i missed anberlin.
but i watched the dude from fountains of wayne.
and i got to meet etc.
i love etc.

so i went to study with dyan, f*, and taufiq.
met with dyan first, we were supposed to do chemistry and i kept talking about physics especially since he wasn't taking physics. well not purposely o'course.
than f* came along.
i was smiling to myself the whole time.
so we went to teh outside place at rp.
it was pretty nice (:
we couldn't really study.
so we went to fetch taufiq and bought fooooood.
i didn't like the sausage bun but it was the only thing i could find thats nice enough.
HAHAHAHAH.
so we went back to teh place.
talked a lot.
studied, minimal.
than dyan left to hang out with friends & baybeats.
so it was the three little pigs.
actually one pig two ducks.
HAHAHAH, ducks aren't fat.
they're adorable.
we talked, smoked.
and f* went to colour the cigarette with highlighter.
i didn't dare to smoke cause it was burning.
but i did (du-h)
than i said " i wanna do dreadlocks after o's"
they both just stared a while and i bent down.
taufiq was like "eh let me see, i wanna picture you with dread locks"
"no you don't suit"
HAHAHAHAH, whatever i still wanna try.
so he left to meet his friend cos' she wanted to repair her phone at bishan.
and he forgot his calc.
f* told me some stuff to rekindle the past.
awwwwww. (:
he still keeps the stuff i gave him!
*smiles*
so we went for dinner and pastamania.
he ordered carbonara(i think that's how you spell it) and i had teh soup.
expensive puhleese.
"the expensive kinda fast food"- F*
so tau came back for his calc.
he never brought his, friend. C:
and we took 169.
and F* and i played the stupidity game.
he got like 40% dumb -.-
i got 100%.
and tau got 50%/75% dumb cos he spoiled one question.
and we were laughing our asses off while tau was listening to his mp3/phone.
i was seriously super happy that time. C:
he played with me this game. super funny and he played with tau too.
taufiq, you're the first guy (Y)
and we walked around northpoint and i bought them both friendship band.
now we three same (ah)!
than tau left to change, but went to baybeats after that.
F* accompanied me home.
and apparently he knows the dude i like and i know the girl he likes :3
and we finish the KERETEK(however you spell it)
HAHAHAH.
i won't take any from you anymore sweettea. :]

i'm really bored. yeh i've been saying that much lesser actually.
i planned on going to LJS again to study literature, with the company of F/S.
well they both said they can't last minute.
sigh.
i am still in search of company.
so if you would love to bitch with me(i love bitching), please come to LJS, northpoint on weekdays.
tyvm.


than there's love.
people go through so much shit just cause of this thing called love.
i don't entirely believe it's true.
well the only two couples that really makes me feel as if LOVE is true,
is Ju&Ze and Pr&Ro.
HAHAH, idk if ya'll still read my blog.
but still, both you couples have been together and going strong.
i know it isn't all a lie.
cos' i see with my own pair of eyes, when you both are together.
even if it's just for a few mere minutes.
i just see that happiness ya'll share.
it's like you both are in your own perfect world.
and yes i'm envious. but what to do. HAHAH.
another reason why i don't believe in love, is cos',
i doubt it ever happened to me.
because is a long time thing.
and i have never loved anyone for more than half a year.
and people always think they're in love,
but it turns out it's just a lie.

girls, when a guy doesn't show you his real self, he tries to follow that 'guy trend'.
do what other guys do when it comes to so called love, it means there's nothing.
most guys have egos bigger than their heads.
MOST, i emphasise most.
and when their ego steps in, just walk away.
cos' it's no use holding on anymore.
been there, done that.
don't ever, ever put your hopes so high on a guy.
cos' they end up crushing them so hard you wish they(boys) were crucified.
they dont' even realise that hideous crime they did.
cos' their egos are eating them alive.
on the contrary, don't let their innocence fool you.
don't take them for granted.
that's the most important.
lotsa girls take their oh-so-perfect boyfriend for granted,
they regret it big ass time.
bigger than bigmomma'sass.
honey don't make that same mistake.
you can never turn back time.
the guilt will engulf you.
i know of friends who mistreat their boyfriends.
well take them for granted.
so much so that they are losing them(guys) without knowing it.
1.don't put studies before boyfriends.
2.don't put single on your networking sites(boyfriends hate that, makes them feel like some doll for you to play with)
3.don't forget those monthsaries(though guys are usually the one forgetting em)
4.never try hiding your boyfriend from the world.
5.show them that they're special, but not in an obsessive way.
6.if he doesn't reply/contact you. just back off if you know he has no reasons to be busy.
7.NEVER LOVE A GUY SO MUCH, if you know, that he don't feel the same way. never assume, never let down your guard.

guys, if your girlfriend/crush/date give you that youre-just-some-mutt-i-don't-need-you act, just ditch them. they are just using you. don't be blinded by love. cos' if you're that lucky, than you're just wasting your life away. you're intentionally letting your life go down the drain. it's not an act, it's not a lie.
there's girls like this out there.
always always give your girlfriends a second/third/fourth/max fifth chance.
by that time, if they still make the mistake, they don't really love you the way you think they love you.
if she lied to you, find out why she lied. never make assumptions.
if you see her making out with some other guy, than walk up to her, let her know you saw everything. let her feel the guilt she deserves. tell her straight in the face. how you feel. and walk away.
don't hide behind a wall and become unnoticeable. be a MAN.
don't be a softie. don't be a boy.
if you found a new love, don't be afraid to fall in love again.
always know, that she is NOT your ex.
she is not the one who lied, who backstabbed, who twotimed, who cheated on you.
she is NOT that bitch.
she is another girl, who feels the same way you do.
don't push her buttons.
don't go overboard.
don't talk about the way your past ex girlfriends treated you.
cos' SHE IS NOT THEM.
and THEY ARE NOT HER.
do let her know she is important.
not to the extent of obsessiveness.
do let her trust you.
there must always be trust.
don't hide things from her.
it can be the tinyest, but it'll mean the world to her.
shower her with random gifts.
don't hide her from the world.

no i didn't get all this from anywhere.
and this is just a bit of what i know and what i can say.
can't believe i took so long to type this.

to lovers out there, please make sure there is trust before anything starts.
even in a friendship, there must be trust, lest the friendship is FAKE.
same goes for a relationship.
most important thing, build the trust.
don't try hiding anything, cos' in the end the truth always comes out.
like it or not, it's called karma.

I WANNA WEEEEE.

the only time i said i was sxe was to this girl, who's some bloody arrogant dude now, cos' i thought she was my best friend.
well i said it in a HAHAH way cos' i didn't drink/smoke at that point of time.
i didn't even say it as if OH IM A SERIOUS SXE KID.
and she took it so seriously, she went telling everyone.
wow. not a shocker.
nah i just wanted to clear something up.
i hate people bullshiting about me without getting the facts right first.
if you don't remember it, don't open your mouth just to get the attention.
seriously makes me sick to the core dude.

readers, how do you feel about people, no, strangers, bitching about you?
would you sit around? and not do anything? and let the person talk bullshit bout you?
or would you talk to that person?
and ask that person to shut up?

if you just lost a best friend, and you hate her so much, yet you still cared for her.
yes contradicting, i know.
and you told her something that you think she should know.
but she told you, GO TO HELL YOU FUCKING BITCH.
after shit loads of swearing and cursing like a monkey.
how would you feel?
yeh you probably think, why the hell should you even care.
she's just a crazy bitch who accuses you of shit.
i don't know why i do that either.

