dreamy

i want you to give me a bouqet of roses or better still, a sunflower.
i want you to serenade me with the guitar.
i want you to whisper sweet 'i love you' randomly.
i want you to give me the biggest and tightest hug everytime we meet.
i want you to hug me when im feeling sad.
i want you to call me sweet names everytime we talk.
i want you to be clingy, to show you still care.
i want you to plan dates and give me surprises from time to time.
i want you to say yes without being reluctant when i ask for a favour.
i want you to give me wet kisses from time to time.
i want you to hug me in front of your friends and let the world know you like me.
i want you to talk to me over the phone every night without me asking.
i want you to want me like i want you, but even more.
i want you to be very honest with me.
i want you to give me a sense of security and trust.

yes i would do all these, and i have been doing these.


P:S// i like you alot Y :3

my dearests.

Y;
you can never do whatever you did to me that night again.
it feels excruciatingly horrible.
i remember your promises.
you cant break them.
and you might be a nerd, but you're my nerd.
(L)

JULIE;
idk what happened, but i'll always be here for you.
i hope im not a negativity to you either honey.
the relationship is taking a very heavy toll on you.
please turn to me when you need someone.
i promise i'll always be there for you sweetheart.

NIZAM;
come back soon, we must celebrate our belated birthdays D:
we promised each other already.
i won't see you online that much anymore either, cos you're now,
at the other side of the world.
im gonna miss you.
*hugs*

BIG PEOPLE.

it sucks to be big.
i dont support that big is gorgeous.
for some girls, big IS gorgeous.
for others like me, its far from that.
its ugly and horrible.
if youre not skinny, you might as well die in the outside world.
face it girls, stop lying to yourself.
dont think that big is the new in thing.
it might be, but its going very slowly.
how many of you are happy being big ?
honestly?
thats how i feel.
it SUCKS to be big.
it sucks big time.
i hate hate being fat.
like f said, image is EVERYTHING.
in a band, in the business, in a relationship, in everything.
i have only complained but done no actions.
its been what, six years?
damn thats long.
im sick of being big. i swear i am.
im gonna show people i can lose weight, and i will lose weight.
i wont discriminate people,
i wont become stuck up like most.

SHERYL;
do not retake your Os honey.
you have a choice.
sure you might've screwed up one paper.
but please don't give up yet.
it is not worth it.
so many things will change.
they might even make social studies a compuslory subject next year or smthg.
we will go to poly/JC together.
and we are gonna enjoy the after Os days.

PRISSY;
you have beautiful curves.
youre not fat.
youre medium.
which is very good.
like you said, guys go for dadadadadada.
go out on dates!
stop cancelling them.
you know you deserve it.
most of all, dont cancel dates with me ogay :C
heheh.
see you soon love, shoppinggggg! :D

maid's beginning to lie a lot.
i'm beginning to know you more too.
yeh the bad side.
typical dude, TYPICAL.
mm, you don't read anyways.
so whatever.

papers i have left:
literature,
science MCQ.

and im not gonna study either.
cos' i don't.

and im not gonna ask people out anymore.
it's up to them to ask me.
cos when i ask them, they get all superior and shit.
ala dumb la ok?
okay maybe i will, those close ones.
other than that, i'm gonna go out everyday after Os
to town and stone.

though i want company.
i'll have my DSi for company.
and mortisha.
and i'll do new things to me.
so okaythxbai.





who's going for escapade at SP?
14 nov, 7 pm to 7 am.
if you are, please text me.
if you are helping out, please text me as well.
asap, ty.

so farhan and i are ok now.
yes that's very good news for me thankyouverymuch.
and i've been studying with dan for two consecutive days.
i reeeallly like studying with him.
cos' he's so nice and we can smoke together.
and farhan and dan and i are going out to celebrate my belated birthday and i CANNOT wait :D
i swear NOTHING can ruin it, and nothing will.

no mood to study anymore.
i suck bad.
sigh ):

F, you said you returned the damn book.
wth dude, stop your crap and just return.
you're not paying the fine, i am.
and it ain't about the money.
it's about your bloody irresponsibility.
i know you won't give me my ten bucks back.
so just return the damn book!
why the hell is it so hard to do?
seriously dude, it's like a bloody brainless thing to do.
if you don't wanna return the book,
than meet me and i can return it myself.
you're being bloody unfair ffs.

ive been blog hopping.
i just realised girls actually boast about how many guys they hang out with.
or how fast they change boyfriends.
and they misuse the three words ILOVEYOU
you give girls a bad reputation.

why wont singapore just sink now.

i want Os to end NOW.

i wanna go out now.

i miss your voice, why wont you pick up ):

fcuk love.
i still dont believe in it.

i really love this girl <3

things i really want (to do) :
1. shisha naaooooo.
2. form an acoustic two piece band.
3. a boyfriend (yes despo)
4. shopping.
5. new wardrobe.
6. burn up alllll books and papers relating to studies.
7. organize a chalet.
8. shopping dates.
9. lose 15kg.
10. get max 13 points for O levels.
11. go out on a date with Y.
12. hang out with tiara, dhabitha, linli, sibel, fadilah, julie and moreee.
13. stop my emotional drama bullshit.
14. get into NP's FMS. or TP.

i dont wanna think anymore.
i've english paper in a few hours.
i've to do another seven drawings of elements for arts by today.
i do not have time.
why?
cos now i'm studying for english.
and after that i have maths tuition at night.
i need my maxim and Y now. ):

i really like you Y. (L)

IM FAT. look.
stop telling me im not, cos i know i am.
and if you still think im not fat, ty (:


P:S// i really miss your voice baby :C

happy deepavali (:
i think it's probably the only time alll my relatives come together.

