TO MUHD MAAROF

i apologise for last night.
i was being childish.
i was being selfish.
i was being immature.
i was being a total bitch.
i'm sorry i blew on you.
i just got so mad.
because you told me forever.
you used the word forever.
why the word forever?
in case you still don't know hun, i get attached to people.
especially my boyfriend.
you even talked about so much more things.
and i actually believed you?
and randomly, you break up with me.
and you didn't know why.
than you told me i changed.
Have you ever put yourself in my shoes before?
This is the last time i am ever talking about you in this blog.
Than you told me, you just wanted to be friends.
Was that supposed to make me happier?
i am on the verge or dropping my POA because,
i flunked my test.
because, i kept thinking about you.
you make me smoke so much i will probably get lung cancer before,
going to university or something.
i really dunno why you did this.
i mean like, do you see any joy, in doing this?
will you clap your hands when you see me in my grave?
you mean more than the universe to me.
i'll even screw up my o's for you.
but i really wanna know why you do this to me.
do you know how it actually feels?
or have you really lost feelings for me.
you tell me you still care.
but do you honestly?
or you just saying that to make me shut up?
you make me cry every single night!
and i really hate this feeling.
it's worst than pumping steriods into your blood.
or doing scarification.
its worst than getting a septum piercing.
but i guess you'll never know how that feels, right?
i don't wanna be friends.
i don't wanna contact in anyway.
i have deleted your pictures, or numbers, your everything.
i have even burnt the diary i never used.
even going to sim lim square reminds me of you.
remember the time, we got lost going to nafa?
remember the time we ate corn and cotton candy, at esplanade's waterfront?
remember sharing ljs?
remember on the eve of my birthday,
we walked from orchard to cityhall?
i miss holding your hand.
with your long fingers interlocking.
i miss your yummy lips.
against mine.
I miss your hugs.
I miss your voice.
I miss your sweet messages.
I miss everything about you.
I still love you so so much.
I'm sorry for always complaining that,
you don't show me that you love me.
Ma'arof, you just really changed my life.
Especially after the break up.
I know whatever i say now, won't mean a thing.
It won't change a thing.
And doing the dumbest things,
would just attract your attention negatively.
Making matters worst.
I hope you're happy with whoever your future girlfriend will be.
Typing more of this will just never end my tears.
I don't wish to add more fuel to the fire.
So let's never contact.
Goodbye, for good.

EDIT;}

you made so much promises.

were they true?

you never kept them.

you told me you would only break up, if i did something.

you told me, that you were planning on making me a v day gift.

did you mean it?

or did you think about breaking up even before making the gift?

if you read all this, reply me in msn.

i don't know how to get over you.

it's just too effin hard for me.

band or boyfriend.

i still haven't gotten over the fact that i WANT to start a band. like, SERIOUSLY. but you know what, i'm having O LEVELS this year. and i swear it's driving me crazy. There's so many reasons for me to just commit suicide or something but that's just being dumb ain't it.
art is probably the HARDEST subject to score in.
POA is just, speechless.
chemistry is like, whats up with the formulas.
maths is understandable:D
hahaha.

teacher thinks i should drop poa.
i really want to.
but i dont.
well whatever it is, i ain't dropping.
and MR CHIN wants to meet momsie.
like what the hell for?
he says it's cus' of my overall performance and attitude.
i have not committed any "crime" this year.
i actually think i'm much better than year than last year.
agreed people?
and he wants to talk to momsie.
most prob it's cus i failed badly for both poa tests.
but whatever youre an accounts teacher?
you ain't supposed to call parents down just for the sake of your favourite subject.
it's just, plain, biase?

i still cant get over you maarof.
i swear it's the hardest thing that ever happened to me.
i wanted you to come for passion arts even before we broke up.
and i still do.
but saying goodbye is just the hardest thing right now.
most of my friends tell me they're bringing their boyfriends.
and i just say, im gonna have another lonely passion arts, again.
but whatever.
it's never easy getting over a guy anyways right?

