i really abhor going out w both of you.

not because i hate both of you.

im alw the 3rd wheel.

yeh paul might feel the same way.

idk.

well rmbr when i was w raman?

you felt really left out soo badly?

so bad you wanted to distant yourself away?

rmbr tht times ?

raman even complained i wasnt spending enough time w him.

i know tht was hard for you.

but have you ever spared a thought for me ?

you both acting soo mushy in my fucking face.

& all i can do is act like a dont care.

prob once in a long time you'd ask me

"you ok? you ok not ?"

i'd just smile & smile more & said i was okeh.

who in the right mind who say they aren't?

well im not as straightforward as you think i am.

i love beating ard the bushes.

well now im screaming out my feelings.

just now i left aft you & khai settled everything cus

i was sick of all tht.

if you didn't turn back i bet you'd hv just walked off.

i was trying to hold my tears back in the friggin train.

i felt really pissed.

i AM feeling very pissed.

my dear, i dont hate any of you.

i miss the old times where just both of us wld go to cityhall

walking ard like friggin zomb-doids w glaring eyes casting over us.

i miss those times where we both just laugh & crap ard.

just 2 of us.

now it's the 3 of us.

i dont wna be in tht 3.

if i cant hv the 2.

im nt staying anymore.

if you get my drift.

yeh im stubborn.

im crying now.

coincidentally, secondhand serenade's song's playing on my wmp.

sigh, i miss you lah bestie.

i miss you sooooo much.

dont ever give me the shiat of best friends over boyfriends.

cus i know tht will nvr happen again.

OKEH!
back to today.

effin boring.

im not gonna go into detail.

cus i kinda hate today.

LOL:D

&& GIG!

im selling tix maaaansxz.

you better go!

okeh the gig poster is on top.

i alw forget to upload the piccassxz before typing.

ROAR.

whateverr.

anw, DETAILS:D

gig:Revolutionary Soundwaves Vol2.

venue:music garage; bugis village.

date:14 june; saturday.

time:5-11pm.

price:7bucks/ticket.

right now, i can help you book tickets ONLY.

cus it's hard for me to meet up.

so it'll be a lil' mafan . i'll give you the gig organizer's no.

so you can meet him before 14 june.

okeh best ?

best:D

PLS SUPPORT THIS GIG!

xoxos.

ya lah ya lah.

best friends boyfriend..

oh pls ignore my shiatsxz.

you used to tell me besties over boyfs.

sigh, you dont practice what u preach.

idk if u still read my blog.

i just came back from india.

& i started viewing urs.

sigh, now i seriously feel like a third wheel.

though i havent seen u in days.

you seem so happy w him.

you prob forgot abt me.

am i exaggerating ?

idk.

maybe i am.

well it dont matter anymore anws.

went for ptc today.
w disappointment overwhelming in his eyes,
he shoke hands w the teacher, & left.
gah..
im sorry papa D:
byebye church.
hello assessments books.


edited}
what happened to the christmas hunkie junkie munkie bestie ?
imy D:
i swear i do.
i havent talked to you in ages.
sigh,what happened to us ?
before sch started, everything was nice.
aft everything started, you started ignoring me.
i was off ur featured list.
i seriously enjoyed gg out w u[:
ure the first guy i went out w.
im serious[;
you dont look 21 to me.
you look awesome.
youre like a teddy bear for me(:
you know how much i missed those times ?
too much it's in-expressable.
how many times do you want me to say imy.
sigh, you dont even seem keen on talking to me anymore.
i doubt you read my blog.
i doubt you even know i have a blog.
now im crying so badly, cus i miss a bestie like you.
what happened to "friends forever" ?
do you how awesome it'll be for us to go out again tgt ?
no, i still havent figure out why you're doing this.
i dont even plan to.
bestie, sigh, IMY.

MAMA

im sorry for everything i said.

you prob have read my blog alr.

sigh, firstly.

i would love to apologise.

youre not a bitch.

i don not hate you.

i love you.

im the bitch.

everytime, i say words outta anger.

i know i would nvr ever say " i hate you " & actually mean it.

if i did.

i'd just be effin stupid.

im sorry for alw hurting your feelings.

im sorry for every shit i did.

i hv serious anger problems.

i really do.

you said you dont believe me just cus' im only 15.

i really love you.

w/o you, i wouldnt even exist.

you always take all the blame from papa for what me & che che do.

you take the worst pain in this whole family.

you do everything you think is best for us,

but yet,

we throw our temper at you.

we throw our evil deeds at you.

in the end, you still accept our nonsense.

all the nonsense a mother should never live to take.

mama, i really love you.

you probably would read my blog everyday.

im sorry for saying bad stuff about you.

you dont make my life a living hell.

i make yours a living hell.

please forgive me.

i really love you.

everyday, i think to myself.

what if you & papa divorce.

what about cheche & i ?

who will go with who ?

every night when i think about this, i cry, alot.

i dont wanna loose neither of you.

the reason i hv all this thinking is because,

you & papa fight every single day.

well practically every single day.

about cheche & me.

mostly about me.

i know im a big disappointment to my parents.

sigh,

im probably the worst child.

but still, you take all my crap.

i seriously cant imagine my life w/o you.

i dont wanna cry.

i wanna stop crying.

typing out this post, makes me cry.

it really does.

theres so much more i wish to say.

but i just dont know how to express it.

mama, i love you too much.

bigger than anything.

you are my mother,

i will never hate you.

no many times i say tht.

i dont mean it.

i know my english isnt tht good.

my vocab is as small as a rat now.

but all i want you to know is,

I LOVE YOU MAMA.

see!

fat chubby cheeks.
FAT.

gah..

anw, today has been effin boring.

i like talking, alot.