'O' levels is in five days.
not including practical, nine.

when i looked at a physics paper,
i swear i couldn't answer a single question.
i'm gonna repeat O levels, i just know it.

i shall not post anymore till four weeks later. and i was born a hxc loner.

saturday, thanks A.
thanks a lot.
i feel like the dumbest asshole.
thank you.
you're a typical mfer.
fck you and your words.

sunday, thanks mom.
you made me do errands on my birthday.
but you cheered me up in the end.
ily <3

whats the price of being obese and ugly?
HAPPINESS, that's what.

i hate 11 october, i hate my birthday.
today felt nothing close to my birthday.

can't wait for tomorrow (:
i hope nothing screws up.

this is bull shit

i can't have a life without my mother stalking me.
she called me a slut, cause i sweared a lot.
thanks mom.
please leave me alone.

i think i'm going to delete facebook soon.
this is called being under pressure.

when people have their O levels.
their mothers are at their nicest.
they give them the freedom they need.
they do not pressurize them.
they do not scold them.
they do not blame them and bring them down.
they do not say mean stuff.
they do not they do not they do not.
but my mom thinks it's okay to pressurize me.
cos' im having my most crucial year, she must come and do this to me.
it's not making me work harder mother,
it's making me feel more shitty and horrible and miserable.
YES MISERABLE.
why can't you just be a nice mother and let me be.
you think the way you treat me is ok?
HELL NO.
if i wanna mess around, let me be.
i am NOT a slut.
so don't call me that.
i always wish you'd try a little harder to understand.
why can't you?
your mother never did this to you.
why must you do it to me?
in what way do you think this will help?
please STOP IT!
if you don't want to see your daughter turn into a hardcore delinquent.
back off.
back off now.
leave me alone.
i'm not stupid.
i know how important O levels is.
stop saying i don't show that this is important to me.
i don't have to show you anything.
you pick the slightest fight with me.
why?
just cause you wanna vent your anger out?
please stop it mother.
please.
just leave me alone.

heartless boys with no balls = _|_

FNE & FARH. return me what's mine.
why do you not show me respect.
who are you to make me feel this way.
am i that dead to you?
you took what's mine and you have no intentions of returning it back.
why the fuck? i have no clue.
what must i do to make ya'll give me back my things?
i'll delete everything that's related to you.
i'll burn it if i have to. just please return me my money and things.
yeh im materialistic, yeh im money minded.
satisfied?
you treat me as if i dont exist.
you make me feel so worthless, so much like a nobody.
you make me cry all the time and you still continue ignoring me.
i told you i'll leave you alone, remember?
just give me back my things ffs, please.

" Yes you are fat. You eat what you want yet you're complaining.
Thats why guys avoid you. You complain too much when you have everything and are too freaky for girlfriend or even friend material.
I guess thats why maarof left you.
Friends come after exams for you but whatever so yeah. "

-fannie / wana/ kiddie / gabbie dropkick\gore

thanks a million.
i thank god we are over.
sooner or later, you'd have shot me with a real fucking gun.

URGENT

next week onwards;

THURSD: 4 pm to 9 pm
FRID: 1 pm to 5 pm // 8 pm to 10+ pm
SATURD: 3 pm to 10+pm
SUND: 10 am to 8 pm
(my free days)

i reeallly need help in POA, physics chemistry combine and maybe literature/social studies
i am in need of serious help in these subjects.
anyone willing to tutor me till end of that O level paper?
pretty please.
pm me.
msn: marshmellowsmyhero@live.com

i made two new friends :3
i'm sorry babycakes, i doubt i can break fast with you,
though i really wanna.
i'll bake you yummy coconut cupcakes,
and we'll go shopping and guy hunting in less than two months (Y)
i am bored in arts room.
and i have to finish up by tomorrow.
i'm skipping all night classes this week.
and i've been looking for company for dinner, no kidding.
okthxbye.

why the hell do you enjoy making me cry.
am i a joke to you all?
why must you toy with my feeings?
do you realise how badly your actions hurt me?
saying fuck you won't mean a thing.
cos' it doesn't affect you.
cos' i'm a fucking nobody to you.

true enough, i have been trying to avoid the truth.
i kept telling myself, 'he still likes me, i know he does'
after what julie told me, i called, you answered.
you sounded as if i'm a nobody to you.
you couldn't reply any of my messages.
but you could go to bugis.
why the hell are you doing this to me?
you tried making me feel guilty, you tried implying i'm at fault.
i knew well enough what you were doing,
but i chose to ignore it.
because i still liked you.
and i liked that you still liked me.
how fucking stupid i was.

i don't wanna say i hate you,
cos' my reasons are stupid.
you don't like me, who am i to say anything.
i can't force you.
but i hate you enough, because you toyed with my feelings.
just cause i am FAT, i don't deserve fucking respect?
just cause i am FAT, you can treat me this way?

you ain't the first guy who has ever done this to me.
i swear if i add up in total all the stmf and those who made me feel this way because i am FAT,
it can reach up to more than 50.

cause i am FAT, i am treated like a clown.
cause i am FAT, i am dissed.
cause i am FAT, guys try getting RID of me after meeting me?
cause i am fat cause i am fat cause i am fat.

you know what, you have made me cry for the last time.
i am not ready for any fucking guys.
cause they are all just a bunch of fucking liars.
they love saying "OH LOOKS DON'T MATTER, I ONLY GO FOR THE HEART"
who the fuck do you think you're trying to kid?
who the fuck do you think you are?
what is with that fucking like?
a big FUCK YOU to all ASSHOLES out there.
i know i'm not mature enough cos' i'm blogging this way.
and you know what, i have every fucking right to,
cos' i'm only 16 and i know shit about love.
wait, IT DONT FUCKING EXIST.
to all BOYS with no fucking balls out there, stay away, get lost, go burn your sausages for all the shit i care.
it's cause of people like YOU,
people like ME go anoerexic, bullimic, taking slimming pills, and kill themselves slowly and painfully, if i had a choice, i would extinguish people like you, i will make ya'll pay every single dime for the shit you made girls go through.
i've deleted 90% of the dudes in my contact list.
it's a start.
people like you make me feel fuckd all over.
add on to my parents and friends and fucking problems.
committing suicide would be nothing.
if you're pissed about this post, text me personally.

fcuk you and your rubbish, seriously.

meeting julie in ten:3

im with sibelly now.

weeee.

okay bubyeee. :D

J, i read your blog all the time, and i don't know if you still read mine. But i'm just really curious, did i do something to offend you? the day we were supposed to go out, you told me you couldn't cos' you had work, on a sat. the next day or so, i read your blog and you went out with gang instead. well actually on fri i was talking to S and he said you asked him out for karaoke when you told me you had work. We were supposed to meet up from 2.30-4.30 ish at town yst. though it's short, i still wanted to meet you cos' i missed you. but you text me that same night, saying you can't make it, don't ask why. i just read your blog and you seemed to have had so much fun with zee. i'm not being some bitch here and blaming you for choosing close ones over me. but why can't you just tell me you don't wanna hang out. you wanna hang with the gang. i wouldn't get all pissed. i'll understand. but you cancelling on me giving me reasons that seems untrue. like wth? if you read this, please text me or something. or else, just forget it.