Dad's in the ICU.
He can barely breathe.
All i can do is sit around and do nothing.
Especially since i'm having prelims now.
And i end late.
How pathetic of me.
God is seriously being too unfair.
I just need a talking on the phone buddy.

it's called karma, bitch <:

things to do.
1. run at least 5 times a week
(possibility level 7.5/10)

2. lose 20 kg by 11.10
(possibility level 5/10)

3. dont become so clingy
(possibility level 4.9/10)

4. solve my own problems without telling anyone
(possibility level 6.7/10)

5. study on mondays, wednesdays, fridays, saturdays, sundays till 9.40 earliest
(possibility level 8.9/10)

6. eat healthy
(possibility level 8.7/10)

7. don't fall for hot malay guys with big eyes and very mature so easily
(possibility level 0.1/10)


8. skip dinner
(possibility level 5.1/10)
((if i sleep straight away after coming home))

i want a close close guy friend, one like dyan. who can bitch about girls or haters or anyone i want. and wont mind my freaky-ness. yes guys reject/avoid/runaway from me cos number 1, I AM FAT. number 2, i am wierd.
its hard to have a girl best/close friend, cos they end up hurting each other, and becoming the biggest emotional drama war. and in the end, you have no one to turn to. cause the two main people you always depend on most, will always be the one who ends up hurting you the most.
and i always complain a lot, i know. that's cause i feel so GAHHHH! prelims is in less than 2 days, o levels is in less than idontknow how many days, and my birthday is in less than 51 days.
51=20??? (some might know what it means)
and i have so so much problems regarding beings around me.
and i know i seem to be the most procrastinating iwontshuddup complaining bitch but i need to say it out or i won't be alive today.
and im tired of saying shit that don't happen.
this 51=20 thing MUST happen!
and i feel its just damn stupid to smoke.
the only reason i smoke is cause im hungry(51=20) and i need something to distract my mind, that cooling feeling helps me relax and take problems & studies away. Yes i do drink WINE, cause i love wine. what's wrong with drinking wine at home? now i find it pointless for me bragging that imma drink after o's. whythefuck do i even say that. alcohol taste wierd for people like me. but wine dont:3
im just feeling seriously AHH yet ahhh (:
i do not believe in love / forevers but i think i like someone.
okay people, see me after my birthday, big transformation okehhhh C:

anyone wanna study with me NOW?
text me/msn me.



PS:// if you're gonna bitch about this, please go to hell, to anyone who hates me and read this blog.

hey,I DID NOT MENTION YOUR NAME IN MY BLOG. WHY SHOULD YOU? AND I DID NOT SAY IM NOT CONTRADICTING. I SAID IM NOT SO CONTRADICTING AS YOU.AND LET ME FUCKING PROVE TO YOU ME AND YAT WILL LAST LONGER THAN THIS WORLD AND WE WILL SHOVE THE FUCKING TRUTH UP YOUR PATHETIC GODDAMN ASS.ME A POSEUR? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I'VE NEVER LABELLED MYSELF AND YOU DID. WHO IS THE POSEUR SHIT ONE HERE? WORSE STILL, I'VE NEVER LABELLED MYSELF AND TELL EVERYONE IM THIS OR THAT, BITCH.YOUU GET YOUR FUCKING FACTS RIGHT.I STOOD UP FOR YOU WHEN PEOPLE BRING YOU DOWN LIKE THE FAT THINGY. I TRIED MY HARDEST TO ASSURE YOU YOU'RE NOT FAT BUT DUE TO YOUR FUCKING BITCHY ATTITUDE, YOU SAY YOU ARE.YOU TREATED YAT LIKE A FUCKING DOG. HE TOLD ME SO. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO THREATEN HIM IF HE DIDNT RETURN YOUR BLOODY MONEY? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? YOU THINK WE'RE SCARED OF YOU? OH FUCK NO. EVEN IF YOU CALLED THE POLICE WE HAVE OUR REASONS.AND WE REALLY DO HAVE A FINE TO PAY. FUCK YOU AND SUCK YOUR FAT DADS DICK IF YOU DONT FUCKING BELIEVE. AND YAT HASNT BEEN GIVING YOU BLOODY EXCUSES ABOUT EVERYTHING.FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING BELIEFS. FUCK JESUS FUCK PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ARE SO FUCKING TYPICAL AND JUDGEMENTAL ABOUT EVERYONE.LASTLY, FUCK OFF AND GO DIE FAT BITCH.The fat bitch only refers to you, not to anyone else
-my obsessed stalker.


well well, look who's talking.
i am not gonna steep to your level, and entertain your bullshit.
i am not going to conform to your being, just to satisfy your sadistic cravings.
you're a obsessed psycho, and i won't give a damn anymore.
why should i get irritated by you?
you mean nothing to me.
you can never be anyone's best friend cause all you do is force them to be yours,
but in that process, you're just pushing them away, cause no one wants to be forced.
they'll slowly become your substitute.
if you had a boyfriend, i sure would sympathize with the new best friend.
hate me all you want.
and now, i know why zee loaths you.
i know you have zero originality and all you do is steal things/words/friends/guys/lovers/EVERYTHING from people.
go ahead.
:3
youre just one of those psycho's who read this blog.

yay i got a C6 for chinese:3

FANNIE/GABBIE/KIDDIE/WHAT FUCK YOUR SCENE NAME IS, FUCK OFF.
GO SHOVE YOUR BLOODY CRITICISMS UP YOUR HUGE VAGINA.
LEAVE ME ALONE!

YOU'RE NOT CONTRADICTING?
WHO THE HELL YOU TRYING TO KID?
YOU SAY YOU KNOW ME FOR TWO YEARS?
ARE YOU SURE?
YOU DONT KNOW ME AT ALL.
YEH I HAVE FLAWS, WHO DONT?
YOU THINK YOURE MISS PERFECT?
BITCH IM NOT GONNA BE SO FCKING IMMATURE LIKE YOU TO BLOG BOUT YOU.
IF YOU WANT ME TO, I WILL.
TRUST ME, I HAVE MUCH MORE THINGS TO SAY,
MUCH MORE FOR PEOPLE TO SERIOUSLY HATE YOU.
I'LL TELL PEOPLE WHO'S THE BIGGER LIAR, POSEUR, SHIT LKE THAT.
AND GET YOUR FCKG FACTS RIGHT FIRST,
DON'T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID, DON'T WRITE ANYTHING.
PEOPLE WHO READ YOUR BLOG CAN HATE ME FOR SHIT I CARE.
BUT I KNOW PEOPLE WHO REALLY KNOW ME WILL THINK YOU'RE JUST SOME SERIOUS OBSESSED PSYCHO WHO CANT GET OVER HERSELF.
I KNOW YOU HATE ME CAUSE YOURE LONELY NOW, VERY LONELY, APART FROM YAT.
I CAN BET YOU YOUR LIFE YOUR NEXT SO CALLED "BFF" WON'T LAST MORE THAN HALF A YEAR.
SO READ THIS, F.U.C.K O.F.F!

prelims, piano practical exam, art deadline.

i need help. okay, i dont. im gonna handle this allll on my own.
see my heading?
yes, all that in two weeks.

MONDAY
0430-0530 running.
1430-1630 arts.
1700-183o piano t.

TUESDAY
0430-0530 running.
1430-1715 arts.
1830- chinatown. #

WEDNESDAY
0430-0530 running.
0600-0615 piano.
1430-1730 arts.
1900-2030 social studies.*

THURSDAY
0430-0530 running.
0600-0615 piano.
1430-1830 arts.
1900-2100 maths t.

FRIDAY
0430-0530 running.
0600-0615 piano.
1300-1630 arts.
1730-1925 english t.~

SATURDAY
0830-0845 piano.
1000-1200 chinatown. #
1400-1600 chemistry.*
1630-1830/1700-1900 physics.*
1900-2100/1930-2130 maths*/accounts*

SUNDAY
1000-1400 chemistry w/ dyan.*
1500-1630 physics.*
1700/1800-1900 social studies.*/maths.*/accounts.*


#- don't ask me why.
~- i really need at least a talking/texting buddy. end of the day i feel very tired and i need someone to talk to ):
*- please join in if you want to (:
- idk how long i can take this. i really don't. i can't even find a proper study buddy. i just pray i don't pick up old habits. ahhhh fuck.

1. i have to stop thinking about GOING OUT/ WATCHING MOVIE, red lips and piercings, tattoos and weed.
2. i have to concentrate on studies for the last few months, and on losing weight.

SIGH

MUST GO!
:D
kthxbye.

hello arts room.

i like dates :3

yes that smile i got from herman my crabbyyyy <:

eh sunday still on!
my phone is dead.

come on people, letes study and hang out and picnic.

like how often do i get such freedom??

and for those who wanna hang out after o's.

text muaaa (:

and today i sent less than 20 text messages.

SHOCKING.

17 days ish left till dead line for art o levels.

completion: 1/3

booya.

