my bestiee says i need time.
time is the most precious thing in a relationship.
oh how much i dearly hate time.
i wish it'd just go by faster.
hahahah.
IM HAPPY TODAY:D
idk why.
nd im staying like this till in 107 years old:D
am starting work next week.
so is the mon-sat tuition shit.
a big SIGH to that.
am loving my boyf even more.
am loosing the closest darling i ever had.
as many would say it's "parts and parcels of life"
it's prob the biggest lie anyone has told me.
GOODBYE LOVERS:D

sigh.

EDIT:}

seriously DAD, stay out of my life.

i've had it with you, literally.

leave me alone.

im gonna start changing.

from head to toe;D

by june next year, i swear

i'll be a totally different person.

im gg anoe(yeah right)

i will try my best to go anoe.

im fucking crazy for leopard prints & bows.

big bows,

small bows.

dead bows.

bright bows.

bows bows bows!

im gonna change to be an extra hyper person.

no more with all tht shitty crap.

and no more an attention seeker.

i might even change my accent!
hahaha.

wtf.

i wont rant me being bored anymore,

till someone says it first:D

now weight is pulling me down.

deeper and deeper to the pits of depression.

piercings are a goner.

"emo" ness tht people depict in me, is dying.

i will stop swearing, unecessarily(however you spell that)

i'm gonna stop lying.

im gonna do well for my o's next year(i pray i do)

im gonna get freedom that i need.

and actually feel better about myself!

goodbye, love.

im writing this to my one and only.

every night before i sleep.

i think abt you.

what we talked abt or did tht day.

we usually end our day with arguments.

with which dont mean a thing.

& yet, i make the biggest fuss out of it.

tht day you got your septum.

i think i was probably more nervous than you are.

i still have that video.

partly, you did it for me.

i was so darn happy.[:

you were even willing to be my "customer"

and you wanted me to pierce.

i was so touched.

i effin' love your septum!

everyday, i stare at your pictures for long, minutes.

rmbr when we first met?

we were dead silent.

and we were extremely shy.

we sat on 812.

and went on rounds.

you didnt like it, yet you didnt say anything.

and than there was a lot of laughter.

i kept taking your phone cause i didn't know,

what to say.

i was dead nervous,

probably worst than you were.

i was sad when we bade goodbye.

now when we meet, we still hug.

and you're super tall.

while i feel short.

i wanna hug you tightly.

like never before.

oh rmbr the day before my bday, we went for a walkathon.

when it wasnt really much of a walk-athon.

yes our feets were aching.

and we ate tht yummy kinder suprise!

i still have that toy.[:

it was like our first official date.

and when we were at the food court, you bothered asking me.

if i wanted to have milo dinosaur.

that is my favourite drink!

& i love LOVE the pouch you bought for me.

you know im a loser for stars & leopard prints.

and now bows.

as i am typing this, im smiling like an love sick child.

and listening to your call by secondhand serenade.

there's so so much more i can type here.

i want to last forever with you.

i dont want us to give up on each other.

even if you stopped loving me, i'd never stop loving you.

you're the balloon i'll never let go.

the marshmellow i'll never eat.

the toy i will never ditch.

i love you more than marshmellow & chocolate fondue.

i love you more than milo dinosaur.

i love you more than elmo.

i love you more than crazy sex bands.

I *inserts biggest heart* YOU MA'AROF!

i love love opera singers.
esp male ones.
i love the way they project their voice.
the way the make it so darn beautiful.
its so loud & strong.
the way they put everything tog.
the recent opera male singer who died.
he's my fav.
sigh, oh how i wish to attend one of their
beautiful concerts.

TOC IS SO SCREWED!
just when singapore had a miracle.
the whoevers had to screw up everything.
you're disgracing singapore.
you're throwing away our faces.
didn't you ever know we were kiasu??
DXO???
what happened to fort canning?
AGE LIMIT??
wth is wrong with ya'll.
thanks for killing our enthusiasm of few weeks.

lost a good friend.

you choose her over me.

i totally get it(i think)

well im trying to.

& happy being the IN couple.

lost my fav hairband.

wtf, i really need it.

cus' it means smthg to me.

spent tooo much moolah.

so much i need to "top up"

i probably have spent at least 200+++ bucks on things i HAVENt used.

wow right?

im thinking of selling em'.

but it'll be darn mafan.

i want a.. no wait, i NEED a texting buddy, i swear!

it's fucking boring.

what's the use of free unlimted messages, & no one to text.

it's a damn bitch i tell you.

i'm sick & tired of studying more than 6 hours a freaking day.

i rather be standing under the hot sun for 24 hours than study.

it's the bloody holidays and im studying?

im sick of being grounded & bitched abt & doubted.

it fucking stinks.

i love my boyfriend.

i swear i do.

he's the only reason i'm still breathing.

i hate having parents who love criticizing me.

i know im fat, you dont have to exaggerate

& hurt my damn feelings(if i still mean anything to you)

went out with darlingss yst.

im moody.

it was good.

finally get to meet them!

i miss ya'll so fuckg much.

lets go out soon again.

hopefully in dec.

if i dont get my fucking freedom by dec.

i swear over my coffin, tht i'll jump down a 2 storey building.

i dont care if i break my bones & get paralysed.

Ketupat For Halloween Much.

everyone's so darn busy.

it feels as if im not your friend anymore.

even those friends who self proclaim as your "really close" ones.

it's been days/months since i met ya'll.

i've wanted to do so much with ya'll.

but who cares.

let's ditch our friendships and ignore our plans!
(:





HALLOWEENs COMING:D
so is INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN.

oolahlah!

who's going ?
text mee lovers!
:D





i wna go to central w butties.

& eat yummy dummy subways.

i wna seat at clarkequay or boatquay or smthg quay with

ma'arof, & do star gazing, while exchanging sweet little comments.


sigh.

what a dream.

ilyvm boyfie.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma screwed my life up.

Karma fucking screwed my life up.

you seemed to have changed so much.

gah.

