big hunormous painful sincere remorseful sorry.

firstly, yst was prob one of the worst days of my life.
mom found out about my tongue piercing.
yes she walked away when she saw it after whacking me on my arm.
alot of drama took place.
i couldnt take it out cus' the ball bearing was too tight.
cried like a mad dog in the car.
she too cried.
than, all my wrong doings slapped me in the face.
she told dad.
he even wanted me to get a haircut.
of course, my phone was taken away.
so, i quietly took out my septum & naval.
byebye.
i promised her i wont disfigure my body anymore.
& this time, im meaning it.
im really really sorry i did all tht to you.
in the car, i finally understood the pain you were going through.
im sorry for being such a terrible daughter you would call a delinquent.
i even tried running away when she stopped at a&e.
than she called me to stop.
i felt like just killing myself!
i hated myself BEYOND HATE.
sigh.
now, i just cant wait for everything to subside,
& i get my phone back.
i really felt like running away.
right now, i have to make myself hate piercings.
idk how, but i eventually will.
God save me, im begging you. D:
right now, mom thinks im crazy & of course,
she's talking behind my back to allll my relatives.
saying what an evil child i am.
how rebelious i am.
how crazy i am.
what the fuck can i do. (:


MA'AROF.
im sorry D:
please forgive me.
im sorry for hurting you so much.
i really dunno what to say.
i still have yet to call you.
sigh.
mom's taking leave tmr & wed.
fuckit.
i really want you to understand what im going through.
im sorry D:
sigh!
idk what the hell im even doing now D:
im really sorry i cant text.
goodbye, (L)

{edited;}

im giving up on life.

im giving up on DREAMS.

im giving up on what i want.

im giving up on my family.

im giving up on studies.

im giving up on love.

im giving up completely.

im throwing away my dignity.

(if i actually had any)

i want to receive surprises on my birthday.

what happened to love letters, scented with perfume.

& pretty sunflowers?

or rare black roses.

what happened to whispers of i-love-yous.

what happened to hand-made gifts of love?

what happened to the oldies?

NO MORE PIERCINGS TO HIDE.

NO MORE PHONE FOR AT LEAST TWO MONTHS.

DONT TEXT.

SCHOOL INVASION TOUR FINALE.

the school invasions tour finale has been finalised! its on the 14 sept, a 4-5 hour show. it's gonna be held at republic poly (woodlands) and tickets are going for 12 bucks for presale & 15 for the door. bands like AVA, caracal, west grand, thre firefight, allura, electrico, etcetc are playing! im not selling the tix. but im just publicizing it :D
ahahahah.
today is not nice.
sigh.
everyday isnt anws.
ice skating!
HERE I COME!


i havent(have) got over you.
sigh.
seeing a smile beside my name,
i feel sooo touched.
sigh.
im the only one with the smile!
ahahah.
im gonna ask you out for sheesha sooon!
during the looong hols!
ahahah[:

IM SORRY KIDDI!
sorry for the mean things i said.
i miss you very very much.
i miss your messages.
i miss going out with you.
i miss talking rubbish with you.
i miss your retardness.
yes youre still more wierd than me {:
I JUST MISS EVERYTHING ABT YOU!
im really really sorry D:
pls forgive meeeee.

i read your blog, yeh.

you seem so arrogant.

since when were you like this?

yeh, im being honest.

you never seemed to treasure our frienship.

just cause i didnt do what you wanted me to do,

youre doing this ?

my heart is so numb for you right now.

was i ever so stupid to even think of you as a best friend?

youre finally showing your true colours.

thanks for the sarcasm in your blog.

ive said enough apologies,

which arent meant for me.

i cant stop crying.

yeh im a big baby.

you know why?

cus i actually THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND.