i still have to find shoes for passion arts.
any kind soul willing to spare me shoessss?
like pronto.

hahah, im typing away though no one reads.
it's just the dead-est blog ever.
i quit being a bitch.
HAHAHAH.[:

yesterday shopping with fee was gooood.
hahah.
i love love my dress[:
though its rather formal.
idc.
i still love it.
she bought less than 5 items but more than 100 bucks.
WE HAVE TO GO SHOPPING AGAIN!
:D
im serious.
and we didnt take pictures!
]:

happy valentines day honeys!

from best friends to strangers.

i really dunno what happened b/w us.
i still really miss you a lot.
when i read your blog, i realised you really didn't regard me as anyone to you anymore.
i know im a very immature best friend to begin with.
but were you actually being serious?
like, did you really mean from the bottom of your heart, that we were best friends?
or is it, on your 18th birthday.
you just realized that there are much more potential best friends out there, so you decided to ditch me?
do you know how it actually makes me feel?
yeah we were quarreling last night.
but do you really mean over as in over?
do you really just wanna wash me off your shoulders?
like period?
the things you said to me when i was at my lowest.
was it just cus' you didn't realize how much i'd be hurt?
or you just treat me like a normal aquaintance?
i wish i ever knew you.
i really do.
cause losing you, is as painful as losing my boyfriend.
it's actually more painful.
remember, best friends over boyfriends?
you might not, but i sure as hell do.
it's like, losing 2 precious things.
at the same freaking time.
i really feel like pouring out my heart and soul here right now.
but it's just pointless.
cus we're over.
im actually crying right now typing this.
you just give me the deepest impression that you never made me your best friend before.
you just deemed it as a status.
youre the first REAL best friend i actually loved.
and the first best friend i'd cry for.
the first best friend who i pour my heart and soul out too.
the first best friend i can share things with.
what happened to best friends forever?
sigh, or were they just empty words with no meaning?
if you really wanna be this way, than fine.
it's your choice.
goodbye fannie.

oh switzerland, where the sunflowers are the brightest.

one small thing, can affect me so much.
what the hell?
you're too busy with your other friends and some guy?
if you didn't regard me as best friend a long time ago,
i rather you be straightforward and tell me a long time ago too.
ah whatever.
i'm happy we're hi bye friends now.
after one shitty year.
eff this.
i know i have a temper problem.
but i ain't living to impress you anymore.
nor am i trying to match up to you.
oh byebye.

STUDYING ON A SATURDAY
zxomg.
byebye pwd D:
if ya'll could only perform in yishun.
i need a study buddy who lives in yishun.
anyone? ):

hmmm, anyone wanna buy wired hearts?
im selling and making.
i need business.
the piercing one seems much of a goner.
and my sister's english is even getting better than mine.
the words coming out from her mouth or so, chim.
are you my sister or a stranger?
mmmmmm.
i feel like a loser today.
wee~

my worst habit is texting one person everydayyyy.
sheryl, dont hate me for that D:
i've lost a best friend.
but i think i've found a new true blue friend.
sherylscene.
hahahah, i wanna hang out sooooon!
when D:
i know i say alot of freaking things like, almost all the time.
hahahah.
sorry uh.
it's a habit(again)
i cant say things properly.
like, when it comes out, it's just a bunch of rubbish.
we have HAVE to study one day tog.

im in school now.
waiting for sofia.
i wonder if she still remembers im here waiting for her.
am listening to Summer's Over now.
i think theyre preeettyy awesome.[:

gg facial later, i feel soo lazy to get out of this seat.
i wanna change, do i stills eem like that arrogant bitch?
if yes, please start listing.

Passion Arts Concert.

Venue: Republic Poly(woodlands)

Time: 7.30-9 plus.

Date: 27 Fec(friday)

Price: 8/10 bucks.

anyone interested?

[:
fannie hun, i would really appreciate it if you would come.