& i cant seem to catch up with you.

you're like somewhere in russia

while im still stranded here, in stinkapore.

please wait for me.

gah.

you're neglecting me.

you forgot me.

you seem to get angry with me so so easily.

what have i done wrong ?

sigh.

i miss you bestiee.

please come back.

stop changing.

I WANNA GO!

MY KINDA MUSIC!

aler.

i think.

but i got camp.

D:

so im thinking of going for suacermen gig.

BUT, screamshow seems more worth it!
GAH.

hmmmmm, which should i choooseeeee?
i need helppppp.

ROAR.

9 NOV LUNCH AT MY PLACE! (meet momsieee)

1-fatin
2-jenna
3-sofia
4-maryjane
5-prisusu
6-cassie
7-lina
8-ron
9-maarof
10-marlon.

*people who see their name here,
do confirm with me if ur going!:D
i'll meet ya'll at cityhall or yishun ard noon.
CFM ASAP:D
tyvm.

WHOS GOING??

hmmm, should i go for this or scream show!?!?!?
I DUNNOE!

GAH.

& th tees are still selling!

they're adorable!!

:D

to yakuzi: idk what is going on.
& im sorry for being such a bugger.
i really dont want your girlf head hunting me.
so i hope you both are happy tog.
i dont wish to criticize her cus' i know it might affect you.
so whatever.

to kiddi bestest bestiee like a sister: i miss you super duper much.
i feel so distant from you.
i dont wish for us to distance either.
i wanna go back to the time when we would go to you-know-where
& just laze around like pigs.
you know those times when we were single(not saying that we should still be)?
you & maarof are the 2 bestest things that has ever happened to me.
you put boyfriend and best friends as same level.
well i respect that.
thank you very much for always being so random & making me laugh
like a cheena freak all the time.
i really miss miss you soo badly!
im sorry i keep cancelling our plans last minute.
please forgive me.
i love you very much bestiee.

to maarof: thank you for all those sweet darling messages.
every night, i'll read them.
one by one.
every single one a memo to show me how much you love me.
i wanna be with you forever.
i wanna be with you even after the day i die.
no this is not some lovesick child writing to her boyf.
this is how i really feel.
im so happy you love me so so much.
im so happy i have you!
the way you make me feel in every single way.
i love love with extra milo powder YOU:D
youre my everything.
i love you MORE than hitler loves his stupid wars.
i love you MUCH MORE than mr bean loving his teddy bear.
& i esp love you MUCH MUCH MORE than monkeys loving their bananas.
i never wish to leave you.
never.
I LOVE YOU MUHAMMAD MAAROF BIN SAMAD!:D

to chris crocker: i'll alw support you bitch!

to the teacher who took my phone: wtf is ur problem.
didnt you see me cry? screw you.

to cassie twinneh: where you go? i miss you so. it seems like forever,
since i last met you, since i last talk to you.

to jenna: idk whats happening.
do you hate me so much?

to imogen: thankyou AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN for my bday;D
youre an absolute darling.

to lina: lucks for your o's babe!
IMY!
i wna go out with chuuu & gossip nehszxzxzx!

FRIDAY; TEN OCTOBER.
went out with boyf.
went shopping.
didnt buy much though.
he bought me lunch, an adorable pouch & SUDOKU!:D
ahahah.
walked from orchard to cityhall.
sickening shoes,so pain.
didnt do much of shopping.
gah.

SATURDAY; ELEVEN OCTOBER.
met buddy.
went to change ALL her coins at 7-11
at that time, yishun station was beyond peaceful.
spend like half an hour changing her coins.
& when we came out, the station was crowded as hell.
went out, saw scdf ambulance blablabla.
someone died on my bday.
maarof couldnt come cus of family stuff.
kid & kai were absolutely uncontatable.
everyone else somehow forgot my bday.
some couldnt make it.
so we went to far east.
went searching for the love birds high& low.
finally found them.
mom called saying sh wants to play mahjong.
on my bday.
when we are supposed to go out as a family for dinner.
dad couldnt make it anw.
so wtheck, screw my bday.
aft fareast, left the lovebirds & went to cityhall.
i saw th most adorable bag but i didnt buy.
i have no darn idea why i didnt buy.
REGRET BIG TIME.
wanted to visit finch.
but he was too busy.
so didnt go in.
went to esp aft tt.
watch the zoom zoom thingy.
than went home.
didnt go for mosh party 2 D:
ty love for accompanying me the whole day ;D

im just being monotoneous writing this.
so dont expect me drama mama scene to pop out.
cus i dont feel like it.

SELLING THIS SHIRT!

salad dayss!
FOR A VELY VELY GOOD CAUSE!

charity!

it's darn cheap.
ONLY FIFTEEN!

buy buy buy.

you cant find this at shops or other chitty chitty bang bang.

LIMITED STOCK!

im buying two!

:D

contact visa, 81684956

for your own salad days teee!

for charity people!:D

HAPPY BITCHDAY TO DHARSHY.
HAPPY BITCHDAY TO ME.
IM ONE YEAR CLOSER TO DYING.
HAPPY BITCHDAY TO ME.
i fucking hate today.
i fucking hate my birthdayssss.
as if it ain't bad enough.
every year it gets worst & worst.
why do i bother.
that proves how fucking dumb i am.
but thankyou my good good friend for accompanying me!:D
& im lazy to type shit that happened today here.
cus it's worthless & it dont mean a single fuck anymore.
i hate my bloody birthday.
i dont even know why it's supposed to be a happy occassion.

anywho, TYVM TO EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME:D
boyf, if you havent realised it.
please make a move before 12 midnight.
11.59pm will be your last chance.

anywho, anyone knows how to get TWLOHA hoodies???!
I REALLY WNA GET EM!!!!

