okay this is my mature post.
after blog hopping.
honestly, we tell ourselves, its okay to be fat.
but im being a fckg hypocrite.
cos i've had a fair share of bad experiences myself.
i used to be so obssessed and desperate after breaking up with mrf.
yes i never been single for that long actually.
and so far, i only have had one REAL relationship.
yes my first real one.
anywho, i had many bad experiences.
th dude ignores me after meeting me,
th dude PRETENDS not to see me, though i clearly see him.
th dude acts all nice and after that just totally ignore me.
th dude just fckg ignores me after i tell him my weight.
you know what dudes out there, i dont tell you my real weight.
cos' i wanna see are you a typical boy, or a real man.
of course, the normal reaction will be.
"you should exercise everyday."
"eat one meal a day."
"you should do running and a lot of jumping and sit-ups."
i swear i am SERIOUSLY sick of this shit.
so now, my aim is to lose weight by 11.11.2009.
i don't wanna give two hoots even if exams are coming.
it's just one day.
people always go why are birthdays so special.
idk, i just feel a year more mature.
like, a new year resolution is born.
y'know what i mean?
i won't speak in detail of my bad experiences here.
talk to me if you wanna know more.
i'm sure you'll have a way.

i come from the most shit ass family.
stop asking me to hang out.
cos i can't.
i don't wanna meet any new people till 11.11.2009.
apart from the usuals.
i can't be bothered with having friends.
who's there when i need one the most?
i can't be bothered bout why people hate me.
it's like, why the hell do i wanna do shit to impress you?
i wanna lose weight cos' i have zero confidence.
i can't take the criticisms or stares anymore.
those who are not skinny reading this would know what i mean.
i'm not a strong person.
i can't take this.
i give in to pressure too easily.
i won't find love.
i want love to find me.
i won't rush into any relationships.
and yes, i do have a lot of guy friends.
but not close guy friends.
well little real girl friends.
ah whatever.
kthxbye.

fck guys who go for looks.
fck your fcking ego.
this is a fckg post dedicated to fckers who are blind.
so what if we're fat?
are we there horrible to look at?
if yes, what if every girl was fat?
or that particular SKINNY girl was a fckg slut?
you gonna fck her and actually marry her fkcg slut?
not only am i pissed, im abhored.
to this particular dude.
who hurt my babycakes feeling.
you know who you are.
who the hell are you to judge people?
okay you have your fckg rights. idc.
but the way you treat her is seriously, typical, lame, and inhumane.
you think this solves everything?
think again fcker.
what if era was a fckg stick with big boobs and huge ass.
you gonna date her ?
i swear you'll regret this.
just wait.
youre not a man.
youre a boy.
a typical, selfish, boy.
whatever, you know who you are.
i hope karma slaps you in the face not once, not twice, a MILLION times.
yes im fckg pissed now.
i hope you read this.
lets see how well you do next time.

I HATE FRIDAYS _|_

i have lost weight (:
many more kg to go.
and since i ate mee soto and charsiew rice in school,
im going to go running. or the cycling thingy without sitting thingy at home.
and im gonna be at least 55-60kg by 11.11.09
my birthday (:
buy me gifts.
tyvm.
lets go stealing >:)

i love era (:
hahah.
and hor, i realised i irritate people.
okay sorry people.
(L)

1.Besides your lips,where is your fav spot to get kissed?
forehead. heh.

2.How do you feel when you woke up this morning?
fckcheebehbbqwtfszxzxzxzx.

3.Who was the last person you took photo with?
sofiaaaaa.

4.Would you consider yourself spoilt?
i guess.

5.Would you ever donate blood?
if needles didn't have to be insterted, yes i would.

6.Have you ever had a bestfriend of the opposite sex?
yes, for a very short period of time.

7.Do you want someone dead?
yes.

8.What does your last message says?
nazree- Haha, Seriously! I always hate when people talk abt Passing ur N. Haha.

9.What are you thinking about right now?
after losing weight. fck yeh (:

10.Do you wish someone to be with you now?
yes ):

11.What time did you go to bed last night?
idk -.-

12.Where did you buy the t-shirt you are wearing now?
free.

13.Someone on your mind now?
yes.

14.Who was the last person that texted you?
nazree.