I THOUGHT YOU CARED FOR ME.

but i guess im wrong.

you even seem so NORMAL after this?

only an idiot wouldnt know what it all means.

im shoving down all these fucking fake memories down satan's throat.

guess what, youre walking out on this cus youre gutless.

good luck on hurting your next best friend.

im praying karma slaps you hard in the face.

to fannie/kid/gabbi gore.

im sick of your shit alr.

im alw apologising but you dont give a damn.

im sick of alw snooping down just to make you happy.

you dont wna be bestiees anymore FINE.

im sick of swallowing shit tht you throw in my face.

when i ask you to do smthg & you dont want to, you'll just shout

in my face saying it's your life i cant control it why the hell i

care blablabla.

well im telling you this now.

its MY fucking life.

i dont need YOUR approval to do ANYTHING.

i DONT want to runaway.

SO WHAT???

yeh im sorry for breaking my promise of running away.

i DIDNT think of the consequences.

now i am.

its my fucking choice.

so no point getting mad over it right?

i dont want to hurt my parents.

i dont want alot of things.

but i guess you wont actually stop for a minute,

& think about my feelings right?

you wouldnt even consider, for one moment,

the position im in.

have it ever occured to you,

that most things i do,

i do cus' i dont wanna get you pissed?

the things i did got me into trouble.

i loved you so much as a bestiee.

but you dont really see how big that love is(was).

i dont want to do anymore things just to please you.

secondly, i couldnt help you pierce on fri

cus i was so fucking sick.

i didnt even go to sch for gawd sake.

so i postponed it to saturday instead.

when i thought i was going for CIP instead.

so i could help you pierce at the same time

you were alr pissed at tt point of time.

so again, i DID apologise countless of times.

last minute, my schm8 msged me, telling me that

i had some prefect course i had to go to & it was compulsory.

so i text you & told you i couldnt pierce for you.

i tried calling but you nv picked up.

i knew by then you were too fumed to talk t me anymore.

so the next day, sat, i called you a few times but FINALLY you answered.

it was aft my course.

so you gave me that fucked up attitude.

i was like wtf.

i didnt say anything.

you couldnt even say BYEBYE when i said BYE?

is it that fucking hard ?

you sounded as if i was such a fucking pain in the neck.

if i am you could have just TOLD ME.

when i was with raman.

i was spending more time with YOU than with him.

he was disappointed and even complained

that i wasnt even spending enough time with him.

but still, you felt that i was neglecting you.

even HE could tell that i WASNT neglecting you!

if you said i was neglecting you then,

how would i feel now?

youre treating me MUCH WORST than i treated you last time!

well im sure you never notice it.

& im happy that you've found your true love.

youre alw venting out your anger at me.

& i dont even fucking complain.

i still just take all your fucking shit.

have you ever ONCE, just once, considered abt MY feelings?

at least think, how I would feel?

you yourself know how fucking sensitive i am.

but i guess you dont care.

& what happened to besties for LIFE?

im guessing again that that's just one of your

meaningless lines huh.

like BESTIES OVER BOYFRIENDS.

im tearing as im typing this shit.

& i dont even know why.

i dont have to live up to YOUR expectations.

and do everything you expect me to do.

cus i dont wanna care anymore.

you got so many people ard you much better than me.

so loosing me probably wont me a single thing to you.

now i wanna end all this.

we're fucking through.

i dont even wna regard you as a friend.

thats how much ive had it from you.

im not gonna be that dummy you throw your temper at.

im not gonna be tht fucking bitch or your so called "sister"

who takes YOUR shit.

youre sick of my shit anw.

well guess what BESTIEE, SO AM I.

true, im gonna miss those times when we both were single.

walking ard cityhall like some hooligan.

getting finch pissed at us cus we stayed there

for no reason.

and theres so much more!

since youve been attached,

i was left on the shelf to rot.

too bad it's ending this way.

this is very harsh i know.

but im straightforward.

youve pushed me off the cliff.

now im having my say.