MY BIRTHDAY IN 2 DAYS:D
ahahah.
happy birthday to all october babies!:D
my wish list:
1. NEW BAG.
2. POLAROID CAM.
3. HOLGA CAM. ( either one )
4. NEW BANGLES.
5. NEW CHAINS.
6. MORE GEEKY SPECS.
7. NEW SHOES.
8. NEW DRESSES.
9. SUNFLOWER.!
10. i vant my phoneee.
11. SHOPPING WITH BF(f)sss
12. re-pierce! (maybe)
13. HOODIES.
14. i cant think of much now, besides lotsa shopping at far east & bugis & peninsula.

NO PHONE NOW D:

hmm, those who are gg for this sat,

meet me at 10.15 at yishun station

or 11 at cityhall station.

text kiddi or maarof 96206098 bout anything.

text by fri noon!

:D

i'll leave cityhall station by 11.20.

& i'll be texting some ppl on fri to confirm.

Twinneh, i hate the way you're treating me now.
i know you have your own life, but im guessing that im not in it.
Youre totally ignoring me yet you have so much time for your other friends & shisha.
If you dont want me as a so called TWIN just say it.
Dont have to ignore me.
Youre just like any typical friend of mine.
Even if you were busy the least you could do to show that you still cared was
to reply ONE text saying youre busy or you'd text me later or smthg.
you dont even bother replying my letter moreover text messages,
or update me on your life.
youre like miss pop star and im some irritating maggot.
if i mean so little to you than what the heck.
im grateful that you helped me get the shorts and mp3.
thankyou.
if youre reading this, or if you STILL realise i have a blog,
please text me.
if youre too BUSY for me, than dont bother.

something seems different. after what arguing just now. i dunno why. i just feel, different. hmm, sorry for cramming you up. sorry for taking up 24/7 of your time. i cant help it. sorry for pissing you off, all the time. sorry for not giving you space. sorry for not robbing your time away from your friends. im sorry im sorry im sorry. i know im a terrible girlfriend. sigh. i promise nvr get too attached to you anymore k? i dn wna get too hooked & end up getting hurt & upset & mad at you for nothing. i love you ma'arof.

I LOVE YOU BOYF!

FOREVER & EVER & EVER!

i love making you jealous.

i love your hot six pac body.

youre absolutely adorable!

you dunno how much you mean to me.

like i said, i dont mind converting for you.

cus i know my love for you will never fail.

& hopefully you keep your promise of never changing, aft 1-2 yrs.

even if you stop loving me, i'll nvr ever let you go.

youre the perfect apple amongst all the rotten ones.

youre that soccer ball that will never deflate.

you accidentally deleted those sweet messages i sent you[:

well i'll try remaking what i said.

heheh[x

youre my darling canvas,

that i drew to perfection.

with each & every colour for a specific reason.

i add a tinge of sparkle to that utter drawing.

& turn it into a master piece, fit for a king.

words cant express how much i love you!

i love your shyness.

i love your sweet tender words.

i love your big secure hands.

i love your boney shoulders.

i love your big smile.

i love your long fingers.

i love your long lanky legs.

i even love your bag!

i love your patience for my nonsense.

i love your drop dead addictive messages.

i love you for making me smile all the time.

i love you for coming down just to see meeee[:

i love you for making me that cute adorable dinosaur.

i love you for willing to spend soo much time for me.

i love you for taking long bus rides with me,

though you really dislike it,

alot.

i love EVERYTHING about you!

youre my one & only.

though you're busy,

though you're mugging for n's.

you still text me to keep me company[:

every morning you never fail to text me good morning.

& every night, you always text me the sweetest messages.

that make me fall head over heels for you over & over again.

& best of all.

i love TONY tooo!:D

contact LOUIS, 94562076, for tickets!

20 bucks per head.

it's a good event!:D

aheheheh.

& for my next post, imma upload holga picts!:D
ahahahahah[:

TALKING & webcamming TO SAYANG NOW:D
ahahah.

i want flowers!

doing project soon.

*gasp.

im sooo enticipating for my hoodie!

ahahahah.

yst was ultimate boredom.

i wna go for a movie w a guy.
zomg.

i cant wait for my bday!

LIKE ZOMG:D
& sayang gna buy me polaroid.
AHAH:D
yay.

& im high on sunkist!

ahahahah.

okeh lame.

webcamming is so fun nehszxzxzxzx.

best friends. HAHA!

it's so easy for you to take me down off featured / top friends.

but so hard to put me back up uh.

gah.

do you still treat me as your bestiee?

yeh i know we have no way of communicating.

well at least send me a comment or smthg ?

i really miss going out w you!

i miss texting you!
i miss us ranting about things/people around us.

i miss our screaming at each other for no reason.

but i guess you don't.

since you're so flooded with your other friends.

thankfully, im not that emotionally attached to you as i was last time.

maybe us being best friends' just a label uh?

every thing you do potrays how you feel.

hmm, well whatever.

meet up soon babe [:

i feel naked.

i feel naked w/o my piercings.
gah.
i have terribly low self-esteem.
im praying daddy hears my prayers every night.
im praying for a miracle.

well the day has been blend.

stayed at home.

with the whole family.

sister is out now.

& im listening to flyleaf-sorrow.

LOL!

i need a phone!

im dying of boredom!
i miss soo many people.

esp twinneh!
gah.

i wna meet up w ya'll soon!

exams are such scumbags.

GAH!

{edited;}

hmm, i still cant get over piercings!
*SCREAMS!

idk why.

i feel so wrong now.

w/o piercings, i feel so empty.

should i go repierce?

no, i spent too much on em!
SHHHEEEEEETTTTTo.

i dont have that tongue stud to play with anymore.

i dont have those septum & snakebites to express ME!

(wtf am i saying)

im such a drama mama!

i feel a lost of indentity.

people reading my blog probably think im retarded for being so dramatic over piercings.

GAH!

my naval, NO MORE!

whhyyeeeee meeeeeee.

GAH.

i need councelling.

*bangs head on the wall.

should i continue piercing for people ?

should i continue getting pierced & hiding from mom ?

lawl.

i feel so fake.

im so self-concious(however you spell that).

i should walk ard town dressed in pyjamas with bad messy hair.

w/o shoes.

& funky wierd non contrasting finger nails.