O LEVEL STUDENTS! lets study my nerds (:

venue: republic poly(woodlands)

time: 1030 @ yishun station,

1100 @ woodlands station.

date: 16.08.09 (sunday)

if ya'll interested, please text me asap, or dyan disgourge <3

yes we can have a picnic tooo (:

confirm by friday night!

love, your friendly friend,

dharshy the dork.

i give up on love and forevers.

they dont fckg exist.

stop convicing yourself it does, bitch.

my birthday, here i come.

people, be prepared to see the new dharshy.

read this and get it into your head.
you're mean, and selfish, and insensitive, and bloody arrogant.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
i don't need you to keep telling me you're gonna delete me and shit like that.
stop saying "i don't know who you are" cos you damn well do.
try as you might, you can't forget me.
if you don't know me why keep contacting me?
you tell me not to text you, and you don't wanna waste your money on a dumbfck like me?
looks who's talking bitch.
i didn't text you, you text me.
i didn't disturb you, you disturb me.
and you can even tell me not to blog about you?
dude you blog bout shit and you tell people "it's my blog and i say whatever i want"
now i'm telling you this.
i have nothing to do with you.
don't bother coming to my blog.
i don't give a shit what people say about us or you or i.
cos' i know damn well what you did to me.
i'm sick of you.
just fuck off and leave me alone bitch.

i like boys with afro/curly/dreadlocks/half-shaved heads.
(L)

i have a lot to say but i think i forgot everything.
i cant wait to lose effin weight so i can be happy on my bday (:
to f, stop acting like you don't know me.
you aren't the only one in so much pain.
so stop giving me that fake crap.
you haven't changed since we broke up.
it shows how little i mean to you.
continue doing what you always do to yat.
we'll see what happens end of the year.

i've given up on love,
and i've given up on having a best friend.
well actually i like(d) someone who's attached.
yes, i must stop it.
anyone want me to do signs;D

and it's not too late to ask me out for the after o levels period now (:
i made new friends, and lost old ones.
ehy why must social problems affect my bloody o levels.

my parents are discouraging me from going to JC.
and they're epic bipolar.
text me someone.
okaythxbye.

we're over.
yes im the bitch here.
bye, period.

okay this is my mature post.
after blog hopping.
honestly, we tell ourselves, its okay to be fat.
but im being a fckg hypocrite.
cos i've had a fair share of bad experiences myself.
i used to be so obssessed and desperate after breaking up with mrf.
yes i never been single for that long actually.
and so far, i only have had one REAL relationship.
yes my first real one.
anywho, i had many bad experiences.
th dude ignores me after meeting me,
th dude PRETENDS not to see me, though i clearly see him.
th dude acts all nice and after that just totally ignore me.
th dude just fckg ignores me after i tell him my weight.
you know what dudes out there, i dont tell you my real weight.
cos' i wanna see are you a typical boy, or a real man.
of course, the normal reaction will be.
"you should exercise everyday."
"eat one meal a day."
"you should do running and a lot of jumping and sit-ups."
i swear i am SERIOUSLY sick of this shit.
so now, my aim is to lose weight by 11.11.2009.
i don't wanna give two hoots even if exams are coming.
it's just one day.
people always go why are birthdays so special.
idk, i just feel a year more mature.
like, a new year resolution is born.
y'know what i mean?
i won't speak in detail of my bad experiences here.
talk to me if you wanna know more.
i'm sure you'll have a way.

i come from the most shit ass family.
stop asking me to hang out.
cos i can't.
i don't wanna meet any new people till 11.11.2009.
apart from the usuals.
i can't be bothered with having friends.
who's there when i need one the most?
i can't be bothered bout why people hate me.
it's like, why the hell do i wanna do shit to impress you?
i wanna lose weight cos' i have zero confidence.
i can't take the criticisms or stares anymore.
those who are not skinny reading this would know what i mean.
i'm not a strong person.
i can't take this.
i give in to pressure too easily.
i won't find love.
i want love to find me.
i won't rush into any relationships.
and yes, i do have a lot of guy friends.
but not close guy friends.
well little real girl friends.
ah whatever.
kthxbye.

fck guys who go for looks.
fck your fcking ego.
this is a fckg post dedicated to fckers who are blind.
so what if we're fat?
are we there horrible to look at?
if yes, what if every girl was fat?
or that particular SKINNY girl was a fckg slut?
you gonna fck her and actually marry her fkcg slut?
not only am i pissed, im abhored.
to this particular dude.
who hurt my babycakes feeling.
you know who you are.
who the hell are you to judge people?
okay you have your fckg rights. idc.
but the way you treat her is seriously, typical, lame, and inhumane.
you think this solves everything?
think again fcker.
what if era was a fckg stick with big boobs and huge ass.
you gonna date her ?
i swear you'll regret this.
just wait.
youre not a man.
youre a boy.
a typical, selfish, boy.
whatever, you know who you are.
i hope karma slaps you in the face not once, not twice, a MILLION times.
yes im fckg pissed now.
i hope you read this.
lets see how well you do next time.

I HATE FRIDAYS _|_

i have lost weight (:
many more kg to go.
and since i ate mee soto and charsiew rice in school,
im going to go running. or the cycling thingy without sitting thingy at home.
and im gonna be at least 55-60kg by 11.11.09
my birthday (:
buy me gifts.
tyvm.
lets go stealing >:)

i love era (:
hahah.
and hor, i realised i irritate people.
okay sorry people.
(L)

1.Besides your lips,where is your fav spot to get kissed?
forehead. heh.

2.How do you feel when you woke up this morning?
fckcheebehbbqwtfszxzxzxzx.

3.Who was the last person you took photo with?
sofiaaaaa.

4.Would you consider yourself spoilt?
i guess.

5.Would you ever donate blood?
if needles didn't have to be insterted, yes i would.

6.Have you ever had a bestfriend of the opposite sex?
yes, for a very short period of time.

7.Do you want someone dead?
yes.

8.What does your last message says?
nazree- Haha, Seriously! I always hate when people talk abt Passing ur N. Haha.

9.What are you thinking about right now?
after losing weight. fck yeh (:

10.Do you wish someone to be with you now?
yes ):

11.What time did you go to bed last night?
idk -.-

12.Where did you buy the t-shirt you are wearing now?
free.

13.Someone on your mind now?
yes.

14.Who was the last person that texted you?
nazree.

15.Tag 8 random person to do this survey.

1. Best F.
2. Cassie.
3. Julie.
4. Nazree.
5. Yantoi.
6. Zoohighree.
7. Jaslin.
8. people i tag ah, some no blog. (:

i wanna buy shorts from cotton on.
&
get full sleeve and a monroe/medusa.
fck yeh!
i got my idea from khai. thankyou khai (:

I FCKG LOVE YOU NURWADA:D

sigh, right now i think you just don't wanna be friends.
dw, i won't disturb you anymore.
i feel like i try and try but you just don't seem to care.
maybe i really do have an attitude problem.
i really wanna be that friend you always talk to,
that friend whom you can like hang out and cheer you up.
shizz like that.
but,
E, you dont have to reply me either.
i'm okay with it.
i just won't try to hard anymore (:

1. What's your room colour?
` whiteish apple green.

2. What's your actual height?
` 167

3. If you are told to get married quick, what will you do?
` i'll listen to my heart. (duh)

4. If your boyfriend or sister(s) would say " break up", what's your reaction?
` whuuuutt.

5. If your brother would be in jail, what will you do?
` i dont have one.

6. If your boyfriend or girlfriend would end up in hospital & in coma, what will you do?
` i'll run to his bed side and hold his hand and whisper ily. or i'll do hand sign if he cant talk.

