UPDATES TO THY LIFE.

1. im quitting dare choir.
2. im joining WOW.
3. im starting my actually strict laureninininini's diet tmrw.
4. im gg nuts for work.
5. i screw up my r/s countless of times.
6. im the biggest complain queen ( EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT I SUPPOSE)
7. im missing my boyf terribly.
8. idk what you want me to do anymore D:
9. im dying for school to start.
10. im disappointing too many people.
11. sometimes i feel like committing suicide.
12. i feel so so distant away from my God.
13. christmas is coming and i dont look forward to it.
14. im buying my clamps from Finch this sat.
15. im starting the "piercing business" again.
16. work is driving me to my grave.
17. tuition even before o's even started? sigh.
18. all these makes from 1-17 except 7 makes me want to die, RIGHT, NOW.

my mom is killing me.
we haven't said I LOVE YOU since i was in p3.
you never once told me.
how much you love me as a daughter.
that youre proud of me.
that you never wanna loose me.
that i am so so precious to you.
that your love for me is unconditional.
but instead,
you emphasise how much im such a disgrace to you.
how much you adore scolding me.
how much you DONT want me to be your daughter.
that loosing me means nothing to you.
I, mean nothing to you.
im no one special to you.
im just some THING you picked from the rubbish.
you make me sad all the time.
you make me cry myself to sleep.
your my mother.
though others might see this as nothing.
and think that im just a big cry baby.
when i try to impress you,
you never seem to look.
but when i fall, you push me down.
down and down and down.
and you just walk away.
and let me rot.
i know i mean nothing to you.
i know im the biggest disgrace.
but please, i have feelings too.
your words really sting.
worst than a scorpion's sting.
worst than the desert sand in your eyes.
worst than a painful breakup.
worst than anything.
you're not fit to be my mother.
sigh.
please stop killing me mother.

idk if it works.
hopefully, yes.








I MISS MUHD MAAROF.
gabbie darling, im very sorry about grandmama.
i promise you i'll try visiting her!
& i'll pray.
i'll pray hard for you.
whatever happens, you know you can turn to meee;D
YOUR BESTIE!:D
I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH BBY!
i know how you feel.
my grandmama died.
i didn't even get to say my final goodbyes.
and it was too sudden.
she raised me when my parents were busy.
she was the one who made me smile.
even till now(before she died).
she has the most adorable smile.
and she's a rocking chic!
she has a scorpion tattoo.
she's th best thing that has ever happened to me.
when she died, i was alone.
but now, you won't be[:
not saying tht she will ( touch alot of wood)
whatever it is honey,
you still got me:D
& your guy.
and everyone else!
C:

i was bored.
so i took this from gab's blog.
:D

THY SELF.
[01] Name: dharsh.
[02] Nickname: dharshy; marshmellow; the emo geek.
[03] Married: in love yes.
[04] Zodiac Sign: libra.
[05] Gender: Female
[06] Age: 15
[07] High School: Northland Secondary.
[08] College: i wanna go to tp:D
[09] Height: 168cm.
[10] Weight: for me to know & you to never find out.
[11] Do you like yourself: hahah. dunno.
[12] Piercings: goodbye my lovers.
[13] Right or left: goodbye oh goodbye.
[14] Are you a freak : no.
[15] Hair: chestnut brown.
[16] Skin: tan i suppose. ehk.
[17] Allergic: to nothing.
[18] What are you doing now: finding songs.
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: go to yishun lib with momsie & popsie. :O
[20] What will you do 10 years later: married and spending money like nobody's business.

THE FAMILY
[21] Live with mother/father/parents: everyone.
[23] Eldest: not me.
[24] Youngest: ME ):
[25] Love/hate your family: both.
THE LOVE
[26] You found your another half: hell yeah. (:
[27] If yes, who is he/she: Ma'arof :D
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: no one.
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: 6
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): nope.
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): dunno.
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: think so.
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: alot of arguing.?
[34] Ever argue with your other half: lotsa times.
[35] You with your other half since: 18/09/2008
[36] Are you straight/gay: mix:D
[37] Reasons you love your other half: cus' he's my other half.
[38] You and your other half in which stage: uh stage.. 3/4? hahah.
[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo you: both!
[40] Ever think of marry him/her: yesm. :)