& big BLING BLINGS.

& dragging tony around.

AHAH:D

that would be like soo nice [;

if only..

im hating everything because:

1.i missed the best gig of the year.

2.im having problems with my parents.

3.those problems are fucking big.

4.i hate those problems.

5.it's september & ive been screaming myself to loose weight since beginning last year.

6.number 5 really pisses me off big time.

7.if i lost weight, number 5 & 6 wouldn't be there. & my life would have been much easier.

8.i would finally have the courage if number 7 was fulfilled.

9.I DONT HAVE A FREAKING HANDPHONE!

10.I TOOK OUT ALL MY PIERCINGS.

11.when i did number ten, i was crying (again).

12.i dont have any freedom.

13.i have un-understanding parents.

14.number thirteen is the main reason why my life is always so DEPRESSING all the time & depressing enough for people to call me EMO.

15.i still haven't started on any homework.

16.im depriving myself off food till i go down to my wanted weight.

17.im still dying for piercings.

18.im forced to hate piercings.

19.so ninteen is seventeen & eighteen added up together.

20.the holiday break is only ONE WEEK.

21.right after the hols, i have class test & fye. *yay me.

22.i bought stuff online but idk how to pay them now.

23.i shall continue this list next time cus i forget everything. ):

24.continuing..I DONT HAVE FREEDOM!

25.everyone is out enjoying their holidays, while im stuck at home, being oh so grounded.

26.loosing friends.

27.terrible craving for food.

28.missing my grandma D:

29.i regret taking out my septum.

30.i cant study, idk how to.

31.im everything i DONT want to be.

32.life is just fucked.

big hunormous painful sincere remorseful sorry.

firstly, yst was prob one of the worst days of my life.
mom found out about my tongue piercing.
yes she walked away when she saw it after whacking me on my arm.
alot of drama took place.
i couldnt take it out cus' the ball bearing was too tight.
cried like a mad dog in the car.
she too cried.
than, all my wrong doings slapped me in the face.
she told dad.
he even wanted me to get a haircut.
of course, my phone was taken away.
so, i quietly took out my septum & naval.
byebye.
i promised her i wont disfigure my body anymore.
& this time, im meaning it.
im really really sorry i did all tht to you.
in the car, i finally understood the pain you were going through.
im sorry for being such a terrible daughter you would call a delinquent.
i even tried running away when she stopped at a&e.
than she called me to stop.
i felt like just killing myself!
i hated myself BEYOND HATE.
sigh.
now, i just cant wait for everything to subside,
& i get my phone back.
i really felt like running away.
right now, i have to make myself hate piercings.
idk how, but i eventually will.
God save me, im begging you. D:
right now, mom thinks im crazy & of course,
she's talking behind my back to allll my relatives.
saying what an evil child i am.
how rebelious i am.
how crazy i am.
what the fuck can i do. (:


MA'AROF.
im sorry D:
please forgive me.
im sorry for hurting you so much.
i really dunno what to say.
i still have yet to call you.
sigh.
mom's taking leave tmr & wed.
fuckit.
i really want you to understand what im going through.
im sorry D:
sigh!
idk what the hell im even doing now D:
im really sorry i cant text.
goodbye, (L)

{edited;}

im giving up on life.

im giving up on DREAMS.

im giving up on what i want.

im giving up on my family.

im giving up on studies.

im giving up on love.

im giving up completely.

im throwing away my dignity.

(if i actually had any)

i want to receive surprises on my birthday.

what happened to love letters, scented with perfume.

& pretty sunflowers?

or rare black roses.

what happened to whispers of i-love-yous.

what happened to hand-made gifts of love?

what happened to the oldies?

NO MORE PIERCINGS TO HIDE.

NO MORE PHONE FOR AT LEAST TWO MONTHS.

DONT TEXT.

SCHOOL INVASION TOUR FINALE.

the school invasions tour finale has been finalised! its on the 14 sept, a 4-5 hour show. it's gonna be held at republic poly (woodlands) and tickets are going for 12 bucks for presale & 15 for the door. bands like AVA, caracal, west grand, thre firefight, allura, electrico, etcetc are playing! im not selling the tix. but im just publicizing it :D
ahahahah.
today is not nice.
sigh.
everyday isnt anws.
ice skating!
HERE I COME!


i havent(have) got over you.
sigh.
seeing a smile beside my name,
i feel sooo touched.
sigh.
im the only one with the smile!
ahahah.
im gonna ask you out for sheesha sooon!
during the looong hols!
ahahah[:

IM SORRY KIDDI!
sorry for the mean things i said.
i miss you very very much.
i miss your messages.
i miss going out with you.
i miss talking rubbish with you.
i miss your retardness.
yes youre still more wierd than me {:
I JUST MISS EVERYTHING ABT YOU!
im really really sorry D:
pls forgive meeeee.

i read your blog, yeh.

you seem so arrogant.

since when were you like this?

yeh, im being honest.

you never seemed to treasure our frienship.

just cause i didnt do what you wanted me to do,

youre doing this ?

my heart is so numb for you right now.

was i ever so stupid to even think of you as a best friend?

youre finally showing your true colours.

thanks for the sarcasm in your blog.

ive said enough apologies,

which arent meant for me.

i cant stop crying.

yeh im a big baby.

you know why?

cus i actually THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND.

I THOUGHT YOU CARED FOR ME.

but i guess im wrong.

you even seem so NORMAL after this?

only an idiot wouldnt know what it all means.

im shoving down all these fucking fake memories down satan's throat.

guess what, youre walking out on this cus youre gutless.

good luck on hurting your next best friend.

im praying karma slaps you hard in the face.

to fannie/kid/gabbi gore.

im sick of your shit alr.

im alw apologising but you dont give a damn.

im sick of alw snooping down just to make you happy.

you dont wna be bestiees anymore FINE.

im sick of swallowing shit tht you throw in my face.

when i ask you to do smthg & you dont want to, you'll just shout

in my face saying it's your life i cant control it why the hell i

care blablabla.

well im telling you this now.

its MY fucking life.

i dont need YOUR approval to do ANYTHING.

i DONT want to runaway.

