sucks to be me

i hate it when i like someone, he dont feel the same way
i hate it when i like someone, that person suddenly disappears though it's been only a few days
i hate it when i like someone, that person lies to me.
i hate it when i like someone, he ignores and ditches me just like that.
seriously, why the fuck is this happening to me.
i feel like crying.
i hate being lonely.
i hate feeling so alone.
i hate this fucking feeling.
no im not going to fucking cry
i hate staying at home.
coz its the most lonely pathetic thing in my life right now.
i dont think i can permanently quit smoking.
coz smoking is my only companion.
even friends disappear after a while.
right?
im just being a serious pessimist and hating every damn thing about life.
wait, i have no fcuking life.
(Y)

come home, first thing get slapped.
thanks, thanks a lot mama.

you are an ifatuation.
all i said was 'i think i'm falling for you'
sigh.
i regret.
you're just different.
well to me you seem that way.
i'm sorry i'm clingy.
i can't help it.
i need a boyfriend who's clingy like me.
but not too clingy.
one who shows he cares not just by words.
but definitely by actions.
this is why i fear getting into a relationship.
i swear a date would do just fine.
but too bad for me i guess.

Rush n Flush was good.
(:
someone ask me out, im veh bored.
everyday work equals no life.
i wanna work at Chilli.
mmmmmm.
im contemplating getting dermal anchoring.
:3

damn i hope this 3.2k is going to work.
lest BYEBYE 3.2k
i really need this change big time ):

i need someone trustworthy willing to hear me out to talk to.
sigh.
i think i like that guy.
he's so damn nice.
too bad i'm not pretty enough.
dammit why am i so insecure!

mom: you really give me a surprise all the time.
me: you dont have to be so sarcastic ):
mom: no, i mean it. you always tell me you study hard. you and i know that's a damn lie. results come back, you make me very disappointed. everytime the same thing. never fail. i always put my high hopes on you, but you always bring them down. do you know how i feel as a mother? dont compare with your sister, she's different.

yes mother, she'll always be different.

when i'm sad i eat.
THIS IS WHY I GO MEGA BOOMSZXS
FORK ):
losing 20 kg is gonna be a killer.
sigh.
this sucks, i suck

sigh, dharshy you're a serious let down, the worst daughter and the biggest disappointment. not to forget, AN EPIC FAILURE CUM LOSER. screw you. no wait, congrats, you just made your parents sad again, prepare for WWIII. First it was PSLE. Now it's O freaking Levels. you're a serious work of art.

".. i'm not used to this. im not used to you. im not used to having someone so close who i can talk to and rely on. and that just makes me feel weak and i am frightened coz that's just a scary thing."

Sugar Rush

stay home weekend.

if you ask me am i ok,
i'll just say yes.

FUCK YOU _|_

you lied to me

you gave me false hope

coz why?

you think i'd forget you

well a big FUCK YOU

youre damn wrong.

now you dont wanna leave me.

you wanna help me.

you say so many sorrys

you think it helps now?

well a big FUCK YOU

you screwed up my thinking

you gave me false hopes

made me wait for you to reply

but of course you never did

well a big FUCK YOU

i dont give a shit what drugs you take

i dont give a shit even if you end up in the hospital for taking drugs.

i dont give a shit if your love/crush/whatever gives you false hope

and in the end, you're the one left in the ditches.

burried ten feet beneath the ground.

not me.

youre not helping me

youre just making it all worst.

fuck you and your imsosorry shit.

you and i both know that is bull shit.

i even learned how to sing a song for you.

i dislike the song and i definitely dislike the artiste.

but i do it coz i know you like me

well you made me feel like a fucking fool

lastly, leave me fucking alone.



you tell me you like me.

i've liked you for the longest time.

you dont pick up my calls

you dont reply my messages

you dont want to meet me.

you find excuses not to talk to me.

you dont bother sacrificing shit for me.

when i've done so much for you

im not that banshee and you know it damn well.

stop giving me excuses.

i know you never liked me.

i know, you never will.



you made me fall for you.

and you just suddenly disappeared.

then you appear

and disappear.

is this a fucking game to you?

i dont wanna play it.



fuck you boys.

fuck you for hurting me.

fuck you for treating me like shit

fuck you for treating me like a substitute.

fuck you for treating me like a 'back up girl'

fuck you all.

i have fucking feelings.

it is NOT okay to avoid me and apologise

it is NOT okay for you to ditch me and apologise

it is NOT okay for you to treat me this way and apologise

fuck you and your apology



from today on, im not going to be nice

im going to be a bitch

im controlling

SO WHAT
thats just me

im not going to change for you

im not going to apologise

i admit, i, dharshy, am partially at fault.

but you dont have to do this.

you have no fucking rights to do it.

just coz some girl did this to you

who the hell do you think you are to do this to me?

