well,hese few days have been random&stupid.
now sitting on th floor with the laptop on my lap.
thats why its called a laptop[x
lol.
anw.......
missed so many gigs on sat
like approx. FOUR.
anw, ive found my
darling christmas hunkie bunkie junkie teddy bear buddy!:D
meeting him this wed aft sch prob at bugis.
&meeting wana on thurs:D
i miss her!:D
lol.
deafcon9 coming up !
who's going ?
:D
19jan.

TODAY IS DO SIGN DAY!

signs i did last time..

llyon [1]

llyon [2]
nick e gr8 [1]

nick e gr8 [2]

BSK [1]

BSK [2]

BSK [3]

aizan [1]

aizan [2]

aizan [3]

aizan [4]

TODAY..

armchair critic <3 [1]

armchair critic <3 [2]

Matt <3 [1]

Matt <3>

clement <3

stephanus <3>

raman <3 [1]

raman <3 [2]

Razmeer <3 [1]

Razmeer <3 [2]

gah..
korea was okay.
i was being so unsociable.
i think.
gah. dont wanna talk about it.
though th skiing&atv was fun:D
now my bloody cousin is accusing me of being emo
idiot.
1. who is to judge me??
2. he's younger than me. shut up u asshole.
3. so whats wrong with being emo?
4. its none of your gawd damn business
he's seriously irritating th shit outta me.

my parents are so bloody biase.
i cant even show my emotions infront of them.
i have to act like nth is wrong&shit.
my mom ignores me like i dont even exist.
&i have to be her damn dog.
wth?
shit feeling.

read my msn nick.

i AM very sad.

yst i came home late.

i was supposed to go for choir bbq.

anw, my mom thought i was lying.

which is true.

she kept questioning&questioning.

i know yst, everything IS/was my fault.

i'm really sorry mama.

last night, i thought alot.

too much i think till i cried at th thought of my parents.

i notice how sad or irritated my mom gets when she talks to me

when my parents talk to my sister

they'll call her "darling&sweetheart"

those words you would wanna hear from your parents.

when they talk to me, they would call me "ae or oi"

or nothing at all,&they'll start scolding me

i feel as if they dont want to have me as a daughter

like they were forced to bring me up.

i just feel so darn hurt&hated.

i even forgot how my parents looked when they smiled.

i have never seen them smile for a super long time.

this morning, actually every morning. i would hear

them laughing with my sister together.

&when they came into my room,

they wouldn't care if i was sleeping or not

they would just talking as loud as they wanted

as if i was invisible&start banging stuff here&there.

they would even shout for my maid when im sleeping

in tht room.

when i am with them,

i fear of getting scolded every single minute.

i mean which daughter would be scared of being alone

with both or either of their parents.

even if we have nothing to talk about.

my parents will suddenly talk about something

that they know they can shoot me.

i just wna feel fcking LOVED by my parents.

is tht so fckig hard to ask for?

no matter what i do,

i try to talk to them every single day of my damn life.

but in th end we'll end up quarrelling&

it'll only make matters worst.

i try pouring my heart out to them

but than my mom will go like

"you're only fourteen, you can't be

this or that."

or

"you're only fourteen, you dont

know anything.blablabla"

im treated like a fcking paria!

however you spell that;

having parents&NOT having parents

i dont see a fcking difference.

if i was going for th damn trip,

i would have ran away from home

&never came back.

i wonder how they'll feel than

I HATE MY PARENTS!!!

my mood has been absolutely terrible these few days.
dumb fck.
gah, im starting to think alot.
i dont have people to call FRIENDS.
i need company
i am impatient
i have a mutha fcking attitude problem
i spew too much vulgarities
i am such a nuscience
i disturb people alot
i keep taunting people till they get so fed up with me
i cried last night cus' i just realised no one really cares.
i mean they say they care, but inside, they don't seem to bother.
even my parents don't realise i exist.
God just brought me down here to see my suffer my ass off
he might as well send me to hell&let me burn away.
i dont see his fcking point here.
why is my life so full of shit?
people dont realise it but i do.
most of my "friends" dont realise i have feelings.
they think of me when they're super bored.
what the hell ?
am i that dead or invisible.
i seriously hate this shit.

baa baa black sheep

leaving for korea this sunday:D

at night]:

last saturday,

went to give out deafcon8 flyers.

got my renegades shirt:D

lols.