7. If you saw someone stripless whats your first reaction?
` HAHAH. funny sehhh.

8. Last person you chat with?
` ash.

9. Whose the last person who texted you and what?
` yat- tell fannie m otw to gombak now.

10. What's on your playlist now?
` august burns red- barbarian.

11. The last thing you ever brought at a shop?
` i cant remember ):

12. What's the most silly/cute thing your boyfriend or girlfriend last did?
` bought me eeyore (L)

13. It's white and sticky. what is it?
` roasted ME! (marshmellows, to those who knows me as that.)

14. A romantic dream. Would you like it to be happen to you?
` hell yes.

15. Give 10 people that you wish to do this survey.

veron.

pris.

cassie.

best f(but yes i know you did it already-.-)

tiara.

julie.

wawa.

sheryl.

yantoi (heheheh -.-)

zoooooo ( yes i know you dont have a blog anws)

16. Right now, what you wish to be happening to you?
` lose fckg weight.

17. If you caught boyfriend or girlfriend in red handed in having affair?
` bitch slap her, double bitch slap him.

18. If your mum gave you a thousand dollars, what will you do?
` go do the slimming thingy and fckg shopping.

19. Right now, what are you thinking?
` why isn't my babycakes replying me ):

20. What is a thing that you want to burn so much, right now?
` eeyore.

23. Do you wish someone to be by your side, right now?
` yes.

24. Which country would you want to go?
` venice, amsterdam.

25. Would you ever wish to kiss someone else?
` my future boyf, duh.

26. Your friend list, if you would lost one friend what will you do and who?
` i've lost waay to many friends, so idk.

27. If there's young baby on your doorstep, what will you do?
` make him/her my child.

28. If your girlfriend or boyfriend got you pregnant, what will you do?
` HAHAH, whuuuut.

29. What's the last sweet thing your loved ones ever did to you?
` make me very very happy.

30. What would you want to happen the next morning you woke up?
` to look slim literally.

ps:ty era bbycakes.

im monotonous today (:
okaythxbye.



few minutes later...
to priscilla.
what happened hon.
are you okay?
you say you are but i know it's impossbile that you are.
it's been like a year/less/plus that you both been together.
and this, honestly is totally unexpected.
would you care to share honey?
i promise im the best listening ear.
i may not be that close friend.
or rather, just an aquaintance.
but you were there for me when my guy broke up with me,
so i want to be there for you now.
our friendship still means A LOT to me,
though we hardly contact now.
sigh, talk to me love. ):
i won't say cheer up cos' i know it doesn't help.
even i kinda get irritated when people say that to me.
i might not understand how heartbroken you feel now,
cos the love between you both is much stronger than mrf and i.
let it out, cry it out.
don't let this whole break up affect you so badly, cos' JC is pretty tough on you.
yeh i still read your blog all the time love.
ily.
*hugs*

i hate it when you say you'll be my texting buddy.
well we all know that'll never happen.
i hate making new friends, cos they treat me as HIBYE friends.
well more like uh, BYE friends.
i know ya'll are busy.
but at least a simple i'll ttyl would be nice.
sorry it's so hard.
thanks for being so mean anyways, 'texting buddies'.
well fck this shit.

went out to burger king, to study.
with wenting and wawa.
tyvm wawa syg for coming (:
we're all big, but we still love gagaing at guys.
betul tak;D

what i must acomplish by 11.11
-loose weight.
-loose mfing weight so much so that i look different.

what im gonna do after 11.11
-go out.
-have soandso dharshy days.
-its not too early to pick dates with me bby (:
-yes i do love booking people 4 months in advance, no i dont think it's too early.
-well hopefully by then i spent my money/freedom wisely.
-i probably wont be that obsessed on finding a boyf by then (:
-even if i do, he can never flirt, and not have a lot of ex girlfriends.
-weeee;D



few minutes later...
ballad for layla's gonna split.
wtf?!
guitarist dude of BFL, i dont know you AT ALL,
but from what i heard, youre an asshole.
sigh, whatever.

i'm still awaiting my shirt,
and diamond necklace.
bestiee&yat, save your money.
dont spent.
just do what i said.
trust me, it'll work.
don't be stubborn anymore.
if you don't wanna go to court,
you'll clear your shitty debt nowwww.

i wanna move to switzerland,
go through a whole makeover, physically.
and change my name.
and i'll be a totally different person.
so people will stop discriminating me.
i hate being discriminated.
i know i'm fat.
i don't need you telling me
"you should exercise"
"oh you should go on a diet!"
"you should seriously eat lesser"
"eat like one meal a day!"
eh, do i look like some idiot to you??
don't you think i know that, i'd have tried that?
i tried being anoerexic, bullimic,
and i sure as hell dont need shit from you.
call it advice, or whatever, you ain't the first dude.

everyone's out, nobody's fckg replying.
yay me.
this is why i'm so moody all the time.
ya' dig?

hello to nobody.
yeh i feel so much of a loser that idk if anyone still reads this.
i mean it.
yes i self proclaim myself, a loser.

12.11.2009- outing with lulu syg (:
13.11.2009- outing with era honbunbun (:
17.11.2009- best friend day with, best friend. (:

thats all so far.
so please lina chan, alice chainsaw, eisha bby, wawa syg, veronini, alin, asyraf, liya honey, heed, jaslin, sheryl babe, jenna, juliah, julie muffins, khai peewee, laulau, lynette!, maha, prisusu, sasa rabia, tiara, shar, syed, taufiq, zyzy, zack, yakuzi, syad, and everyone who i promisd to hang out with after o's.
i know some here, i have never talked to since, forever.
but still, i wanna hang out with ya'll after o's.
pretty please?



alice and uan look so adorable tog,
with those big big eyes. (:

era honey bun bun, yes im anticipating that boyf/guyf hunting day with the hennas and blowing bubbles and chainsmoking. pretty please dont torture yourself anymore. he doesnt care. honestly, he doesnt. from my point of view, he doesnt care. no matter what excuse he gives you now, its just an EXCUSE, it aint true. he can say i lost my phone or smthg. but he is just lying. i know im mean saying this but he doesnt care. so why waste your efforts on him? ive been there yet not gotten over it yet. one step at a time. like gab always say, smile, the whole world wants to see your teeth bby (: hoohaa.

lulu, thankyou for being soooo nice to me.
even if i give you that heck care attitude.
youre such a darling to me and i love you bby (:

sonny is so nice to me though i just started talking to him.
he's my ff&f (:

arief, you're a true friend i swear.
tyvm (:
even if you cant make it later.


i don't wanna say i've given up.
cus' i haven't.
i even stopped buying starbucks no matter how bad the craving gets.
i've been straightedge for half a month already.
fckg record.
i want a guy friend who treats me special.
not over text.
in reality bitch.
sigh.
i just miss being hugged.
i miss holding hands.
im at my most crucial year and i just need someone badly now.
but screw this desperation.
bestf says i should enjoy singlehood.
whats there to fcking enjoy??
sigh.

SCHOOL IS A BITCH.
sigh.
i cant take it.
soon it be 12 hours of school i can cry.
why is o level so easy yet we have so much to memorise?
it's not like we're gonna memorise PERIOD.
it's gonna be like a week shortterm thingy.
like fck it.
and 1 mth for 5pages+fp?
like fck yeh, i have noo freaking time.
i swear it's impossible.
and if it IS possible, it prob not be perfect enough.
and imma screw up my prelims.
and not get to do DPA.
sigh.
i wanna rant my ass off.
but i dont have anyone to rant to.
in result of being single.
fck this single shit.
i want a fat boyfriend who lets me smoke.
sigh.

MOTHER,STOPFCKINGKILLINGME!!

and im uber happy for you alice and izuan (: <3

add my new msn!
marshmellowsmyhero@live.com

dharshy: fanniemyheronehszxzx.

SEE THIS FANNIE:D
iloveyoutoobellyvellymucheebestflenddddd! C:
i hope you read this.

FANNIEBBY,
i love you as my best friend.
remember best friend day?
17 november.
i cancelled the order.
cause i wanna get something more special.
you truely speak out for MEE.
like.
ugly fat me.
again, YOURE MY INSPIRATION:D
youre my nutella,
my hero,
my best friend,
my sister,
my listening ear who doesnt speak,
my happy pill.
and so much more(:
i know you probably treat me differently.
like, you stop telling me your problems,
we haven't met since,FOREVER.
all that yade yade youknowwhat.
i know you're understanding.
and you even accept it if i throw my temper at you.
you're the longest bestfriend i ever had.
and definitely the BEST one;D
i hope you realise how much you mean to me.
muah!
okthxbye.

THANKYOU FAD FOR ACCOMPANYING ME TOMORROWWW:D

dad, please dont screw this up for me ):

SOO.PREETTTYYYY:D
TYVM ALEX BUBBLES! (L)
















taken from best f's blog.
"fat girls are fucking human so guys who say that they dont go for looks and all that bullfucks can go to fucking hell. cause obviously ALL, i literally mean ALL guys go for looks. i hate guys like that. what do you doods get from getting a hot girlf? what? nice to fuck? nice to look? nice to fucking grope? to hell with you fags.
all you guys care is about looks. why cant you pussies get a life and get a girlf who has an awesome heart rather than awesome features?
its a bonus if you get both but what if you only get a girl who is ugly as fuck but has a heart of gold? would you let her go just cause she's ugly and fat?
if its a YES, ima kill you bullfuckers.
if its a NO, a round of applause for you. all guys should be like that.

so guys, dont be picky when it comes to girls. accept them for who they are. looks arent important unless you're some fucker with a super huge ego the size of the whole universe combined -____-'

guys who m.i.a from the girls after the first meet up just cause of her looks/size, IMA KILL YOU FAGS. people like you dont deserve to live.

cheebye fags/pussies/pervs/bullfucks."