&& tmrw!

i hope i can skip cca.

so i can go out w fannie bestest bestie darla[:

& her boyfie.

AHAH.:D

& follow my cousin to pierce his septum.

& pierce for him his lips.

well lets hope he wont open his mouth in front of his mom.

i think my sister knows imma bull alr.

oh i mean i hv a septum.

& thankyou, my fren, for telling me i looked fucked up w a septum.

you might thinks it's ugly on me.

but i love it.

got a problem w tht?

keep your comments to yourself:D

I LOVE MY TWIN VERY VERY MUCH:D

cassie darling;D

wed baby!

five more days to india:D

four more days to doomsday.

church today.
met my TWIN!
cassie, YAY!
[;
& her sister, CLAIRE.
& her boyf, KELVIN.
SEPTUMS MAAANSXZ!
*bang bang!*

aft church, fought w mom in the car.
you dont understand me.
wtf you bother trying to understand me when you dn even put in effort ?
im your bloody daughter of gawd's sake.

well ate ALOT today.
shiatsxz.
anorecxia(however you spell that), her i come!
[x

sigh, im really afraid to show parents my result.

daggers & parangs will start flying.

& the ultimate weapon, the butchers knife.

sigh.

idk why im crying.

cus i nvr studied hard enough ??

cus im alw letting my mom down ??

cus im scared of what they will say & do once they find out my results ??

cus im pretty remorseful right now, that im alw making them sad ??

well all of em's true.

mom called, & i told her i failed my cheena.

& she was like really mad & ferocious(howwever you spell that)

& i told her that i passed my arts, badly.

sigh.

she really sounded as if she wanted to bite my head off.

she asked me if there were any more subs,

i was like, no.

i lied to her.

she wants me to go for cheena tuition.

sigh, im really scared of my dad.

yeh imma chicken right now.

i wna run away!

but i cant D:

cus i have the india trip.

on 24

i wna runaway on 22 night

before 23, ptc.

sadly, i have my india trip on 24.

so i cant runaway.

i dont wanna waste mom's 1k +++ bucks.

but at the same time,

im guttless & scared.

scared - i rather jump down or die in the earthquake that happened in china than face my parents dissapointment.

SIGH!

i really dont dare to tell my mom about my results.

i dont want my dad to go for the ptc.

he's just gna give me a big sigh in the car.

i'd cry.

but i dn wna cry in front of him.

i dont wanna cry infront of anyone.

thats why im crying now.

sigh, daddy God, pls tell me what to do

D':

i want all this to end D:

ppl prob think im being a big baby to cry over small shiat like this.

but its the most important to me NOW.

can i just cut myself & bleed to death?

though what may seem far from possible.

well it's probably what people would usually say.

well just let my bleed till i cant bleed anymore.

gah..i miss my best friends!
okeh,yst, boring.
everyday is boring for me.rp trip.
i was only interested in the last part of the open house.
school of technology arts (or smthg like tt)
id go there if i were in rp.but im def nt gg there.

went ALL the way to bukit panjang to pierce for lauren(again)
guess what, i pierce so friggin slanted.
this is like the first time i pierce for someone slanted TWICE.
gah, im gna help him pierce again.
i feel so much guilt swallowing up my pride maaansxz.
though there aint mucha link.
helping wx pierce soon!:D

& aft tht, was cedar girl's performance at esp.
i think it was alright.lol.
if only they sang AGLEPTA.
tht would hv made it more interesting maaansxz.
&& i just realised waterfront is so purrty at night[:
took v little pics.
camwhoring throughout the bus ride home:D(MUAHAHAHA)
well, my pic w liqun:D
she's so PURRTTYY:D

oh one more thingy.

I LOVE PRWEE-SEE-RAHHHHH!!!!!

ok, this is seriously sick.
go to..
http://www.peta.org/feat/ChineseFurFarms/index.asp

screw assholes who do this.
they desrve to DIE.


anw, today, scrpit checking day.
YAY.
guess what ?
i failed everything except eng, art, poa & science.
i seriously thought i was gonna fail my poa.
but i passed by half mark.
for eng, i got on the dot.
science, 1 2 marks more.
art, 60/100
like wtf ?
i suck in all my bloody subs.
shiat.

im happy & sad !:D

happy tht i can finally bring down my spm.

sad cus i have fucked up parents whom i thought they understood me.

i msged dad if i could go out..

me:papa can i go out with jannah? i'll be home before 7.30. probably around causeway or bishan.

dad:no.. study darlin.. don't go out..!