15.Tag 8 random person to do this survey.

1. Best F.
2. Cassie.
3. Julie.
4. Nazree.
5. Yantoi.
6. Zoohighree.
7. Jaslin.
8. people i tag ah, some no blog. (:

i wanna buy shorts from cotton on.
&
get full sleeve and a monroe/medusa.
fck yeh!
i got my idea from khai. thankyou khai (:

I FCKG LOVE YOU NURWADA:D

sigh, right now i think you just don't wanna be friends.
dw, i won't disturb you anymore.
i feel like i try and try but you just don't seem to care.
maybe i really do have an attitude problem.
i really wanna be that friend you always talk to,
that friend whom you can like hang out and cheer you up.
shizz like that.
but,
E, you dont have to reply me either.
i'm okay with it.
i just won't try to hard anymore (:

1. What's your room colour?
` whiteish apple green.

2. What's your actual height?
` 167

3. If you are told to get married quick, what will you do?
` i'll listen to my heart. (duh)

4. If your boyfriend or sister(s) would say " break up", what's your reaction?
` whuuuutt.

5. If your brother would be in jail, what will you do?
` i dont have one.

6. If your boyfriend or girlfriend would end up in hospital & in coma, what will you do?
` i'll run to his bed side and hold his hand and whisper ily. or i'll do hand sign if he cant talk.

7. If you saw someone stripless whats your first reaction?
` HAHAH. funny sehhh.

8. Last person you chat with?
` ash.

9. Whose the last person who texted you and what?
` yat- tell fannie m otw to gombak now.

10. What's on your playlist now?
` august burns red- barbarian.

11. The last thing you ever brought at a shop?
` i cant remember ):

12. What's the most silly/cute thing your boyfriend or girlfriend last did?
` bought me eeyore (L)

13. It's white and sticky. what is it?
` roasted ME! (marshmellows, to those who knows me as that.)

14. A romantic dream. Would you like it to be happen to you?
` hell yes.

15. Give 10 people that you wish to do this survey.

veron.

pris.

cassie.

best f(but yes i know you did it already-.-)

tiara.

julie.

wawa.

sheryl.

yantoi (heheheh -.-)

zoooooo ( yes i know you dont have a blog anws)

16. Right now, what you wish to be happening to you?
` lose fckg weight.

17. If you caught boyfriend or girlfriend in red handed in having affair?
` bitch slap her, double bitch slap him.

18. If your mum gave you a thousand dollars, what will you do?
` go do the slimming thingy and fckg shopping.

19. Right now, what are you thinking?
` why isn't my babycakes replying me ):

20. What is a thing that you want to burn so much, right now?
` eeyore.

23. Do you wish someone to be by your side, right now?
` yes.

24. Which country would you want to go?
` venice, amsterdam.

25. Would you ever wish to kiss someone else?
` my future boyf, duh.

26. Your friend list, if you would lost one friend what will you do and who?
` i've lost waay to many friends, so idk.

27. If there's young baby on your doorstep, what will you do?
` make him/her my child.

28. If your girlfriend or boyfriend got you pregnant, what will you do?
` HAHAH, whuuuut.

29. What's the last sweet thing your loved ones ever did to you?
` make me very very happy.

30. What would you want to happen the next morning you woke up?
` to look slim literally.

ps:ty era bbycakes.

im monotonous today (:
okaythxbye.



few minutes later...
to priscilla.
what happened hon.
are you okay?
you say you are but i know it's impossbile that you are.
it's been like a year/less/plus that you both been together.
and this, honestly is totally unexpected.
would you care to share honey?
i promise im the best listening ear.
i may not be that close friend.
or rather, just an aquaintance.
but you were there for me when my guy broke up with me,
so i want to be there for you now.
our friendship still means A LOT to me,
though we hardly contact now.
sigh, talk to me love. ):
i won't say cheer up cos' i know it doesn't help.
even i kinda get irritated when people say that to me.
i might not understand how heartbroken you feel now,
cos the love between you both is much stronger than mrf and i.
let it out, cry it out.
don't let this whole break up affect you so badly, cos' JC is pretty tough on you.
yeh i still read your blog all the time love.
ily.
*hugs*

i hate it when you say you'll be my texting buddy.
well we all know that'll never happen.
i hate making new friends, cos they treat me as HIBYE friends.
well more like uh, BYE friends.
i know ya'll are busy.
but at least a simple i'll ttyl would be nice.
sorry it's so hard.
thanks for being so mean anyways, 'texting buddies'.
well fck this shit.

