{took last night}

the same thing is happening again.

aft R & P.

now its D & L.

sigh, not like ya'll are gonna read anymore.

so yeh, whatever.

yst was okeh.

met fannie darling[:

the movie was awesome lah[:

kind edmund/edward/ed smthg hot hot HOT.

;D

walked to fareast.

to everyone, cathay to fareast is NOT far.

far is orchard to bugis/haji lane.

orchard to cityhall is still okeh for me :D

muaheheheheheh.

this sunday is soo gonna be a gay day maansxz.

& on wednesday, was FUN:D
i think.

niven, sorry for leaving you out!

ZOMG, sunday, we are soo not leaving you out.

teehee trasher & fannie gorewhore & niven nirvana.

hmm, im soo lazy to do piercings on sunday lah.

moolah! i need em' badly.

now i owe ppl money.

shiatsxz.

& to lina, CHEER UP!

you have meee;D

though we're not close.

& your dirwit is alw there for you!:D

zomg
BREAK LEG BREAK!
i command you to break.
all you've done is give me pins & needles
& friggin cramps.
not to mention TERRIBLE aches all over.
:D

zomg, pls go watch this.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=13a4a045cd290bc2ae2d

waiting for time to pass
with which seems so long.

talking to cassie twinnehh & david now[:
& meanie bottom.

today's sooo boring.
gg to clarke quay later.
so hv to get ready at 5.
which seems so far away D:

tmrw gg out!
sigh, w NO ONE.
thankyou.

I MET A NEW FRIEND:D

DDYYAANN!!!

teehee trasher!

:D
today was a lil fun yet boring.
AHA!
we didnt get to camwhore.
actually we had ALOT of time to do it[:
but, i felt so bare lah.
hair nvr do, makeup so fugly.
AHAHAH!
good night ♥ers.

hmm, today was alright.

when jamming w dillon & Shirin.

okeh, nvr go jamming w ur cousins.[x

aft tht, went to mac at funan.

tmrw, doing piercings.

piercees, BE PREPARED:D

muahahah.

imy fannie!

imy cassie!

im talking to adie now.

hello adie:D

im talking to fir.

he so moody maaansxz.

idk what to wear tmrw lehsxz.

BANGLES!

PIERCINGS!
PICCASSXZ!
maoww.

yst was my hardest goodbye.
sigh.
seeing the way my uncle acted.
it makes my heart ache D:
i miss you grandma.


now, talking to cassie & raman.
gah, woke up at six thirty just to come here for more prayer.
i cant be vegan, sigh.
thts pure suicide maaansxz.
sunday seems sooo long.
i miss cassie
i miss fannie
i miss prisusu
i miss everyone!
zomgzomgzomg.





i feel like blocking you again.
you're seriously bugging me.
though its only a few lines,
you sound so fucking pushy.
sigh.
piss of lah bitch.

I MUST BE VEGAN TILL FRI!



shiatsxz.

i miss you grandma.

why must you go at this time.

you left me a few mins ago.

i didnt even get to say goodbye.

you left me a few mins ago.

i didnt even get to hug you goodbye.

you left me a few mins ago.

you caused our whole world to tremble in agony.

you left me a few mins ago.

you didnt even give me enough time to prepare.

you left me a few mins ago.

in case ya'll still dont understand,

my grandmother just passed away a few minutes ago.

idk why i am even ON the computer.

well i can't go & bade my goodbyes to her either.

she was in the hospital for quite a while.

going in & out.

yst i saw my aunty cry, means smthg was wrong.

i didn't bother asking, cus she was too sad.

a few mins ago, SGH called.

asking me to bring down everyone, the whole family.

i called my mom, dad, aunty.

they called the rest.

than my mom told me NOT to go.

i argued w her.

& in the end she said yes.

but in a hasty angry tone.

i decided not to.

dad would flare up anws.

im being such a bitch blogging abt this.

im alw blogging abt everything.

as if i want everyone to know.

but whatever, this post is abt my grandma.

now saro aunty is crying.

she just makes me wanna cry more.

fuck it, im being such an unfilial grandaughter to be on

the computer blogging abt this, & actually hving the mood to do this shit.

im sorry grandma.

suddenly, im missing prisusu.

LOL.

see this my dear, IMY!

im missing many ppl too.

i miss cassie twinny.

i miss fannie dearest.

i havent seen any of them for a very very long time.

well maybe i hv, but i hvnt gone out with them in a long time.

if any of you see this, pls text meeeee!

i misses euu badly nehhx.

ppl i miss talking to over the phone.

aris.

sharul.

adie.

david.

stanley.

dec.

pls call mee.i miss euu too narhsx.

im feeling so hopeless right now.

idk why.

i miss allll my darlings!
i miss gg to cityhall with ya'll.

i miss the continuous question that flies ard.

"so, where we going?"

im listening to Sum41, fat lip.

i miss sum41 tooooo.

theyre so good.

have i changed?

am i acting like a friggin' poseur now?

i used to look like a terrible fugly boy last time in pri sch.

i thank God i realised how horrendous i was last time.

but now, i seem to change, alot.

lost alot of friends, gain alot of new ones too.

but i hate loosing old darlas.

i want my now besties&bestoes to stay & not go.

i <3>

during my india's trip.

i wore my skinnies, deafcon tee & my belt dangling behind.

teacher said i alw dressed as a tomboy.

like wth?

im FAR from tht.

i didnt knw what to where then.

now i seem so moodless.

idk why.

no wait, im sad.

am i?

am i supposedly waiting for a call?

haha.[:

Sunday seems sooo long.

sunday, pls come, fast.

i wna try out my new clamps![:

weixiong sonny, cheer up!

she's not worth it. really.

now im at cousin's hs stoning.

it's boring.

im not even welcomed here.

i just wanna go out now.

i just want to breathe.

i wanna go to cityhall w fannie bestest bestie.

just both of us, alone.

at cityhall, walking ard like goondus.

&i still have your bangle:D

i wanna go for the shoe spree with prisusu now.

i need shoes badly.

esp. cheap ones!

&&i still have your bangle:D

i wanna go ard singapore w cassie twinny NOW.

thats why i kept calling you dearie.

i want a big big hug!

&&&i still have your bangle:D

you 3 are like my ultimate darlings.

prisusu,though i dont talk to you much, imy.

cassie,i only been out w u like once?

or twice.

still,i wna go out more!
fannie,you seem to be in your own fairytale world now.

i feel so so extra.

i just wanna distant myself from you.

though it's only been 2 dates.

like just let you be happy with your prince charming, khai.

but its so hard.

cus ily!

this post is so emotionless.

no wait,it's so emotional.

and and, im crying now(again)

p.s/ all the love & misses are all in a non-lesbian way.

edited.}

im a freaking sore loser.

i cant stand it anymore.

it hurts.

the pain stings so badly.

im not trying anymore.

im giving up.

im giving up aft 14june.

i swear i am.

no matter what i do, no one appreciates.

it's too ugly to be accepted anw.

im a horrible person.

i really abhor going out w both of you.

not because i hate both of you.

im alw the 3rd wheel.

yeh paul might feel the same way.

idk.

well rmbr when i was w raman?

you felt really left out soo badly?

so bad you wanted to distant yourself away?

rmbr tht times ?

raman even complained i wasnt spending enough time w him.

i know tht was hard for you.

but have you ever spared a thought for me ?

you both acting soo mushy in my fucking face.

& all i can do is act like a dont care.

prob once in a long time you'd ask me

"you ok? you ok not ?"

i'd just smile & smile more & said i was okeh.

who in the right mind who say they aren't?

well im not as straightforward as you think i am.

i love beating ard the bushes.

well now im screaming out my feelings.

just now i left aft you & khai settled everything cus

i was sick of all tht.

if you didn't turn back i bet you'd hv just walked off.

i was trying to hold my tears back in the friggin train.

i felt really pissed.

i AM feeling very pissed.

my dear, i dont hate any of you.

i miss the old times where just both of us wld go to cityhall

walking ard like friggin zomb-doids w glaring eyes casting over us.

i miss those times where we both just laugh & crap ard.

just 2 of us.

now it's the 3 of us.

i dont wna be in tht 3.

if i cant hv the 2.

im nt staying anymore.

if you get my drift.

yeh im stubborn.

im crying now.

coincidentally, secondhand serenade's song's playing on my wmp.

sigh, i miss you lah bestie.

i miss you sooooo much.

dont ever give me the shiat of best friends over boyfriends.

cus i know tht will nvr happen again.

OKEH!
back to today.

effin boring.

im not gonna go into detail.

cus i kinda hate today.

LOL:D

&& GIG!

im selling tix maaaansxz.

you better go!

okeh the gig poster is on top.

i alw forget to upload the piccassxz before typing.

ROAR.

whateverr.

anw, DETAILS:D

gig:Revolutionary Soundwaves Vol2.

venue:music garage; bugis village.

date:14 june; saturday.

time:5-11pm.

price:7bucks/ticket.

right now, i can help you book tickets ONLY.

cus it's hard for me to meet up.

so it'll be a lil' mafan . i'll give you the gig organizer's no.

so you can meet him before 14 june.

okeh best ?

best:D

PLS SUPPORT THIS GIG!

xoxos.

ya lah ya lah.

best friends boyfriend..

oh pls ignore my shiatsxz.

you used to tell me besties over boyfs.

sigh, you dont practice what u preach.

idk if u still read my blog.

i just came back from india.

& i started viewing urs.

sigh, now i seriously feel like a third wheel.

though i havent seen u in days.

you seem so happy w him.

you prob forgot abt me.

am i exaggerating ?

idk.

maybe i am.

well it dont matter anymore anws.

went for ptc today.
w disappointment overwhelming in his eyes,
he shoke hands w the teacher, & left.
gah..
im sorry papa D:
byebye church.
hello assessments books.


edited}
what happened to the christmas hunkie junkie munkie bestie ?
imy D:
i swear i do.
i havent talked to you in ages.
sigh,what happened to us ?
before sch started, everything was nice.
aft everything started, you started ignoring me.
i was off ur featured list.
i seriously enjoyed gg out w u[:
ure the first guy i went out w.
im serious[;
you dont look 21 to me.
you look awesome.
youre like a teddy bear for me(:
you know how much i missed those times ?
too much it's in-expressable.
how many times do you want me to say imy.
sigh, you dont even seem keen on talking to me anymore.
i doubt you read my blog.
i doubt you even know i have a blog.
now im crying so badly, cus i miss a bestie like you.
what happened to "friends forever" ?
do you how awesome it'll be for us to go out again tgt ?
no, i still havent figure out why you're doing this.
i dont even plan to.
bestie, sigh, IMY.

MAMA

im sorry for everything i said.

you prob have read my blog alr.

sigh, firstly.

i would love to apologise.

youre not a bitch.

i don not hate you.

i love you.

im the bitch.

everytime, i say words outta anger.

i know i would nvr ever say " i hate you " & actually mean it.

if i did.

i'd just be effin stupid.

im sorry for alw hurting your feelings.

im sorry for every shit i did.

i hv serious anger problems.

i really do.

you said you dont believe me just cus' im only 15.

i really love you.

w/o you, i wouldnt even exist.

you always take all the blame from papa for what me & che che do.

you take the worst pain in this whole family.

you do everything you think is best for us,

but yet,

we throw our temper at you.

we throw our evil deeds at you.

in the end, you still accept our nonsense.

all the nonsense a mother should never live to take.

mama, i really love you.

you probably would read my blog everyday.

im sorry for saying bad stuff about you.

you dont make my life a living hell.

i make yours a living hell.

please forgive me.

i really love you.

everyday, i think to myself.

what if you & papa divorce.

what about cheche & i ?

who will go with who ?

every night when i think about this, i cry, alot.

i dont wanna loose neither of you.

the reason i hv all this thinking is because,

you & papa fight every single day.

well practically every single day.

about cheche & me.

mostly about me.

i know im a big disappointment to my parents.

sigh,

im probably the worst child.

but still, you take all my crap.

i seriously cant imagine my life w/o you.

i dont wanna cry.

i wanna stop crying.

typing out this post, makes me cry.

it really does.

theres so much more i wish to say.

but i just dont know how to express it.

mama, i love you too much.

bigger than anything.

you are my mother,

i will never hate you.

no many times i say tht.

i dont mean it.

i know my english isnt tht good.

my vocab is as small as a rat now.

but all i want you to know is,

I LOVE YOU MAMA.

see!

fat chubby cheeks.
FAT.

gah..

anw, today has been effin boring.

i like talking, alot.

&& tmrw!

i hope i can skip cca.

so i can go out w fannie bestest bestie darla[:

& her boyfie.

AHAH.:D

& follow my cousin to pierce his septum.

& pierce for him his lips.

well lets hope he wont open his mouth in front of his mom.

i think my sister knows imma bull alr.

oh i mean i hv a septum.

& thankyou, my fren, for telling me i looked fucked up w a septum.

you might thinks it's ugly on me.

but i love it.

got a problem w tht?

keep your comments to yourself:D

I LOVE MY TWIN VERY VERY MUCH:D

cassie darling;D

wed baby!

five more days to india:D

four more days to doomsday.

church today.
met my TWIN!
cassie, YAY!
[;
& her sister, CLAIRE.
& her boyf, KELVIN.
SEPTUMS MAAANSXZ!
*bang bang!*

aft church, fought w mom in the car.
you dont understand me.
wtf you bother trying to understand me when you dn even put in effort ?
im your bloody daughter of gawd's sake.

well ate ALOT today.
shiatsxz.
anorecxia(however you spell that), her i come!
[x

sigh, im really afraid to show parents my result.

daggers & parangs will start flying.

& the ultimate weapon, the butchers knife.

sigh.

idk why im crying.

cus i nvr studied hard enough ??

cus im alw letting my mom down ??

cus im scared of what they will say & do once they find out my results ??

cus im pretty remorseful right now, that im alw making them sad ??

well all of em's true.

mom called, & i told her i failed my cheena.

& she was like really mad & ferocious(howwever you spell that)

& i told her that i passed my arts, badly.

sigh.

she really sounded as if she wanted to bite my head off.

she asked me if there were any more subs,

i was like, no.

i lied to her.

she wants me to go for cheena tuition.

sigh, im really scared of my dad.

yeh imma chicken right now.

i wna run away!

but i cant D:

cus i have the india trip.

on 24

i wna runaway on 22 night

before 23, ptc.

sadly, i have my india trip on 24.

so i cant runaway.

i dont wanna waste mom's 1k +++ bucks.

but at the same time,

im guttless & scared.

scared - i rather jump down or die in the earthquake that happened in china than face my parents dissapointment.

SIGH!

i really dont dare to tell my mom about my results.

i dont want my dad to go for the ptc.

he's just gna give me a big sigh in the car.

i'd cry.

but i dn wna cry in front of him.

i dont wanna cry infront of anyone.

thats why im crying now.

sigh, daddy God, pls tell me what to do

D':

i want all this to end D:

ppl prob think im being a big baby to cry over small shiat like this.

but its the most important to me NOW.

can i just cut myself & bleed to death?

though what may seem far from possible.

well it's probably what people would usually say.

well just let my bleed till i cant bleed anymore.

gah..i miss my best friends!
okeh,yst, boring.
everyday is boring for me.rp trip.
i was only interested in the last part of the open house.
school of technology arts (or smthg like tt)
id go there if i were in rp.but im def nt gg there.

went ALL the way to bukit panjang to pierce for lauren(again)
guess what, i pierce so friggin slanted.
this is like the first time i pierce for someone slanted TWICE.
gah, im gna help him pierce again.
i feel so much guilt swallowing up my pride maaansxz.
though there aint mucha link.
helping wx pierce soon!:D

& aft tht, was cedar girl's performance at esp.
i think it was alright.lol.
if only they sang AGLEPTA.
tht would hv made it more interesting maaansxz.
&& i just realised waterfront is so purrty at night[:
took v little pics.
camwhoring throughout the bus ride home:D(MUAHAHAHA)
well, my pic w liqun:D
she's so PURRTTYY:D

oh one more thingy.

I LOVE PRWEE-SEE-RAHHHHH!!!!!

ok, this is seriously sick.
go to..
http://www.peta.org/feat/ChineseFurFarms/index.asp

screw assholes who do this.
they desrve to DIE.


anw, today, scrpit checking day.
YAY.
guess what ?
i failed everything except eng, art, poa & science.
i seriously thought i was gonna fail my poa.
but i passed by half mark.
for eng, i got on the dot.
science, 1 2 marks more.
art, 60/100
like wtf ?
i suck in all my bloody subs.
shiat.

im happy & sad !:D

happy tht i can finally bring down my spm.

sad cus i have fucked up parents whom i thought they understood me.

i msged dad if i could go out..

me:papa can i go out with jannah? i'll be home before 7.30. probably around causeway or bishan.

dad:no.. study darlin.. don't go out..!

me:my exams just ended papa.

dad:i'm afraid that you join the wrong company. n turn into a "bad apple" thinking dat a Gothic look is cool. U don't see many successful people earning good money n staying in good houses, dat the own, hving a gothic look. there r reasons for dis. ur nearest "friends" will determine de kind of person ur're going 2 turn into. so as a parent i only want the BEST for you darling. Think of being a top student and earning a good salary and leading a comfortable life darling..

me:papa, i like the music related to my dressing. i'm actually putting on less eyeliner nowadays:) my dressing won't determine my studies.i read more books too.i honestly don think studies can help me.i know arts wont do me much good.nowadays im writing short descriptions of stuff.i really feel i am improving:)i mix around w the right company.i don mix around w e hooligans in sch.i know my own limits papa.

dad:de fact dat u think studies won't help u is very disturbing. A person with a gd educational qualification n results will definitely do better in life dan one without a basic degree. dat's a fact in life. aft u got dat degree & is marketable in getting a job, den u tink abt doing ur "art". otherwise without a proper qualification u r going 2 end up in de dump wen art don't earn u enough $ to live comfortably. u friends r definitely bad influence. stay home n study.

& aft that, mom calls.

she explains to me.

saying that my dad is very angry right now.

blablabla

the fact tht he says my friends are bad influence just really ticks me off.

who the hell does he think he is to judge my friends ?

yes he's my dad.

THE MORE HE SHOULD BE SUPPORTIVE OF ME.

right now, you just make me hate studying even more.

i know it's all for my own good.

but HELL NO am i going to follow what YOU want.

this isnt what I want.

it's the total opposite.

i LOVE arts.

im diggin my own grave.

im making my own future.

im sorry for alw disappointing you.

my friends are everything to me.

but your opinion is the world to me.

right now, all you want is for me to become a fucking NERD.

who studies in harvard & shiat.

you think arts is BULL.S

im NOT going to continue my arts AFT im old & working.

im gonna start everything NOW.

screw academic shiat.

how about those people who actually DO WELL in arts ?

what makes you think i cant be like them ?

or how about those people who're so obbsessed with academic till one day they just loose everything ?

or they're not good enough in the marketing industry ?

why dont you talk about the BAD points of studying like some dickhead than talk about the bad points about LOVING ART ?

papa, why cant you just be happy for me ?

cant you accept what i LIKE ?

the day you caught me for running away, i thought you actually UNDERSTOOD how i felt.

but hell was i wrong.

you dont even bother trying to understand.

& im supposed to feel happy ?

you only said all that on that morning because you wanted me to skip the thought of running away.

well this shiat is the REASON I AM running away.

the only reason im NOT is because God says i should submit to my parents.

you are just making it so so hard.

do you know how hard it is for me to actually feel normal in this family ?

everything i do, is just wrong.

you alw blame all of this on mama.

why ?

to show us that you're the good guy while mama is the bad one ?

well you can stop all these shiat.

i finally know what kinda person you are.

& my dressing.

it ISN'T GOTHIC.

define ur term GOTHIC.

i like how i dress.

im not your dummy for you to control.

i do what i want.

i wear what i want.

i dont want to become a rebelious kid.

but you'rejust pushing me to my limits.

can you not see how far you are pushing me ?

im standing at the edge of this cliff.

i swear i just want to jump down.

you make my life a living hell!

yes you tell me you care & you want whats best for me.

but this isnt the BEST FOR ME.

the best for me is stop controlling my life & stop criticizing things i like.

you hurt me so deep.

& you're my FATHER.

yeh, i can see the best father right now.

if you had another daughter, i think she'd jump down from our house.

i hate you.

yeah, 1o mins to blog!
*type type type*

anw, went out w fannie dearie & paul threehill cheespie today.

yes, sigh, fannie, im soo sorry D:

im having a really shitty time right now.

thats first.

secondly, tmrw gg out AGAIN!

w pris, ronald, fannie.:D

ahehehe.

helping wx & laurenininini pierce again.

zomg scary but fun:D
lol, lame. okeh.

thirdly, its settled.

im running away on bay beats.

fourthly, its settled again.

im getting a tattoo on my birthday:D

fifthly,

R/S SUCK BANANAS!

next,

im gonna get SPIDER BITES!

kewl shiat huh.

seventhly,

mye suck lolipop maaansxz.

eightly,

i miss all my old friends D:

sigh,

pls dont ignore me anymore.

ninethly,

boy, i still miss you. i really do.

tenthly,

i miss hugs.

next,

i gotta stop smoking.

im smoking my ass off.

well at least i have been today.

sigh.

im such a hypocrite.

*SCREAMS!

i know i have a habit of saying stuff that offend ppl alot.

idk what i said.

im sorry if i said anything wrong tht day.

i swear i didnt meant to offend you in anyway.

i think you look great w tht.

well i got mine, im admitting that i myself am a poseur.

bloody pain.

well i experienced worst.

& it wasnt as pain as i thought it would be.

but whatever, went through it.

2 weeks of patience, here i come.

im alw screwing up my life.

i just realised aftr one problem i hv another one.

im just gna shuddup.

im gna start from now, thankyou.

im such a fucking poseur.

im gna stop all these shiat.

i want them, im getting them real.

idc.

well probably one or two of you would know what im talking about.

im gna get it real this time.

& take it down on video.

than you'll be satisfied huh?

its gna cost me a bomb.

rawr,

fck this shiat.

big time.

edited;

DICKHEADS WITH NO BALLS WHO READ MY BLOG.

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO JUDGE ME ?

JUST CAUSE I'VE GOT PIERCINGS

IM SOME AH LIAN NOW ?

AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IM TOYING W MY BOYF'S FEELING ?

YOU DONT EVEN KNOW MY FUCKING NAME.

YOU NOT HAPPY THAT WE ARE TOGETHER ?

ARE YOU ALL BITCHES W NO BALLS ?

JUST CUS' YOU HAVE SOME SHIAT GOING ON WITH HIM,

DONT FUCKING DRAG ME IN.

WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE WHO I CRY FOR MORE ?

IM NOT YOUR WHOEVER.

I DONT NEED YOU TO FUCKING CARE.

I LOVE DECHATHORN.

YOUR BUSINESS ??

YOU HARDLY KNOW ME LAH.

SHUT YOUR FUCKING GAP.

YOU HAVE NO BLOODY PROOF I AM.

& IM NOT LIKE YOU BITCHES,

DONT MEAN YOU TOY W UR GF'S FEELINGS,

MEANS I TOY ARD W MY GUY'S FEELINGS.

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR BLOODY PROBLEM ?

IF YOU'RE JEALOUS, JUST OPEN YOUR BLOODY MOUTH

& SAY IT.

TO THT BLOODY SON OF A BANANA WITH NO BALLS

TO TELL ME PROPERLY BUT GIVE ME BULLSHIAT.

YOU BETTER READ THIS.

FUCK OFF,

STOP JUDGING ME.

YOU LOST YOUR GF.

IM NOT LOOSING MY GUY.

JUST PISS OFF.

im gonna get my piercings right & fixed.

sunday was good.

i think:D

MYE suck bananas.

i seriously can't study.

like wtm.

sigh.

chinese today.

suck ?

i need help with POA & PHYSICS & CHEM & E.MATHS.

sigh, i cant even concentrate during sch.

or tuition.

& tmrw, detention.

do they actually have detention during mye ?

gah ..

today, renata got her septum.

shes uber preettyyy:D

i need a puff badly.

life is so marshmellow-ed.

theres no one i can talk to.

i wanted to get msia's ciggs today.

but brenda told me they increased the price.

so yeah, i bought a lighter but no ciggs.

is God giving me a sign to not smoke ?

ily daddy.

i dont think i should.

MIDYEAR IS KILLING ME ]':

I SCREAM SEPTUM!

i thank God for the gift he has given me.

i hope we are still besties.[:

yay, tmr, CHURCH:D

yes, audition. how cute.(:

i want braces.

idk why.

i just love em'

:D

ok today's ABSOLUTELY boring.

like what the marshmellow??!

its so boring im actually restless&i feel like smoking.

lol, whateverr.

i quit alr anws.

fannie & paul's at youth park.

gd for them.

im stuck here at home.

sulky. D:
moms being a you-know-what.

zomg, i hv nvr said thought tht in donkey years.

why am i thinking abt it now ?

zomg, you suck bananas dharsh.

blog hopping now.

have been stuck to this comp for hours.

moms nagging the SHIT outta me.

really pissing me off.

like shussh alr.

imma sombong maksaleh who exxagerates drama mama style!

FANNIE.
DECHATHORN.

im sorry for making you feel this way.
i dont wanna loose you again.
i really dont.
sigh, pls forgive me D:
idk who to choose.
can everyone please stop torturing me D:
i want both of you.
im crying my eyes out.
i really dont know what to say anymore.
pls dont leave me.
i'll be in hell w/o ya'll.
i know you both think it's helping in a way
but it ISN'T
so please, forgive me.
D:
im so so sorryD:

JENNA,

sigh.

i have known you for 2-3 yrs.

why do you want us to be more than strangers ?

just friends..

sigh D:

i dont wanna loose u as a bestie.

i was cryin during sch today.

first period during social studies to be exact.

you mean alot to me.

you & fannie are my ultimate darlings.

i hate to be JUST friends.

cus that sucks.

im sorry im alw asking you to go out w me.

& start nagging if u say u cant.

i know i super duper stubborn&selfish.

im sorry for torturing you with my long bloody stories.

im sorry for alw asking you to hang w my buncha friends.

i know youre shy.

i just wanna let my friends get to know my bestie.

thats what im doing with fannie.

im soryr for showing you some marshemellow-ed attitude all the time.

i know it stink bananas.

the same song keeps playing in my hand.

secondhand serenade; why.

im crying my bloodshot eyes out.

idk why.

D:

i just really miss u.

i dont wanna loose a bestie like you my dear.

sigh.

im still trying to understand why youre doing this.

darl, youre NOT in my way.

youre my BESTIE.

you can nvr be in my way.

double sigh.

i <3>

fannie my dear, the reason i dont wanna tell you is because it IS about you.
idk if you would call it good or bad.
i guess its in the middle ?
you know how it feels when jealousy overcomes you ?
thats how i feel.
its like, youre so darn pretty.
while im that ugly biatch standing beside you.
i hate feeling fugly.
i know i am.
but seriously, i feel jealous.
i might feel a little sad.
i know imma big green eye monster.
somehow, i let you get to know probably all my friends.
than after a while, those friends disappear from my life.
& the next minute you know, they're your good/best friends.
it just feels like MARSHMELLOW that your friends just leave you for someone else.

when i know someone is leaving me & you both are getting closer,

i'll just distant myself.

cus' my instincts tell me that im gna be left outta that picture.

i hate feeling like that lampost.

& i dont want th same thing to happen.

the feeling really just sucks deeply.

its like ure gourging out your own heart alive & whole.

the pain is excruciating.

but its worst than all that.

words cant describe the agony.

i swear it cuts.

example, you know who.
esp, when that someone else is your bestest best friend.
thats why i feel sad right now.
but whatever, after awhile this feeling will be-gone.
i love u darl[: ( in a non lesbo way )
:D

i just finished talk to you.

idk if youre still online.

but i know that person isnt online anymore.

i dont wish to fight with you for something so small.

i know for a fact that him & i will nvr happen.

worst is me & him arent friends anymore.

while you both are together.

idk if you know how all these feel like.

i dont want you to experience how this feels.

talking to you made me tear.

idk why. ]:

i didnt even know i was crying.

i just couldnt stop crying.

secondhand serenade; why.

why ?

i wanna upload pichaazz maaaaaaan.
ok.
i find i have the SUCKIEST english.
why is that so ?
im quitting my LAHs & LUHs & all that stuff.
im mix.
i dont sound mix.
LOL!
im gonna deceive everyone with my new accent.
:D
SMILE FOR ME BBY.[:

zomg, today sch SUCKED.
mr TAI made me write ONE HUNDRED lines of
"i will bring my maths textbook for every maths lesson"
like whatthemarshmellow.
you bloody banana.
go marshmellow yourself you son of a BANANA.
ive made a new friend,
WAN:D
from hidzir.
LOL.
hidzir cheespie, fannie wants to kick your butt.
paul cheespie, we are SO going out on sunday.
but you dont have to go church.[:
fannie cheespie bestie, let dee join the cheesepies!;D
& imy.
pris my marshmellow watermellon um.. with jap mayo all over ( i forgot that nickname! so this is your permanent nickname.) we're soooo going out after exams!
jenna; vomvompthvampire, ILY:D
we're so going out sooooon.
we nvr been out like.. forever.
syaza pixxie, IMY! i met you like once. but im missing you.

THREE TWENTY FIVE am.

zomg,

i cant sleep.

yst(sat) was fun:D

lol.

cheesepie outing!

though its the only 3 of us.

& im so getting a tattoo soon maanxz.

three of us went to peninsula.

walked around.

went to ink by finch.

talk here talk there.

ask alot of questions.

zomg the tools for septum looks scary. :s

FANNIE & PAUL THREEHILL WENT TO YOUTH WITH MEE:D

lol.

ok they were doing some not so good stuff in CHURCH just now.

before church ended,

they went to pass raman his stuff.

at that time, i felt so sick.

gah..

idk why.

aft church, went to buy tickets for the zone, hillsongs united.

anyone wanna go ??

MSG MEEE:D

the zone; hillsongs united.

24may; sat.

6.30pm.

max pavillion.

FIVE bucks/ticket.

idk whens the last day to buy though.

so yeah.

tmr im gonna be HAPPY!

im alw so sad everyday.

my life seems so DEAD.

so tmr its gna be UNDEAD:D

shalomn people[:

zomg hello my dears[:
today was fun:D
i think.
had school.
OH SHIAT.
i failed my maths . ]:
i just realised i have to let my parents to sign my paper.
sigh.
daddy, pls help me.
idk what to do.
sigh.

today went out with fannie.
met ron otw.
than walked ard.
went back.
i skipped um..
sports day.
munday monday, here i come.
pray for me people.
sigh.
ok.
tmr:D
meeting fannie, paul, imran, sarala.
so far, i think thats all.
than meeting hidzir & the others ard 5 aft church.
zomg i want church to be fun maaaan:D
well it alw is.
sigh.
why am i alw sighing.
i hope our f/s can alw be so fun & sweet:D
lol.
zomg, what am i saying.
ok

EMOME
sigh, why is my life so miserable.
*ok forget it i have no mood to do anything right now.


zombie, pls save me.
i need help.
why ?
stop this beating heart of mine.
pls stop.
just grab it & tear it apart.
no more love.
love can go suck bananas.
pls stop haunting me.
D:

edited.}

im sorry for doing this to you.

i really cannot stand it anymore.

i just wanna scream my lungs out.

im crying so hard now i just feel like killing myself.

im sorry for being such a bitch to you.

im sorry for all the shiat im doing to you now.

i nvr knew i would ever do this.

i'd call it inhumane.

im sorry.

i know you must hate me so badly right now.

i feel like a BITCH!

sigh.

im sorry you ever got to knew a bitch like me.

raman, im so so sorry.

i really cannot stop crying.

sigh, why am i such a terrible person ?

i dont dare to face God tmrw.

idk why.

i dont dare to face anyone tmrw.

i dont feel like gg youth tmrw.

i feel like a BITCH.

children of God nvr feel like bitches or bastards.

every night i just wish i would stop being so negative.

every night i just wanna sit beside daddy & cry so, so hard.

pour out all my feelings.

kill that agony bleeding inside.

you know how pain it is ?

no you dont.

no one does.

alot of people claim they feel like dying.

well im one of them.

i really do.

i know this isnt the way i should be talking right now.

but i cant help it.

im sick of everything.

i compare dying & living.

i wont be so fucking sad all the time.

i wont be crying every single day.

i wont feel LOVE.

i wont feel pain.

i'd be so happy.

someone please tell me all these is true.

please tell me something that is nice.

please tell me something that will stop these tears.

sigh,

i hate love.

i really hate it.

it makes me SCREAM FOR LESS PAIN EVERYDAY!

i dare say, i think ive fallen for you.

i hate this feeling.

i dont wanna crush on you.

im too ugly for you.

im too ugly for anyone.

i dont wanna feel rejection.

i LOATH rejection.

i feel like staying away from you.

but idk if i can even bring myself to do that.

what the fuck is wrong me.

im praying for a miracle.

im praying hard, im praying badly.

i seriously dont get why people try to be nice to me but when the see me, they just ignore me.

you act like you care,

but in truth, you just want me to think youre a good friend

HERE ME SCREAM!!!!!!!

i broke up with raman.

im sorry for torturing you that one whole year.
right now, a r/s just suck big time for me.
im sorry for hurting you so badly.
pls forgive me raman.
D:
i dn wna stay in this r/s any longer & hurt you anymore.
i just feel so so uncomfortable.
youre the first guy i ever loved so deeply.
& youre the first guy i ever cried so badly for.
youre so so loving & caring.
every night im crying cus idk if what i did on 13 march was right.
i was scared i would hurt you so so much.
i know i have right now.
deep in your heart, you probably feel so torn up.
like thousands of dagger pierced through your heart.
im sorry for hurting you this way.
i know i'll never see you again.
im sorry raman.
]':

FLAG DAY TODAY!
lol.
thankyou fannie, hidzir & paul.
I MADE A NEW FRIEND:D
paulleeee.
he so doesnt look my age.
FORREAL.
lol.
anw, thankyou hidzir for helping me get the donations.
& fannie, we're on bestest terms now yes yes ?
ily[;
lets go out tgt again some other time!:D
thankyou for that darling hug just now.
well, i kinda lied that my sister was coming.
i really couldnt hold back those tears anymore.
i sat at that staircase trying to control my tears.
but didnt work.]:
so i just made up some excuse.
cus i loath to let others see me cry.
im sorry.D:
ily darlings!

well, boyfie & i fought today.
gah, i wasnt thinking strgt either ?
idk.
darling, you went to far abt nt wanting to meet me tmr.
i was just dead shock when i saw tt msg.
youre the first guy i ever loved so deeply.
youre the first guy i would spent so much on.
& please, try to be gd friends with fannie.
she has done nothing wrong to you dearie.
shes my bestie.
i love both of you & am never gonna loose either of you.
i swear.

sigh, i smoked so so much today.

what the marshmellow?

seriously what is wrong w me.

im feeling so bloody giddy today.

i seriously felt like just dropping dead just now.

sigh, i really wanna quit.

D:

sigh, do you still want me as a best friend ?

pls answer me honestly.

FANNIE; BESTEST BEST BESTIE EVER!

i am deeply truely so so sorry.

i know no matter how many sorries i say right now,

you probably still wont forgive me.

youre practically the best thing that ever happened in my life.

doesnt mean i have a boyf, we cant still be besties!

im so sorry for treating you differently.

im sorry for making you feel so horrible.

i never knew it would have such a deep impact on you.

im sorry for always talking about raman.

i know how you feel.

i swear i do.

youre my first TRUE best friend.

if you leave me now i'd rather kill myself.

i really do love you!

in a non lesbo way.

i never ever want you to back away from me.

rmb the thing abt llyon?

at that moment i felt so so stupid.

but i knew you were my bestie & you never meant for it to happen.

i couldnt stop crying.

i talked to jenna about all those.

she was helpful in a way.

anw, i still loved you & i knw us "breaking up" over some dickhead like llyon?

thats impossible.

when raman told me he didnt like you.

i felt like screaming.

i even told him if he couldn't accept you, than to hell with it.

i really dont ever ever want to loose you!

youre the best thing that ever happened to me.

i swear you are.

right now pls give me time.

i really wanna keep you as a bestie.

loosing you is like loosing everything.

right now, youre closer to me than anything.

youre the LAST thing & i mean the last & final thing that i ever want to loose.

youre the first person i alw think about.

raman's second.

i know he'd probably hate me if he read this.

but really, you are my BESTESTBESTEST BESTIE ever.

pls dont ever, ever leave me.