SO WHAT???

yeh im sorry for breaking my promise of running away.

i DIDNT think of the consequences.

now i am.

its my fucking choice.

so no point getting mad over it right?

i dont want to hurt my parents.

i dont want alot of things.

but i guess you wont actually stop for a minute,

& think about my feelings right?

you wouldnt even consider, for one moment,

the position im in.

have it ever occured to you,

that most things i do,

i do cus' i dont wanna get you pissed?

the things i did got me into trouble.

i loved you so much as a bestiee.

but you dont really see how big that love is(was).

i dont want to do anymore things just to please you.

secondly, i couldnt help you pierce on fri

cus i was so fucking sick.

i didnt even go to sch for gawd sake.

so i postponed it to saturday instead.

when i thought i was going for CIP instead.

so i could help you pierce at the same time

you were alr pissed at tt point of time.

so again, i DID apologise countless of times.

last minute, my schm8 msged me, telling me that

i had some prefect course i had to go to & it was compulsory.

so i text you & told you i couldnt pierce for you.

i tried calling but you nv picked up.

i knew by then you were too fumed to talk t me anymore.

so the next day, sat, i called you a few times but FINALLY you answered.

it was aft my course.

so you gave me that fucked up attitude.

i was like wtf.

i didnt say anything.

you couldnt even say BYEBYE when i said BYE?

is it that fucking hard ?

you sounded as if i was such a fucking pain in the neck.

if i am you could have just TOLD ME.

when i was with raman.

i was spending more time with YOU than with him.

he was disappointed and even complained

that i wasnt even spending enough time with him.

but still, you felt that i was neglecting you.

even HE could tell that i WASNT neglecting you!

if you said i was neglecting you then,

how would i feel now?

youre treating me MUCH WORST than i treated you last time!

well im sure you never notice it.

& im happy that you've found your true love.

youre alw venting out your anger at me.

& i dont even fucking complain.

i still just take all your fucking shit.

have you ever ONCE, just once, considered abt MY feelings?

at least think, how I would feel?

you yourself know how fucking sensitive i am.

but i guess you dont care.

& what happened to besties for LIFE?

im guessing again that that's just one of your

meaningless lines huh.

like BESTIES OVER BOYFRIENDS.

im tearing as im typing this shit.

& i dont even know why.

i dont have to live up to YOUR expectations.

and do everything you expect me to do.

cus i dont wanna care anymore.

you got so many people ard you much better than me.

so loosing me probably wont me a single thing to you.

now i wanna end all this.

we're fucking through.

i dont even wna regard you as a friend.

thats how much ive had it from you.

im not gonna be that dummy you throw your temper at.

im not gonna be tht fucking bitch or your so called "sister"

who takes YOUR shit.

youre sick of my shit anw.

well guess what BESTIEE, SO AM I.

true, im gonna miss those times when we both were single.

walking ard cityhall like some hooligan.

getting finch pissed at us cus we stayed there

for no reason.

and theres so much more!

since youve been attached,

i was left on the shelf to rot.

too bad it's ending this way.

this is very harsh i know.

but im straightforward.

youve pushed me off the cliff.

now im having my say.

being sick is a bitch.
i had to "postpone" w my "appt" with lina's friend for a tongue piercing.
so i changed it to tmrw, saturday.
but i just found out that i have prefects thingy at SMU at SEVEN am in the morning.
*gasp.
till 1.30.
if i went for CIP, i could have helped him pierced.
so now, it's repostponed to next fri.
the first day of baybeats.
now, for kiddi bestiee.
im sorry i pissed you off soo badly. D:
im sorry i cant pierce for you tmrw.
i know you're soo mad at me you wouldn't even answer my calls.
im really sorry, i promise, & this i really mean.
i'll help you pierce die die by next week.
mon/fri.
you choose.
im really sorry.
sorry darling D':



septums are like so common now.
i feel like taking out mine.
i can finally play w my barbel:D
im gonna get another tongue piercing soon.
gah, now piercings are the "in" fashion thingy.
whatever you do, people will prob just copy you.
or say you're a poseur.
you cant find your own identity in singapore.

MY TONGUE BURNS!

shhhhhittt.

i cant pronounce shhh.

MAAROF, STOP TEASING ME.

NOT FUNNY.

&& im sick.

D:

*awwwwww*

& imma nt gg to sch tmrw.

means no piercing.

means not meeting kid bestieeee.

kid bestiee: sorry i made you so pissed D:

pls dont be angry at me anymore darling D:

CIP on saturdayyyy!

piercing then.[:

GO FOR ARTROCK!

ppl who're gg, text meee!

im going toooo!:D

i want green skinnies!

so on christmas, i can wear a black top & greeniesss[:

-.-'

im selling alot of stuffs!

hmm, THE FIRST WOULD BE MY SKULL JACKET!

any buyers??

:D

text meee!

i need a new jacket that isnt so big & skull-ish.

not that i dont have a fetish for skulls anymore.

i still do!

i wna find a skull clutch.{:

but im becoming more GIRLY:D

zomg my tongue so itchy i feel like biting it!

shhhhoooottt.

& dimsum on sun morn!
HOW TO EAT!?

oh shhhhhhoooott!

REASON IM NT GOING FOR BAYBEATS.

firstly & most importantly,

IM NT RUNNING AWAY, thats why i cant go.

the only reason i said i COULD go was cus' i actually planned on running away.

but now, i change my mind.

well thats the only reason im nt gg.

thats why there's

"byebye baybeats D:"

on my msn's pm.

that's the first part.

now to the second part.