KINDNESS

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness
as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow
as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
cathces the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness
that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into
the day to mail letter and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

- Naomi Shbab Nye

miss singapore can't speak properly, wtf.
i was blog hopping and came across this blog.
yeh the video appeared a lot of times in stomp but i couldn't be bothered to watch.
so since my boredom shot through the sky, i decided to click play.
i couldn't believe what i was hearing.
a big w.t.f

i want my indiesin goods and my 10 bucks and i'll disappear.
you make me feel so fuckd up all over again

you came back. but you're not you anymore :/

blogger takes damn ass long.
screw you b.


i have zero clue why you treat me this way, please tell me at least.
ok, even if you don't wanna see me, just give me a damn good reason. tell me what i did wrong.
why the hell make me feel this way?
am i some joke to you?
whatever it is, i still want my indiesin goods back. you make me feel so fucked up all over again.

i know im being very drama mama.
and i'll stop everything.
i'll stop asking you out,
i'll stop texting you,
i'll just ask from you when my parcel arrives.
when hopefully you will tell me about it.
and i'll visit you at your work cos' i wanna do shopping too.
thanks for yesterday.
i know you had your reasons.
but i'm just done with this social bullshit.

i spent 20bucks at starfucks for two consecutive days.
dharshy, you have seriously got to stop eating calories.
yes, eat those killer calories and say byebye to your fckg efforts.
okay, no more starb till 11november!:D
annnnd, i am still looking for a study buddy.
one who's free like nobody's business.
especially on weekends, and willing to concentrate.

subjects i take:
1. engrish.
2. e maths.
3. accounts.
4. phychem comb.
5. lit elect & ss.
6. arts.
7. cheenoneh.
okay number 6&7 is helpless.
i needa study 2-5.
anyone?
PUHLEESE.
i'm THAT desperate now.
well actually, the only study buddy i have is dyan.
but we can only study on sundays from 10-3/4, but only chemistry.
well we don't actually.
HAHAHAH.
don't we dyan C:
i have HAVE to score,
L1R4: 12/>
L1R5: 15/>
well this is like the typical standard everyone sets for themselves.
i actually have an interest in going to JC.
but my parents think im nuts.
they even discourage me ):

reasons i don't wanna go to poly:
1. ite students wanna go to poly,
2. poly students wanna go to poly,
3. jc students CHOSE to go to poly.
(where doest that leave me >:)
4. i don't like the nearby polys.
5. it is a dog eat cat world.
6. the course i want is only available in one school.
7. i don't know what other courses i want.
8. the chances of me going to university is 1/100
reasons i WANT to go to poly:
1. its spells freedommm.
2. i can go home late >:)
3. i can have more friends C:
4. i can wear WHATEVER i want.
5. i can even have a big huge septum and the lecturers can't do anything.

reasons i WANT to go to JC:
1. I WANNA GO TO UNI.
2. so 30% of jc students can go.
3. i don't have to worry about what to wear and what people will think if i wear this or that.
reasons i DONT WANT to go to JC:
1. i have to look like a nerd.
2. it's a higher level of secondary.
3. i enjoy the studying, i just can't concentrate.
4. if i don't go to uni, i am only left with a O level cert.
5. it's stress as hell.


i am very happy too cos' i am anticipating TOMORROW:D
see you tomo baby <:


i know i always use the word 'hate' but i don't mean it.
i only hate one person now.
well she just disgusts me.
and all those minahs&mats/bengs&lians.
i can't be bothered.
i just don't like them.
i don't hate them.
and concepts.
whats with that maaanszxzxzx.


okay little india, here i come :D

YA IM A LOSER.
i admit it.
i'm not afraid of denying it.
i know i have the guts to.
even my mom thinks i'm a social disaster.
no i am not kidding you.

mom: where are you, who are you with? what time you coming back?
me: starbucks, around 10 ish. i'm studying alone.
mom: alone? serious?
me: yes.
mom: *long pause* oh. seriously alone?
me: yes, why?
mom: nothing *sad tone*

everyday i'm sitting at starbucks alone, and people ask me.
"why you dont ask your friends to accompany you?"
my ans: "i don't have friends willing to come here just to accompany me"
what more do you want me to say?
now you wonder why i'm always so DEPRESSED and EMO and whatever shit you can come up with.
i know everyone's busy.
but don't give me excuses.
you wanna lie, LIE PROPERLY.
i don't need your pity either.
so you can shove it up yours.
everyone's always telling me it's normal.
cos' i'm going through o levels and shit like that.
i'm not that dumb, seriously.
i also hate it when people ask me out, and they don't reply me.
like, they just give me brief details, and suddenly avoid me.
like wtf dudes. why the hell ask me out when you don't even take me seriously.
im so assed up because i don't have my cigarettes.
and this special someone doesn't seem to know i exist.
either that or he just can't be bothered with me.
i know i'm annoying, and i know you know it too.
and since you do know, don't bother making friends with me and just avoid me after that.
cos' it makes me sick.

my main point of this damn post?
i just feel like taking a gun and shoot those ungrateful sweet talker motherfuckers.
i don't need YOU kinda friends.
im not saying im lonely to the extent that i have zero friends.
i have real friends that i can actually count with my fingers and toes.
like, why the hell is it so hard just to get the smallest thing that i want.
you may think i complain a lot, well that's cause i can't think properly.
you know what, _|_

I AM IN ART ROOM NOW.
i feel seriously immature and childish.
like wth,
DHARSH, GROW UP!

idk why i get impatient easily.
i was terrible to linli today.
and im waiting for a reply.
perhaps a call?
i finally have a crush.
and i have not stopped smiling since youknowwhen.
i wanna go back to youknowwhen i redo things in a nicer way.
when will that faithful date come.
when i can call you my "date".
i really would like that.
and hugs too.
and long bus rides.
it's only been a very short time.
but i can't stop my fingers from typing.
you won't know cos' you're hardly ever online/don't know my blog.
but still, i want the world to know.
dharshy marshmellow is feeling very, very happy :3

i missed anberlin.
but i watched the dude from fountains of wayne.
and i got to meet etc.
i love etc.