ILY BESTIE!

my life would be so empty.

pls dont distant yourself.

pls stay as my bestie.

please, ]]'':

old people used to tell kiddies piercing their tongue will have several side effects.

1. lost of taste buds.

2. shorter tongue.

3. your tongue will swell into a huge balloon.

4. santa clause wont give you a present.

5. your boyfriend/girlfriend will dump you cus its hard to french.

all that BULLSHIAT.

gah..

&how about eyebrow piercings?

i know if you dont go to a professional to pierce, you WILL go blind.

but i wna get one so badly.

it just looks so yummy.

gimme details about eyebrow piercings preettyy please ?

&not those BULLSHEET that would scare the living daylights outta me.

ty[;

i go ZOMZOMB TH ZOMBIE.

im so HIPPIE:D

woots .

how would you label a scene kid ?

gimme comments.

im just so darn curious.

schs a BORE.

thankyou mr tai for making me stay back so long.

it was SOO enjoyable.

&&mr chen heard me shout FUCKYOUCHEEBAI!

zomg, i pray he doesnt tell mr tai.

he just kept staring me & i pretended to be so darn sad & put my hands on my face.

grandmama's back in the hosp.

shes so stubborn.

ROAR!

stay in that bloody hospital until you GET WELL.

i dont wanna loose you D:

ILR!

cant wait for sunday.

whats with maksalehs & their huge bloody ego ?

is it like too BIG for their body?

you bloody ego maniac bitches,

stop trying to act like you fucking care.

when you dont.

just go fuck a wall.

my mood is a total goner right now.

im thinking about what happened in the morning.

mom, youre not even trying to understand me.

i really want you to.

&whats the reason for living if you cant even enjoy your life ?

why bother trying & trying & trying but still, you dont achieve it.

right now i just feel like dying.

& no, im not like those faggots who say "i wanna die right now" just to gain pity & attention.

i really do feel like jumping down.

the door is right infornt of me.

i try so hard to follow Gods words.

but its so hard.

im done trying.

my family dont understand what im going through.

no one does.

no matter how hard i try to explain.

no one BOTHERS listening or trying to understand.

i cant even have a real friend.

how pathetic of me.

gah..

i really feel like dying right now!!!

someone please end my misery.

im having depression.

probably a mild one.

but idc.

im gonna run into that huge mirror of mine,

&crack my skull open.

&&bleed to death.

i dont care where i end up.

i really dont.

i just wanna die right now.

passion arts today!
band looks so adorable:D

i had to tape up my shoe.

whatever,

well we did kinda better than i expected:D

butbut, the lightings were AHHH.

anw, aft passion arts.

took the guitar & went home:D

waited for the bus.

was kinda moody.

cus was alone.

&&i absolutely LOATH walking alone AT NIGHT.

anw, boarded the bus.

i stared into blank space, thinking of boyf.

imh. ]:

thn i looked right infront of me.

a family.

one who big groupie darlings chitty chatty aft attending passion arts.

atm, i thought of my parents.

why was i alone?

why didnt they come to cheer me on?

why were they not there when i WANTED them to be?

they knew i was performing,

but they weren't free.

they didnt even make an effort to come.

than i started thinking about my past.

when i used to have concerts in primary sch.

they would be there watching me perform.

those moments were so beautiful.

aft my act, they would come up&tell me how good i was.

my dad would hug me tightly & tell me that he loves me.

mom would compliment me & give me that sweet smile of hers.

if only they were there today like how they alws have been.

at my primary sch concerts.

how i only wish.

i cried all the way throughout the bus trip.

these are the moments that make me wanna smoke.

till my lungs bleed tar.

typing this post makes me cry so badly.

all i want is my parents to love me.

&care for me.
&show me that they love me.

all i want now is a big big hug from them telling me how much they love me.

i really want them here right now.

]':

im missing you so badly right now.

im thinking of you every min, every sec.

this is a good torture:D

&&im actually like it.

i alw listen to STOP&STARE.

by one republic.

i rmb that day.

though it was short.

i still loved it.

when i had my subway cookkiiee:D
yum2.

youre the first guy i ever talked about to my sister.

youre the first guy i ever put in my heart&soul into doing you a card.

youre the first guy i ever cried so much tears for.

though its been only awhile, i love you so so much.

i still remember that necklace you gave me.

i was so darn happy!

but when she took it away from me, i teared.

baby, you really mean alot alot to me.

my friends alw ask whos raman.

cus i alw write your name on me hand.

same style, diff colour.

now, its black words with indigo outline.

yst it was brown words with orange outline.

&i say, my boyf:D

&&aft that, i'll think of you the whole darn day.

i made you a letter thingy.

i tried decorating it, but idk if its up to standard.

D:
all i need now is our picture:D

im sorry for so many crap ive done.

right now, im trying to stop it.

i hope you understand. ]:

i miss holding your hand.

when its alw so cold.

(idk why)

i miss our hugs!

i miss hugs overall.

but the best thing is, im missing you terribly right now.

cya on sat darling!

:D

I LOVE RAMAN!