DARN ASS NICE.

anw, spent hours at somerset, orchard, cityhall.

couldn't even give out more den 20 flyers.

moreover, ppl in town were UNfriendly.

VERY UNfriendly.

got to know ary,trish,jolyn,val,shirlyn&many many more!:D

i was supposed to do th flyer thingy with ary around skate park.

but she had to leave like super early.

lols.

five renegades went[including me]

one of th renegade lives in yishun!:DD

near yishun library.

thats like super near my sch.

lols[:

merv looked nice that day.

with th bandana&badges.

lols.

2 things happened that day

some malay minah pointed at val&said

"what an eyesore![:" &her minah frens

just laughed like nobody's business.

see how minah's are so judgemental.

they're just too ugly so rather judge

other people. they should in th mirror too.

th other thing was shirlyn was walking ard

taka giving out th flyers.

she gave to this group of gurls.

one gurl said; *rolling her eyes*"tsk, deafcon is stupid"

gawd i feel like slapping that bitches face

she looks like an absolute POSER![however you spell that]

her eyes are like china eyes

but droopy.

&she puts eyeliner like nobody's business.

&she tries to act "cool"&all tht shit by wearing a black hat.

oh fck her

anw, ard 7plus.

went to meet rachel&th other 3 renegades&ghost:D

ate lj's infront of th plain field on stairs of some court house thingy.

lols.

talk nonsense.

than left tht place ard 9.

trained back home with th renegade who lives in yishun:D

damn i so have to start rmb-ing their names!

calling all of them renegade this/that is killing me

we were awfully silent halfway to yishun.

den we didn't really have a proper goodbye.

LOL.

funness..

gonna do th flyer thingy this sat again

&i have to sell th tix by this week!
AHH!!.

]:

anyone reading now,

if you wanna get tix.

pls get it from me!

i needa sell 10 of them]:

&i just realised ultrasound was last sat

wonder hos broken mask did.

LOL

gah, our feelings were never true.
you know it.
look who's th happy one now.
how long ago was it?
probably less than a month.
ahh, you lying s.o.b

jamming was GOOD!
seriously.

i mean i didn't expect it to be nice.

met fox&evon&my band mates:D

fun bunch

fox is purrttyy:D

so is evon[[:

though i played nothing

probably a few clings&clangs here&there

conan was really friendly.

met up with th lead guitarist first,

den th vox actually was there.

but we didn't know it was him

aft a while,

th other guitarist came with his galfren.

he was really smiley&stuff:D

lols.

den evon came.

<3>

den fox&conan came

conan is TALL!

i actually felt kinda short for th first time.

they both were kinda wet from all th rain&everything

aft tht th vox approached:D

we didn't know he was th vox, till conan said smth

so we went to th jamming studio

it was lock

th owner had went for lunch

we had to wait like half an hour for him to reach.

i was melting th whole time

it was really humid.

&th whole time i was like stepping lonesome sh_t.

gah]:

stayed in th studio for like half an hour den left.

while th rest stayed till like 5.

dunnoe when's th next jamming sessions

haven't decided on a name yet

i so needa know more about melodic death metal bands.

&i needa know what to play on th darn keyboards by next week i suppose.

i need HELP!!!]:

i wanna go learn guitar together with fee

from zee but my mom ask me to ask my dad

&my dad is not in th office, neither did he on his bloody phone !
ROAR!

bloody hell la.

&we're supposed to meet at 5.30

fck!

