zomg,
i seriously couldn't concentrate during ANY one of my tests.
i just kept thinking about the both of them.
sigh.
what the hell is bloody wrong with me ???
sigh]:
i was reading my magazine bible.
i must forgive the both of them&still love them deeply.
sigh.
idk if i hv.
idk if i will ever.
i mean yeah i love them.
but everytime i think of them.
i just feel like crying.
dad's giving me much much more problems.
fuck him.
fuck this damn world.

sigh,
yst was the 5th night i cried.
why cant i turn off the tap.
its irritating me.
i dont wish to see you in the next 3 months.
i'll just break down&cry, again.
well i still love both of you dearly.
but crying i cant stop.
sigh.
the pain is unbearable.
whenever i think of both of you making out, i just break down.
sigh, why cant i just be fucking happy for both of you??!
gawd dammit!
sigh, im missing you dearly.
all i want now is a hug.
who can give me hug ?
when you're here in the next 3months, pls dont bother contacting me.
cus by then, i'll be even much sadder.
i fucking diss love right now.
sigh.
WHERE ARE MY CIGGS!??
gimme right now.

i really cannot believe ya'll would do such a thing.

maybe its my fault.

idk.

i never knew you both would have the heart to do it.

but nvm.

its all fucking done&over.

i really dont wann a say this but i hate seeing both of you together.

right now its as if a thousand knives are in my heart.

i know ya'll dont have the guts to tell me or whatsoever shit.

at least spare a thought for my feeling pls ?

you really dont knw how fucking pain it is to see your best best friend whom you thought really cared for you, actually do such a thing behind your back, &never wanted to tell you.

i dont wish to see you in another 3 months.

but i dont think i have a gawd damn choice right now.

during this 3mths we're sure gonna contact in some way.

&darling, you're my bestie.

i wanna say i hate you but youre my bestest best friend&i still love you.

why was i ever so stupid.

pls God just fucking kill me right now.

im fucking drowning myself in pills&liquor&ciggs.

i just wanna fucking kill this bloody body of mine.

noone cares, why should i.

you both dont seem to anyways.

well, i wish you 2 happiness.

&i hope you're fucking happy right now.

sigh, yst i cried myself to sleep.
idk why.
i almost cried when we last hugged.
why am i so attached to him.
he's gone now anw.
well, see you in another 3mths, lee.
i just love you too much]:
&right now, i see you blocking me.
maybe i'll just lay off.
sigh.
goodbye.

FUCK YOU

i fucking hate you.
what kind of father are you.
youre fucking discouraging me every single gawd damn min of my fucked up life.
who the fuck do you think you are to judge my friends.
i fucking hate you.
&im running away aft common test.
this time, i'll make sure you DONT catch me.
just fuck off dad.

sorry.

yes.
2post in one day.
firstly, i would like to apologise to f&l for the misunderstanding.
sigh, darling bestie, i know you only wanted me to be happy.
so you asked him to come.
please forgive me for my sudden attitude]:
l, im gagaing over you right now.
but youre going back.
sigh.
im sorry darlings!
forgive me]:

secondly, i would like to apologise to my mom.
im sorry for not understanding how you felt as a mom.
im sorry for always thinking that ya'll dont care&not seeing it from a mother's point of view.
i knw youre doing this for me.
&you always get shouted at because of papa's actions.
i knw right now, whatever you do, you'll always get the blame for it.
im sorry mama.
i really love you.
]':

tears.

not running away.
dad found out.
yst came home late.
stupid arty run.
wed went out with fannie.
met llyon.
yeah..
right now i have no mood to type shiat.
tmr going deafcon(:
sigh.

you're spending more time with him than me.
you talk about stuff with him that you dont even tell me.
sometimes i wonder if you care about my feelings.
well, i dont wanna show ya'll how fcking sad i am right now.
so i'll just act like im ok&fucking happy like some fuckturd.
i guess ya'll look cuter together.
well, i wish you both all the best, l&f.
sigh.
i really want you to knw how sad i am.
i want you see the boiling tears streaming down my face.
i hate it when i think of both of you.
right now, i dont feel like seeing any of you.
but i have no choice.
im still meeting both of you, tmr.
yes im bloody jealous.
im jealous.
im scared he'll fall for you&start ignoring me.
do you know how that feels.
you're so much prettier than me.
ahh, fuck my tears.
i hope you read this.
but i doubt you will.

im always fucking sad.
screw happiness.
screw enjoyment.
screw anything happy.
screw fucking love.

im so fucking sad right now.
after all your sweet messages&words.
i actually fucking LIKED you.
&now youre like fucking flirting with some other girl.
i bet youre telling her the same SHIT you told me.
&now its fucking hurting.
yeah, best way to show the girl you dont need her anymore.
why the hell did i even talk to you.
i seriously hate you.
screw my fucking stupidity.
you dont even read BLOGS.
let alone mine.
so who the hell cares what im spewing here right now.
i seriously hate you to the fucking core right now.
AHHH!
]'':


fucking common test next week.
teacher just told us theres like so many god damn chapters.
&aft friday.
idk.
my fcking life fcking suck balls!
ftw.
pardon my language.

monkeypoop.
im gonna break down&cry any moment.
lets all put our hands together,
&pray that dharshs dies of depression asap.
hallelujah.

why do ppl msg me when my bill is high.