so i went to study with dyan, f*, and taufiq.
met with dyan first, we were supposed to do chemistry and i kept talking about physics especially since he wasn't taking physics. well not purposely o'course.
than f* came along.
i was smiling to myself the whole time.
so we went to teh outside place at rp.
it was pretty nice (:
we couldn't really study.
so we went to fetch taufiq and bought fooooood.
i didn't like the sausage bun but it was the only thing i could find thats nice enough.
HAHAHAHAH.
so we went back to teh place.
talked a lot.
studied, minimal.
than dyan left to hang out with friends & baybeats.
so it was the three little pigs.
actually one pig two ducks.
HAHAHAH, ducks aren't fat.
they're adorable.
we talked, smoked.
and f* went to colour the cigarette with highlighter.
i didn't dare to smoke cause it was burning.
but i did (du-h)
than i said " i wanna do dreadlocks after o's"
they both just stared a while and i bent down.
taufiq was like "eh let me see, i wanna picture you with dread locks"
"no you don't suit"
HAHAHAHAH, whatever i still wanna try.
so he left to meet his friend cos' she wanted to repair her phone at bishan.
and he forgot his calc.
f* told me some stuff to rekindle the past.
awwwwww. (:
he still keeps the stuff i gave him!
*smiles*
so we went for dinner and pastamania.
he ordered carbonara(i think that's how you spell it) and i had teh soup.
expensive puhleese.
"the expensive kinda fast food"- F*
so tau came back for his calc.
he never brought his, friend. C:
and we took 169.
and F* and i played the stupidity game.
he got like 40% dumb -.-
i got 100%.
and tau got 50%/75% dumb cos he spoiled one question.
and we were laughing our asses off while tau was listening to his mp3/phone.
i was seriously super happy that time. C:
he played with me this game. super funny and he played with tau too.
taufiq, you're the first guy (Y)
and we walked around northpoint and i bought them both friendship band.
now we three same (ah)!
than tau left to change, but went to baybeats after that.
F* accompanied me home.
and apparently he knows the dude i like and i know the girl he likes :3
and we finish the KERETEK(however you spell it)
HAHAHAH.
i won't take any from you anymore sweettea. :]

i'm really bored. yeh i've been saying that much lesser actually.
i planned on going to LJS again to study literature, with the company of F/S.
well they both said they can't last minute.
sigh.
i am still in search of company.
so if you would love to bitch with me(i love bitching), please come to LJS, northpoint on weekdays.
tyvm.


than there's love.
people go through so much shit just cause of this thing called love.
i don't entirely believe it's true.
well the only two couples that really makes me feel as if LOVE is true,
is Ju&Ze and Pr&Ro.
HAHAH, idk if ya'll still read my blog.
but still, both you couples have been together and going strong.
i know it isn't all a lie.
cos' i see with my own pair of eyes, when you both are together.
even if it's just for a few mere minutes.
i just see that happiness ya'll share.
it's like you both are in your own perfect world.
and yes i'm envious. but what to do. HAHAH.
another reason why i don't believe in love, is cos',
i doubt it ever happened to me.
because is a long time thing.
and i have never loved anyone for more than half a year.
and people always think they're in love,
but it turns out it's just a lie.

girls, when a guy doesn't show you his real self, he tries to follow that 'guy trend'.
do what other guys do when it comes to so called love, it means there's nothing.
most guys have egos bigger than their heads.
MOST, i emphasise most.
and when their ego steps in, just walk away.
cos' it's no use holding on anymore.
been there, done that.
don't ever, ever put your hopes so high on a guy.
cos' they end up crushing them so hard you wish they(boys) were crucified.
they dont' even realise that hideous crime they did.
cos' their egos are eating them alive.
on the contrary, don't let their innocence fool you.
don't take them for granted.
that's the most important.
lotsa girls take their oh-so-perfect boyfriend for granted,
they regret it big ass time.
bigger than bigmomma'sass.
honey don't make that same mistake.
you can never turn back time.
the guilt will engulf you.
i know of friends who mistreat their boyfriends.
well take them for granted.
so much so that they are losing them(guys) without knowing it.
1.don't put studies before boyfriends.
2.don't put single on your networking sites(boyfriends hate that, makes them feel like some doll for you to play with)
3.don't forget those monthsaries(though guys are usually the one forgetting em)
4.never try hiding your boyfriend from the world.
5.show them that they're special, but not in an obsessive way.
6.if he doesn't reply/contact you. just back off if you know he has no reasons to be busy.
7.NEVER LOVE A GUY SO MUCH, if you know, that he don't feel the same way. never assume, never let down your guard.

guys, if your girlfriend/crush/date give you that youre-just-some-mutt-i-don't-need-you act, just ditch them. they are just using you. don't be blinded by love. cos' if you're that lucky, than you're just wasting your life away. you're intentionally letting your life go down the drain. it's not an act, it's not a lie.
there's girls like this out there.
always always give your girlfriends a second/third/fourth/max fifth chance.
by that time, if they still make the mistake, they don't really love you the way you think they love you.
if she lied to you, find out why she lied. never make assumptions.
if you see her making out with some other guy, than walk up to her, let her know you saw everything. let her feel the guilt she deserves. tell her straight in the face. how you feel. and walk away.
don't hide behind a wall and become unnoticeable. be a MAN.
don't be a softie. don't be a boy.
if you found a new love, don't be afraid to fall in love again.
always know, that she is NOT your ex.
she is not the one who lied, who backstabbed, who twotimed, who cheated on you.
she is NOT that bitch.
she is another girl, who feels the same way you do.
don't push her buttons.
don't go overboard.
don't talk about the way your past ex girlfriends treated you.
cos' SHE IS NOT THEM.
and THEY ARE NOT HER.
do let her know she is important.
not to the extent of obsessiveness.
do let her trust you.
there must always be trust.
don't hide things from her.
it can be the tinyest, but it'll mean the world to her.
shower her with random gifts.
don't hide her from the world.

no i didn't get all this from anywhere.
and this is just a bit of what i know and what i can say.
can't believe i took so long to type this.

to lovers out there, please make sure there is trust before anything starts.
even in a friendship, there must be trust, lest the friendship is FAKE.
same goes for a relationship.
most important thing, build the trust.
don't try hiding anything, cos' in the end the truth always comes out.
like it or not, it's called karma.