me:my exams just ended papa.

dad:i'm afraid that you join the wrong company. n turn into a "bad apple" thinking dat a Gothic look is cool. U don't see many successful people earning good money n staying in good houses, dat the own, hving a gothic look. there r reasons for dis. ur nearest "friends" will determine de kind of person ur're going 2 turn into. so as a parent i only want the BEST for you darling. Think of being a top student and earning a good salary and leading a comfortable life darling..

me:papa, i like the music related to my dressing. i'm actually putting on less eyeliner nowadays:) my dressing won't determine my studies.i read more books too.i honestly don think studies can help me.i know arts wont do me much good.nowadays im writing short descriptions of stuff.i really feel i am improving:)i mix around w the right company.i don mix around w e hooligans in sch.i know my own limits papa.

dad:de fact dat u think studies won't help u is very disturbing. A person with a gd educational qualification n results will definitely do better in life dan one without a basic degree. dat's a fact in life. aft u got dat degree & is marketable in getting a job, den u tink abt doing ur "art". otherwise without a proper qualification u r going 2 end up in de dump wen art don't earn u enough $ to live comfortably. u friends r definitely bad influence. stay home n study.

& aft that, mom calls.

she explains to me.

saying that my dad is very angry right now.

blablabla

the fact tht he says my friends are bad influence just really ticks me off.

who the hell does he think he is to judge my friends ?

yes he's my dad.

THE MORE HE SHOULD BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME.

right now, you just make me hate studying even more.

i know it's all for my own good.

but HELL NO am i going to follow what YOU want.

this isnt what I want.

it's the total opposite.

i LOVE arts.

im diggin my own grave.

im making my own future.

im sorry for alw disappointing you.

my friends are everything to me.

but your opinion is the world to me.

right now, all you want is for me to become a fucking NERD.

who studies in harvard & shiat.

you think arts is BULL.S

im NOT going to continue my arts AFT im old & working.

im gonna start everything NOW.

screw academic shiat.

how about those people who actually DO WELL in arts ?

what makes you think i cant be like them ?

or how about those people who're so obbsessed with academic till one day they just loose everything ?

or they're not good enough in the marketing industry ?

why dont you talk about the BAD points of studying like some dickhead than talk about the bad points about LOVING ART ?

papa, why cant you just be happy for me ?

cant you accept what i LIKE ?

the day you caught me for running away, i thought you actually UNDERSTOOD how i felt.

but hell was i wrong.

you dont even bother trying to understand.

& im supposed to feel happy ?

you only said all that on that morning because you wanted me to skip the thought of running away.

well this shiat is the REASON I AM running away.

the only reason im NOT is because God says i should submit to my parents.

you are just making it so so hard.

do you know how hard it is for me to actually feel normal in this family ?

everything i do, is just wrong.

you alw blame all of this on mama.

why ?

to show us that you're the good guy while mama is the bad one ?

well you can stop all these shiat.

i finally know what kinda person you are.

& my dressing.

it ISN'T GOTHIC.

define ur term GOTHIC.

i like how i dress.

im not your dummy for you to control.

i do what i want.

i wear what i want.

i dont want to become a rebelious kid.

but you'rejust pushing me to my limits.

can you not see how far you are pushing me ?

im standing at the edge of this cliff.

i swear i just want to jump down.

you make my life a living hell!

yes you tell me you care & you want whats best for me.

but this isnt the BEST FOR ME.

the best for me is stop controlling my life & stop criticizing things i like.

you hurt me so deep.

& you're my FATHER.

yeh, i can see the best father right now.

if you had another daughter, i think she'd jump down from our house.

i hate you.

yeah, 1o mins to blog!
*type type type*

anw, went out w fannie dearie & paul threehill cheespie today.

yes, sigh, fannie, im soo sorry D:

im having a really shitty time right now.

thats first.

secondly, tmrw gg out AGAIN!

w pris, ronald, fannie.:D

ahehehe.

helping wx & laurenininini pierce again.

zomg scary but fun:D
lol, lame. okeh.

thirdly, its settled.

im running away on bay beats.

fourthly, its settled again.

im getting a tattoo on my birthday:D

fifthly,

R/S SUCK BANANAS!

next,

im gonna get SPIDER BITES!

kewl shiat huh.

seventhly,

mye suck lolipop maaansxz.

eightly,

i miss all my old friends D:

sigh,

pls dont ignore me anymore.

ninethly,

boy, i still miss you. i really do.

tenthly,

i miss hugs.

next,

i gotta stop smoking.

im smoking my ass off.

well at least i have been today.

sigh.

im such a hypocrite.

*SCREAMS!

i know i have a habit of saying stuff that offend ppl alot.

idk what i said.

im sorry if i said anything wrong tht day.

i swear i didnt meant to offend you in anyway.

i think you look great w tht.

well i got mine, im admitting that i myself am a poseur.

bloody pain.

well i experienced worst.

& it wasnt as pain as i thought it would be.

but whatever, went through it.

2 weeks of patience, here i come.

im alw screwing up my life.

i just realised aftr one problem i hv another one.

im just gna shuddup.

im gna start from now, thankyou.