&not when i just renewed my bill.

right now im crying my eyeballs out for no reason.

i do not know why.

i feel so heartbroken&sad deep down.

it feels like mfing SHIT.

you might think you understand how i feel.

but i can tell you straight in the face, YOU DON'T.

why is everyone trying to change my mind?

quit lecturing me.

i need a listening ear.

i need a shoulder to cry on.

not a fcking lecturer who looks down on me!

i don't get what you are trying to do.

do you want to bring me all the way down?

then you can go rejoice&start praising yourself.

im brutally beaten dead.

pls just go away&leave me alone.

todays a good day;D
in the morning, was late.
actually i was on the dot.
but lucky i was let off:D
went to the counsellor during recess..
talked long.
missed a period of maths[:
aft tt, had meeting.
for artillery run.
&met fannie&zee ard 1 plus.
went to northpoint, ate ljs while waiting for dear jannah.
damn i didnt knw she looked hott in skinnies&all black[:
fannie went to buy her band tee.
awesome stuff[;
zee was nice la.
he funny:D
lol.
left cityhall ard 5 plus 6.
JANNAH DEAREST! dont sad laa[:
everytime sisters like that.
mine also whaaaat.[:
hmm..
now im home.
LOL.
wth..
i sound so wierd writing in this way.
now, fishtank is playing at esplanade.
sigh.
one more week.
&i actually pre planned everything out.

everyones fcking enjoying ignoring me.
fck it.
i hate my fcking life.
no one fcking cares.
who the hell am i to fcking care?
just fcking kill me.
life is just so fcking full of bull.
this blog is so fcking dead.
im closing it soon.
fck it.

i seriously dont like valentines.

its just so darn lonely.

so please, stop drowning me in your fairytale story,

you just be happy with whoever youre with.

gah..

im bored.
as usual.
finding people to go out with me on 23rd.
lawl.
along with fannie,jannah,karlie&raman.
&yes im gonna run away on 22nd.
now, i just needa find a place to stay.
anyone?
&don't try changin my mind.
cus' im set on going for deafcon&exile&other gigs that day&the following days to come.
so idc.

schools ok;D
now, im thinking twice bout running away.
funny, mom&dad has been treating me nicer these past few days.
well mainly dad.
moms still her "i wanna make your life a living hell&live to tell the wonderful tale"
im meeting my school councellor this thurs:D
tmr vips are coming.
&im an usher.
yeah..
gah..
&thurs there's a rackee for atillery run.
lol.
&I CANT BRING MY PHONE!
wth..
gah//
i cant meet my darling valentine!
nvm, im meeting her on friday anws.
&sat's mom&dad's anni.
while sun is mom's bday.
sigh, havent planned anything for v day.
what am i gonna give!
roar.

it sucks when ppl DONT ans ur calls.

lol.

i shall learn to blog everyday when im online from now on.

since my blog is rotting anw, so i'll shall pour my heart&soul out.

cny has been alright.

i miss my grandpa]:

i really do.

i cried so badly last night thinking of him.

he died a few years ago.

every cny is so sad.

i miss my uncle too.

though im not so close with him,

i still do.

i cant forget his smile.

so many ppl are dying.

how fcked up is that.

it sucks.

every year just gets worst and worst.

i wonder who's next on the death angel's list.

i miss grandpa]':

mom and i seem normal now.

but she gets fed up with me alot.

went to visit dad's fren&family today.

it was ok[:

when we were otw home,

dad talked about us being stupid

&how stupid it is to argue with us.

blablabla.

&he enphaisesed on my attitude.

how much ive changed to be such a rebel.

&not allowing me to go out AT ALL.

&the sudden change in me putting on EYELINER.

&how much i look like a bloody minah.

&about my friends.

&studies.

&being irresponsible.

&the list just goes on&on.

im sick&tired of them.

this is the damn reason im running away before 23.

prob aft moms birthday.

i still love her.& i do wanna celebrate her birthday with her.

&im still searching for a councellor.

but idk where to even start.

this is ghastly.

im sick of the way im being treated.

you have driven me to DEPRESSION

and SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.

are you happy now?

thanks for slapping my face last night.

it made me realise you cant possibly my real parents

you dont love me

you HATE me

&you call this UNCONDITONAL LOVE
well i think this "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" is a total BULLSHIT.

i hate you.

i really really hate you.

i hope youre happy MOTHER.

im sick of the way im being treated.

you have driven me to DEPRESSION

and SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.

are you happy now?

thanks for slapping my face last night.

it made me realise you cant possibly my real parents

you dont love me

you HATE me

&you call this UNCONDITONAL LOVE
well i think this "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" is a total BULLSHIT.

i hate you.

i really really hate you.

i hope youre happy MOTHER.

im sick of parents.
im sick of sch.
im sick of everything.
&im running away during march hols.
&i don't give a shit.


DEAFCON10
DXO.
8bucks.
2-6.30
-bedroom utensils.
-cigg sex.
-knightsfall.
-peepshow.
-meza virs.
-blackstar.
-firebrands.

TheExile.
The Art House.
1-8pm.
10bucks.

i pray i can go out on that day.
than i'll go for both:D