WHY IM NT RUNNING AWAY.

most people would know, well it's a little common sense.

my parents will get very very VERY worried.

where would i sleep/change/shower?

what would i drink/eat?

what if my ribena comes?

how would my parents feel?

what would they do?

how will they think of me or my friends?

what will they do in the end?

what about alllll the school stuff imma having?

what about church?

what about the consequences?

this is to kiddi bestiieeee.

i really dont wanna hurt my parents anymore than i alr have.

mom is having some illness due to stress from

getting angry at me every single day.

i lost soo many family members close & dear to me.

i dont wanna loose her too.

i want to gain her trust.

i want her to look as me as a good daughter.

so when i go to poly or after my o's.

i CAN go out till late at night, prob by 10/11

LIKE MY SIS DOES(did)

i hope you understand my darling most favourite

top bestest ever bestiee.

ilyvvvvm like a sister!

im sorry for alw breaking my promises.

yes i really DID NOT think before saying all that crap.

im really really sorry D:

thinking..

thinking...

I PIERCED MY TONGUE!

met izwannyyy & twinneh & twinneh's twinny &

they followed me :D

heheheheh.

IMYVVVM TWINNEH!

finally get to meet you AGAIN:D

heheheh.

went to finch's to get it.

he's like super nice to me laahsxz[:

okeh it wasn't as pain as i thought it would be.

next stop, SMILEY:D

or a dermal anchor!

lolinessss;D

this fri, piercing for kid darl a monroe,

& lina's flend, a tongue :D

honestly, i have no mood to lie or go out anymore.

GAH.

BYE BYE BAYBEATS//

when you really need your best friend,
or your soul mate.
or someone you can really count on to be there for you.
is he/she actually there?
okeh, dont talk about BEST friends.
how about friends?
what do you call them when they ditch you?
or where are they when you really need them?
they only come to you when you have smthg THEY want.
& just throw you in the dumps when they alr GOT what they want.
& they'll start giving you the lamest & stupidest excuses,
why they're ignoring you,
which somehow or rather,
hurts your feelings deeply.
im tired of alw trying to cheer people up.
or alw being tht pillar for them.
but what happens when the pillar itself
crashes?
if tht pillar is gone, whats gonna support you?
if tht pillar is dead, whats gonna support you?
if tht pillar retires, whats gonna support you?
wheres MY pillar?
best friends claim to be best friends.
but when you really need them.
they're all gone.
my "friends" or "bestoes" or "besties" say they'll
be there whenever i need them.
but are they?
those who read this.
please ask yourself honestly.
in the end ya'll apologise.
& i love ya'll to death for tht.
but thts not the time i really need you.
this is.
NOW, is.
im crying so badly & i dn even know why.
i wish i had friends who WOULD stick with me through
my worst times.
this is post is not going out to ALL of my friends.
just some.
i love you all.
but im not gonna be your pillar till the day i die.
cus the pillar sooner or later, will get worn out.
cus the pillar will need her own pillar.
God all i need is you now.
you seem to disappear when i really need you.
i seem to have lost faith in you.
you never seem to be there.
you dont answer my prayers.
you dont answer my pleas.
what do you really answer.

yeh i was prob high on drugs when i wrote the previous post.

i (used) to like a guy whom i shant name.

i have been since the day i got to know him.

he knows i used to like him.

but he doesnt know i still do.

he likes a new girl from his sch.

& when he told me this.

i got really sad.

soon, imma be the last few in his featured frens.

i wish he knew how much i really really like him.

but i dont wish to see him in 2/3 weeks time.

i dont wish to contact him anymore.

but is it even possible?

maybe i wont talk to him.

maybe he'll just forget tht hug i supposedly owe him ?

& you know what the stupidest thing is,

i have never met him before.

HA!

see how stupid i am.

he'll nvr knw.

how i really feel.

for tht long long time.

im gna tell him to read all these in a mere few mins.

& he prob thinks im some drag!

like those kinda despo bitches or shit.

im not even that close w him!

like wtf am i saying.

im really really sad now.

why the hell am i saying all this ?
i should be feeling guilty & selfish at this point of time.

i broke the most wonderful guy's heart.

i lied to him countless of times.

im guessing my readers can tell.

i broke up w patience.

why?

cus i dn wna lie to him anymore.

he's treating me so so wonderfully.

& im not.

he loves me so so much.

& im just lying to him further & further.

the things i said are not lies.

i meant every single word i say.

but as days go by,

so does my feeling towards you.

im staying single till aft o's.

i hate love.

God save me ]':

im stressed.
w all the shit happening at home.
outside.
on planet mars too.
can't you smell my torment.
feel the pain?
you might not know how important,
that rectangular object.
so small yet so complicated.
it might mean nthg to you(&i sure it means everything to you)
it means more than you think it does,
to me.
you will never know.
cus' you will never try.
to know how i feel.
what i feel.






well i havent been using the comp in ages.
to people out there.
DONT MESSAGE M PHONE.
whatever you do, just dont.
now im so burnt & chaotar.
so pain lahsx!
& its only 2 days of camp.
imagine three.
SIGH.
to kid bestiee,imyvm & i have soo many things to tell you right now!
sigh.
to cassie twinneh, call me asap k?
i have soo many things to tell you too!
pls dont get too drunk.
to ang peisheng, i wont be able to see you for weeks!
sigh, every night im thinking of you D:
it's terrible.

second post for the day.
to all freaking ah lians.
im sick of your act cute shit lah.
quit copying ppl who you can match up to.
septum piercings & snakebites?
who you trying to kid?
you'll be or squeeling & screeching
when you get em.
& start crying w your boyfs'
beside comforting you in twit language.
stick to your own fugly fashion.
dont spoil other people's image.
you make me fucking puke.

today has been rather boring.
i find wasting my whole day on ston-ism.
is utter bullshit.
my parents know i WONT study even if im home.
so why dont they just make me a little happier,
by letting me go out ?
so anw, now, im webcamming w twins.
NEWPAIROFTWINNS:D
maryjane & rayyan!
so cute lah!
big eyes:D
0.0
i miss prisusu.
i miss cassie twinneh.
i miss kiddi khaos bestest bestiee.
i miss ang peisheng.
i miss sofeee bestie.
i miss arshad.(who's moving to aussie soon, arse)
i miss billie.(faster come back from swit lahsxz!)
i miss alot of people!
sigh.
people pls ask me out.
& if you still care, pls call me & ask me whats wrong.
everyone says they'll alw be there.
but most of the time, you gimme doubts.
on whether you ARE really there.
or just saying you are.
you changing subject & giving me that,
"shuddup & stop whinning look" alr tells me.
you dont wish to hear my rantings.
sigh.
imma nagging ranting bullshitting machine
than dont have an off button.








a song by imran.


