well,hese few days have been random&stupid.
now sitting on th floor with the laptop on my lap.
thats why its called a laptop[x
lol.
anw.......
missed so many gigs on sat
like approx. FOUR.
anw, ive found my
darling christmas hunkie bunkie junkie teddy bear buddy!:D
meeting him this wed aft sch prob at bugis.
&meeting wana on thurs:D
i miss her!:D
lol.
deafcon9 coming up !
who's going ?
:D
19jan.

TODAY IS DO SIGN DAY!

signs i did last time..

llyon [1]

llyon [2]
nick e gr8 [1]

nick e gr8 [2]

BSK [1]

BSK [2]

BSK [3]

aizan [1]

aizan [2]

aizan [3]

aizan [4]

TODAY..

armchair critic <3 [1]

armchair critic <3 [2]

Matt <3 [1]

Matt <3>

clement <3

stephanus <3>

raman <3 [1]

raman <3 [2]

Razmeer <3 [1]

Razmeer <3 [2]

gah..
korea was okay.
i was being so unsociable.
i think.
gah. dont wanna talk about it.
though th skiing&atv was fun:D
now my bloody cousin is accusing me of being emo
idiot.
1. who is to judge me??
2. he's younger than me. shut up u asshole.
3. so whats wrong with being emo?
4. its none of your gawd damn business
he's seriously irritating th shit outta me.

my parents are so bloody biase.
i cant even show my emotions infront of them.
i have to act like nth is wrong&shit.
my mom ignores me like i dont even exist.
&i have to be her damn dog.
wth?
shit feeling.

read my msn nick.

i AM very sad.

yst i came home late.

i was supposed to go for choir bbq.

anw, my mom thought i was lying.

which is true.

she kept questioning&questioning.

i know yst, everything IS/was my fault.

i'm really sorry mama.

last night, i thought alot.

too much i think till i cried at th thought of my parents.

i notice how sad or irritated my mom gets when she talks to me

when my parents talk to my sister

they'll call her "darling&sweetheart"

those words you would wanna hear from your parents.

when they talk to me, they would call me "ae or oi"

or nothing at all,&they'll start scolding me

i feel as if they dont want to have me as a daughter

like they were forced to bring me up.

i just feel so darn hurt&hated.

i even forgot how my parents looked when they smiled.

i have never seen them smile for a super long time.

this morning, actually every morning. i would hear

them laughing with my sister together.

&when they came into my room,

they wouldn't care if i was sleeping or not

they would just talking as loud as they wanted

as if i was invisible&start banging stuff here&there.

they would even shout for my maid when im sleeping

in tht room.

when i am with them,

i fear of getting scolded every single minute.

i mean which daughter would be scared of being alone

with both or either of their parents.

even if we have nothing to talk about.

my parents will suddenly talk about something

that they know they can shoot me.

i just wna feel fcking LOVED by my parents.

is tht so fckig hard to ask for?

no matter what i do,

i try to talk to them every single day of my damn life.

but in th end we'll end up quarrelling&

it'll only make matters worst.

i try pouring my heart out to them

but than my mom will go like

"you're only fourteen, you can't be

this or that."

or

"you're only fourteen, you dont

know anything.blablabla"

im treated like a fcking paria!

however you spell that;

having parents&NOT having parents

i dont see a fcking difference.

if i was going for th damn trip,

i would have ran away from home

&never came back.

i wonder how they'll feel than

I HATE MY PARENTS!!!

my mood has been absolutely terrible these few days.
dumb fck.
gah, im starting to think alot.
i dont have people to call FRIENDS.
i need company
i am impatient
i have a mutha fcking attitude problem
i spew too much vulgarities
i am such a nuscience
i disturb people alot
i keep taunting people till they get so fed up with me
i cried last night cus' i just realised no one really cares.
i mean they say they care, but inside, they don't seem to bother.
even my parents don't realise i exist.
God just brought me down here to see my suffer my ass off
he might as well send me to hell&let me burn away.
i dont see his fcking point here.
why is my life so full of shit?
people dont realise it but i do.
most of my "friends" dont realise i have feelings.
they think of me when they're super bored.
what the hell ?
am i that dead or invisible.
i seriously hate this shit.

baa baa black sheep

leaving for korea this sunday:D

at night]:

last saturday,

went to give out deafcon8 flyers.

got my renegades shirt:D

lols.

DARN ASS NICE.

anw, spent hours at somerset, orchard, cityhall.

couldn't even give out more den 20 flyers.

moreover, ppl in town were UNfriendly.

