo blahniks? -Jimmy choos
6)Louis Vuitton or Chanel? Louis Vuitton.
7)Half empty or half full?- the glass too big :D
8)PARIS or milan? - MILAN!
9)Skirts or pants? -pants
10)Long or short hair? -long.

5 PEOPLE TO DO THIS.
1)FANNIE!:D
2)JANNAH!:D
3)SHAR!:D
4)ALVIN!:D
5)anyone reading now[:

FUCK THE WORD LOVE
sigh.
i teared the moment we sayed goodbye.
its fucking hard holding it all back.
well aft all, i just realised how much you cared for my feelings.
i know he def didn't.
but you're my bestie.
&yes its my fault.
sigh.
i just cant help it right now.
you cannot stop love.
but i really do not understand why you both chose not to tell me.
only aft a few days.
i knw i said i wont blog about this anymore.
but my heart is fucking acheing right now.
why am i still so fucked up about this shit?
&darling you are right.
whatever you told me does make me fucking sad.
but you know me.
anw, thanks for telling me.
when he comes back, i dont dare to see him.
why? idk.
maybe cause it would pain so, so much more.
&seeing you & him together would just make me go fucking suicidal.
i want & i dont want you to tell me when he's back.
sigh.
i need fucking ciggerettes.
i wanna smoke myself to death.
i wanna cough so hard, i cough blood.
i wanna get the worst migrain in fucking history i actually die in mere seconds from it.
I JUST WANNA FUCKING DIE RIGHT NOW!!

zomg im just so in love with my piercings[;
lol.
im in the mood for signs!
anyone?
:D
no one's home today.
dad's in indo.
mom&sis's at work.
maid's at cousin place.
so i guess that leaves my honey&i.
sigh, no one's free today arh??
call so many people also no one free]:
&ty nicole:D
now i left lighter.
ohya, idk how to light a lighter]:
yay me.

stomp is just so fucking gay.
people got no business posting about others
&i dont get why stompers like judging people.
i mean if the person is a skinhead, let him fucking be!
its not like its gonna affect you in anyway right?
whats your freaking problem.

went shopping today.
with meixian,huiling&sis.
bought skull pumps& a skull bangle.
bought mini stuff&all tt shit actually adds up to EIGHTYBUCKS.
like wth ?
sigh.
byebye money]:

im not gonna blog about the lovebirds anymore.
im being an ultimate bitch for doing tt.
why do i do it anw.
sigh, just to gain sympathy?
oh fuck my egoistic attention seeking shiat.
sigh.
right now they're having some stuff going on.
but i still love them[:
&no matter what, im crying till all the pain's gone.

sigh, you supposed to buy me ciggs lah.
where where where..
you owe me darling.

FANNIE DARLING, IF ANYTHING IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW,

PLS TELL ME. IM UR FRIGGIN BESTIE! &I LOVE YOU, SO PLS,

DONT HIDE ANYTHING&TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS.

&ABT TIFF, PLS IGNORE HER.

LET HER FUCKING BE.

SHE WANTS TO HATE LLYON, WHO FUCKING CARES.

AS LONG AS BOTH OF YOU ARE STILL TOGETHER HAPPILY:D

XOXOs.