15. I Want To Be That Somebody You Hold Under The Stars

So suddenly, they were holding hands
Just yesterday, they started as best friends
When the light goes out, he hugged her close and holds her tight
He swears he will do whatever it takes to make this right

And the smile on her face, brought the stars back to life
They’ve been dreaming about this, “I’m not gonna let you go”
“But before this could happen, I want to go somewhere”
“I want to go to Paris”, “I promise, I’ll take you there”

They walked towards the park, as they began to say, “I do”
She whispered in his ear, “Honey, thanks for making my wish come true”
“I gave you my heart, right from the start”
“But I want to be that somebody you hold under the stars”
With a tear in her eye, he hugged her close and holds her tight
He says he will do anything to make this feel alright

And there they are, hanging out at the fountain side
Catching fireflies and letting them go as stars
And Paris isn’t that far, no matter where you are
They lay down like butterflies and when butterflies do.
He wrote on the sky with stars, saying “I love you”

*edited//

this is to jenna jengjeng.

i miss you terribly.

idk if you'll see this.

but i really do.

i miss the times where we would

just talk & talk & talk like idiots.

but now, you just seem to ignore me,

ALOT.

do you hate me tht much?

what happened.

pls ans me.

pls tell me smthg.

your ignorance is killing me.

i miss you bestie D':

this post is gonna be long.
it's all to my beloveds.
firstly.
its going out to prisusu bestie.
im really sorry i wasn't there sooner.
though idk if you still treat me tht close.
but i alw have.
i still rmbr th shoe spree & milo dino[:
i didn't really talk to you much last few weeks/months
cus i felt left out.
as in like ron was alw there w u.
like th other time w dee & fannie.
ron & you were tgt.
i felt soo, ugh. idk.
maybe jealousy?
HA.
but i never expected him t be like tht.
like seriously.
you 2 seemed so lovey dovey!
okeh, im nt gna rub anymore salt into the wound.
but please know that,
i'll alw be there for you[:
even if there's another guy.
i want you to know that i'll alw be tht listening ear for you!
no guy is worth a girls' tear.
& im sure there's more prawns to catch[:
big huge juicy ones[:




cassie, my twinneh.
bby, im sorry for opening my big mouth.
sigh, i feel so useless.
yes small things swallow me whole.
i felt really sad when you didn't bother asking me bout piercings.
you know how much i loved doing em'.
well tht was before you knew it got confiscated.
im sorry i blew you off abt your hip piercing.
i've alw been wanting to get back t tht.
but now i hardly get to see you.
imysssssm.
it's infinite.
i never knew tht it'll affect you tht badly.
im really sorry D:
i feel like a terrible friend, moreover twin.
i feel like sewing my mouth shut.
thanks t this small thing,
you dont tell me much anymore.
you dont open up to me.
i wished i stayed in changi.
i wouldnt mind sleeping outside your house during tht 10 days.
thts how much i ♥ you!
you mean everything to me.
you&kid&&jenna&sof are the utmost important ppl in my life.
most of the time when im having trouble talking to them.
i'll go to you.
cus i know you would know what to say.
you're my TWIN! you would know esp well how i feel.
im really sorry.
but i really dont want us to hide anything from each other.
right now, i know you are hiding stuff from me.
& am crying as i type this out.
i really miss you badly twinneh.
pls forgive me D:
ilyvm.





kiddi khaos, bffffff.
imyvm.
i miss the times we spent.
being single.
gg ard cityhall like idiots.
i know i said this before.
i know i broke my promises.
many a time.
sometimes, you wna say whats best for me.
but dont, in fear of me thinking youre a naggy old woman, yes ?
every word you say means smthg to me[:
youre my bestie!
like bestest bestie!
i dont wna loose you.
just cus' of our busy schedules & boyfs.
i dont want to repeat everything i had w my other besties.
who treated me like shit.
& backstabbed me till i bled.
i know you aren't those kinda ppl.
i'm soo happy you can actually tolerate my kinda shit[:
words cant express my gratitude to you my bestest ever ever bestie[:
bestie, ILYVM HON.







aft all these, i wish there was someone there for me right now.
sigh, i've lost all hope.
even you God.

lotsa shit has been happening[:
i know my dearest bestest bestie alw reads this stinko blog[:
& i rmbred yst was the absolute worst day of my life.
oh so whatever.
goodbye ♥
im prob not gonna use this till like another
298712387643209813978624876 days later.

MY KIND OF PEOPLE.

what are you trying to say.

im sorry its so hard for me to change.

but i am trying to.

for you.

but dont you think you saying MY KIND OF PEOPLE is a little too far?

yes you hate them.

but you DONT have to express to me how much you ABHOR them right ?

i have no rights to tell people what kinda music they should like.

i have no rights to judge people.

i have no rights to do ALOT OF THINGS as a human being.

but first of all, you yourself have no rights to LABEL us.

you cant even accept me!

i swear i am trying to change.

but you just dont seem to see it.

instead, you had to say all that.

you alw make me cry so hard i just feel like cutting myself.

im not trying to sound all fucking emo shit.

but inflicting pain on myself is the only way i CAN take away the emotional pain.

im typing this all here instead via sms cus part of me want u to read this,

part of me dont.

so well it's up to you to read this or not.

sat, we're spilling everything out.