WHO?

im not going to fall so deeply for guys.

i really hate this feeling.

you dont have to care.

dont need your fucking sympathy.

youre the one who caused it

so now, LEAVE ME ALONE

i'm happy now.
i don't know why (:
i have a nong nong weekends.
weeeee

something is seriously wrong with me.
why am i so cranky tonight?
maybe its coz of something i read.
FUCKING BANGLAS MOLESTING SINGAPOREAN GIRLS.
SO OPEN SOME MORE.
SCREW YOU AND YOUR DISGUSTING SHIT.
seriously you make me so damn sick.
who the hell do you people think you are?
im very pissed off i wanna shove watermelons up your anal i swear!

and im gonna go anoerexic.
seriously this is the action im gonna take.
im sick of just talking and no action.
i hate work though today is the second day.
6-9/10 everyday.
sleep at 11. wake up at 6.
seven hours of sleep is NOT enough.
what if i wanna exercise? wake up at 5.
SCREW THIS __

today @ work, i kept thinking about my life generally.
i hate my job.
why am i even working?
i hate working.
oh yes, for the sake of money.
for my cigarettes,
for shopping,
to be happy.
i have to work.
holding money in my hands makes me happy.
earning money to hold makes me feel crappy.
it's true. money DOES buy happiness.

at the end of the day,
it's you guys who make it all worthwhile.
thankyou amy & ena for listening.
i really appreciate it.
qam & enaa, i'll give you yours soon (:
to andy, we have to sit down and talk.
i know i have no rights to control your life,
but i want what's best for you, coz i care.
so as your, uhhh, sister, listen to me ogayyyy.
just listen, you dont have to take action.

i have finally found friends i feel most comfortable with.
enaa, i love hugging and pinching you (:

when i cry, i'm very sad.
when i'm very sad, i eat a lot.
when i eat a lot, i hate me more.

i used to have serious issues.
i still do, but not so serious.

fuck you Dharshy you got to start thinking straight.
keep your damn words.
the longer you drag, the worst you'll feel.
you're an epic failure.
JUST SUCK UP TO IT.

to QAM & MARK.
i know how terrible you both feel right now.
i felt it before.
and the stupid things i did after that was just, MEGA STUPID.
and i swear i regret every one bit of it.
thinking back now, i realised it was what i knew then, to be Love.
i thought He was My Love.
and i Loved him.
so when he wasn't mine, and he left me for some other girl, i felt sad.
coz in my mind, all i ever wanted was him.
and to me, HE WAS MINE.
it's like.
why does he get My Love?
or
what does he have that i don't?
or
what makes her fall for him so badly?

you can't force love.
if you can't have her now, it's just not meant to be.
you have to face that reality.
you can't blame her for not choosing you,
neither can you blame yourself for her not choosing you.

you feel fucked all over again.
this isn't the first time.
yet you're going through it again, and again.
and each time it just hurts more.
SUCK UP TO IT.
that's your only option.
though many small tiny things remind you of her, think about other things/people it reminds you of.
DO NOT try not to think of her.
coz in the end you're still thinking of her.
keep yourself very busy.
another way, just cry it out.
even if you have to every single night.
it really helps.

but whatever it is, DO NOT do stupid things.
for example, drinking and smoking like crazy coz you think it's a form of distraction or getting drunk brings you away from reality.
ok yes it does, but for how long?
and you're just gonna end up feeling so much more worst.

as a (new)friend, i'm here to advice and help (:
if you both ever need someone to talk to, i'm like always online.
Qam, though i just added you a few hours ago, i know what you're going through.
i won't say 'cheer up' or, 'she's not worth your time'
coz idk about how worth she is of your time.
but personally i hate it when people say 'cheer up'
you're at your ends, and someone tells you to 'cheer up'
it's just far from possible.

retail therapy ♥

i love today.

no love is too strong a word.

i like today.

i love shopping with mama, though she loves nagging at me.

i feel so left out.

yes, really i do.

i feel like just venting my anger onto this blog.

since no one reads this shit anyways.

we should have never formed this in the first place.

look what's happening?

for once i actually felt happy.

this is why i never wanna get too emotionally attached to people.

in the end, somehow or rather, one/more will feel so neglected.

honestly, i shouldn't care. and yeh, i won't.

i don't need others to make myself feel better.

at the end of the day, i'm standing here, fucking, alone.

SUCK IT UP DHARSHY.

HI POPOs. see ya'll tomorrow.

meet @ cityhall, 6.30

OR

khatib, 7/7.15

if can, bring your own snacks for the stayover.

oh, AND DVDs. i have ZERO.

and for dinner, we have curry chicken, long bread, fried chicken wings, cuttle fishballs and tuna flan.

i know it seems very boring, but i cant think of anything coz ive to do grocery shopping and tons of other errands today. SO SEE YOU TOMO PEPO:D