being sick is a bitch.
i had to "postpone" w my "appt" with lina's friend for a tongue piercing.
so i changed it to tmrw, saturday.
but i just found out that i have prefects thingy at SMU at SEVEN am in the morning.
*gasp.
till 1.30.
if i went for CIP, i could have helped him pierced.
so now, it's repostponed to next fri.
the first day of baybeats.
now, for kiddi bestiee.
im sorry i pissed you off soo badly. D:
im sorry i cant pierce for you tmrw.
i know you're soo mad at me you wouldn't even answer my calls.
im really sorry, i promise, & this i really mean.
i'll help you pierce die die by next week.
mon/fri.
you choose.
im really sorry.
sorry darling D':



septums are like so common now.
i feel like taking out mine.
i can finally play w my barbel:D
im gonna get another tongue piercing soon.
gah, now piercings are the "in" fashion thingy.
whatever you do, people will prob just copy you.
or say you're a poseur.
you cant find your own identity in singapore.

MY TONGUE BURNS!

shhhhhittt.

i cant pronounce shhh.

MAAROF, STOP TEASING ME.

NOT FUNNY.

&& im sick.

D:

*awwwwww*

& imma nt gg to sch tmrw.

means no piercing.

means not meeting kid bestieeee.

kid bestiee: sorry i made you so pissed D:

pls dont be angry at me anymore darling D:

CIP on saturdayyyy!

piercing then.[:

GO FOR ARTROCK!

ppl who're gg, text meee!

im going toooo!:D

i want green skinnies!

so on christmas, i can wear a black top & greeniesss[:

-.-'

im selling alot of stuffs!

hmm, THE FIRST WOULD BE MY SKULL JACKET!

any buyers??

:D

text meee!

i need a new jacket that isnt so big & skull-ish.

not that i dont have a fetish for skulls anymore.

i still do!

i wna find a skull clutch.{:

but im becoming more GIRLY:D

zomg my tongue so itchy i feel like biting it!

shhhhoooottt.

& dimsum on sun morn!
HOW TO EAT!?

oh shhhhhhoooott!

REASON IM NT GOING FOR BAYBEATS.

firstly & most importantly,

IM NT RUNNING AWAY, thats why i cant go.

the only reason i said i COULD go was cus' i actually planned on running away.

but now, i change my mind.

well thats the only reason im nt gg.

thats why there's

"byebye baybeats D:"

on my msn's pm.

that's the first part.

now to the second part.

WHY IM NT RUNNING AWAY.

most people would know, well it's a little common sense.

my parents will get very very VERY worried.

where would i sleep/change/shower?

what would i drink/eat?

what if my ribena comes?

how would my parents feel?

what would they do?

how will they think of me or my friends?

what will they do in the end?

what about alllll the school stuff imma having?

what about church?

what about the consequences?

this is to kiddi bestiieeee.

i really dont wanna hurt my parents anymore than i alr have.

mom is having some illness due to stress from

getting angry at me every single day.

i lost soo many family members close & dear to me.

i dont wanna loose her too.

i want to gain her trust.

i want her to look as me as a good daughter.

so when i go to poly or after my o's.

i CAN go out till late at night, prob by 10/11

LIKE MY SIS DOES(did)

i hope you understand my darling most favourite

top bestest ever bestiee.

ilyvvvvm like a sister!

im sorry for alw breaking my promises.

yes i really DID NOT think before saying all that crap.

im really really sorry D:

thinking..

thinking...

I PIERCED MY TONGUE!

met izwannyyy & twinneh & twinneh's twinny &

they followed me :D

heheheheh.

IMYVVVM TWINNEH!

finally get to meet you AGAIN:D

heheheh.

went to finch's to get it.

he's like super nice to me laahsxz[:

okeh it wasn't as pain as i thought it would be.

next stop, SMILEY:D

or a dermal anchor!

lolinessss;D

this fri, piercing for kid darl a monroe,

& lina's flend, a tongue :D

honestly, i have no mood to lie or go out anymore.

