as of last night, debt increased.
as of yesterday @ 1800 hours, i am JOBLESS.
today, stay home, stone.
or go to Esplanade, or go to Northpoint to help Miss Evans with maths/arts.
tomo, go fee's house.
sat, go out with an old friend (:
tadaaaaaa.

i've my reasons for leaving.

so far, only one's noticing.

i pray they don't realise.

can tell someone pissed/dislike me.
haha.
big deal -.-
i ain't sucking up to your ass.

couples everywhere.
i shall not dwell so much on being alone.
haha, who am i kidding!
anyone going for total chaosssssss.

Chinese New Year. Pfft

every year, chinese new year gets more and more, mundane.

people stop coming.

the atmosphere dies slowly.

Why do you even bother coming?

just to save face?

you barely call this a reunion dinner.

COME ON.

stop lying to yourself.

do any of you bother coming on the eve of new year, for reunion dinner?

do any of you, pray for ah gong?

remember when he passed, every single one of you said

you'd come more often to visit ah ma.

HAH, bullocks.

reunion dinner is only amongst a small group of us.

steam boat, and talk about girl stuff.

what's after that? mahjong? then? over.

that goes for new year's itself too.

so what, now ya'll just waiting for ah ma to pass on as well?

THEN, ya'll will start showing your faces?

i just really loathe these family reunions.

when everyone comes.

ya'll just sit in one corner.

or sit amongst your family members.

might as well save your time.

don't bother coming.

i'm having so much bottled up anger.

about my family.

about everything.

i don't like reunions.

i don't like being with the family.

cancer sticks are my only companion.

they're the only something that will always be there for me.

you really want me out of the house i'll get the fuck out.
leave me alone.
dont call me either.
i'm always the one giving you stress.
right?
some DAUGHTER i am.
blame your stress and sickness on me.
fine.
say what you want.
just cause he was/isn't you treating you right.
blame everything on me
the blackest sheep of the family.
no, amongst EVERY teenager you know.
im the worst.
im seriously done with every single shit you throw at me.
leave me the fuck alone.

sucks to be me.

mmm, i just feel so bloody sensitive.
sensitive to be around couples.
sensitive to SEE couples.
im just too much. i know. sigh
sucks to be me.

sucks to be me

i hate it when i like someone, he dont feel the same way
i hate it when i like someone, that person suddenly disappears though it's been only a few days
i hate it when i like someone, that person lies to me.
i hate it when i like someone, he ignores and ditches me just like that.
seriously, why the fuck is this happening to me.
i feel like crying.
i hate being lonely.
i hate feeling so alone.
i hate this fucking feeling.
no im not going to fucking cry
i hate staying at home.
coz its the most lonely pathetic thing in my life right now.
i dont think i can permanently quit smoking.
coz smoking is my only companion.
even friends disappear after a while.
right?
im just being a serious pessimist and hating every damn thing about life.
wait, i have no fcuking life.
(Y)

come home, first thing get slapped.
thanks, thanks a lot mama.

you are an ifatuation.
all i said was 'i think i'm falling for you'
sigh.
i regret.
you're just different.
well to me you seem that way.
i'm sorry i'm clingy.
i can't help it.
i need a boyfriend who's clingy like me.
but not too clingy.
one who shows he cares not just by words.
but definitely by actions.
this is why i fear getting into a relationship.
i swear a date would do just fine.
but too bad for me i guess.

Rush n Flush was good.
(:
someone ask me out, im veh bored.
everyday work equals no life.
i wanna work at Chilli.
mmmmmm.
im contemplating getting dermal anchoring.
:3

damn i hope this 3.2k is going to work.
lest BYEBYE 3.2k
i really need this change big time ):

i need someone trustworthy willing to hear me out to talk to.
sigh.
i think i like that guy.
he's so damn nice.
too bad i'm not pretty enough.
dammit why am i so insecure!

mom: you really give me a surprise all the time.
me: you dont have to be so sarcastic ):
mom: no, i mean it. you always tell me you study hard. you and i know that's a damn lie. results come back, you make me very disappointed. everytime the same thing. never fail. i always put my high hopes on you, but you always bring them down. do you know how i feel as a mother? dont compare with your sister, she's different.

yes mother, she'll always be different.

when i'm sad i eat.
THIS IS WHY I GO MEGA BOOMSZXS
FORK ):
losing 20 kg is gonna be a killer.
sigh.
this sucks, i suck

sigh, dharshy you're a serious let down, the worst daughter and the biggest disappointment. not to forget, AN EPIC FAILURE CUM LOSER. screw you. no wait, congrats, you just made your parents sad again, prepare for WWIII. First it was PSLE. Now it's O freaking Levels. you're a serious work of art.