READ IT, SWALLOW IT, BREATHE IT!
ILYBESTF.

THINGS IMMA DO AFTER O LEVELS BITCH.

1. do my hair, dye it jet black/ blonde.
2. go SHOPPING!
3. hang out with everyone and i mean EVERYONE.
4. hopefully i lose fckg weight by then.
5. do a lot of shopping.
6. go out for dinners with friends.
7. have a belated birthday chalet for mua.
8. have a proper fannie dharshy day, i miss those. sigh.
9. get a monroe.
10. have a garage sale.
11. if garage sale not enough, have garage sale II.
12. go boy hunting with fannie(if she's still single).
13. do christmas shopping.
14. go fckg nuts.
15. sheeshaaa(LIKE FINALLY LAH)
16. make nuu friends and hang out with nuu friends.
17. screw my mrajok-ness. HAHAHAHAH.
18. hang out with era, blow bubbles, smoke like a train, and throw stones!
19. just have fun like i never had fun before, well i haven't.

doing blog hopping, i feel utterly jealous everyone's happily attached, everyone's having fun at gigs or hanging out as a matter of fact. fannie, you're right. i'm love desperate. sigh,what is wrong with meeeee. right now, i just need a study buddy from yishun who loves to study and gossip, with MUA. any takers? um, more friends who do nice for me toooo:D i am fat. I AM FAT. hahah.

www.myspace.com/aneveningwiththeplague

check em out :D

STUDYYYY.
okthxbye.

I WANNA HAVE MY PLUS SIZED FRIENDS:D
any takers?
it will make me very very happy i swear (:
imsickoftheskinnyfagswhomakefunofthefatonesandthinkitsOHSOCOOL.
shove it up your ass for god's sakes.

WAKE UP DHARSH.
sigh.

i just realise i seriously need to go for some therapy sheet.
sigh.
FANNIE B, LINA C, TIARA, SHERYL, JASLIN, ERA, ALICE, PEEWEE, JULIE, CASSIE, PRIS, SYAZA, WAWA, VERON. if you're reading this, please text mee.
):
i reeeally wanna hang out soon!

fannie i know im desperado now.
sigh.
you just won't understand how FAT feels like.
i really want to mia.
my phone's dead, so is myspace, so is everything.
like, it wouldn't even make a damn difference if i was mia or still alive in egypt or something.
im insecure and you know it.
you even witnessed one of those instances or situations where me being fat becomes the whole issue.
it really stings so badly i cry for days.
please dont make assumptions.
i dont say anything doesn't mean im happy.
and, i know you have your problems.
and i miss you telling them to me!
please treat me like a real best friend,
i still love you bestie.

g, im FAT.
deal with it.
i fell for you and i fell hard.
well too bad for me.
now comes the heartache. ):

era honey, cheer up.
if he's not meant to be yours, he's not meant to be yours.
i know you still ache inside. but you have soo many other good people around you!
the best way is, delete him.
delete stuff that remind you of him, or just hide them somewhere else.
after a few months, you can take them out, and you wont feel a thing.
smile my darling.
lets hang out soon!
think of the henna and the throwing of stones and bubbles.
lots and lots of bubbles!

and to dudes out there, dont gimme bullshit that "oh looks dont matter, we only friends what"
all that motherfucking bullshit. i look different from my pictures. so if you say that sentence or somewhat the same, you better keep to your fucking word. im sick of always being ditched or ignored. eh i have fcking feelings too. i dont give a damn how big your egos are. if it is, than don't fucking ask me out. _|_

i miss you hotcakes, sorry ):
okay thxbye.

imma mia, period.
so if anyone wna contact me, just text yeh.
i'm over with meetups and hangout and shit like that.
i have my reasons.
well for one, i have the shittiest attitude and i think jealousy is gonna eat me up before i can breathe.
another is, it's cus of some people.
sigh.
whatever, imma explain my reasons properly when im so called back.
goodbye bitches.

sigh.
i have no rights to say in this.
but please try to understand him.
dont make use of him.
he's even so nice to actually wait for hours.
dude, dont take fucking advantage.

my whole family is driving me deeper into the ground.
fuck it.

GOODBYE WEEKENDS. YOU

GOODBYE WEEKEND!
hahah
so happy.
weekends suckd.
study study study.
for chinese.
sigh.
hello chinese o level.
goodbye black nail polish.

The rules are:
You enter the letter into the search box.
Get someone you at least remember the face and nearest to the first one.
Answer truthfully!

A is for AliceChainsaw.
1) Do you love this person? as my flend (:
2) Is this person your enemy? nope.
3) Would you hug this person? ^^

B is for Bimbo.
1) What do you really think of this person? awesome to go shopping with :D
2) What’s their favorite color? i'm not sure :/
3) Ever danced with them? nah.

C is for Cassie
1) What do you think of this person? haven't talked to her since forever actually. :/
2) How far does this person live? very very far.
3) How old is he/she? 17 this year.

D is for David Dirwit Rusli.
1) How long have you known him/her? a few months/ a year.
2) Do you like this person? yeh as a friend.
3) Do you hate this person? no?

E is for ERA BUBBLES!:D
1) Have you met their parents? um, no.
2) Worst thing about this person? nothing, she's so darn adorable :D
3) Best thing about this person? she'll listen to my problems!

F is for FANNIE BESTIEEEEE!
1) Have you ever dated this person? yesLD
2) When is the next time you will see him/her? sigh, idk. VERY SOON.
3) Do you go to school with them? Nope ):

G is for Gan Roche Rachael.
1) Have you heard this person sing? yeh, & her voice is gorgeous.
2) What's his/her pet's name? i have noo idea.
3) Will he/she repost this? maybe? :/

H is for HEED! <3
1) What grade are they in? sec 4/ 11th grade.
2) Is he/she your best friend? close friends of some sort.
3) Ever done something illegal with this person? HAHAH, no.

I is for IMOGEN.
1) What is this persons favorite food? i dunno :/
2) How did you meet this person? school.
3) Do you trust he/she? yes and no. heheheh. idk.

J is for Jaslin.
1) They have any siblings? i have noo idea.
2) Do you know their favorite song? nope.
3) What would you do if they confessed they liked you? YEH, as if.

K is for Karlie
1) How old were you when you first met? when i was really young?
2) Do you like him/her as a friend? yeh, though i only talked to him once at subway.HAHAH
3) Would you go to disney world with this person? hahha, random, yeh ?

L is for LINA CHAN CHAN :D (imy honey)
1) Is this person older than you? yeh.
2) Is this person single? i think so.
3) How many times do you talk to them in a week? rarely now ):

M is for Maha.
1) How old were you when you first met? 16?
2) Whats his/hers pets name? hahahah, haven't though of one yet.
3) Ever danced with this person? nope.

N is for
1) How old were you when you first met the person? -
2) Do you like this person? -
3) What would you do if you had never met this person? -

O is for
1) Are you related? -
2) Could you live with this person? -
3) What school do they go to? -

P is for Prisusu!
1) Have you been to the mall with this person? yeh (:
2) How about a sleepover with them? nope :/
3) Does this person have a job? nope,

Q is for
1) How old were you when you first met the person? -
2) Have you went holiday with this person? -
3) Do you enjoy spending time with him/her? -

R is for Rafael.
1) Have you heard this person sing? no
2) Will she/he repost this? 100%? i doubt it.
3) When does this person look best? err....... HAHAHA

S is for Sheryl Scene.
1) Is this person taller than you? i don't think so.
2) Do you enjoy spending time with them? i have noo idea.
3) Are they your friend? DU-H??

T is for Tiara
1) What grade is this person in? poly year one/two :/
2) Would you hug this person? why not (:
3) Do they live close to you? nope ):

V is for VERONINI!
1) Would you do anything for him/her? yes.
2) Do you consider them a friend? definitely.
3) Have you met any of his/her family? kinda :/

W is for WAWA.
1) Is this person loud or quiet? loud! :D
2) Have you seen this person dance? nope.
3) What color eyes does this person have? black?