THE FRIENDS
[41] Your first best friend: Gabbie.
[42] Your first enemy: hahahah, SO MANY MAANSZXZXZX.
[43] The friend(s) you love the most: Gabbie & Billie & Sofee & Shaz.
[44] The enemy you hate the most (1only): I LOVE MY ENEMIES! hahahaha.
[45] Your most beautiful girl friend: i cant choose.
[46] Your most handsome guy friend: my boyf! counted?
[47] The kind of girl you hate the most: too stuck up backstabbing cunt.
[48] The kind of boy you hate the most: selfish and if his ego is bigger than his head.
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: yeah :/
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: nope.
[51] If your friend backstabbing you: than to hell with her sweet words, that whore.
[52] If your friend betray you: find out why and bitchslap her. HAHAHAH.
[53] If your friend woo your lover: i'll disfigure her and embarress her till she pees in her undies.
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: no chance maaanszxzxzx.
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: i did, kinda. {:

THE STUDIES
[56] Are you a good student: no.
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: hahaha, no.
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: none.
[59] Always late to school/college: nope.
[60] Your class: i dunnoe.
[61] You love your seniors: friendship love, yes. But now, I AM THE SENIOREST SENIOR! hahahahahahahah.
[62] Senior who you love the most: i dont have any.
[63] Your classmates good/bad: ave.
[64] Excellent result classmate: i dont really talk to them.
[65] Laziest classmate: and i still dont talk to them.

THE PEOPLE
[66] Smart people: einstein(however you spell his name).
[67] Stupid people: *waves hand frantically*
[68] Good looking people: everyone.
[69] Ugly people: *waves hand frantically, again*
[70] Funny people: YOU:D
[71] Cute people: emo, elmo's cousin.
[72] Bad people: i dunno lah, all the questions so wierd.
[73] Honest people: not me.
[74] Acting people: huh??
[75] You are what kind of people: Retarded & Hot tempered & Random.
THE PREFER
[76] Lip or eyes: eyes.
[77] Hugs or kisses: both.
[78] Shorter or taller: definitely taller.
[79] hesitant or spontaneous: spontaneous.
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: both.
[81] Listener or talker: both.
[82] Romantic or rich: romantic.
[83] Good wife or Good mother: both!

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get marry: 25.
[85] Numbers of kid(s): 3.
[86] Career: journalist & author.
[87] Salary: big big money!

[88] Retirement age: 40.

[89] Properties value: i dunnoe.
[90] Wishes: materialistic mind.

MY NEW FLEND:D
VELY NICE!:D
VELY PRETTY TOOO:D
we shall go for gigs tog next time!
HEHEHE:D










this 2 people here are the bestest people anyone could have.
i swear.
God blessed me big time:D
ILY BOOBEHS!


















im still fucking in love with him.
i love him more than food and marshmellows and piercings!:D























this is thanks to RIIN:D
cus' i wanted a sunflower.
PREETTTYY RIIIGHT!:D
SO MUCH THANKYOU LORSHZXZXZX.



:D
WORK IS KILLING ME
well so is tuition.
24/5 work and tuition.
i have no social life.
i HAVE NO life.
sigh.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20081113/tap-singapore-animal-zoo-incident-06f3cb7.html

whats with that dude lah.

wanna commit suicide,

why pollute other people's eyes.

zomg.

i love TRAVIS COTTRELL.

he makes me sing hallelujah.

[:

i love you boyfriend!

you made my day:D

spent 50 bucks plus plus at ARTBOX,

while waiting for billie.

met her, for like a few mins.

she bought her lunch.

than met boyf.

than headed to cityhall.

for nuts.

went to get his silver balls (HAHAH)

walked around.

went to the singapore river.

it's beautiful. {:

took like THREE pictures there.

my hair was like a mad mop

went to penin before that.

and i bought a beautiful checkered pouch.

and a guitar pendant,

while syg got his behemoth shirt.

yes it's very anti christ.

and i dont mind you wearing that out[:

went to the river,

bought corn and candy floss.

and coke.

hahahahahah:D

met shanu for a while to pierce her ear.

zomg, i love today!

you're my everything baby.

my bestiee says i need time.
time is the most precious thing in a relationship.
oh how much i dearly hate time.
i wish it'd just go by faster.
hahahah.
IM HAPPY TODAY:D
idk why.
nd im staying like this till in 107 years old:D
am starting work next week.
so is the mon-sat tuition shit.
a big SIGH to that.
am loving my boyf even more.
am loosing the closest darling i ever had.
as many would say it's "parts and parcels of life"
it's prob the biggest lie anyone has told me.
GOODBYE LOVERS:D

sigh.