AHHH!!!

i hate my parents

i might not mean what i say next time

but now i do.

everytime this no that no

but my sister everything yes yes YES!

bloody bitch/;

today, when i was playing th piano,
mom said i was showing attitude.
her reason was cus' i was playing with only one hand
wth ?
th whole FRIGGIN DAY she's been screaming&shouting&
saying im giving her attitude.
wtf.

brought cream to th vet
dooc said she's probably infected by fungus or mites
wth.
]:
&she's going for her dental soon
money money money.
she's my old darling[:
i love her loads<3

gah..
how does it feel to have real true friends?
i never had one of those before
so i dunnoe
though i long for one
but i'm not sure if i'll find tht true fren
right now, everything is just bottled inside
i wanna scream till my lungs burst.
i don't care.

life just feels like sh_t if you have ungrateful
heartless parents like mine,&know one to
pour out to.

gah, jamming wasn't tht fun i suppose

now i'm with one band:D

lols.

good for me?

[:

deafcon8's coming up.

kinda long actually.

but who wants to buy tickets?

TELL ME!:DD

tmr suppose to go give out flyers at orchard

i suppose it's for deafcon

:D

if mom allows.

bah..

i can't get a friggin job

my bill is bloody high.

byebye messaging.

ben&shanu's bday is on th day i get my new bill

&th day i leave for korea.

]:

guitar lessons from zee:D

fannie's boyfren

damn she's pretty!

lols.

feeqah's gonna follow me too:D

&bought my nose stud yst.

th ring kind.

it's like so EFFIN' hard to put in !

my nose kept bleeding for tht.

]:

got my new glasses:D

i'm <3ing>

BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP !

i've been going on about this baabaa thing
LOLs.

fannie's such a sweetie pie:D

so nice.

tmr going jamming!

fee's following:D

3-4 with broken mask

meeting travis at cityhall mrt station.

i don't really seem to like it now.

gah..

i'm nervous

hope they don't mind.

2-4 with fannie's band:D

go ther for fun:D

aft that, go to hyatt hotel to help cousin

so yeah..

friday is a good day !

&now i needa copy down th lyrics for paramore's song

ROAR.

today has been th utmost boring day.

]:

daddy's coming back

i dunno what time

hope he doesn't come back till like, late.

noe webcamming with conan&maq.

going jamming on frida[:

broken mask.

yay

i found me a band:D

visa said he's gonna teach me how to play th guitar.

but he didn't seem so keen on tht

so maybe not going to boon's house on friday.

was so happy just now

till conan told me i was acting cute.

wth..

now my mood is monotone.

lazy to go for meeting this friday.

have to look aft grandma anw.

:D

monotone day

as always.

i feel like horrible poo.

&i dunno why.

so God save me.

roar.

haven't posted since, forever.

gah.. so much crap has been going on

conan has found me 2 bands to join[:

thankyou my fren,

&he's joining with me:D

but th band stuff ain't confirmed

i scratched my nose&my piercing fell out

with lots blood TWICE in a row.

gah..

i managed to hurt someones feelings so bad

i feel like SHIT now]:

i brought my dog to th groomers yst&she ended

up having th worst hair cut EVER.

i have yet to buy my sch books

&sch uni(when they're out)

i plan stuff but don't follow them

gah..

i just watched this video of animal killing masscare.

fck those mutha fking china bitches.

they kill th animal when it's alive

they chop of their legs

they skin them alive

they step on their necks&heads till they DIE

they throw them around&beat them with huge ugly sticks till they die.

&they say th more torture for th animal,th more tender th meat is

what kinda fucking rule is that ???
why dont they just BURN IN HELL!

i wish God would skin them alive

beat them till they die.

tie their necks to a branch&hit them like they were pinnatas.

gah..

my eyes are now so red from all th crying

i really <3>

yesterday went job hunting.
gah..
yamaha, 17-21
carls jr, 15 above.
veeko, 16 above
levis, 16 above
anything to do with clothes, 16 above
pizza hut, taken]:
went to plaza sing to find a job.
i don't like to work at mac, kfc.
low pay, bad environment.
only can work in th kitchen]:
gah..
today, maybe going to orchid country club to find job.
:D

gah..

last night i was so darn "emo"

i dunno why

i cried non-stop

thinking bout my parents

last night when i heard their laughter, i felt so odd.

like a third wheel

they were in th room with my sister.

i actually could feel the cold heart turn big bright red

whenever i was/am around them

all i hear is screams&shouting

when i wasn't there. i can/could hear laughter&joy.

i feel so left out&alone&unloved.

i'm constantly expressing my feelings&gratitude to them,

but they don't seem to care much.

sometimes i just feel like i don't belong in my family&

it's better if ran away from home.

gah..

now i feel like crying]':

i guess no one ever reads this dumb blog anws

i just created it for th pleasure of wasting my "precious" time.