I WANNA WEEEEE.

the only time i said i was sxe was to this girl, who's some bloody arrogant dude now, cos' i thought she was my best friend.
well i said it in a HAHAH way cos' i didn't drink/smoke at that point of time.
i didn't even say it as if OH IM A SERIOUS SXE KID.
and she took it so seriously, she went telling everyone.
wow. not a shocker.
nah i just wanted to clear something up.
i hate people bullshiting about me without getting the facts right first.
if you don't remember it, don't open your mouth just to get the attention.
seriously makes me sick to the core dude.

readers, how do you feel about people, no, strangers, bitching about you?
would you sit around? and not do anything? and let the person talk bullshit bout you?
or would you talk to that person?
and ask that person to shut up?

if you just lost a best friend, and you hate her so much, yet you still cared for her.
yes contradicting, i know.
and you told her something that you think she should know.
but she told you, GO TO HELL YOU FUCKING BITCH.
after shit loads of swearing and cursing like a monkey.
how would you feel?
yeh you probably think, why the hell should you even care.
she's just a crazy bitch who accuses you of shit.
i don't know why i do that either.

Dad's in the ICU.
He can barely breathe.
All i can do is sit around and do nothing.
Especially since i'm having prelims now.
And i end late.
How pathetic of me.
God is seriously being too unfair.
I just need a talking on the phone buddy.

it's called karma, bitch <:

things to do.
1. run at least 5 times a week
(possibility level 7.5/10)

2. lose 20 kg by 11.10
(possibility level 5/10)

3. dont become so clingy
(possibility level 4.9/10)

4. solve my own problems without telling anyone
(possibility level 6.7/10)

5. study on mondays, wednesdays, fridays, saturdays, sundays till 9.40 earliest
(possibility level 8.9/10)

6. eat healthy
(possibility level 8.7/10)

7. don't fall for hot malay guys with big eyes and very mature so easily
(possibility level 0.1/10)


8. skip dinner
(possibility level 5.1/10)
((if i sleep straight away after coming home))

i want a close close guy friend, one like dyan. who can bitch about girls or haters or anyone i want. and wont mind my freaky-ness. yes guys reject/avoid/runaway from me cos number 1, I AM FAT. number 2, i am wierd.
its hard to have a girl best/close friend, cos they end up hurting each other, and becoming the biggest emotional drama war. and in the end, you have no one to turn to. cause the two main people you always depend on most, will always be the one who ends up hurting you the most.
and i always complain a lot, i know. that's cause i feel so GAHHHH! prelims is in less than 2 days, o levels is in less than idontknow how many days, and my birthday is in less than 51 days.
51=20??? (some might know what it means)
and i have so so much problems regarding beings around me.
and i know i seem to be the most procrastinating iwontshuddup complaining bitch but i need to say it out or i won't be alive today.
and im tired of saying shit that don't happen.
this 51=20 thing MUST happen!
and i feel its just damn stupid to smoke.
the only reason i smoke is cause im hungry(51=20) and i need something to distract my mind, that cooling feeling helps me relax and take problems & studies away. Yes i do drink WINE, cause i love wine. what's wrong with drinking wine at home? now i find it pointless for me bragging that imma drink after o's. whythefuck do i even say that. alcohol taste wierd for people like me. but wine dont:3
im just feeling seriously AHH yet ahhh (:
i do not believe in love / forevers but i think i like someone.
okay people, see me after my birthday, big transformation okehhhh C:

anyone wanna study with me NOW?
text me/msn me.



PS:// if you're gonna bitch about this, please go to hell, to anyone who hates me and read this blog.

hey,I DID NOT MENTION YOUR NAME IN MY BLOG. WHY SHOULD YOU? AND I DID NOT SAY IM NOT CONTRADICTING. I SAID IM NOT SO CONTRADICTING AS YOU.AND LET ME FUCKING PROVE TO YOU ME AND YAT WILL LAST LONGER THAN THIS WORLD AND WE WILL SHOVE THE FUCKING TRUTH UP YOUR PATHETIC GODDAMN ASS.ME A POSEUR? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I'VE NEVER LABELLED MYSELF AND YOU DID. WHO IS THE POSEUR SHIT ONE HERE? WORSE STILL, I'VE NEVER LABELLED MYSELF AND TELL EVERYONE IM THIS OR THAT, BITCH.YOUU GET YOUR FUCKING FACTS RIGHT.I STOOD UP FOR YOU WHEN PEOPLE BRING YOU DOWN LIKE THE FAT THINGY. I TRIED MY HARDEST TO ASSURE YOU YOU'RE NOT FAT BUT DUE TO YOUR FUCKING BITCHY ATTITUDE, YOU SAY YOU ARE.YOU TREATED YAT LIKE A FUCKING DOG. HE TOLD ME SO. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO THREATEN HIM IF HE DIDNT RETURN YOUR BLOODY MONEY? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? YOU THINK WE'RE SCARED OF YOU? OH FUCK NO. EVEN IF YOU CALLED THE POLICE WE HAVE OUR REASONS.AND WE REALLY DO HAVE A FINE TO PAY. FUCK YOU AND SUCK YOUR FAT DADS DICK IF YOU DONT FUCKING BELIEVE. AND YAT HASNT BEEN GIVING YOU BLOODY EXCUSES ABOUT EVERYTHING.FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING BELIEFS. FUCK JESUS FUCK PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ARE SO FUCKING TYPICAL AND JUDGEMENTAL ABOUT EVERYONE.LASTLY, FUCK OFF AND GO DIE FAT BITCH.The fat bitch only refers to you, not to anyone else
-my obsessed stalker.


well well, look who's talking.
i am not gonna steep to your level, and entertain your bullshit.
i am not going to conform to your being, just to satisfy your sadistic cravings.
you're a obsessed psycho, and i won't give a damn anymore.
why should i get irritated by you?
you mean nothing to me.
you can never be anyone's best friend cause all you do is force them to be yours,
but in that process, you're just pushing them away, cause no one wants to be forced.
they'll slowly become your substitute.
if you had a boyfriend, i sure would sympathize with the new best friend.
hate me all you want.
and now, i know why zee loaths you.
i know you have zero originality and all you do is steal things/words/friends/guys/lovers/EVERYTHING from people.
go ahead.
:3
youre just one of those psycho's who read this blog.

yay i got a C6 for chinese:3

FANNIE/GABBIE/KIDDIE/WHAT FUCK YOUR SCENE NAME IS, FUCK OFF.
GO SHOVE YOUR BLOODY CRITICISMS UP YOUR HUGE VAGINA.
LEAVE ME ALONE!