X is for
1) Is this person taller than you? -
2) Do you enjoy spending time with him/her?-
3) Is this person your friend? -

Y is for Yakuzi.
1) How old were you when you first met this person? honestly, i've yet to meet him.
2) What do you think of this person? adorably caring.
3) Have you heard this person sing? nope, but i will (:

Z is for zeerotica.
1) Does this person have msn? yep.
2) What is their favorite sport? i have noo idea.
3) When did you last see this person? yet to ):

Now tag everyone you mentioned.
- alice.
- bimbo.
- cassie.
- era.
- fannie.
- gan roche rachael.
- heed.
- imogen.
- jaslin.
- karlie.
- lina.
- maha.
- pris.
- rafael.
- sheryl.
- tiara.
- veronica.
- wawa.
- yakuzi.
- zeerotica.
♥

I made a new friend :D
N, youre different. you know it.
i rather have the old you back.
I have to do my own testimonial,
the one the TEACHER is supposed to do.
June holidays are here. classes everyday.
wth dude.
Chinese is in 2(/less) days. SIGH.
I'm crazy for crabmeat.

ohmygosh cant you fucking respect (quote)HUGE people?
i was blog hopping and saw what you said.
i hate it when people make fun of fat people.
even if they try to cover their tracks up.
like, "oh it wasn't my idea"
like wtf dude?
yeh you're skinny, the whole world's watching.
it's people like you that fucking bring people like me down.
as if you don't have enough attention shown like a spotlight upon you.
does it burn like a b, honey?
i don't give a fucking damn how hot you look.
just save your damn comments, mfer.

ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!

UPDATES LA DEYY.
1. had fun @ amazing race yesterday.
though the weather was a killer and i enjoyed a little air con and average time we waited for each team to come is 1-2 hours. and the police people were so serious looking.
2. i put on 3 kg since last friday.
fuck.
3. NO FUCKING PROM THIS YEAR.
motherfuck?
4. i have noo idea what to do for my testimonial.
with which a teacher is supposed to do.
5. i haven't talked to you since a forever.
okay fine a few days.
6. i finally got to hear cupcakes voice again.
okay second time. first don't wanna count.
7. i cancelled on fannie again and i feel terrible.
fuck, sorrry babbyyy )):
8. i need a new wadrobe.
& motivation to lose weight.
9. chinese 'O' levels are soon.
i am totally not prepared but i can't be botherd.
10. i'm suprisingly getting lazier to use teh phone & take pictures.
HAHAHAHAH, what is wrong with you dharshhhh.
11. next semester's COACHING SESSIONS are gonna be worst.
go die la school.
12. O levels are approaching and my results still suck big beans.
13. i have nobody to hang out with anymore(apart from my nutellaC: )
14. myspace so dead.
15. i restless ALL THE TIME!
but i lazy to exercise.
16. i dont miss having a boyf for now.
who are you kidding la dey.
17. i miss bubbles.



DARLINGGSSSS.

1. alice im totally winning the bet.
2. era and bubbles and henna. era you're my bubbles!
3. FANNIE BBY! i'm sorry. sigh. i really will try never to cancel on you again.
i'm happy you've got hidayat to enjoy with everyday (:
4. laulau, im supper sorry bout teh piercing ):
5. CUPCAKES! you might probably ask me to hang out soon ehy? and i might probably say yes soon. hehehe. i remember our deal OKAYYYY.

i feel like a total psycho.
zxomg.
):

ohmygosh my life is soo boring.
who wants to hang out at yishun tomorrow
and thursday and friday?
please text me.
i miss playing with bubbles.
i miss mortisha.
i miss nutella.
i miss my future monroe.
i miss my future boyf.
shuddup dharsh.
i need happy sticks.
i need my cupcakes back,
and that wish came true. (:

HIGHLIGHTS OF TEH DAY.
1. unexpectedly, IMOGEN ask me out.
2. unexpectedly, found HAJI LANE.
3. unexpectedly, got HENNA done.
4. unexpectedly, ate A LOT today.
5. expectedly, the answer i got from someone i still have feelings for.
i still cried, fuck.
6. lastbutnotleast, dad's in the hospital.
what happened to my friends when i need them?

ohmygosh best flens la deyy.

hahah, I LOVE YOU WOMANNNN!
*BIG HUGS*
i love love you:D
not in a lesbo way.
so we four are good yes?
he treats us equally.
start talking to him normal again hun.
let's meet tomorrow.
i wanna give you a big big hug :D
ily fannie (:

if i've done something wrong, tell me.
cus' right now, i don't know what i did wrong.
he treats us fairly.
and you're blowing it up.
you were the one who stopped talking to him.
don't blame others for your actions.
& we care.
you know it damn well too.
don't deny it.
i'm your best friend.
or if that's how you still think of me as.
you wanna talk about best friends who backstab?
you wanna talk about best friends who steal your life?
do you really??
i always cared, and i always will.
if you don't see me as a best friend anymore, tell me.
please.
cause i'm sick of being treated like this by you.
you can tell the whole damn world what a backstabbing bitch of a best friend i am.
but get your facts right first.
you think i'm such a bitch.
have you considered how i feel?
you ain't the only one having problems too.
if you wanna talk about all these.
i sure as hell am here to always talk about it.
yeh, everyone's right.
im the devil, and you're the angel.
it's okay for best friends to steal lovers.
no wait, to do MORE than steal them.
it's okay for friends to steal friends.
cause you never considered what your actions might have an impact on me right?
of course not.
but it's not okay for best friends to talk to crushes ehy?
after you read this, reply me.
cause i'm not going to apologise for your wrong doing.
blame the whole world for all i care.
blame me if you want to.
i told you, be straightforward.
if i'm still your best friend, you wouldn't hide your feelings.
i try to be there for you.
but you just don't open up to me.
why don't you just make hidayat your new best friend ?
won't you feel so much better?
than you can go steal his friends.
right ?
listen, the three of us care.
you're just shutting us out and being stubborn.
he treats us all fairly.
have you thought of even NOT avoiding him in the first place?
or at least making a sign for him since you're so damn free all the time?
what do you think he might do with that sign?
again, get your facts right.
don't make bloody assumptions.
right now, i'm pissed you're blaming me.
and if you think you've experienced pain, compared to what you put me through?
you felt nothing.
not even close.
i still think of what you did from time to time.
you ask me, why do i get jealous so easily.
now i'm asking you the same.
why are you so jealous right now?
we're both his best friends.
you just don't wanna accept that fact right ?
i dont care how much you scream at me.
i'll still listen.
but don't say shit bout me that ain't true.
you really don't wanna trust me anymore either ehy?
well you know what,
right now, everything is up to you.
even if you hate me and don't trust me.
from your blog, i can tell you don't want me.
"best friends ehy? i wish i could fucking believe"
as if your words and attitude doesn't sting enough.
i haven't had enough of my say.
but it's useless right now.
but of course, i'm sure you won't bother trying to swallow all these i said.

i still love you fannie.

FALL OF MIRRAs EP LAUNCH BEBEH!!!
in case ya'll can't see..
date: 27 JUNE 2009. (saturday)
time: 5pm-9pm
venue: CRAWLS PLACE (behind new straits records)
price: door; 8$ (EP+entry)
presale; 6$ (EP+entry+freebies limited to the first 30!)
alongside bands; against all tyrants, fake eyelash, her silent wish, blindfold heros.
SO GO OKAY!
:D

but if ya'll can't, but want the EP, email your name and contact number and the number of copies you want to fallofmirra@gmail.com
www.myspace.com/fallofmirra
tyvm:D

mom.
back off.
youre just pushing it.
you know it damn well.
so stop this shit you're doing.
if you want me out of the house.
just tell me.
i am SICK of the way you treat me.
if you always think im lying,
why don't you just kick me out of the house?
it'll save you all the headache.
else, act like a mother.





the day has been boring, as usual.
lots of studying.
chemistry.