".. i'm not used to this. im not used to you. im not used to having someone so close who i can talk to and rely on. and that just makes me feel weak and i am frightened coz that's just a scary thing."

Sugar Rush

stay home weekend.

if you ask me am i ok,
i'll just say yes.

FUCK YOU _|_

you lied to me

you gave me false hope

coz why?

you think i'd forget you

well a big FUCK YOU

youre damn wrong.

now you dont wanna leave me.

you wanna help me.

you say so many sorrys

you think it helps now?

well a big FUCK YOU

you screwed up my thinking

you gave me false hopes

made me wait for you to reply

but of course you never did

well a big FUCK YOU

i dont give a shit what drugs you take

i dont give a shit even if you end up in the hospital for taking drugs.

i dont give a shit if your love/crush/whatever gives you false hope

and in the end, you're the one left in the ditches.

burried ten feet beneath the ground.

not me.

youre not helping me

youre just making it all worst.

fuck you and your imsosorry shit.

you and i both know that is bull shit.

i even learned how to sing a song for you.

i dislike the song and i definitely dislike the artiste.

but i do it coz i know you like me

well you made me feel like a fucking fool

lastly, leave me fucking alone.



you tell me you like me.

i've liked you for the longest time.

you dont pick up my calls

you dont reply my messages

you dont want to meet me.

you find excuses not to talk to me.

you dont bother sacrificing shit for me.

when i've done so much for you

im not that banshee and you know it damn well.

stop giving me excuses.

i know you never liked me.

i know, you never will.



you made me fall for you.

and you just suddenly disappeared.

then you appear

and disappear.

is this a fucking game to you?

i dont wanna play it.



fuck you boys.

fuck you for hurting me.

fuck you for treating me like shit

fuck you for treating me like a substitute.

fuck you for treating me like a 'back up girl'

fuck you all.

i have fucking feelings.

it is NOT okay to avoid me and apologise

it is NOT okay for you to ditch me and apologise

it is NOT okay for you to treat me this way and apologise

fuck you and your apology



from today on, im not going to be nice

im going to be a bitch

im controlling

SO WHAT
thats just me

im not going to change for you

im not going to apologise

i admit, i, dharshy, am partially at fault.

but you dont have to do this.

you have no fucking rights to do it.

just coz some girl did this to you

who the hell do you think you are to do this to me?

WHO?

im not going to fall so deeply for guys.

i really hate this feeling.

you dont have to care.

dont need your fucking sympathy.

youre the one who caused it

so now, LEAVE ME ALONE

i'm happy now.
i don't know why (:
i have a nong nong weekends.
weeeee

something is seriously wrong with me.
why am i so cranky tonight?
maybe its coz of something i read.
FUCKING BANGLAS MOLESTING SINGAPOREAN GIRLS.
SO OPEN SOME MORE.
SCREW YOU AND YOUR DISGUSTING SHIT.
seriously you make me so damn sick.
who the hell do you people think you are?
im very pissed off i wanna shove watermelons up your anal i swear!

and im gonna go anoerexic.
seriously this is the action im gonna take.
im sick of just talking and no action.
i hate work though today is the second day.
6-9/10 everyday.
sleep at 11. wake up at 6.
seven hours of sleep is NOT enough.
what if i wanna exercise? wake up at 5.
SCREW THIS __

today @ work, i kept thinking about my life generally.
i hate my job.
why am i even working?
i hate working.
oh yes, for the sake of money.
for my cigarettes,
for shopping,
to be happy.
i have to work.
holding money in my hands makes me happy.
earning money to hold makes me feel crappy.
it's true. money DOES buy happiness.

at the end of the day,
it's you guys who make it all worthwhile.
thankyou amy & ena for listening.
i really appreciate it.
qam & enaa, i'll give you yours soon (:
to andy, we have to sit down and talk.
i know i have no rights to control your life,
but i want what's best for you, coz i care.
so as your, uhhh, sister, listen to me ogayyyy.
just listen, you dont have to take action.

i have finally found friends i feel most comfortable with.
enaa, i love hugging and pinching you (: