cupcakes

to actually think i believed you?
i swear i could just kill you right now.
f, why the hell make me suffer for nine days.
it seemed more like 9 bloody months to me.
if you wanna avoid me, be a man, have balls.
tell me in my fucking face.
dont do this bullshit.
cause you know it's just bloody childish.
like wtf n.
i dunno if you still read this but when era told me you were
there, having shit loads of fun.
i swear i almost cried.
you dont have to act as if you're not active on myspace anymore.
cause im deleting every damn thing that reminds me of you.
i hate you n.
i dont wanna give two balls what your excuse maybe.
so just drop dead & go to hell, cupcakes.


i know im fucking stupid.
but why the hell do this?
i really wanna just throw bloody bullocks at you.
but it's useless.
you know how vulnerable and insecure i am.
and you choose to do this?
fuck what joy do you see in doing this?
is this some kind of sick joke?
cause seriously, it's full of bloody bullshit.

"life's beautiful, so smile (:
everytime things go wrong,
they have a way of getting better."
-fabian teh mean.

hahah, ty fabian (:
ty pris, for you text last night.
honestly, i never knew you still read my blog.
(since it's so stale and all)
and fannie darling,
i did you a sign :D
i really hope this friendship lasts, period.

okeh, so i had math paper 1 and social studies today.
ss was rather, unexpected.
though i didn't really have much time to write.
and my mind was totally blank.
as for maths, i was not that confident.
i knew how to do.
according to my ways.
but i didn't know if the answers were right.
cus' they seemed reeally wierd.
i seeeriously can't wait for o's to end.
or mye.
see you soon maha and sheryl hun!:D

fannie bby, im very happy you've found your new band (:
i'll try getting the recordings done asap.

FANNIE;
im sorry love.
im sorry for the sudden outburst.
i don't wish to start another fight with you.
you're the first and closest thing to a best friend i ever had.
if i were you i'd blow my top off right now.
we seem to be constantly fighting.
i promise you i'll change.
okay?
like, my jealousy and weight and shit like that.
i won't say anything about who you hang out with,
what you do.
i'll just laugh along.
heheheh.
thankyou very much for all those cigarettes,
those times you tried making me laugh.
we both wanna go back to how we used to be(agreed?).
i want it so badly.
after my o's.
i wanna hang out with you and your new band.
i know i shouldn't have.
and i feel realllly guilty.
for all the shit i said.
and feeling jealous all the time.
yeh you're the darling angel here.
and i'm the devil.
well everyone thinks that.
lets kiss and make up alright ?
im really sorry.
i dont wanna loose you hun.



NAZ;
where'd you go?
do you know how much i fucking miss you?
or is it just you wanting to avoid me?
it's been over a week and i still miss you.
what happened ?
you and your best friend disappear?
a decent text won't hurt.
i even memorized your number.
remember all those deals we made ?
did you forget em'?
you haven't been online since godknowswhen.
what happened )':



im gonna change.
i swear i am.
stop being so fucking judgemental asshole.
so what if im fat.
im tryin to loose weight.
so just save your damn ass comments.
and dont be friends with me if you choose to judge people.

fyi, you're just pushing me away.
so stop it.

im crazy for cupcakes.

I MISS YOU!
why the sudden change ):
i know you read.
well you always ask me to update.
where'd you go cupcakes.
im sorry for that misunderstanding.
sigh.
please dont change.
i miss you.

myspace is soo in cheena.

im not sure if anyone reads this dumb blog (hahah, )
BACKWARDS DAY:D
i feel like deleting this blog.
sigh.
my mom thinks i have the wierdest fashion sense.
and i just realised she is the most sensitive person, ever.
she can detect the slightest hint of smoke; cigarette.
like whaaat.
how am i supposed to tell her i smoke?
well, goodbye cigarettes.
and i want a new hat.
anw, anyone willing to study with me in yishun?
like after school.
and shopping!:D
i hate karma.

1. Fannie, 2.Billie, 3.Wawa, 4.Tiara, 5.Sheryl, 6.Jane, 7.Jaslin, 8.Pris, 9.Cassie, 10.Lina, 11.Sasa, 12.Julie, 13.Lynette, 14.Veron, 15.Heed, 16.Fyra, 17.Lisa, 18.Alin.
i wanna hang outttttt.
tell me when ya'll are free uh D:

1, 2, 3- when was the last time we actually hung out D:

5, 6, 7, 11- though we haven't met before, i still wanna hang out.

4, 8-10, 12-18- though we rarely/seldom talk, i miss ya'll! we always fix dates which seem to backfire the last minute D:

so please text me once ya'll see this or wanna hang out.

im fucking dying without you.
please come back ]':
at least give me a call.
i dont want yet i really need you so so much.
yes i do still go into your account.
i know im not supposed to.
but i cant help it.
cus' i just need a tiny inch of hint, to know that you still love me.
but you don't seem to.
do you know how much i cry every night, cus' i miss you so badly?
every morning, i wake up and the first thing i do,
is look at my phone.
cus' remember, you used to text me morning and night,
the minute you woke up and the minute you felt sleepy.
but every morning when i wake up, i think of you.
when i sleep, i think of you.
when i look at eeyore, i think of you.
when i do piercings for people, i think of you.
when i eat cotton candy or corn, i think of you.
when i go to esplanade waterfront, i think of you.
when i eat long john's, i think of you.
when i see the pouches you got me, i think of you.
when people ask me they wanna get a septum, i think of you.
when i look at that card or your pictures, i think of you.
and mrf i swear the list can go on and on.
but i really cant take this feeling.
i still dunno why you did this to me.
im not sure if you stilll read my blog, i really hope you do.
was i such a bitch you had to do this?
im still not over you.
i still love you so so much, like i always have, like i always will.
i know you deleted and block me from msn.
did you really wanna cut off all our connections?
do you hate me so much?
if you say you meant everything, all your promises.
what about now?
aren't this the consequences of your lies?
your broken promises?
i really don't know what i actually want.
i really want you back so badly.
but i'm sure you like someone else already.
what about all the future we talked about.
what about everything?
i really hate this feeling.
yeh it's been over a month.
but it seemed like just yesterday, you said you wanted to break up.
you gave me 4 reasons to that.
1. you didn't want to affect my studies.
2. you don't know.
3. i've changed.
4. you need space.
which is it?
honestly, or was it cus' i'm too ugly for you?
do you know what i've done/have happened to me after you left me.
i really hate this feeling so so much.
people always tell me, "just move on. only you can do it. no one else can help you but yourself. you gotta be strong" and all that bull.
but i still can't.
no matter how hard i try, i can't.
like today, i went to cityhall, and wanted to esplanade, and i started thinking of you.
and i swear i felt like crying, but i knew i couldn't.
who cries over the boyfriend who left after a month over?
even when i drink MILO, i think of you.
do you know how badly this break up has made me feel?
i really wanna get back together.
but im sure you dont.
idk what you feel about this.
but i really hope you read this.

www.myspace.com/satelliteheight

TO MUHD MAAROF

i apologise for last night.
i was being childish.
i was being selfish.
i was being immature.
i was being a total bitch.
i'm sorry i blew on you.
i just got so mad.
because you told me forever.
you used the word forever.
why the word forever?
in case you still don't know hun, i get attached to people.
especially my boyfriend.
you even talked about so much more things.
and i actually believed you?
and randomly, you break up with me.
and you didn't know why.
than you told me i changed.
Have you ever put yourself in my shoes before?
This is the last time i am ever talking about you in this blog.
Than you told me, you just wanted to be friends.
Was that supposed to make me happier?
i am on the verge or dropping my POA because,
i flunked my test.
because, i kept thinking about you.
you make me smoke so much i will probably get lung cancer before,
going to university or something.
i really dunno why you did this.
i mean like, do you see any joy, in doing this?
will you clap your hands when you see me in my grave?
you mean more than the universe to me.
i'll even screw up my o's for you.
but i really wanna know why you do this to me.
do you know how it actually feels?
or have you really lost feelings for me.
you tell me you still care.
but do you honestly?
or you just saying that to make me shut up?
you make me cry every single night!
and i really hate this feeling.
it's worst than pumping steriods into your blood.
or doing scarification.
its worst than getting a septum piercing.
but i guess you'll never know how that feels, right?
i don't wanna be friends.
i don't wanna contact in anyway.
i have deleted your pictures, or numbers, your everything.
i have even burnt the diary i never used.
even going to sim lim square reminds me of you.
remember the time, we got lost going to nafa?
remember the time we ate corn and cotton candy, at esplanade's waterfront?
remember sharing ljs?
remember on the eve of my birthday,
we walked from orchard to cityhall?
i miss holding your hand.
with your long fingers interlocking.
i miss your yummy lips.
against mine.
I miss your hugs.
I miss your voice.
I miss your sweet messages.
I miss everything about you.
I still love you so so much.
I'm sorry for always complaining that,
you don't show me that you love me.
Ma'arof, you just really changed my life.
Especially after the break up.
I know whatever i say now, won't mean a thing.
It won't change a thing.
And doing the dumbest things,
would just attract your attention negatively.
Making matters worst.
I hope you're happy with whoever your future girlfriend will be.
Typing more of this will just never end my tears.
I don't wish to add more fuel to the fire.
So let's never contact.
Goodbye, for good.

EDIT;}

you made so much promises.

were they true?

you never kept them.

you told me you would only break up, if i did something.

you told me, that you were planning on making me a v day gift.

did you mean it?

or did you think about breaking up even before making the gift?

if you read all this, reply me in msn.

i don't know how to get over you.

it's just too effin hard for me.

band or boyfriend.

i still haven't gotten over the fact that i WANT to start a band. like, SERIOUSLY. but you know what, i'm having O LEVELS this year. and i swear it's driving me crazy. There's so many reasons for me to just commit suicide or something but that's just being dumb ain't it.
art is probably the HARDEST subject to score in.
POA is just, speechless.
chemistry is like, whats up with the formulas.
maths is understandable:D
hahaha.

teacher thinks i should drop poa.
i really want to.
but i dont.
well whatever it is, i ain't dropping.
and MR CHIN wants to meet momsie.
like what the hell for?
he says it's cus' of my overall performance and attitude.
i have not committed any "crime" this year.
i actually think i'm much better than year than last year.
agreed people?
and he wants to talk to momsie.
most prob it's cus i failed badly for both poa tests.
but whatever youre an accounts teacher?
you ain't supposed to call parents down just for the sake of your favourite subject.
it's just, plain, biase?

i still cant get over you maarof.
i swear it's the hardest thing that ever happened to me.
i wanted you to come for passion arts even before we broke up.
and i still do.
but saying goodbye is just the hardest thing right now.
most of my friends tell me they're bringing their boyfriends.
and i just say, im gonna have another lonely passion arts, again.
but whatever.
it's never easy getting over a guy anyways right?

i still have to find shoes for passion arts.
any kind soul willing to spare me shoessss?
like pronto.

hahah, im typing away though no one reads.
it's just the dead-est blog ever.
i quit being a bitch.
HAHAHAH.[:

yesterday shopping with fee was gooood.
hahah.
i love love my dress[:
though its rather formal.
idc.
i still love it.
she bought less than 5 items but more than 100 bucks.
WE HAVE TO GO SHOPPING AGAIN!
:D
im serious.
and we didnt take pictures!
]:

happy valentines day honeys!

from best friends to strangers.

i really dunno what happened b/w us.
i still really miss you a lot.
when i read your blog, i realised you really didn't regard me as anyone to you anymore.
i know im a very immature best friend to begin with.
but were you actually being serious?
like, did you really mean from the bottom of your heart, that we were best friends?
or is it, on your 18th birthday.
you just realized that there are much more potential best friends out there, so you decided to ditch me?
do you know how it actually makes me feel?
yeah we were quarreling last night.
but do you really mean over as in over?
do you really just wanna wash me off your shoulders?
like period?
the things you said to me when i was at my lowest.
was it just cus' you didn't realize how much i'd be hurt?
or you just treat me like a normal aquaintance?
i wish i ever knew you.
i really do.
cause losing you, is as painful as losing my boyfriend.
it's actually more painful.
remember, best friends over boyfriends?
you might not, but i sure as hell do.
it's like, losing 2 precious things.
at the same freaking time.
i really feel like pouring out my heart and soul here right now.
but it's just pointless.
cus we're over.
im actually crying right now typing this.
you just give me the deepest impression that you never made me your best friend before.
you just deemed it as a status.
youre the first REAL best friend i actually loved.
and the first best friend i'd cry for.
the first best friend who i pour my heart and soul out too.
the first best friend i can share things with.
what happened to best friends forever?
sigh, or were they just empty words with no meaning?
if you really wanna be this way, than fine.
it's your choice.
goodbye fannie.

oh switzerland, where the sunflowers are the brightest.

one small thing, can affect me so much.
what the hell?
you're too busy with your other friends and some guy?
if you didn't regard me as best friend a long time ago,
i rather you be straightforward and tell me a long time ago too.
ah whatever.
i'm happy we're hi bye friends now.
after one shitty year.
eff this.
i know i have a temper problem.
but i ain't living to impress you anymore.
nor am i trying to match up to you.
oh byebye.

STUDYING ON A SATURDAY
zxomg.
byebye pwd D:
if ya'll could only perform in yishun.
i need a study buddy who lives in yishun.
anyone? ):

hmmm, anyone wanna buy wired hearts?
im selling and making.
i need business.
the piercing one seems much of a goner.
and my sister's english is even getting better than mine.
the words coming out from her mouth or so, chim.
are you my sister or a stranger?
mmmmmm.
i feel like a loser today.
wee~

my worst habit is texting one person everydayyyy.
sheryl, dont hate me for that D:
i've lost a best friend.
but i think i've found a new true blue friend.
sherylscene.
hahahah, i wanna hang out sooooon!
when D:
i know i say alot of freaking things like, almost all the time.
hahahah.
sorry uh.
it's a habit(again)
i cant say things properly.
like, when it comes out, it's just a bunch of rubbish.
we have HAVE to study one day tog.

im in school now.
waiting for sofia.
i wonder if she still remembers im here waiting for her.
am listening to Summer's Over now.
i think theyre preeettyy awesome.[:

gg facial later, i feel soo lazy to get out of this seat.
i wanna change, do i stills eem like that arrogant bitch?
if yes, please start listing.

Passion Arts Concert.

Venue: Republic Poly(woodlands)

Time: 7.30-9 plus.

Date: 27 Fec(friday)

Price: 8/10 bucks.

anyone interested?

[:
fannie hun, i would really appreciate it if you would come.

it's freeee;D
this sunday at 5.30pm
s.a.m.
*incase you cant see cus' i sure can't.
1. Heartfelt Signature.
2.Blindfold Heros.
3.Roulette.
4.Homicidal Rage.
5.Iridium Like A Band.
6.False Pause.
7.Thy Fallen Kingdom.
8.Rubberband.
9.Knightsfall.


For a bigger picture of the poster,
http://www.playstoprewind.com/next_generation2.jpg

today, school's boring(as usual, du-h)
i seriously dunno what to do for art.
i cant stop thinking about mrf.
idk how my theme, glass container, is gonna progress.
i've just got my schedule for remedial starting from next week.
doing piercings this monday.
having tuition tomo. (oh how dreadful)
having dinner with dad's side tomo night.
having lunch with uncle bernard and family on sun.
having rock kidz on sunday morning.

i wanna start out solo.
and im doing it tonight.
anybody willing to help me?
i really am dead serious on doing this.

CNY PICTURES AND RANDOM STUFF.
i miss you carebear D:
i can't wait anymore.
i really hate it D:
hearing your voice makes me cry even more ]':
i really hate this so so much.
i dont wanna cry over you every single min im thinking of you.
your parents alr hate me so much D;
i dont wish to meet you for a while,
cus that'll make me miss you even much much more!
i do not wish to hear your voice, cus' i cant stop crying.
i swear.
]':
i love you so so much sayang.
but do you still love me the same?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZADIzNFdreU
to darling dee,
please go see this video.

i hate friday nights,
though the saying goes, TGIF!
hahah.
last night was one of those horrors(thus the post)
i was super cranky.
i shall not always talk about my pathetic shitty needs.
but shall, about good happy stuff:D
hahahahah.
even w/o freedom, much love, a friend who cares, i still can survive.
right FRIENDS.
whatev.

have been baking the whole day.
the same cookies/cake for like over a decade.
anyone wanna try:D

i want a dslr D:
i think i want photography or clay as my medium.
sadly, i have noo idea what i should do for arts.
and i have tons of homework.
booo.
i cant wait till after o's.
talk about actual freedom.
anyone who's bored, please text me;D

YEAR OF THE COW! MOOOOOOOO. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!:D

i miss you like crazy!
two weeks?
more like 2 years.
sigh.
i feel distant from you.
i wanna hear you say "i love you" again.
i wanna hear you tell me how much you love me,
how much i actually mean to you.
i really can't take two weeks.
i was crying so badly when i heard your voice last night.
i cry everytime i see eeyore.
yes i know im very emotional.
but that also shows how much i love you.
i dont wanna distant myself from you.
the feeling really just sucks.
what if your dad don't let loose a lil'?
what then?
sigh.
if it's a month, i swear i can't take it.
i read your mails.
you dont even send any to me D:
when will it be an emergency, then can i only text remy's phone ?


i'm sick of all the medication i'm taking.
why th hell can't i be born at least pretty.
ffs, God just shoot me down.
i'd kill to look pretty.
just name your price.

i feel like changing my blog skin.
im so slow in everything.
yester news is my probably my for me to discover in the future.
im listening to SAVIOUR KING by HILLSONG.
oh my gosh is soo goood.
i miss mrf so badly.
i have no way of contacting you.]':
im sorry.
i miss you terribly.
i have never missed anyone so badly before.
everyone's telling me, to concentrate on studies,
and put this incident, aside.
it's so fucking hard.
best friend, i know it's not real love, it's puppy love, like you always say.
but all i know is i love him.
i miss your hands honey.
i miss holding it.
i miss your long fingers.
your adorable-ness with your glasses.
please call me, i just miss you so so terribly]':
the only way i can remember you, is eeyore.

today, school was, boring as usual.
i need a new laptop i swear.
this friday i have an appt, sigh.
who would be ever so sweet to accompany me.
meeting gabbie gore tomo.
i miss you like fuck bitch!
we're gg shopping for your present tomo.
sofia is (happily) attached to Yus.

i feel so distant from you my God.
i lie worst than i lied last time.
most people wouldn't really know what i'm talking about.
i haven't received the word since, half a year ago.
i haven't felt your presence since, forever.
have i shamed you deeply.
i probably have sinned more than a normal person would.

i'm on hiatus.
im not going to text much.
i'll prob just text the ppl close.
hopefully, i can meet up with some of ya'll soon.
i seriously can't wait till after o's.
after i've finally completed my grade 8, practical.
if i work hard enough, my grade 5 theory.
i wanna jump straight to grade 8.
i dont' wanna wait.
i've wasted 2 years for practical and 5 years or so for theory.
screw wasting time.
i need a study buddy.
and still, a texting buddy.
anyone?
):

BAABAABLACKSHEEP.
my days have been numbered.
hahahahah.
it's the same usual boring-ness.
mon, thurs, fri, sat= tuition.
tue & thurs= cca.
sun= family day.
wednesday= homework day.
fyi, i haven't stepped into cityhall since the start of the year
(apart from rock kidz)
i'm not meeting Kiddi till after o's.
i SOOOO wanna meet julie cus' we had fun the other time.
i need a study buddy who'll actually study with me.
i need NEED to score well for my o's or else i'm doing my studies overseas.
i can't imagine four years later i won't get to see my boyf much.
i need a social life, apart from school.
i need to loose weight or i swear i'll take a butter knife and cut out all the fats
like what a famous artist did to his ear.
i already miss mrf ):
i miss kiddi even more.
im still doing piercings, so whoever needs to pierce lips or tongue, text meee[:

TODAY;
went to nafa.
had the hardest time finding the place.
cus' i took 851 and dropped infront of tekka mall.
all i could see was la selle.
mrf got kinda pissed cus' i was lost and walking up and down like some goon.
he alw said i nvr get lost when i'm with him.
ALAS, now i have.
so we had the hardest time finding nafa.
when we got there, we were like totally, d-uh.
cus' everyone we saw were in big groups w/ their school.
while we both were the only two w/o a school.
so we registered, and got our goodie bag:D
we went in to one gallery.
and i really think some artworks were gor-geous.
i dont mind spending my thousands on em'.
so yeh, after that we just left.
walked ard again, finding our way to bugis station.
sat at sim lim food court.
he was tired & hungry but he didn't wanna eat.
so i bought peach tea(gah)
and we left for our search of BUGIS STATION.
i was supposed to pierce for weixiong but he last min
cancelled on me.
i swear i was gonna scream.
so we came back.
he walked me home to khatib:D
and we ate uh, some cookies than i forgot.
and i just remembered my stupid diet.
and i stopped eating.
while forcing him to eat his final 2 cookies.
hahahah.
in the end, i saw sandra & fitri and gave em the 2 cookies.
he brought home the other YUMMY CHEESE bear cookies:D
i love my boyfriend so so much.
i swear idk what i'd do w/o him.
i'll smoke my ass off day and night.
gah.
I LOVE YOU MRF:D

PARKWAY DRIVE!

HORIZONS SEA TOUR.
PARKWAYDRIVE.
7th feb 09
singapore art museum; auditorium
5 pm onwards.
early birds:S$25
at the door:S$35

happy being her dog darl.
i have no idea why you wanna do it.
just to impress her?
you ain't living just to see her happy.
i dont give a second hoot even if she just drop dead in my face.
you yourself told me she ain't your best friend.
you only have one best friend.
who's not here.
you tell me you'll loose respect and 2 precious ppl?
you know what, i dont care anymore.
why should i.
i'm not living to impress people.

school has been crap.
first week and i hate it to the core.
like GAWD.
gah.
homework homework homework.
who wanna go for poly open house this fri&sat??
:D
and bestiee, you better not go committing suicide.
i seriously dunno how in the world you think yesterday was a joke.
i swear i almost cried.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NURWANA!!!!!!!

im researching on Ken Hornbrook.
he has awesome skills.
okeh, first day of school.
so boring.
what medium should i choose for art o's?
PHOTOGRAPHY?
CERAMIC?
well only this 2 i love:D
hahahah.
and, right after o levels.
im gonna go out, and do shopping.
and go for GIGS nd GIGS nd GIGS!
i wanna form a girl band:D
anyone interested?
more of indie.
and i need study buddies!
this update is cus lina chan chan say i never update.
hahahah.
I MISS YOU GOSSIP BUDDYYY!

zxomg i hate guys whose girlf alw keep their phones.
and when text come in they start shooting.
like wth.
i lost contact with soooo many ppl.
and i regret not talking to them]:
like seriously]':
from now on, i shall not not talk to ppl.
and i shall not not talk to them for more than one week.
whatever i mean.
school gonna reopen.
SO MUCH HOMEWORK!
DIEDIEDIE.
please support WFN on live&loaded:D
i need a new band best friend.
like period.

and my new year resolution!
1.loose weight by jan, goal is 10.
2. change my attitude.
3. be more patient.
4. change my ugly fashion.
5. loose weight! (if i loose weight by june till my ideal, i can get my dslr!)
6. be more understanding.
7. change hairstyle.
8. be more experienced in piercing.
9. get more "customers"
10. DO WELL FOR O LEVEL MANSZXZXXZXZX.
11. find a new band-bestie.
12. be more involved in local music cus' im such a noob.
13. practice my piano MORE!
14. hopefully get to la selle or nafa.

PIERCINGS

hahahah.
im back:D
yes.
piercings:D.
im doing lip, monroe, madona, medusa, labret, lip, tongue & septum.
yes i've done all these before.
text mee.
i'll not be online much.
so it's the best way to contact meee.
94887246.

UPDATES TO THY LIFE.

1. im quitting dare choir.
2. im joining WOW.
3. im starting my actually strict laureninininini's diet tmrw.
4. im gg nuts for work.
5. i screw up my r/s countless of times.
6. im the biggest complain queen ( EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT I SUPPOSE)
7. im missing my boyf terribly.
8. idk what you want me to do anymore D:
9. im dying for school to start.
10. im disappointing too many people.
11. sometimes i feel like committing suicide.
12. i feel so so distant away from my God.
13. christmas is coming and i dont look forward to it.
14. im buying my clamps from Finch this sat.
15. im starting the "piercing business" again.
16. work is driving me to my grave.
17. tuition even before o's even started? sigh.
18. all these makes from 1-17 except 7 makes me want to die, RIGHT, NOW.

my mom is killing me.
we haven't said I LOVE YOU since i was in p3.
you never once told me.
how much you love me as a daughter.
that youre proud of me.
that you never wanna loose me.
that i am so so precious to you.
that your love for me is unconditional.
but instead,
you emphasise how much im such a disgrace to you.
how much you adore scolding me.
how much you DONT want me to be your daughter.
that loosing me means nothing to you.
I, mean nothing to you.
im no one special to you.
im just some THING you picked from the rubbish.
you make me sad all the time.
you make me cry myself to sleep.
your my mother.
though others might see this as nothing.
and think that im just a big cry baby.
when i try to impress you,
you never seem to look.
but when i fall, you push me down.
down and down and down.
and you just walk away.
and let me rot.
i know i mean nothing to you.
i know im the biggest disgrace.
but please, i have feelings too.
your words really sting.
worst than a scorpion's sting.
worst than the desert sand in your eyes.
worst than a painful breakup.
worst than anything.
you're not fit to be my mother.
sigh.
please stop killing me mother.

idk if it works.
hopefully, yes.








I MISS MUHD MAAROF.
gabbie darling, im very sorry about grandmama.
i promise you i'll try visiting her!
& i'll pray.
i'll pray hard for you.
whatever happens, you know you can turn to meee;D
YOUR BESTIE!:D
I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH BBY!
i know how you feel.
my grandmama died.
i didn't even get to say my final goodbyes.
and it was too sudden.
she raised me when my parents were busy.
she was the one who made me smile.
even till now(before she died).
she has the most adorable smile.
and she's a rocking chic!
she has a scorpion tattoo.
she's th best thing that has ever happened to me.
when she died, i was alone.
but now, you won't be[:
not saying tht she will ( touch alot of wood)
whatever it is honey,
you still got me:D
& your guy.
and everyone else!
C:

i was bored.
so i took this from gab's blog.
:D

THY SELF.
[01] Name: dharsh.
[02] Nickname: dharshy; marshmellow; the emo geek.
[03] Married: in love yes.
[04] Zodiac Sign: libra.
[05] Gender: Female
[06] Age: 15
[07] High School: Northland Secondary.
[08] College: i wanna go to tp:D
[09] Height: 168cm.
[10] Weight: for me to know & you to never find out.
[11] Do you like yourself: hahah. dunno.
[12] Piercings: goodbye my lovers.
[13] Right or left: goodbye oh goodbye.
[14] Are you a freak : no.
[15] Hair: chestnut brown.
[16] Skin: tan i suppose. ehk.
[17] Allergic: to nothing.
[18] What are you doing now: finding songs.
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: go to yishun lib with momsie & popsie. :O
[20] What will you do 10 years later: married and spending money like nobody's business.

THE FAMILY
[21] Live with mother/father/parents: everyone.
[23] Eldest: not me.
[24] Youngest: ME ):
[25] Love/hate your family: both.
THE LOVE
[26] You found your another half: hell yeah. (:
[27] If yes, who is he/she: Ma'arof :D
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: no one.
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: 6
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): nope.
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): dunno.
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: think so.
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: alot of arguing.?
[34] Ever argue with your other half: lotsa times.
[35] You with your other half since: 18/09/2008
[36] Are you straight/gay: mix:D
[37] Reasons you love your other half: cus' he's my other half.
[38] You and your other half in which stage: uh stage.. 3/4? hahah.
[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo you: both!
[40] Ever think of marry him/her: yesm. :)


THE FRIENDS
[41] Your first best friend: Gabbie.
[42] Your first enemy: hahahah, SO MANY MAANSZXZXZX.
[43] The friend(s) you love the most: Gabbie & Billie & Sofee & Shaz.
[44] The enemy you hate the most (1only): I LOVE MY ENEMIES! hahahaha.
[45] Your most beautiful girl friend: i cant choose.
[46] Your most handsome guy friend: my boyf! counted?
[47] The kind of girl you hate the most: too stuck up backstabbing cunt.
[48] The kind of boy you hate the most: selfish and if his ego is bigger than his head.
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: yeah :/
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: nope.
[51] If your friend backstabbing you: than to hell with her sweet words, that whore.
[52] If your friend betray you: find out why and bitchslap her. HAHAHAH.
[53] If your friend woo your lover: i'll disfigure her and embarress her till she pees in her undies.
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: no chance maaanszxzxzx.
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: i did, kinda. {:

THE STUDIES
[56] Are you a good student: no.
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: hahaha, no.
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: none.
[59] Always late to school/college: nope.
[60] Your class: i dunnoe.
[61] You love your seniors: friendship love, yes. But now, I AM THE SENIOREST SENIOR! hahahahahahahah.
[62] Senior who you love the most: i dont have any.
[63] Your classmates good/bad: ave.
[64] Excellent result classmate: i dont really talk to them.
[65] Laziest classmate: and i still dont talk to them.

THE PEOPLE
[66] Smart people: einstein(however you spell his name).
[67] Stupid people: *waves hand frantically*
[68] Good looking people: everyone.
[69] Ugly people: *waves hand frantically, again*
[70] Funny people: YOU:D
[71] Cute people: emo, elmo's cousin.
[72] Bad people: i dunno lah, all the questions so wierd.
[73] Honest people: not me.
[74] Acting people: huh??
[75] You are what kind of people: Retarded & Hot tempered & Random.
THE PREFER
[76] Lip or eyes: eyes.
[77] Hugs or kisses: both.
[78] Shorter or taller: definitely taller.
[79] hesitant or spontaneous: spontaneous.
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: both.
[81] Listener or talker: both.
[82] Romantic or rich: romantic.
[83] Good wife or Good mother: both!

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get marry: 25.
[85] Numbers of kid(s): 3.
[86] Career: journalist & author.
[87] Salary: big big money!

[88] Retirement age: 40.

[89] Properties value: i dunnoe.
[90] Wishes: materialistic mind.

MY NEW FLEND:D
VELY NICE!:D
VELY PRETTY TOOO:D
we shall go for gigs tog next time!
HEHEHE:D










this 2 people here are the bestest people anyone could have.
i swear.
God blessed me big time:D
ILY BOOBEHS!


















im still fucking in love with him.
i love him more than food and marshmellows and piercings!:D























this is thanks to RIIN:D
cus' i wanted a sunflower.
PREETTTYY RIIIGHT!:D
SO MUCH THANKYOU LORSHZXZXZX.



:D
WORK IS KILLING ME
well so is tuition.
24/5 work and tuition.
i have no social life.
i HAVE NO life.
sigh.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20081113/tap-singapore-animal-zoo-incident-06f3cb7.html

whats with that dude lah.

wanna commit suicide,

why pollute other people's eyes.

zomg.

i love TRAVIS COTTRELL.

he makes me sing hallelujah.

[:

i love you boyfriend!

you made my day:D

spent 50 bucks plus plus at ARTBOX,

while waiting for billie.

met her, for like a few mins.

she bought her lunch.

than met boyf.

than headed to cityhall.

for nuts.

went to get his silver balls (HAHAH)

walked around.

went to the singapore river.

it's beautiful. {:

took like THREE pictures there.

my hair was like a mad mop

went to penin before that.

and i bought a beautiful checkered pouch.

and a guitar pendant,

while syg got his behemoth shirt.

yes it's very anti christ.

and i dont mind you wearing that out[:

went to the river,

bought corn and candy floss.

and coke.

hahahahahah:D

met shanu for a while to pierce her ear.

zomg, i love today!

you're my everything baby.

my bestiee says i need time.
time is the most precious thing in a relationship.
oh how much i dearly hate time.
i wish it'd just go by faster.
hahahah.
IM HAPPY TODAY:D
idk why.
nd im staying like this till in 107 years old:D
am starting work next week.
so is the mon-sat tuition shit.
a big SIGH to that.
am loving my boyf even more.
am loosing the closest darling i ever had.
as many would say it's "parts and parcels of life"
it's prob the biggest lie anyone has told me.
GOODBYE LOVERS:D

sigh.

EDIT:}

seriously DAD, stay out of my life.

i've had it with you, literally.

leave me alone.

im gonna start changing.

from head to toe;D

by june next year, i swear

i'll be a totally different person.

im gg anoe(yeah right)

i will try my best to go anoe.

im fucking crazy for leopard prints & bows.

big bows,

small bows.

dead bows.

bright bows.

bows bows bows!

im gonna change to be an extra hyper person.

no more with all tht shitty crap.

and no more an attention seeker.

i might even change my accent!
hahaha.

wtf.

i wont rant me being bored anymore,

till someone says it first:D

now weight is pulling me down.

deeper and deeper to the pits of depression.

piercings are a goner.

"emo" ness tht people depict in me, is dying.

i will stop swearing, unecessarily(however you spell that)

i'm gonna stop lying.

im gonna do well for my o's next year(i pray i do)

im gonna get freedom that i need.

and actually feel better about myself!

goodbye, love.

im writing this to my one and only.

every night before i sleep.

i think abt you.

what we talked abt or did tht day.

we usually end our day with arguments.

with which dont mean a thing.

& yet, i make the biggest fuss out of it.

tht day you got your septum.

i think i was probably more nervous than you are.

i still have that video.

partly, you did it for me.

i was so darn happy.[:

you were even willing to be my "customer"

and you wanted me to pierce.

i was so touched.

i effin' love your septum!

everyday, i stare at your pictures for long, minutes.

rmbr when we first met?

we were dead silent.

and we were extremely shy.

we sat on 812.

and went on rounds.

you didnt like it, yet you didnt say anything.

and than there was a lot of laughter.

i kept taking your phone cause i didn't know,

what to say.

i was dead nervous,

probably worst than you were.

i was sad when we bade goodbye.

now when we meet, we still hug.

and you're super tall.

while i feel short.

i wanna hug you tightly.

like never before.

oh rmbr the day before my bday, we went for a walkathon.

when it wasnt really much of a walk-athon.

yes our feets were aching.

and we ate tht yummy kinder suprise!

i still have that toy.[:

it was like our first official date.

and when we were at the food court, you bothered asking me.

if i wanted to have milo dinosaur.

that is my favourite drink!

& i love LOVE the pouch you bought for me.

you know im a loser for stars & leopard prints.

and now bows.

as i am typing this, im smiling like an love sick child.

and listening to your call by secondhand serenade.

there's so so much more i can type here.

i want to last forever with you.

i dont want us to give up on each other.

even if you stopped loving me, i'd never stop loving you.

you're the balloon i'll never let go.

the marshmellow i'll never eat.

the toy i will never ditch.

i love you more than marshmellow & chocolate fondue.

i love you more than milo dinosaur.

i love you more than elmo.

i love you more than crazy sex bands.

I *inserts biggest heart* YOU MA'AROF!

i love love opera singers.
esp male ones.
i love the way they project their voice.
the way the make it so darn beautiful.
its so loud & strong.
the way they put everything tog.
the recent opera male singer who died.
he's my fav.
sigh, oh how i wish to attend one of their
beautiful concerts.

TOC IS SO SCREWED!
just when singapore had a miracle.
the whoevers had to screw up everything.
you're disgracing singapore.
you're throwing away our faces.
didn't you ever know we were kiasu??
DXO???
what happened to fort canning?
AGE LIMIT??
wth is wrong with ya'll.
thanks for killing our enthusiasm of few weeks.

lost a good friend.

you choose her over me.

i totally get it(i think)

well im trying to.

& happy being the IN couple.

lost my fav hairband.

wtf, i really need it.

cus' it means smthg to me.

spent tooo much moolah.

so much i need to "top up"

i probably have spent at least 200+++ bucks on things i HAVENt used.

wow right?

im thinking of selling em'.

but it'll be darn mafan.

i want a.. no wait, i NEED a texting buddy, i swear!

it's fucking boring.

what's the use of free unlimted messages, & no one to text.

it's a damn bitch i tell you.

i'm sick & tired of studying more than 6 hours a freaking day.

i rather be standing under the hot sun for 24 hours than study.

it's the bloody holidays and im studying?

im sick of being grounded & bitched abt & doubted.

it fucking stinks.

i love my boyfriend.

i swear i do.

he's the only reason i'm still breathing.

i hate having parents who love criticizing me.

i know im fat, you dont have to exaggerate

& hurt my damn feelings(if i still mean anything to you)

went out with darlingss yst.

im moody.

it was good.

finally get to meet them!

i miss ya'll so fuckg much.

lets go out soon again.

hopefully in dec.

if i dont get my fucking freedom by dec.

i swear over my coffin, tht i'll jump down a 2 storey building.

i dont care if i break my bones & get paralysed.

Ketupat For Halloween Much.

everyone's so darn busy.

it feels as if im not your friend anymore.

even those friends who self proclaim as your "really close" ones.

it's been days/months since i met ya'll.

i've wanted to do so much with ya'll.

but who cares.

let's ditch our friendships and ignore our plans!
(:





HALLOWEENs COMING:D
so is INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN.

oolahlah!

who's going ?
text mee lovers!
:D





i wna go to central w butties.

& eat yummy dummy subways.

i wna seat at clarkequay or boatquay or smthg quay with

ma'arof, & do star gazing, while exchanging sweet little comments.


sigh.

what a dream.

ilyvm boyfie.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma fucking screwed my life up.

you seemed to have changed so much.

gah.

& i cant seem to catch up with you.

you're like somewhere in russia

while im still stranded here, in stinkapore.

please wait for me.

gah.

you're neglecting me.

you forgot me.

you seem to get angry with me so so easily.

what have i done wrong ?

sigh.

i miss you bestiee.

please come back.

stop changing.

I WANNA GO!

MY KINDA MUSIC!

aler.

i think.

but i got camp.

D:

so im thinking of going for suacermen gig.

BUT, screamshow seems more worth it!
GAH.

hmmmmm, which should i choooseeeee?
i need helppppp.