MONDAY: arts paper.
TUESDAY: chemistry.
WEDNESDAY: accounts theory & comb. science mcq. after that, going out with hamizah and piercing for laurence his angelbites. probably meeting mom after dinner if she allows me to. whatever it is, i'm having my freedom that day.
THURSDAY: maybe study with rabia accounts.
FRIDAY: after school probably meet era bby.


p.s: you're just using 'O' levels as an excuse to kill me slowly.
whatever happens, my fingers are pointing at you.

fannie baby

im sorry i suck as a best friend.
what a coincidence we're all fucked today about guys huh.
sigh, im sorry i couldn't be there for you last night.
i know i suck as a best friend.
let's promise try not to fall in love anymore.
well for now that is.
it's still gonna be teh four of us.
and you can't predict what's gonna happen.
guys bring us down.
sigh, im gonna turn straight and fix my bloody emotions.
and you should too.
i'll support you in whoever you flirt with
heheheh.
and whoever your next boyfriend will be.
but i'm not gonna be attached or fall for any other guy anymore.
cus' this love shit ain't for me.
i love you best flend.
no matter what shit i say.
and how jealous i get.
heheheh.
xoxo's.
-dharsh.

screw you.

yeh, thanks for that beautiful message.
i wont fucking bother you again.
youre just those typical guys.
start making assumptions.
YEH IM AN ATTENTION SEEKER.
YEH IM THE BITCH HERE.
i shouldn't have opened my big fat mouth.
and wait for you to NEVER come back.
wow.
and you suddenly come online after,
i sent that?
NO SHOCK THERE.

FINE, i overreacted.
but which girl won't?
you disappear, and suddenly appear?
dude, a decent text would do just fine.
i didn't lie about the things i did.

good for you.
you found out why mrf left me.
go open a bottle of champagne.
i bet ya'll must celebrate now.

just try understanding girls for once yeh?
it aint that hard.
trust me.

just so you know, i dont have a texting buddy.
cause i miss texting you.
i really fucking do.
no matter who i text, it's just different texting you.
but you ain't the only one who can show attitude and throw tantrums around.
so much for all that bloody bullshit you said.
how would you think if you were me?
someone disappears for nine days.
have shit loads of fun at his gig.
and bam, appears after you fessing up.
if you say you're gonna be totally calm and silent about it.
i say BULLSHIT.

you succeeded in whatever you wanted to do.
congrats n.
let's not fucking talk, shall we?
or we'll just kill each other more.
goodbye.

cupcakes

to actually think i believed you?
i swear i could just kill you right now.
f, why the hell make me suffer for nine days.
it seemed more like 9 bloody months to me.
if you wanna avoid me, be a man, have balls.
tell me in my fucking face.
dont do this bullshit.
cause you know it's just bloody childish.
like wtf n.
i dunno if you still read this but when era told me you were
there, having shit loads of fun.
i swear i almost cried.
you dont have to act as if you're not active on myspace anymore.
cause im deleting every damn thing that reminds me of you.
i hate you n.
i dont wanna give two balls what your excuse maybe.
so just drop dead & go to hell, cupcakes.


i know im fucking stupid.
but why the hell do this?
i really wanna just throw bloody bullocks at you.
but it's useless.
you know how vulnerable and insecure i am.
and you choose to do this?
fuck what joy do you see in doing this?
is this some kind of sick joke?
cause seriously, it's full of bloody bullshit.

"life's beautiful, so smile (:
everytime things go wrong,
they have a way of getting better."
-fabian teh mean.

hahah, ty fabian (:
ty pris, for you text last night.
honestly, i never knew you still read my blog.
(since it's so stale and all)
and fannie darling,
i did you a sign :D
i really hope this friendship lasts, period.

okeh, so i had math paper 1 and social studies today.
ss was rather, unexpected.
though i didn't really have much time to write.
and my mind was totally blank.
as for maths, i was not that confident.
i knew how to do.
according to my ways.
but i didn't know if the answers were right.
cus' they seemed reeally wierd.
i seeeriously can't wait for o's to end.
or mye.
see you soon maha and sheryl hun!:D

fannie bby, im very happy you've found your new band (:
i'll try getting the recordings done asap.

FANNIE;
im sorry love.
im sorry for the sudden outburst.
i don't wish to start another fight with you.
you're the first and closest thing to a best friend i ever had.
if i were you i'd blow my top off right now.
we seem to be constantly fighting.
i promise you i'll change.
okay?
like, my jealousy and weight and shit like that.
i won't say anything about who you hang out with,
what you do.
i'll just laugh along.
heheheh.
thankyou very much for all those cigarettes,
those times you tried making me laugh.
we both wanna go back to how we used to be(agreed?).
i want it so badly.
after my o's.
i wanna hang out with you and your new band.
i know i shouldn't have.
and i feel realllly guilty.
for all the shit i said.
and feeling jealous all the time.
yeh you're the darling angel here.
and i'm the devil.
well everyone thinks that.
lets kiss and make up alright ?
im really sorry.
i dont wanna loose you hun.



NAZ;
where'd you go?
do you know how much i fucking miss you?
or is it just you wanting to avoid me?
it's been over a week and i still miss you.
what happened ?
you and your best friend disappear?
a decent text won't hurt.
i even memorized your number.
remember all those deals we made ?
did you forget em'?
you haven't been online since godknowswhen.
what happened )':



im gonna change.
i swear i am.
stop being so fucking judgemental asshole.
so what if im fat.
im tryin to loose weight.
so just save your damn ass comments.
and dont be friends with me if you choose to judge people.

fyi, you're just pushing me away.
so stop it.

im crazy for cupcakes.

I MISS YOU!
why the sudden change ):
i know you read.
well you always ask me to update.
where'd you go cupcakes.
im sorry for that misunderstanding.
sigh.
please dont change.
i miss you.

myspace is soo in cheena.

im not sure if anyone reads this dumb blog (hahah, )
BACKWARDS DAY:D
i feel like deleting this blog.
sigh.
my mom thinks i have the wierdest fashion sense.
and i just realised she is the most sensitive person, ever.
she can detect the slightest hint of smoke; cigarette.
like whaaat.
how am i supposed to tell her i smoke?
well, goodbye cigarettes.
and i want a new hat.
anw, anyone willing to study with me in yishun?
like after school.
and shopping!:D
i hate karma.

1. Fannie, 2.Billie, 3.Wawa, 4.Tiara, 5.Sheryl, 6.Jane, 7.Jaslin, 8.Pris, 9.Cassie, 10.Lina, 11.Sasa, 12.Julie, 13.Lynette, 14.Veron, 15.Heed, 16.Fyra, 17.Lisa, 18.Alin.
i wanna hang outttttt.
tell me when ya'll are free uh D:

1, 2, 3- when was the last time we actually hung out D:

5, 6, 7, 11- though we haven't met before, i still wanna hang out.

4, 8-10, 12-18- though we rarely/seldom talk, i miss ya'll! we always fix dates which seem to backfire the last minute D:

so please text me once ya'll see this or wanna hang out.

im fucking dying without you.
please come back ]':
at least give me a call.
i dont want yet i really need you so so much.
yes i do still go into your account.
i know im not supposed to.
but i cant help it.
cus' i just need a tiny inch of hint, to know that you still love me.
but you don't seem to.
do you know how much i cry every night, cus' i miss you so badly?
every morning, i wake up and the first thing i do,
is look at my phone.
cus' remember, you used to text me morning and night,
the minute you woke up and the minute you felt sleepy.
but every morning when i wake up, i think of you.
when i sleep, i think of you.
when i look at eeyore, i think of you.
when i do piercings for people, i think of you.
when i eat cotton candy or corn, i think of you.
when i go to esplanade waterfront, i think of you.
when i eat long john's, i think of you.
when i see the pouches you got me, i think of you.
when people ask me they wanna get a septum, i think of you.
when i look at that card or your pictures, i think of you.
and mrf i swear the list can go on and on.
but i really cant take this feeling.
i still dunno why you did this to me.
im not sure if you stilll read my blog, i really hope you do.
was i such a bitch you had to do this?
im still not over you.
i still love you so so much, like i always have, like i always will.
i know you deleted and block me from msn.
did you really wanna cut off all our connections?
do you hate me so much?
if you say you meant everything, all your promises.
what about now?
aren't this the consequences of your lies?
your broken promises?
i really don't know what i actually want.
i really want you back so badly.
but i'm sure you like someone else already.
what about all the future we talked about.
what about everything?
i really hate this feeling.
yeh it's been over a month.
but it seemed like just yesterday, you said you wanted to break up.
you gave me 4 reasons to that.
1. you didn't want to affect my studies.
2. you don't know.
3. i've changed.
4. you need space.
which is it?
honestly, or was it cus' i'm too ugly for you?
do you know what i've done/have happened to me after you left me.
i really hate this feeling so so much.
people always tell me, "just move on. only you can do it. no one else can help you but yourself. you gotta be strong" and all that bull.
but i still can't.
no matter how hard i try, i can't.
like today, i went to cityhall, and wanted to esplanade, and i started thinking of you.
and i swear i felt like crying, but i knew i couldn't.
who cries over the boyfriend who left after a month over?
even when i drink MILO, i think of you.
do you know how badly this break up has made me feel?
i really wanna get back together.
but im sure you dont.
idk what you feel about this.
but i really hope you read this.