YOU'RE NOT CONTRADICTING?
WHO THE HELL YOU TRYING TO KID?
YOU SAY YOU KNOW ME FOR TWO YEARS?
ARE YOU SURE?
YOU DONT KNOW ME AT ALL.
YEH I HAVE FLAWS, WHO DONT?
YOU THINK YOURE MISS PERFECT?
BITCH IM NOT GONNA BE SO FCKING IMMATURE LIKE YOU TO BLOG BOUT YOU.
IF YOU WANT ME TO, I WILL.
TRUST ME, I HAVE MUCH MORE THINGS TO SAY,
MUCH MORE FOR PEOPLE TO SERIOUSLY HATE YOU.
I'LL TELL PEOPLE WHO'S THE BIGGER LIAR, POSEUR, SHIT LKE THAT.
AND GET YOUR FCKG FACTS RIGHT FIRST,
DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID, DON'T WRITE ANYTHING.
PEOPLE WHO READ YOUR BLOG CAN HATE ME FOR SHIT I CARE.
BUT I KNOW PEOPLE WHO REALLY KNOW ME WILL THINK YOU'RE JUST SOME SERIOUS OBSESSED PSYCHO WHO CANT GET OVER HERSELF.
I KNOW YOU HATE ME CAUSE YOURE LONELY NOW, VERY LONELY, APART FROM YAT.
I CAN BET YOU YOUR LIFE YOUR NEXT SO CALLED "BFF" WON'T LAST MORE THAN HALF A YEAR.
SO READ THIS, F.U.C.K O.F.F!

prelims, piano practical exam, art deadline.

i need help. okay, i dont. im gonna handle this allll on my own.
see my heading?
yes, all that in two weeks.

MONDAY
0430-0530 running.
1430-1630 arts.
1700-183o piano t.

TUESDAY
0430-0530 running.
1430-1715 arts.
1830- chinatown. #

WEDNESDAY
0430-0530 running.
0600-0615 piano.
1430-1730 arts.
1900-2030 social studies.*

THURSDAY
0430-0530 running.
0600-0615 piano.
1430-1830 arts.
1900-2100 maths t.

FRIDAY
0430-0530 running.
0600-0615 piano.
1300-1630 arts.
1730-1925 english t.~

SATURDAY
0830-0845 piano.
1000-1200 chinatown. #
1400-1600 chemistry.*
1630-1830/1700-1900 physics.*
1900-2100/1930-2130 maths*/accounts*

SUNDAY
1000-1400 chemistry w/ dyan.*
1500-1630 physics.*
1700/1800-1900 social studies.*/maths.*/accounts.*


#- don't ask me why.
~- i really need at least a talking/texting buddy. end of the day i feel very tired and i need someone to talk to ):
*- please join in if you want to (:
- idk how long i can take this. i really don't. i can't even find a proper study buddy. i just pray i don't pick up old habits. ahhhh fuck.

1. i have to stop thinking about GOING OUT/ WATCHING MOVIE, red lips and piercings, tattoos and weed.
2. i have to concentrate on studies for the last few months, and on losing weight.

SIGH

MUST GO!
:D
kthxbye.

hello arts room.

i like dates :3

yes that smile i got from herman my crabbyyyy <:

eh sunday still on!
my phone is dead.

come on people, letes study and hang out and picnic.

like how often do i get such freedom??

and for those who wanna hang out after o's.

text muaaa (:

and today i sent less than 20 text messages.

SHOCKING.

17 days ish left till dead line for art o levels.

completion: 1/3

booya.

O LEVEL STUDENTS! lets study my nerds (:

venue: republic poly(woodlands)

time: 1030 @ yishun station,

1100 @ woodlands station.

date: 16.08.09 (sunday)

if ya'll interested, please text me asap, or dyan disgourge <3

yes we can have a picnic tooo (:

confirm by friday night!

love, your friendly friend,

dharshy the dork.

i give up on love and forevers.

they dont fckg exist.

stop convicing yourself it does, bitch.

my birthday, here i come.

people, be prepared to see the new dharshy.

read this and get it into your head.
you're mean, and selfish, and insensitive, and bloody arrogant.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
i don't need you to keep telling me you're gonna delete me and shit like that.
stop saying "i don't know who you are" cos you damn well do.
try as you might, you can't forget me.
if you don't know me why keep contacting me?
you tell me not to text you, and you don't wanna waste your money on a dumbfck like me?
looks who's talking bitch.
i didn't text you, you text me.
i didn't disturb you, you disturb me.
and you can even tell me not to blog about you?
dude you blog bout shit and you tell people "it's my blog and i say whatever i want"
now i'm telling you this.
i have nothing to do with you.
don't bother coming to my blog.
i don't give a shit what people say about us or you or i.
cos' i know damn well what you did to me.
i'm sick of you.
just fuck off and leave me alone bitch.

i like boys with afro/curly/dreadlocks/half-shaved heads.
(L)

i have a lot to say but i think i forgot everything.
i cant wait to lose effin weight so i can be happy on my bday (:
to f, stop acting like you don't know me.
you aren't the only one in so much pain.
so stop giving me that fake crap.
you haven't changed since we broke up.
it shows how little i mean to you.
continue doing what you always do to yat.
we'll see what happens end of the year.

i've given up on love,
and i've given up on having a best friend.
well actually i like(d) someone who's attached.
yes, i must stop it.
anyone want me to do signs;D

and it's not too late to ask me out for the after o levels period now (:
i made new friends, and lost old ones.
ehy why must social problems affect my bloody o levels.

my parents are discouraging me from going to JC.
and they're epic bipolar.
text me someone.
okaythxbye.

we're over.
yes im the bitch here.
bye, period.

okay this is my mature post.
after blog hopping.
honestly, we tell ourselves, its okay to be fat.
but im being a fckg hypocrite.
cos i've had a fair share of bad experiences myself.
i used to be so obssessed and desperate after breaking up with mrf.
yes i never been single for that long actually.
and so far, i only have had one REAL relationship.
yes my first real one.
anywho, i had many bad experiences.
th dude ignores me after meeting me,
th dude PRETENDS not to see me, though i clearly see him.
th dude acts all nice and after that just totally ignore me.
th dude just fckg ignores me after i tell him my weight.
you know what dudes out there, i dont tell you my real weight.
cos' i wanna see are you a typical boy, or a real man.
of course, the normal reaction will be.
"you should exercise everyday."
"eat one meal a day."
"you should do running and a lot of jumping and sit-ups."
i swear i am SERIOUSLY sick of this shit.
so now, my aim is to lose weight by 11.11.2009.
i don't wanna give two hoots even if exams are coming.
it's just one day.
people always go why are birthdays so special.
idk, i just feel a year more mature.
like, a new year resolution is born.
y'know what i mean?
i won't speak in detail of my bad experiences here.
talk to me if you wanna know more.
i'm sure you'll have a way.

i come from the most shit ass family.
stop asking me to hang out.
cos i can't.
i don't wanna meet any new people till 11.11.2009.
apart from the usuals.
i can't be bothered with having friends.
who's there when i need one the most?
i can't be bothered bout why people hate me.
it's like, why the hell do i wanna do shit to impress you?
i wanna lose weight cos' i have zero confidence.
i can't take the criticisms or stares anymore.
those who are not skinny reading this would know what i mean.
i'm not a strong person.
i can't take this.
i give in to pressure too easily.
i won't find love.
i want love to find me.
i won't rush into any relationships.
and yes, i do have a lot of guy friends.
but not close guy friends.
well little real girl friends.
ah whatever.
kthxbye.

fck guys who go for looks.
fck your fcking ego.
this is a fckg post dedicated to fckers who are blind.
so what if we're fat?
are we there horrible to look at?
if yes, what if every girl was fat?
or that particular SKINNY girl was a fckg slut?
you gonna fck her and actually marry her fkcg slut?
not only am i pissed, im abhored.
to this particular dude.
who hurt my babycakes feeling.
you know who you are.
who the hell are you to judge people?
okay you have your fckg rights. idc.
but the way you treat her is seriously, typical, lame, and inhumane.
you think this solves everything?
think again fcker.
what if era was a fckg stick with big boobs and huge ass.
you gonna date her ?
i swear you'll regret this.
just wait.
youre not a man.
youre a boy.
a typical, selfish, boy.
whatever, you know who you are.
i hope karma slaps you in the face not once, not twice, a MILLION times.
yes im fckg pissed now.
i hope you read this.
lets see how well you do next time.

I HATE FRIDAYS _|_

i have lost weight (:
many more kg to go.
and since i ate mee soto and charsiew rice in school,
im going to go running. or the cycling thingy without sitting thingy at home.
and im gonna be at least 55-60kg by 11.11.09
my birthday (:
buy me gifts.
tyvm.
lets go stealing >:)

i love era (:
hahah.
and hor, i realised i irritate people.
okay sorry people.
(L)

1.Besides your lips,where is your fav spot to get kissed?
forehead. heh.

2.How do you feel when you woke up this morning?
fckcheebehbbqwtfszxzxzxzx.

3.Who was the last person you took photo with?
sofiaaaaa.

4.Would you consider yourself spoilt?
i guess.

5.Would you ever donate blood?
if needles didn't have to be insterted, yes i would.

6.Have you ever had a bestfriend of the opposite sex?
yes, for a very short period of time.

7.Do you want someone dead?
yes.

8.What does your last message says?
nazree- Haha, Seriously! I always hate when people talk abt Passing ur N. Haha.

9.What are you thinking about right now?
after losing weight. fck yeh (:

10.Do you wish someone to be with you now?
yes ):

11.What time did you go to bed last night?
idk -.-

12.Where did you buy the t-shirt you are wearing now?
free.

13.Someone on your mind now?
yes.

14.Who was the last person that texted you?
nazree.

15.Tag 8 random person to do this survey.

1. Best F.
2. Cassie.
3. Julie.
4. Nazree.
5. Yantoi.
6. Zoohighree.
7. Jaslin.
8. people i tag ah, some no blog. (:

i wanna buy shorts from cotton on.
&
get full sleeve and a monroe/medusa.
fck yeh!
i got my idea from khai. thankyou khai (:

I FCKG LOVE YOU NURWADA:D

sigh, right now i think you just don't wanna be friends.
dw, i won't disturb you anymore.
i feel like i try and try but you just don't seem to care.
maybe i really do have an attitude problem.
i really wanna be that friend you always talk to,
that friend whom you can like hang out and cheer you up.
shizz like that.
but,
E, you dont have to reply me either.
i'm okay with it.
i just won't try to hard anymore (:

1. What's your room colour?
` whiteish apple green.

2. What's your actual height?
` 167

3. If you are told to get married quick, what will you do?
` i'll listen to my heart. (duh)

4. If your boyfriend or sister(s) would say " break up", what's your reaction?
` whuuuutt.

5. If your brother would be in jail, what will you do?
` i dont have one.

6. If your boyfriend or girlfriend would end up in hospital & in coma, what will you do?
` i'll run to his bed side and hold his hand and whisper ily. or i'll do hand sign if he cant talk.