ROAR.

9 NOV LUNCH AT MY PLACE! (meet momsieee)

1-fatin
2-jenna
3-sofia
4-maryjane
5-prisusu
6-cassie
7-lina
8-ron
9-maarof
10-marlon.

*people who see their name here,
do confirm with me if ur going!:D
i'll meet ya'll at cityhall or yishun ard noon.
CFM ASAP:D
tyvm.

WHOS GOING??

hmmm, should i go for this or scream show!?!?!?
I DUNNOE!

GAH.

& th tees are still selling!

they're adorable!!

:D

to yakuzi: idk what is going on.
& im sorry for being such a bugger.
i really dont want your girlf head hunting me.
so i hope you both are happy tog.
i dont wish to criticize her cus' i know it might affect you.
so whatever.

to kiddi bestest bestiee like a sister: i miss you super duper much.
i feel so distant from you.
i dont wish for us to distance either.
i wanna go back to the time when we would go to you-know-where
& just laze around like pigs.
you know those times when we were single(not saying that we should still be)?
you & maarof are the 2 bestest things that has ever happened to me.
you put boyfriend and best friends as same level.
well i respect that.
thank you very much for always being so random & making me laugh
like a cheena freak all the time.
i really miss miss you soo badly!
im sorry i keep cancelling our plans last minute.
please forgive me.
i love you very much bestiee.

to maarof: thank you for all those sweet darling messages.
every night, i'll read them.
one by one.
every single one a memo to show me how much you love me.
i wanna be with you forever.
i wanna be with you even after the day i die.
no this is not some lovesick child writing to her boyf.
this is how i really feel.
im so happy you love me so so much.
im so happy i have you!
the way you make me feel in every single way.
i love love with extra milo powder YOU:D
youre my everything.
i love you MORE than hitler loves his stupid wars.
i love you MUCH MORE than mr bean loving his teddy bear.
& i esp love you MUCH MUCH MORE than monkeys loving their bananas.
i never wish to leave you.
never.
I LOVE YOU MUHAMMAD MAAROF BIN SAMAD!:D

to chris crocker: i'll alw support you bitch!

to the teacher who took my phone: wtf is ur problem.
didnt you see me cry? screw you.

to cassie twinneh: where you go? i miss you so. it seems like forever,
since i last met you, since i last talk to you.

to jenna: idk whats happening.
do you hate me so much?

to imogen: thankyou AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN for my bday;D
youre an absolute darling.

to lina: lucks for your o's babe!
IMY!
i wna go out with chuuu & gossip nehszxzxzx!

FRIDAY; TEN OCTOBER.
went out with boyf.
went shopping.
didnt buy much though.
he bought me lunch, an adorable pouch & SUDOKU!:D
ahahah.
walked from orchard to cityhall.
sickening shoes,so pain.
didnt do much of shopping.
gah.

SATURDAY; ELEVEN OCTOBER.
met buddy.
went to change ALL her coins at 7-11
at that time, yishun station was beyond peaceful.
spend like half an hour changing her coins.
& when we came out, the station was crowded as hell.
went out, saw scdf ambulance blablabla.
someone died on my bday.
maarof couldnt come cus of family stuff.
kid & kai were absolutely uncontatable.
everyone else somehow forgot my bday.
some couldnt make it.
so we went to far east.
went searching for the love birds high& low.
finally found them.
mom called saying sh wants to play mahjong.
on my bday.
when we are supposed to go out as a family for dinner.
dad couldnt make it anw.
so wtheck, screw my bday.
aft fareast, left the lovebirds & went to cityhall.
i saw th most adorable bag but i didnt buy.
i have no darn idea why i didnt buy.
REGRET BIG TIME.
wanted to visit finch.
but he was too busy.
so didnt go in.
went to esp aft tt.
watch the zoom zoom thingy.
than went home.
didnt go for mosh party 2 D:
ty love for accompanying me the whole day ;D

im just being monotoneous writing this.
so dont expect me drama mama scene to pop out.
cus i dont feel like it.

SELLING THIS SHIRT!

salad dayss!
FOR A VELY VELY GOOD CAUSE!

charity!

it's darn cheap.
ONLY FIFTEEN!

buy buy buy.

you cant find this at shops or other chitty chitty bang bang.

LIMITED STOCK!

im buying two!

:D

contact visa, 81684956

for your own salad days teee!

for charity people!:D

HAPPY BITCHDAY TO DHARSHY.
HAPPY BITCHDAY TO ME.
IM ONE YEAR CLOSER TO DYING.
HAPPY BITCHDAY TO ME.
i fucking hate today.
i fucking hate my birthdayssss.
as if it ain't bad enough.
every year it gets worst & worst.
why do i bother.
that proves how fucking dumb i am.
but thankyou my good good friend for accompanying me!:D
& im lazy to type shit that happened today here.
cus it's worthless & it dont mean a single fuck anymore.
i hate my bloody birthday.
i dont even know why it's supposed to be a happy occassion.

anywho, TYVM TO EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME:D
boyf, if you havent realised it.
please make a move before 12 midnight.
11.59pm will be your last chance.

anywho, anyone knows how to get TWLOHA hoodies???!
I REALLY WNA GET EM!!!!

MY BIRTHDAY IN 2 DAYS:D
ahahah.
happy birthday to all october babies!:D
my wish list:
1. NEW BAG.
2. POLAROID CAM.
3. HOLGA CAM. ( either one )
4. NEW BANGLES.
5. NEW CHAINS.
6. MORE GEEKY SPECS.
7. NEW SHOES.
8. NEW DRESSES.
9. SUNFLOWER.!
10. i vant my phoneee.
11. SHOPPING WITH BF(f)sss
12. re-pierce! (maybe)
13. HOODIES.
14. i cant think of much now, besides lotsa shopping at far east & bugis & peninsula.

NO PHONE NOW D:

hmm, those who are gg for this sat,

meet me at 10.15 at yishun station

or 11 at cityhall station.

text kiddi or maarof 96206098 bout anything.

text by fri noon!

:D

i'll leave cityhall station by 11.20.

& i'll be texting some ppl on fri to confirm.