www.myspace.com/satelliteheight

TO MUHD MAAROF

i apologise for last night.
i was being childish.
i was being selfish.
i was being immature.
i was being a total bitch.
i'm sorry i blew on you.
i just got so mad.
because you told me forever.
you used the word forever.
why the word forever?
in case you still don't know hun, i get attached to people.
especially my boyfriend.
you even talked about so much more things.
and i actually believed you?
and randomly, you break up with me.
and you didn't know why.
than you told me i changed.
Have you ever put yourself in my shoes before?
This is the last time i am ever talking about you in this blog.
Than you told me, you just wanted to be friends.
Was that supposed to make me happier?
i am on the verge or dropping my POA because,
i flunked my test.
because, i kept thinking about you.
you make me smoke so much i will probably get lung cancer before,
going to university or something.
i really dunno why you did this.
i mean like, do you see any joy, in doing this?
will you clap your hands when you see me in my grave?
you mean more than the universe to me.
i'll even screw up my o's for you.
but i really wanna know why you do this to me.
do you know how it actually feels?
or have you really lost feelings for me.
you tell me you still care.
but do you honestly?
or you just saying that to make me shut up?
you make me cry every single night!
and i really hate this feeling.
it's worst than pumping steriods into your blood.
or doing scarification.
its worst than getting a septum piercing.
but i guess you'll never know how that feels, right?
i don't wanna be friends.
i don't wanna contact in anyway.
i have deleted your pictures, or numbers, your everything.
i have even burnt the diary i never used.
even going to sim lim square reminds me of you.
remember the time, we got lost going to nafa?
remember the time we ate corn and cotton candy, at esplanade's waterfront?
remember sharing ljs?
remember on the eve of my birthday,
we walked from orchard to cityhall?
i miss holding your hand.
with your long fingers interlocking.
i miss your yummy lips.
against mine.
I miss your hugs.
I miss your voice.
I miss your sweet messages.
I miss everything about you.
I still love you so so much.
I'm sorry for always complaining that,
you don't show me that you love me.
Ma'arof, you just really changed my life.
Especially after the break up.
I know whatever i say now, won't mean a thing.
It won't change a thing.
And doing the dumbest things,
would just attract your attention negatively.
Making matters worst.
I hope you're happy with whoever your future girlfriend will be.
Typing more of this will just never end my tears.
I don't wish to add more fuel to the fire.
So let's never contact.
Goodbye, for good.

EDIT;}

you made so much promises.

were they true?

you never kept them.

you told me you would only break up, if i did something.

you told me, that you were planning on making me a v day gift.

did you mean it?

or did you think about breaking up even before making the gift?

if you read all this, reply me in msn.

i don't know how to get over you.

it's just too effin hard for me.

band or boyfriend.

i still haven't gotten over the fact that i WANT to start a band. like, SERIOUSLY. but you know what, i'm having O LEVELS this year. and i swear it's driving me crazy. There's so many reasons for me to just commit suicide or something but that's just being dumb ain't it.
art is probably the HARDEST subject to score in.
POA is just, speechless.
chemistry is like, whats up with the formulas.
maths is understandable:D
hahaha.

teacher thinks i should drop poa.
i really want to.
but i dont.
well whatever it is, i ain't dropping.
and MR CHIN wants to meet momsie.
like what the hell for?
he says it's cus' of my overall performance and attitude.
i have not committed any "crime" this year.
i actually think i'm much better than year than last year.
agreed people?
and he wants to talk to momsie.
most prob it's cus i failed badly for both poa tests.
but whatever youre an accounts teacher?
you ain't supposed to call parents down just for the sake of your favourite subject.
it's just, plain, biase?

i still cant get over you maarof.
i swear it's the hardest thing that ever happened to me.
i wanted you to come for passion arts even before we broke up.
and i still do.
but saying goodbye is just the hardest thing right now.
most of my friends tell me they're bringing their boyfriends.
and i just say, im gonna have another lonely passion arts, again.
but whatever.
it's never easy getting over a guy anyways right?

i still have to find shoes for passion arts.
any kind soul willing to spare me shoessss?
like pronto.

hahah, im typing away though no one reads.
it's just the dead-est blog ever.
i quit being a bitch.
HAHAHAH.[:

yesterday shopping with fee was gooood.
hahah.
i love love my dress[:
though its rather formal.
idc.
i still love it.
she bought less than 5 items but more than 100 bucks.
WE HAVE TO GO SHOPPING AGAIN!
:D
im serious.
and we didnt take pictures!
]:

happy valentines day honeys!

from best friends to strangers.

i really dunno what happened b/w us.
i still really miss you a lot.
when i read your blog, i realised you really didn't regard me as anyone to you anymore.
i know im a very immature best friend to begin with.
but were you actually being serious?
like, did you really mean from the bottom of your heart, that we were best friends?
or is it, on your 18th birthday.
you just realized that there are much more potential best friends out there, so you decided to ditch me?
do you know how it actually makes me feel?
yeah we were quarreling last night.
but do you really mean over as in over?
do you really just wanna wash me off your shoulders?
like period?
the things you said to me when i was at my lowest.
was it just cus' you didn't realize how much i'd be hurt?
or you just treat me like a normal aquaintance?
i wish i ever knew you.
i really do.
cause losing you, is as painful as losing my boyfriend.
it's actually more painful.
remember, best friends over boyfriends?
you might not, but i sure as hell do.
it's like, losing 2 precious things.
at the same freaking time.
i really feel like pouring out my heart and soul here right now.
but it's just pointless.
cus we're over.
im actually crying right now typing this.
you just give me the deepest impression that you never made me your best friend before.
you just deemed it as a status.
youre the first REAL best friend i actually loved.
and the first best friend i'd cry for.
the first best friend who i pour my heart and soul out too.
the first best friend i can share things with.
what happened to best friends forever?
sigh, or were they just empty words with no meaning?
if you really wanna be this way, than fine.
it's your choice.
goodbye fannie.

oh switzerland, where the sunflowers are the brightest.

one small thing, can affect me so much.
what the hell?
you're too busy with your other friends and some guy?
if you didn't regard me as best friend a long time ago,
i rather you be straightforward and tell me a long time ago too.
ah whatever.
i'm happy we're hi bye friends now.
after one shitty year.
eff this.
i know i have a temper problem.
but i ain't living to impress you anymore.
nor am i trying to match up to you.
oh byebye.

STUDYING ON A SATURDAY
zxomg.
byebye pwd D:
if ya'll could only perform in yishun.
i need a study buddy who lives in yishun.
anyone? ):

hmmm, anyone wanna buy wired hearts?
im selling and making.
i need business.
the piercing one seems much of a goner.
and my sister's english is even getting better than mine.
the words coming out from her mouth or so, chim.
are you my sister or a stranger?
mmmmmm.
i feel like a loser today.
wee~

my worst habit is texting one person everydayyyy.
sheryl, dont hate me for that D:
i've lost a best friend.
but i think i've found a new true blue friend.
sherylscene.
hahahah, i wanna hang out sooooon!
when D:
i know i say alot of freaking things like, almost all the time.
hahahah.
sorry uh.
it's a habit(again)
i cant say things properly.
like, when it comes out, it's just a bunch of rubbish.
we have HAVE to study one day tog.

im in school now.
waiting for sofia.
i wonder if she still remembers im here waiting for her.
am listening to Summer's Over now.
i think theyre preeettyy awesome.[:

gg facial later, i feel soo lazy to get out of this seat.
i wanna change, do i stills eem like that arrogant bitch?
if yes, please start listing.

Passion Arts Concert.

Venue: Republic Poly(woodlands)

Time: 7.30-9 plus.

Date: 27 Fec(friday)

Price: 8/10 bucks.

anyone interested?

[:
fannie hun, i would really appreciate it if you would come.