AHHHH!!

i forgot to tell Gab i couldn't go for SK.

cus' of some family thing.

he called me last night.

he sounded darn mad.

i asked mommie again she said YES

i was like sooo happy(:

but den when i called Gab again he said they had enough ppl

&tht tht was my chance.

gah..

i felt like sh_t.

sigh,

just hope they'll let me resource for June's camps]:

i'm so irresesponsible]:

taking arts combi

decided to write bout this now since i dont think i did before

lit elec+ss.

POA

physics+chem combine

arts&design

all th subs i wanted to take:D
[except for science, it's alr pre fixed):]

so yeah, that's all
:D

PARENTS!!

both parents found out bout my piercing.
i know they have th rights to scream their head off
dad kept repeating over&over again till my ears bled dry
he said th reason i pierced my nose was cus' of my malay fren
WTF???!
that's fcking BULLSH_T.
he himself doesn't even know i EXIST. who is he to critisize my friends?
my parents make my life a living hell
they hardly know. wait. they DONT BOTHER wanting to know more about their own daughter.
they hardly talk to me unless it's something bad.
i only APPEAR in their life when i did something wrong
when i'm fine they just treat me as if i'm DEAD.
even when i say hi, they'll ignore my every word.
out of no where, they're all sstrict. grounding me, confiscating my phone. blablabla.
i feel so fcked up.
i have unreasonable parents who hate me.
&im supposed to rejoice about this shit.
when i try talking to them they just walk away.
theyre never there when i need them
they always think i'm doing something bad&never anything good.
to them, i'll always be a bad apple.
i just wish i was born in the right family
they dont even LOVE me for christ sake
i cant even tell them how i feel
if i do, my dad will go screaming "BULLSHIT this BULLSHIT that"
fck, i have no place in this so called family.
God might as well just shoot me down, i don't wanna give a fck anymore.
my life is too full of shit.

oolala~

today was a normal day[:

went to Lisa's house ard 10.30am

she was still sleeping

sandra stayed over(:

wait for her to get up&get ready.

she's my hott smexy mama:D

went to northpoint.

bought a spear&2barbels for my lips

went to get my nose piercing too:DD

gah.. didn't hurt as i thought as it would.

cost me 8 bucks.

my barbels&spear cost tenbucks

in th end didn't get my lip piering

AHH!
I <3>

lols[;

came back ard 4.

on sun going fir sk briefing[;

hope parents allow me to go.

mon-thurs[:

peter decided to give me another chance

THANKYOU PETER!!:DD

ciao-wee!~

gah..

today is like any other ordinary day

i haven't eaten th whole day

only drink

&&i'm still not hungry? LOL:D

woke up around nine plus

leonard never replied.. as usual

mom left. waited for dad to wake up&go.

switched on the computer after tht

why is my life so full of crap&boredom??

AHHH!!

mom&dad's going to m'sia tmr morn-sat aft

some prayer thing. i wanna go too.

home is a place called prison.

it's too boringg.

so i guess tmr i'll go out with Lisa till as long as i can:D

tmr i'm gonna get my nose piercing.

i just hope i don't cry like a baby cus' of th pain

i'm scared of pain, but i'm addicted to it.

lame sh_t.

met boyfriend on monday.

we were so darn quiet.

when we sat down he kept fiddling with his phone

i just stared away.

he didn't utter a word.so i followed.

when he was about to go home than he started to talk.

okay.

he was super duper sick]:

yst he almost fainted cus' he was super duper uber sick&he was still working.

sigh, i seriously miss him now. so so soo, badly]':

hope he gets well soon.