EDIT:}

seriously DAD, stay out of my life.

i've had it with you, literally.

leave me alone.

im gonna start changing.

from head to toe;D

by june next year, i swear

i'll be a totally different person.

im gg anoe(yeah right)

i will try my best to go anoe.

im fucking crazy for leopard prints & bows.

big bows,

small bows.

dead bows.

bright bows.

bows bows bows!

im gonna change to be an extra hyper person.

no more with all tht shitty crap.

and no more an attention seeker.

i might even change my accent!
hahaha.

wtf.

i wont rant me being bored anymore,

till someone says it first:D

now weight is pulling me down.

deeper and deeper to the pits of depression.

piercings are a goner.

"emo" ness tht people depict in me, is dying.

i will stop swearing, unecessarily(however you spell that)

i'm gonna stop lying.

im gonna do well for my o's next year(i pray i do)

im gonna get freedom that i need.

and actually feel better about myself!

goodbye, love.

im writing this to my one and only.

every night before i sleep.

i think abt you.

what we talked abt or did tht day.

we usually end our day with arguments.

with which dont mean a thing.

& yet, i make the biggest fuss out of it.

tht day you got your septum.

i think i was probably more nervous than you are.

i still have that video.

partly, you did it for me.

i was so darn happy.[:

you were even willing to be my "customer"

and you wanted me to pierce.

i was so touched.

i effin' love your septum!

everyday, i stare at your pictures for long, minutes.

rmbr when we first met?

we were dead silent.

and we were extremely shy.

we sat on 812.

and went on rounds.

you didnt like it, yet you didnt say anything.

and than there was a lot of laughter.

i kept taking your phone cause i didn't know,

what to say.

i was dead nervous,

probably worst than you were.

i was sad when we bade goodbye.

now when we meet, we still hug.

and you're super tall.

while i feel short.

i wanna hug you tightly.

like never before.

oh rmbr the day before my bday, we went for a walkathon.

when it wasnt really much of a walk-athon.

yes our feets were aching.

and we ate tht yummy kinder suprise!

i still have that toy.[:

it was like our first official date.

and when we were at the food court, you bothered asking me.

if i wanted to have milo dinosaur.

that is my favourite drink!

& i love LOVE the pouch you bought for me.

you know im a loser for stars & leopard prints.

and now bows.

as i am typing this, im smiling like an love sick child.

and listening to your call by secondhand serenade.

there's so so much more i can type here.

i want to last forever with you.

i dont want us to give up on each other.

even if you stopped loving me, i'd never stop loving you.

you're the balloon i'll never let go.

the marshmellow i'll never eat.

the toy i will never ditch.

i love you more than marshmellow & chocolate fondue.

i love you more than milo dinosaur.

i love you more than elmo.

i love you more than crazy sex bands.

I *inserts biggest heart* YOU MA'AROF!

i love love opera singers.
esp male ones.
i love the way they project their voice.
the way the make it so darn beautiful.
its so loud & strong.
the way they put everything tog.
the recent opera male singer who died.
he's my fav.
sigh, oh how i wish to attend one of their
beautiful concerts.

TOC IS SO SCREWED!
just when singapore had a miracle.
the whoevers had to screw up everything.
you're disgracing singapore.
you're throwing away our faces.
didn't you ever know we were kiasu??
DXO???
what happened to fort canning?
AGE LIMIT??
wth is wrong with ya'll.
thanks for killing our enthusiasm of few weeks.

lost a good friend.

you choose her over me.

i totally get it(i think)

well im trying to.

& happy being the IN couple.

lost my fav hairband.

wtf, i really need it.

cus' it means smthg to me.

spent tooo much moolah.

so much i need to "top up"

i probably have spent at least 200+++ bucks on things i HAVENt used.

wow right?

im thinking of selling em'.

but it'll be darn mafan.

i want a.. no wait, i NEED a texting buddy, i swear!

it's fucking boring.

what's the use of free unlimted messages, & no one to text.

it's a damn bitch i tell you.

i'm sick & tired of studying more than 6 hours a freaking day.

i rather be standing under the hot sun for 24 hours than study.

it's the bloody holidays and im studying?

im sick of being grounded & bitched abt & doubted.

it fucking stinks.

i love my boyfriend.

i swear i do.

he's the only reason i'm still breathing.

i hate having parents who love criticizing me.

i know im fat, you dont have to exaggerate

& hurt my damn feelings(if i still mean anything to you)

went out with darlingss yst.

im moody.

it was good.

finally get to meet them!

i miss ya'll so fuckg much.

lets go out soon again.

hopefully in dec.

if i dont get my fucking freedom by dec.

i swear over my coffin, tht i'll jump down a 2 storey building.

i dont care if i break my bones & get paralysed.