7. If you saw someone stripless whats your first reaction?
` HAHAH. funny sehhh.

8. Last person you chat with?
` ash.

9. Whose the last person who texted you and what?
` yat- tell fannie m otw to gombak now.

10. What's on your playlist now?
` august burns red- barbarian.

11. The last thing you ever brought at a shop?
` i cant remember ):

12. What's the most silly/cute thing your boyfriend or girlfriend last did?
` bought me eeyore (L)

13. It's white and sticky. what is it?
` roasted ME! (marshmellows, to those who knows me as that.)

14. A romantic dream. Would you like it to be happen to you?
` hell yes.

15. Give 10 people that you wish to do this survey.

veron.

pris.

cassie.

best f(but yes i know you did it already-.-)

tiara.

julie.

wawa.

sheryl.

yantoi (heheheh -.-)

zoooooo ( yes i know you dont have a blog anws)

16. Right now, what you wish to be happening to you?
` lose fckg weight.

17. If you caught boyfriend or girlfriend in red handed in having affair?
` bitch slap her, double bitch slap him.

18. If your mum gave you a thousand dollars, what will you do?
` go do the slimming thingy and fckg shopping.

19. Right now, what are you thinking?
` why isn't my babycakes replying me ):

20. What is a thing that you want to burn so much, right now?
` eeyore.

23. Do you wish someone to be by your side, right now?
` yes.

24. Which country would you want to go?
` venice, amsterdam.

25. Would you ever wish to kiss someone else?
` my future boyf, duh.

26. Your friend list, if you would lost one friend what will you do and who?
` i've lost waay to many friends, so idk.

27. If there's young baby on your doorstep, what will you do?
` make him/her my child.

28. If your girlfriend or boyfriend got you pregnant, what will you do?
` HAHAH, whuuuut.

29. What's the last sweet thing your loved ones ever did to you?
` make me very very happy.

30. What would you want to happen the next morning you woke up?
` to look slim literally.

ps:ty era bbycakes.

im monotonous today (:
okaythxbye.



few minutes later...
to priscilla.
what happened hon.
are you okay?
you say you are but i know it's impossbile that you are.
it's been like a year/less/plus that you both been together.
and this, honestly is totally unexpected.
would you care to share honey?
i promise im the best listening ear.
i may not be that close friend.
or rather, just an aquaintance.
but you were there for me when my guy broke up with me,
so i want to be there for you now.
our friendship still means A LOT to me,
though we hardly contact now.
sigh, talk to me love. ):
i won't say cheer up cos' i know it doesn't help.
even i kinda get irritated when people say that to me.
i might not understand how heartbroken you feel now,
cos the love between you both is much stronger than mrf and i.
let it out, cry it out.
don't let this whole break up affect you so badly, cos' JC is pretty tough on you.
yeh i still read your blog all the time love.
ily.
*hugs*

i hate it when you say you'll be my texting buddy.
well we all know that'll never happen.
i hate making new friends, cos they treat me as HIBYE friends.
well more like uh, BYE friends.
i know ya'll are busy.
but at least a simple i'll ttyl would be nice.
sorry it's so hard.
thanks for being so mean anyways, 'texting buddies'.
well fck this shit.

went out to burger king, to study.
with wenting and wawa.
tyvm wawa syg for coming (:
we're all big, but we still love gagaing at guys.
betul tak;D

what i must acomplish by 11.11
-loose weight.
-loose mfing weight so much so that i look different.

what im gonna do after 11.11
-go out.
-have soandso dharshy days.
-its not too early to pick dates with me bby (:
-yes i do love booking people 4 months in advance, no i dont think it's too early.
-well hopefully by then i spent my money/freedom wisely.
-i probably wont be that obsessed on finding a boyf by then (:
-even if i do, he can never flirt, and not have a lot of ex girlfriends.
-weeee;D



few minutes later...
ballad for layla's gonna split.
wtf?!
guitarist dude of BFL, i dont know you AT ALL,
but from what i heard, youre an asshole.
sigh, whatever.

i'm still awaiting my shirt,
and diamond necklace.
bestiee&yat, save your money.
dont spent.
just do what i said.
trust me, it'll work.
don't be stubborn anymore.
if you don't wanna go to court,
you'll clear your shitty debt nowwww.

i wanna move to switzerland,
go through a whole makeover, physically.
and change my name.
and i'll be a totally different person.
so people will stop discriminating me.
i hate being discriminated.
i know i'm fat.
i don't need you telling me
"you should exercise"
"oh you should go on a diet!"
"you should seriously eat lesser"
"eat like one meal a day!"
eh, do i look like some idiot to you??
don't you think i know that, i'd have tried that?
i tried being anoerexic, bullimic,
and i sure as hell dont need shit from you.
call it advice, or whatever, you ain't the first dude.

everyone's out, nobody's fckg replying.
yay me.
this is why i'm so moody all the time.
ya' dig?

hello to nobody.
yeh i feel so much of a loser that idk if anyone still reads this.
i mean it.
yes i self proclaim myself, a loser.

12.11.2009- outing with lulu syg (:
13.11.2009- outing with era honbunbun (:
17.11.2009- best friend day with, best friend. (:

thats all so far.
so please lina chan, alice chainsaw, eisha bby, wawa syg, veronini, alin, asyraf, liya honey, heed, jaslin, sheryl babe, jenna, juliah, julie muffins, khai peewee, laulau, lynette!, maha, prisusu, sasa rabia, tiara, shar, syed, taufiq, zyzy, zack, yakuzi, syad, and everyone who i promisd to hang out with after o's.
i know some here, i have never talked to since, forever.
but still, i wanna hang out with ya'll after o's.
pretty please?



alice and uan look so adorable tog,
with those big big eyes. (:

era honey bun bun, yes im anticipating that boyf/guyf hunting day with the hennas and blowing bubbles and chainsmoking. pretty please dont torture yourself anymore. he doesnt care. honestly, he doesnt. from my point of view, he doesnt care. no matter what excuse he gives you now, its just an EXCUSE, it aint true. he can say i lost my phone or smthg. but he is just lying. i know im mean saying this but he doesnt care. so why waste your efforts on him? ive been there yet not gotten over it yet. one step at a time. like gab always say, smile, the whole world wants to see your teeth bby (: hoohaa.

lulu, thankyou for being soooo nice to me.
even if i give you that heck care attitude.
youre such a darling to me and i love you bby (:

sonny is so nice to me though i just started talking to him.
he's my ff&f (:

arief, you're a true friend i swear.
tyvm (:
even if you cant make it later.


i don't wanna say i've given up.
cus' i haven't.
i even stopped buying starbucks no matter how bad the craving gets.
i've been straightedge for half a month already.
fckg record.
i want a guy friend who treats me special.
not over text.
in reality bitch.
sigh.
i just miss being hugged.
i miss holding hands.
im at my most crucial year and i just need someone badly now.
but screw this desperation.
bestf says i should enjoy singlehood.
whats there to fcking enjoy??
sigh.