TWINNEH! I CAN HELP YOU DO ALL YOUR FACIAL PIERCINGS:D & IM SOO SORRY ABOUT BACKING OUT THE LAST MIN FOR YOUR HIP PIERCINGS!

okeh.
first of all.
im sorry for saying your band mates are stubborn.
i know i promised you that i will shuddup when it comes to your kinda music.
so yes, it's my fault.
but you didnt have to talk about OUR music.
or about dragonforce.
& whats wrong w how we talk?
we are stubborn.
we LOVE to alw be right.
we ALL are stubborn.
thats a fact you cant deny.
but you didnt have to act that way right?
by ignoring me it all helped?
did you feel better peisheng?
im sure you did.
& when the skateboard hit my leg,
did it even fucking occured to you that my leg would fucking hurt?
i guess not.
to you it's prob a small thing.
but now it's fucking swelling thankyou.
thankyou for your CONCERN.
did you even think it'll affect me one bit?
im crying while typing out this STUPID shitty fucking post.
you cant alw get your right of way.
aft leaving just like that,
did you even think how it would make me feel?
aft one whole freaking week of not seeing your love one.
he comes showing you attitude w/i an hour.
i'm sorry for not understanding you.
bout you dont seem to understand me either.
well whatever, if you ACTUALLY read this,
text me or smthg.
goodbye peisheng.

to mama:

you pile me w alot of tuition w/o even consulting me.

i dont even have time for my friends.

you've absolutely ruined my social life.

& i only shouted back cause you were screaming in the car & hitting me like fuck.

for your information, it fucking hurts.

my arm was bloody red with blood dots on it, thankyou for hitting me so hard.

thankyou for showing me what a nice mother you are.

you yourself have no rights to scream at me.

i swear my ear drum almost burst.

ya you think this is OH SO GOOD FOR ME.

but i dont think so.

its MY life.

cant i just lead my own life?

please.

stop all these.

you're just making me hate you more.

you're just making me think you hate me more.

stop all this.

you might not know the real me.

ya you're my mother.

but you treat me like your freaking punching bag.

you alw vent your anger out on me.

who am i?

im your FREAKING DAUGHTER la.

no mother in the right mind will whack the daughter so hard.

idk & i DONT wna know why you did all that.

but seriously, dont push it.

the more you do it.

the more i just wanna rebel.

you were a teenager once.

im sure your mother DID let you go out.

& let you lead YOUR OWN life.

stop running mine.

all you're doing is hurting me emotionally.

second part to the post:

to friend i;

though you'll never read my blog.

here goes..

just cause i dont wear band tees are apply thick eyeliner.

& that i suck at differentiating core core music.

& i hardly know any HARDCORE bands.

you just treat me like fuck.

what the hell am i to you ?

ya you so called FRIEND.

like wtf?

screw you __

now you dont even realise i still exist.

im dead now lah.

third part:

to my dearest someone.

you alw tell me you're soo busy.

but when i read your post, you dont seem that busy at all.

it's so friggin hard to ask you out.

like come on, im not that dumb.

im sorry im so stubborn.

i know you have your other friends.

i mean nthg to you.

that T word is just a label.

i get it alr.

you dont need me.

you have so many other close buddys around you.

im just some freaking bystander.

so anw ppl, if you wna read my so called p.blog,

just ask me for the link.

today is the worst day, sigh.

I MISS YOU PATIENCE!

i dont even have time for you.

im sorry.

i know you won't read this cus you wouldn't know about the blog.

but i suck at expressing my love.

i love you super deep.

i love you more than you love me.

sigh.

twinneh, you seemed a lil diff the other time.
what happened to your p.blog ?
i love reading it.
i really do.


yst went out w patience, kid & shaz.
shaz is my new darla!:D
♥
tmrw gg out w them again, tgt w teehee trasher!
dyan, imyvm lahsxz.
&& alvina, you everytime last min cant go mansxzD:

this sat, truth & dare w kai & kid & patience!:D
yay,
i seriously cant wait maansxz.

my life is just so fucking screwed right now.

every night i cry myself to sleep.

idk why.

i wna scream it out so badly.

i wna tell someone right NOW.

the longer i hold back the closer i am to jumping down.

i swear i will.

i'm trying to be someone i'm not.

wth?

idk when i should open my mouth.

im loosing friends like pouring rain.

im loosing my family like dropping hair.

i swear no one knows how feel.

the screaming tragedy burning in me.

im not trying to be some emo fuckturd.

i dont slit my wrist.

i dont write dying poems of the cruelity of life.

i dont write suicidal notes.

i dont wear 7 layers of foundation.

i dont have thick eyeliner.

i dont think emo should be hated anws.

im nt freaking emo.

i miss alot of people.

i miss being a small child.

not knowing so much lies&secrets my family hides from me.

i rather NOT know.

than know so much.

i feel like a freaking loser.

i feel beyond fucked.

idk anything anymore.

so much things suddenly happen.

deaths, truths.

i hate truths.

the feeling really sucks, once you know that thing.

some say, it's so bad you'll die of a heart attack.

yeh, i want tht to happen to me now.

the feeling is unexplainable.

I AM DHARSHY DORKY & I AM SO PATIENT.

few more mins & im off to choir!

lol.

yes i join choir thankyou[:

im in school now.

yst was nice[;

met boyf, kiddi & kai.

DOUBLE K!

met cassie twinneh for a while along w claire darla & her boyf, calvin & samsonn!

SAMSON PIERCED HIS SEPTUM!
like finally[:

& i was supposed to pierce for him maansxz.

so anw, kiddi & kai left cus he had to fetch his bro home.

than sat at the stairs w boyf[:

ilyvm hunnehh.
:D

ahahahah.

& we are soo meeting this fri again.

last sunday, met kiddi & ash.

ash, you were supposed to come yst mansxz.

what happened ?

fri you better come.

[:

& tmrw i have NOTHING!

kiddi, pls come to my house[:

ily my ultimate bestest bestie:D

& thurs i have maths supp-o D:

& im starting to miss him.

&& im piercing for laureninini on friday.

& theres BANDZOUT! at nyp this fri at 5[:

who wants to go ? :D

msg meeeeee!

fai, wth happend lah.

yeh you wont read it.

but imyvm, i really do.

you're my bestest listening ear.

you try to cheer me up alot, thankyou.

but now you're gone.

sigh.