GAH.

BYE BYE BAYBEATS//

when you really need your best friend,
or your soul mate.
or someone you can really count on to be there for you.
is he/she actually there?
okeh, dont talk about BEST friends.
how about friends?
what do you call them when they ditch you?
or where are they when you really need them?
they only come to you when you have smthg THEY want.
& just throw you in the dumps when they alr GOT what they want.
& they'll start giving you the lamest & stupidest excuses,
why they're ignoring you,
which somehow or rather,
hurts your feelings deeply.
im tired of alw trying to cheer people up.
or alw being tht pillar for them.
but what happens when the pillar itself
crashes?
if tht pillar is gone, whats gonna support you?
if tht pillar is dead, whats gonna support you?
if tht pillar retires, whats gonna support you?
wheres MY pillar?
best friends claim to be best friends.
but when you really need them.
they're all gone.
my "friends" or "bestoes" or "besties" say they'll
be there whenever i need them.
but are they?
those who read this.
please ask yourself honestly.
in the end ya'll apologise.
& i love ya'll to death for tht.
but thts not the time i really need you.
this is.
NOW, is.
im crying so badly & i dn even know why.
i wish i had friends who WOULD stick with me through
my worst times.
this is post is not going out to ALL of my friends.
just some.
i love you all.
but im not gonna be your pillar till the day i die.
cus the pillar sooner or later, will get worn out.
cus the pillar will need her own pillar.
God all i need is you now.
you seem to disappear when i really need you.
i seem to have lost faith in you.
you never seem to be there.
you dont answer my prayers.
you dont answer my pleas.
what do you really answer.

yeh i was prob high on drugs when i wrote the previous post.

i (used) to like a guy whom i shant name.

i have been since the day i got to know him.

he knows i used to like him.

but he doesnt know i still do.

he likes a new girl from his sch.

& when he told me this.

i got really sad.

soon, imma be the last few in his featured frens.

i wish he knew how much i really really like him.

but i dont wish to see him in 2/3 weeks time.

i dont wish to contact him anymore.

but is it even possible?

maybe i wont talk to him.

maybe he'll just forget tht hug i supposedly owe him ?

& you know what the stupidest thing is,

i have never met him before.

HA!

see how stupid i am.

he'll nvr knw.

how i really feel.

for tht long long time.

im gna tell him to read all these in a mere few mins.

& he prob thinks im some drag!

like those kinda despo bitches or shit.

im not even that close w him!

like wtf am i saying.

im really really sad now.

why the hell am i saying all this ?
i should be feeling guilty & selfish at this point of time.

i broke the most wonderful guy's heart.

i lied to him countless of times.

im guessing my readers can tell.

i broke up w patience.

why?

cus i dn wna lie to him anymore.

he's treating me so so wonderfully.

& im not.

he loves me so so much.

& im just lying to him further & further.

the things i said are not lies.

i meant every single word i say.

but as days go by,

so does my feeling towards you.

im staying single till aft o's.

i hate love.

God save me ]':

im stressed.
w all the shit happening at home.
outside.
on planet mars too.
can't you smell my torment.
feel the pain?
you might not know how important,
that rectangular object.
so small yet so complicated.
it might mean nthg to you(&i sure it means everything to you)
it means more than you think it does,
to me.
you will never know.
cus' you will never try.
to know how i feel.
what i feel.






well i havent been using the comp in ages.
to people out there.
DONT MESSAGE M PHONE.
whatever you do, just dont.
now im so burnt & chaotar.
so pain lahsx!
& its only 2 days of camp.
imagine three.
SIGH.
to kid bestiee,imyvm & i have soo many things to tell you right now!
sigh.
to cassie twinneh, call me asap k?
i have soo many things to tell you too!
pls dont get too drunk.
to ang peisheng, i wont be able to see you for weeks!
sigh, every night im thinking of you D:
it's terrible.