VERY UNfriendly.

got to know ary,trish,jolyn,val,shirlyn&many many more!:D

i was supposed to do th flyer thingy with ary around skate park.

but she had to leave like super early.

lols.

five renegades went[including me]

one of th renegade lives in yishun!:DD

near yishun library.

thats like super near my sch.

lols[:

merv looked nice that day.

with th bandana&badges.

lols.

2 things happened that day

some malay minah pointed at val&said

"what an eyesore![:" &her minah frens

just laughed like nobody's business.

see how minah's are so judgemental.

they're just too ugly so rather judge

other people. they should in th mirror too.

th other thing was shirlyn was walking ard

taka giving out th flyers.

she gave to this group of gurls.

one gurl said; *rolling her eyes*"tsk, deafcon is stupid"

gawd i feel like slapping that bitches face

she looks like an absolute POSER![however you spell that]

her eyes are like china eyes

but droopy.

&she puts eyeliner like nobody's business.

&she tries to act "cool"&all tht shit by wearing a black hat.

oh fck her

anw, ard 7plus.

went to meet rachel&th other 3 renegades&ghost:D

ate lj's infront of th plain field on stairs of some court house thingy.

lols.

talk nonsense.

than left tht place ard 9.

trained back home with th renegade who lives in yishun:D

damn i so have to start rmb-ing their names!

calling all of them renegade this/that is killing me

we were awfully silent halfway to yishun.

den we didn't really have a proper goodbye.

LOL.

funness..

gonna do th flyer thingy this sat again

&i have to sell th tix by this week!
AHH!!.

]:

anyone reading now,

if you wanna get tix.

pls get it from me!

i needa sell 10 of them]:

&i just realised ultrasound was last sat

wonder hos broken mask did.

LOL

gah, our feelings were never true.
you know it.
look who's th happy one now.
how long ago was it?
probably less than a month.
ahh, you lying s.o.b

jamming was GOOD!
seriously.

i mean i didn't expect it to be nice.

met fox&evon&my band mates:D

fun bunch

fox is purrttyy:D

so is evon[[:

though i played nothing

probably a few clings&clangs here&there

conan was really friendly.

met up with th lead guitarist first,

den th vox actually was there.

but we didn't know it was him

aft a while,

th other guitarist came with his galfren.

he was really smiley&stuff:D

lols.

den evon came.

<3>

den fox&conan came

conan is TALL!

i actually felt kinda short for th first time.

they both were kinda wet from all th rain&everything

aft tht th vox approached:D

we didn't know he was th vox, till conan said smth

so we went to th jamming studio

it was lock

th owner had went for lunch

we had to wait like half an hour for him to reach.

i was melting th whole time

it was really humid.

&th whole time i was like stepping lonesome sh_t.

gah]:

stayed in th studio for like half an hour den left.

while th rest stayed till like 5.

dunnoe when's th next jamming sessions

haven't decided on a name yet

i so needa know more about melodic death metal bands.

&i needa know what to play on th darn keyboards by next week i suppose.

i need HELP!!!]:

i wanna go learn guitar together with fee

from zee but my mom ask me to ask my dad

&my dad is not in th office, neither did he on his bloody phone !
ROAR!

bloody hell la.

&we're supposed to meet at 5.30

fck!

AHHH!!!

i hate my parents

i might not mean what i say next time

but now i do.

everytime this no that no

but my sister everything yes yes YES!

bloody bitch/;

today, when i was playing th piano,
mom said i was showing attitude.
her reason was cus' i was playing with only one hand
wth ?
th whole FRIGGIN DAY she's been screaming&shouting&
saying im giving her attitude.
wtf.

brought cream to th vet
dooc said she's probably infected by fungus or mites
wth.
]:
&she's going for her dental soon
money money money.
she's my old darling[:
i love her loads<3

gah..
how does it feel to have real true friends?
i never had one of those before
so i dunnoe
though i long for one
but i'm not sure if i'll find tht true fren
right now, everything is just bottled inside
i wanna scream till my lungs burst.
i don't care.

life just feels like sh_t if you have ungrateful
heartless parents like mine,&know one to
pour out to.

gah, jamming wasn't tht fun i suppose

now i'm with one band:D

lols.

good for me?

[:

deafcon8's coming up.

kinda long actually.

but who wants to buy tickets?

TELL ME!:DD

tmr suppose to go give out flyers at orchard

i suppose it's for deafcon

:D

if mom allows.

bah..

i can't get a friggin job

my bill is bloody high.

byebye messaging.

ben&shanu's bday is on th day i get my new bill

&th day i leave for korea.

]:

guitar lessons from zee:D

fannie's boyfren

damn she's pretty!

lols.

feeqah's gonna follow me too:D

&bought my nose stud yst.

th ring kind.

it's like so EFFIN' hard to put in !

my nose kept bleeding for tht.

]:

got my new glasses:D

i'm <3ing>