went out to burger king, to study.
with wenting and wawa.
tyvm wawa syg for coming (:
we're all big, but we still love gagaing at guys.
betul tak;D

what i must acomplish by 11.11
-loose weight.
-loose mfing weight so much so that i look different.

what im gonna do after 11.11
-go out.
-have soandso dharshy days.
-its not too early to pick dates with me bby (:
-yes i do love booking people 4 months in advance, no i dont think it's too early.
-well hopefully by then i spent my money/freedom wisely.
-i probably wont be that obsessed on finding a boyf by then (:
-even if i do, he can never flirt, and not have a lot of ex girlfriends.
-weeee;D



few minutes later...
ballad for layla's gonna split.
wtf?!
guitarist dude of BFL, i dont know you AT ALL,
but from what i heard, youre an asshole.
sigh, whatever.

i'm still awaiting my shirt,
and diamond necklace.
bestiee&yat, save your money.
dont spent.
just do what i said.
trust me, it'll work.
don't be stubborn anymore.
if you don't wanna go to court,
you'll clear your shitty debt nowwww.

i wanna move to switzerland,
go through a whole makeover, physically.
and change my name.
and i'll be a totally different person.
so people will stop discriminating me.
i hate being discriminated.
i know i'm fat.
i don't need you telling me
"you should exercise"
"oh you should go on a diet!"
"you should seriously eat lesser"
"eat like one meal a day!"
eh, do i look like some idiot to you??
don't you think i know that, i'd have tried that?
i tried being anoerexic, bullimic,
and i sure as hell dont need shit from you.
call it advice, or whatever, you ain't the first dude.

everyone's out, nobody's fckg replying.
yay me.
this is why i'm so moody all the time.
ya' dig?

hello to nobody.
yeh i feel so much of a loser that idk if anyone still reads this.
i mean it.
yes i self proclaim myself, a loser.

12.11.2009- outing with lulu syg (:
13.11.2009- outing with era honbunbun (:
17.11.2009- best friend day with, best friend. (:

thats all so far.
so please lina chan, alice chainsaw, eisha bby, wawa syg, veronini, alin, asyraf, liya honey, heed, jaslin, sheryl babe, jenna, juliah, julie muffins, khai peewee, laulau, lynette!, maha, prisusu, sasa rabia, tiara, shar, syed, taufiq, zyzy, zack, yakuzi, syad, and everyone who i promisd to hang out with after o's.
i know some here, i have never talked to since, forever.
but still, i wanna hang out with ya'll after o's.
pretty please?



alice and uan look so adorable tog,
with those big big eyes. (:

era honey bun bun, yes im anticipating that boyf/guyf hunting day with the hennas and blowing bubbles and chainsmoking. pretty please dont torture yourself anymore. he doesnt care. honestly, he doesnt. from my point of view, he doesnt care. no matter what excuse he gives you now, its just an EXCUSE, it aint true. he can say i lost my phone or smthg. but he is just lying. i know im mean saying this but he doesnt care. so why waste your efforts on him? ive been there yet not gotten over it yet. one step at a time. like gab always say, smile, the whole world wants to see your teeth bby (: hoohaa.

lulu, thankyou for being soooo nice to me.
even if i give you that heck care attitude.
youre such a darling to me and i love you bby (:

sonny is so nice to me though i just started talking to him.
he's my ff&f (:

arief, you're a true friend i swear.
tyvm (:
even if you cant make it later.


i don't wanna say i've given up.
cus' i haven't.
i even stopped buying starbucks no matter how bad the craving gets.
i've been straightedge for half a month already.
fckg record.
i want a guy friend who treats me special.
not over text.
in reality bitch.
sigh.
i just miss being hugged.
i miss holding hands.
im at my most crucial year and i just need someone badly now.
but screw this desperation.
bestf says i should enjoy singlehood.
whats there to fcking enjoy??
sigh.