Twinneh, i hate the way you're treating me now.
i know you have your own life, but im guessing that im not in it.
Youre totally ignoring me yet you have so much time for your other friends & shisha.
If you dont want me as a so called TWIN just say it.
Dont have to ignore me.
Youre just like any typical friend of mine.
Even if you were busy the least you could do to show that you still cared was
to reply ONE text saying youre busy or you'd text me later or smthg.
you dont even bother replying my letter moreover text messages,
or update me on your life.
youre like miss pop star and im some irritating maggot.
if i mean so little to you than what the heck.
im grateful that you helped me get the shorts and mp3.
thankyou.
if youre reading this, or if you STILL realise i have a blog,
please text me.
if youre too BUSY for me, than dont bother.

something seems different. after what arguing just now. i dunno why. i just feel, different. hmm, sorry for cramming you up. sorry for taking up 24/7 of your time. i cant help it. sorry for pissing you off, all the time. sorry for not giving you space. sorry for not robbing your time away from your friends. im sorry im sorry im sorry. i know im a terrible girlfriend. sigh. i promise nvr get too attached to you anymore k? i dn wna get too hooked & end up getting hurt & upset & mad at you for nothing. i love you ma'arof.

I LOVE YOU BOYF!

FOREVER & EVER & EVER!

i love making you jealous.

i love your hot six pac body.

youre absolutely adorable!

you dunno how much you mean to me.

like i said, i dont mind converting for you.

cus i know my love for you will never fail.

& hopefully you keep your promise of never changing, aft 1-2 yrs.

even if you stop loving me, i'll nvr ever let you go.

youre the perfect apple amongst all the rotten ones.

youre that soccer ball that will never deflate.

you accidentally deleted those sweet messages i sent you[:

well i'll try remaking what i said.

heheh[x

youre my darling canvas,

that i drew to perfection.

with each & every colour for a specific reason.

i add a tinge of sparkle to that utter drawing.

& turn it into a master piece, fit for a king.

words cant express how much i love you!

i love your shyness.

i love your sweet tender words.

i love your big secure hands.

i love your boney shoulders.

i love your big smile.

i love your long fingers.

i love your long lanky legs.

i even love your bag!

i love your patience for my nonsense.

i love your drop dead addictive messages.

i love you for making me smile all the time.

i love you for coming down just to see meeee[:

i love you for making me that cute adorable dinosaur.

i love you for willing to spend soo much time for me.

i love you for taking long bus rides with me,

though you really dislike it,

alot.

i love EVERYTHING about you!

youre my one & only.

though you're busy,

though you're mugging for n's.

you still text me to keep me company[:

every morning you never fail to text me good morning.

& every night, you always text me the sweetest messages.

that make me fall head over heels for you over & over again.

& best of all.

i love TONY tooo!:D

contact LOUIS, 94562076, for tickets!

20 bucks per head.

it's a good event!:D

aheheheh.

& for my next post, imma upload holga picts!:D
ahahahahah[:

TALKING & webcamming TO SAYANG NOW:D
ahahah.

i want flowers!

doing project soon.

*gasp.

im sooo enticipating for my hoodie!

ahahahah.

yst was ultimate boredom.

i wna go for a movie w a guy.
zomg.

i cant wait for my bday!

LIKE ZOMG:D
& sayang gna buy me polaroid.
AHAH:D
yay.

& im high on sunkist!

ahahahah.

okeh lame.

webcamming is so fun nehszxzxzxzx.

best friends. HAHA!

it's so easy for you to take me down off featured / top friends.

but so hard to put me back up uh.

gah.

do you still treat me as your bestiee?

yeh i know we have no way of communicating.

well at least send me a comment or smthg ?

i really miss going out w you!

i miss texting you!
i miss us ranting about things/people around us.

i miss our screaming at each other for no reason.

but i guess you don't.

since you're so flooded with your other friends.

thankfully, im not that emotionally attached to you as i was last time.

maybe us being best friends' just a label uh?

every thing you do potrays how you feel.

hmm, well whatever.

meet up soon babe [:

i feel naked.

i feel naked w/o my piercings.
gah.
i have terribly low self-esteem.
im praying daddy hears my prayers every night.
im praying for a miracle.

well the day has been blend.

stayed at home.

with the whole family.

sister is out now.

& im listening to flyleaf-sorrow.

LOL!

i need a phone!

im dying of boredom!
i miss soo many people.

esp twinneh!
gah.

i wna meet up w ya'll soon!

exams are such scumbags.

GAH!

{edited;}

hmm, i still cant get over piercings!
*SCREAMS!

idk why.

i feel so wrong now.

w/o piercings, i feel so empty.

should i go repierce?

no, i spent too much on em!
SHHHEEEEEETTTTTo.

i dont have that tongue stud to play with anymore.

i dont have those septum & snakebites to express ME!

(wtf am i saying)

im such a drama mama!

i feel a lost of indentity.

people reading my blog probably think im retarded for being so dramatic over piercings.

GAH!

my naval, NO MORE!

whhyyeeeee meeeeeee.

GAH.

i need councelling.

*bangs head on the wall.

should i continue piercing for people ?

should i continue getting pierced & hiding from mom ?

lawl.

i feel so fake.

im so self-concious(however you spell that).

i should walk ard town dressed in pyjamas with bad messy hair.

w/o shoes.

& funky wierd non contrasting finger nails.

& big BLING BLINGS.

& dragging tony around.

AHAH:D

that would be like soo nice [;

if only..

im hating everything because:

1.i missed the best gig of the year.

2.im having problems with my parents.

3.those problems are fucking big.

4.i hate those problems.

5.it's september & ive been screaming myself to loose weight since beginning last year.

6.number 5 really pisses me off big time.

7.if i lost weight, number 5 & 6 wouldn't be there. & my life would have been much easier.

8.i would finally have the courage if number 7 was fulfilled.

9.I DONT HAVE A FREAKING HANDPHONE!

10.I TOOK OUT ALL MY PIERCINGS.

11.when i did number ten, i was crying (again).

12.i dont have any freedom.

13.i have un-understanding parents.

14.number thirteen is the main reason why my life is always so DEPRESSING all the time & depressing enough for people to call me EMO.

15.i still haven't started on any homework.

16.im depriving myself off food till i go down to my wanted weight.

17.im still dying for piercings.

18.im forced to hate piercings.

19.so ninteen is seventeen & eighteen added up together.

20.the holiday break is only ONE WEEK.

21.right after the hols, i have class test & fye. *yay me.

22.i bought stuff online but idk how to pay them now.

23.i shall continue this list next time cus i forget everything. ):

24.continuing..I DONT HAVE FREEDOM!

25.everyone is out enjoying their holidays, while im stuck at home, being oh so grounded.

26.loosing friends.

27.terrible craving for food.

28.missing my grandma D:

29.i regret taking out my septum.

30.i cant study, idk how to.

31.im everything i DONT want to be.

32.life is just fucked.